Husband isn't supportive

Tiff1124

Hey everyone. Hate to start out with such a bummer topic, but this has been bothering me for awhile and am hoping to get some advice, or at least know I am not alone.

In my attempt at getting in shape, and trying to eat better and healthier, so far I am doing pretty well. However, my husband is a little less enthusiastic about my efforts and is not at all concerned about his health or his diet. Anytime I mention we should eat better, or he should go walking or running with me it always turns into a fight.

Grocery shopping is also a fight. As I'm loading up the cart with fresh fruit and veggies, meats etc, he is loading it with chips, hamburger helper, mac and cheese..well you get my point.

I'm tired of fighting with him, but it kills me to see him not care at all about his health or appearance. HELP!

Whodatgirl77

He will have to want to do it for himself just as you decided for yourself it was time to change. Don't badger him. Just keep setting a good example of positive change. As he sees how much better you feel, he may come around.

Lrt4uk

Lead by example!

You can't make him go on this journey with you if he doesn't want to. That should be his decision. Maybe if you stop trying to get him to go along and do it just for you, he'll see the benefits and want to join later.

I'm not married, but that's just my 2 cents.

erickirb

Just make your healthy choices and meals and if he wants something different make him get it himself.

sinluas

a couple of years ago i was having somewhat similar issues, not necessarily the fighting but my husband had a gym membership and he never went. i would always tell him to go and he would just say i was nagging him. He eventually had to go the dr. for some tests and the dr. said it looks like he had a mild heart attack or was about to have one. that night he started going to the gym. the funny part is there was nothing wrong with him, they didnt place the leads correctly for his stress test, so he was fine all along but it was definately a wake up call. since then he is about 35lbs lighter
Not sure about your situation but i do most of the shopping and cooking so he has no choice but to eat what i make. if this isnt possible try making small adjustments, try turkey burgers or if he really "needs" to have hamburger helper trade it for ground turkery and only use some of the seasoning that comes with it. just try to find things he likes and make a healthy tweek to it.

good luck

BajaGTO

Lead by example!

You can't make him go on this journey with you if he doesn't want to. That should be his decision. Maybe if you stop trying to get him to go along and do it just for you, he'll see the benefits and want to join later.

I'm not married, but that's just my 2 cents.

That's my take as well. My wife isn't as gung ho to eat better as I am. But since she does all of the cooking, and grocery shopping, I have to be picky about what I eat at dinner time. So far, it hasn't been an issue. I just eat a little less, etc. She noticed what was going on, and has since started buying and fixing healthier options for all of us.

For_the_Last_Time

I agree with the above.... You do what you need to do let him do what he wants to do. Maybe he will come around, Obviously you love him and want him to be healthier but he has to want it pushing it is just going to cause more stress and arguments.

issyhubby

Mine is the same way. I am trying to change the way we eat as a family but fight him every step of the way.

cardbucfan

You are not alone, I've been doing this for a year and a half and my husband STILL is not-supportive. Luckily (?!) I do all the grocery shopping and cooking so I control what is in the house and what I cook. That doesn't stop him from wanting and getting takeout and other junk it's just up to me to not eat it. You can only control yourself, he has to want to do it. Good luck!

clouddancer7

You can't help people who refuse to help themselves. You can suggest, you can cajol, and you can fight with him about it, but in the end, he has to make the decision that it's time to change. No one can do it for him. I know it's hard to sit back and watch his self-destruction, but you can't force him to care for himself. All I can suggest is be supportive when he DOES decide to help himself.

firstnamekaren

Maybe your husband is lashing out because you both are no longer in that unhealthy comfort zone. You decided to make a change, and perhaps he feels abandoned. I say just wait for him to come around, and don't nag and make negative comments about his health and appearance. That could just make him rebel harder. Hope things get better for you!

lmalaschak

If you are fairly young there is much hope that he will come around as he starts to get older. In any case, these people are right. I would stop trying to get him to join in, and just eat your healthful foods and do your exercise on your own, and be a good example. If you start to see positive results in your own life and body, he will see them too as long as your attitude is also positive. If you make it a thing where you are criticizing him for not caring or wanting to join in, you'll have the opposite effect that you are trying to have. You'll actually make him MORE resistant and he'll just end up feeling nagged. He'll feel as though this new healthy stuff is turning you into someone who isn't very fun to be around. If you (as hard as it is) just manage to be cheerful with him, and supportive in whatever way you can, you can always say "Hey I'm going for my walk in ten minutes, you're welcome to join me if you want." And then when he says no thanks, you can say, "Ok, I'll be back soon. Love you!" Eventually he may join in, or he may never, but your marriage doesn't have to suffer. Just keep inviting him each time and cheerfully shrugging off the fact that he NEVER comes with you, and he'll see that you care about him either way. Your relationship will stay strong and one day he just might decide to come along!

