Husband isn't supportive
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I'm right there with you. While I can substitute some healthier options in the family diet, such as light margarine, 2% cheese, 1% milk, and light white or whole wheat bread, there are some things he will not put up with (like turkey pepperoni or turkey sausage, whole wheat pasta, etc). I've heard the excuse of "I don't need to lose weight so I can eat whatever I want" and he's even tried making a point by throwing my lower fat turkey pepperoni for homemade pizzas onto a bonfire. He has IBS and should be eating a lot healthier than he does but he does pay for it down the road when the IBS flares tell him he's putting too much junk down his throat.
If you can get by with some compromises on healthier alternatives (like what I mentioned above) then try the rest in moderation. I only buy the extra lean ground beef since he has to have cow instead of pork or turkey. If I make a husband-approved meal, I eat a carefully scaled back portion or sub a salad for the stuff I can't eat.
I've had eye rolls and laughter when I tell him I'm serious about losing weight and that it's a lifestyle change and not a diet. He's not supportive at all of my efforts and I even stopped exercising early on in my transition because of constant interruptions by him and the kids. The final straw was when he came into the garage while I was on the ellypical and started smoking. It's hard enough to get into a regular work out routine, and worse still when you have someone smoking all around you while your breathing harder and trying to get fit. I don't let him drag me down though. Weight loss is a change you do for yourself and not to please your spouse or someone else. He can make poor lifestyle choices as long as they don't affect me or the kids. I'm going to get healthier each day and one day he'll wake up and realize he's been an anchor that can't even hold me back.0 -
The fights usually subside and you just eat different things, that's my experience anyways. Some things aren't worth fighting over, he can have his mac and cheese while you have a salad, and if the man chooses hamburger helper over steak that I would just feel bad for the guy
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Stop trying to change him. I see people arguing about this stuff WAY too much. Just let him be who he wants to be - your pushing him and bugging him is just going to make you both miserable so let it go - do your own thing. If he joins you on his own, cool but if not the fact that maybe he is eating all the things that tempt you will only make you stronger in the end