Qarol

Please stop trying to change your husband. Even if you think it's for the better. Accept him as he is and lead by quiet example.

mirgss

Just make your healthy choices and meals and if he wants something different make him get it himself.

This. It's basically what I've been doing with my husband.

NYCDutchess

Unfortunately I have a lot of friends who have the same issue. Men want them to look on point, but don't care about themselves or the food that is in the house etc. Its REALLY HARD! But you know what, keep up your journey. Just push past the temptation.
It's so hard when it's in your face, but y ou can do it!!! It's for you, your health and self esteem.

WifeNMama

We make a hamburger helper type meal at home with real ingredients. Shred cheese, and chili powder, garlic, onion, etc. You get cheesy meaty goodness without the extra chemicals and preservatives. Same goes with mac and cheese. You could try making homemade versions of what he likes, tell him it saves money and lowers the sodium intake because you can control how much goes in. He can always add some at the table later, and it will probably be less than the packaged stuff anyway.

It'll show that you care about his preferences enough to compromise with him, and then you can eat some of it, too, instead of making up an entirely different meal for yourself.

Have veggies and fruit cut up and readily available for snacking. Of it's smaller pieces, not a whole fruit, people are more likely to eat them, and more of it.

Lona728

He isn't going to do it just because you tell him he should. My husband has not been the most supportive in the past with me either. He is much better this time around though. It's kinda like alcoholics. You know they should change, but you can't make them do it. They have to decide for themselves. I don't want this to come across mean, but what if it was the other way around and he was getting fit and healthy and you didn't want to, and he was constantly badgering you about it? I have had to look at it like that myself. I know if my husband kept telling me I should lose weight or get fit, I would be highly upset and it would be a fight. But maybe that's just me?

If having the "bad" food in the house is a big temptation to you, maybe ask him if he could eat that while he is working or out? And just eat healthy at home? Another thing, is my husband never grocery shops with me. If he did it would look a lot like your shopping trip. I do all the shopping and cooking, so I can somewhat control what is in the house and on the table.

I really do understand what you are going through.

cherbapp

I agree...this is for YOU, if he doesn't want it, then don't waste any time or energy trying to make him want it.

My husband hated all veggies...after 12 years of me trying to slip stuff in the meals, he does like a select few things, but he will never eat like me.

We had a nice chat one day about how I need to do this for me, and I understand he doesn't want to change his whole diet, or have a salad for dinner, so would it be ok, if I stocked up on a few of his favorites like frozen pizza and canned chili for him to make his own dinner on the nights that I am having something he hates. That way I am not cooking two separate meals, he gets what he wants, and there is no argument.

Once I got over the guilt of feeling that I should be cooking all his meals, things have gone great...and he is encouraging to me. He couldn't encourage me if he knew it meant his dinners were gonna be *nasty*.

bellavie23

When he starts seeing you getting hotter and hotter he may decide it may be time for him to get back to par as well. I wouldn't bother him about it, make your meals, if he wants the junk food, he could make his own meals. If he wants you to do the cooking, he should be okay with whatever you make, otherwise, I would be showing him where the pans were..:) It may frustrate you now, but there was a point where it wasnt a priority to you either I am sure, so you cant expect him to just jump on board because you have, just do you and he will prob come around.

leelaknight

this topic came up a lot when i was doing my "quit smoking website" - support groups help . i am not married but i understood cause i had a roommate who wouldn't quit... the subject's different results the same.

Yes, leading by example is the best way. but many people had to start laying down new "rules" such as no smoking indoors... for food he should (like my sisters husband) get his own junk cabinet cause she/ you wont allow the doughnuts to be apart of the kitchen... let him have it but make him understand that by keeping them "hidden" he is doing it for you. it's your kitchen too. it's your marriage too.
yeah he may never want to join in but the chances are slim if he see how much it's making your life better!!!

_SusieQ_

Please stop trying to change your husband. Even if you think it's for the better. Accept him as he is and lead by quiet example.

This.

I fight the same battles at home. Mine was diagnosed with diabetes a couple years ago. He has moments when he tries to eat better and exercise, and other times when he drinks his dinner or has ice cream and brownies for a meal.

It boils down to this, you can't MAKE anyone do something they don't want. Continue on your path and hopefully he will appreciate your results and want the same for him. At some point you have to accept him for who he is, or move on.

robinogue

My husband isn't on this journey with me either. At first he didn't like the idea of me working out, changing my eating habits. Store trips are his and her's I buy healthier items for me and he buys his junk food and sweets. This is a journey we choose, they didn't so because you're ready for a change you cannot expect them to change because we want to. He will eventually, in time start cutting back on certain things, eating different healtier items and he may not. Either way don't let that stop you.

teresaj0315

I agree to LEAD BY EXAMPLE ~ just doing it for yourself and no one else is rewarding enough. You'll outlive him ~ be sure he has lots of insurance!!! LOL

infamousmk

You can't make him want to take care of himself. Just be the best you can be, and work on the marriage until you decide you can't any more.

zenchild

Who is doing the cooking? If you are going the cooking, don't cook the unhealthy stuff. Make a menu that has all the meals you'll make that week and the ingredients you need. Get what's on the list. If he puts something else on the list, take it back out and tell him it's not on the menu and you're not cooking it. Give him a meal a week that he gets to pick and just watch your portion size for that one. You'll save money by not buying outside the list. And it's easier to decide what to have for dinner.
As far as exercise, is there something he likes to do? My husband won't go for a walk around the neighborhood with me. He loves hiking so we do that on the weekend. We also got an Xbox Kinect and it's great. You can actually work up a good sweat with some of the games. And it's fun.

HeaderAutumn

My parents have the same problem. My mom calls it "The Fat Wars." My dad makes greenbeans for my mother and will tell her they are green beans and water, while they practically glitter with bacon grease. My husband was the same way so I would make my meals and then on his stuff add cheese. The more I talked to him about eating better or even taking the dogs for walks with me, the worse his eating habits were. But then of course his work is now having a weight loss contest so his attitude has changed!! What an annoying man. Don't preach to him about health. He probably is feeling judged so just let him figure it out on his own. If he sabbatoges you like my dad would do to my mom, tell him you respect his habits so he should respect yours.

Legalchica

Hey everyone. Hate to start out with such a bummer topic, but this has been bothering me for awhile and am hoping to get some advice, or at least know I am not alone.

In my attempt at getting in shape, and trying to eat better and healthier, so far I am doing pretty well. However, my husband is a little less enthusiastic about my efforts and is not at all concerned about his health or his diet. Anytime I mention we should eat better, or he should go walking or running with me it always turns into a fight.

Grocery shopping is also a fight. As I'm loading up the cart with fresh fruit and veggies, meats etc, he is loading it with chips, hamburger helper, mac and cheese..well you get my point.

I'm tired of fighting with him, but it kills me to see him not care at all about his health or appearance. HELP!

I'm sorry... seems like we are married to the same man. I don't have any advice but I do sympathize!!

For_the_Last_Time

I also have to add it doesn't sound from what you said that he isn't supportive just that he doesn't want to do it with you.

Not supportive would be if he was telling you that you can't do it, you are just going to gain all the weight back, things like that.

cheercoach11

You are not alone. My boyfriend is not only unsupportive, he refuses to acknowledge the change in my body. I could get 10 compliments on my weight loss in a week and not one of them will be from him. Sometimes, I even feel as though he is trying to sabatoge my efforts. Last week, he brought home pizza and wings one night, and chinese food another night. These are two of my weaknesses and it seemed as though he was angry that I didn't falter and stuck to my healthy meal I had planned.

I had to come to the realization that I am doing this for me, and I have put others ahead of me for YEARS. Now it's time to put my needs and wants first, and I dont think he likes it. Thanks to the support I've found on MFP, I am succeeding in MY journey, for MY health and well being. It's hard, but if he isn't supportive, you have to find support somewhere else. Good Luck to you on your journey!

teeley

My husband made it clear that he was not changing his eating just because I was, that is fine with me...I don't ask him to come on walks/ runs it is not his thing, why ask him to if I know he will not want to....

That was a year ago....more recently he made the choice to stop buying so much junk, there have been days I crave McDonalds...HE says "lets do subway instead".....just before winter him and I packed up our car and two kids and went for a hike in the mountains....

Let him come around, and if he doesn't then just keep doing what you are doing...if he buys junk just don't eat it...and if you do don't beat yourself up...we do still get junk and I still eat it...just less...sometimes....


all that being said....he loves to hear how much I have lost, and makes me feel good all the time....he is very supportive, just not willing to change himself

Brandongood

Lead by example thats all you can do.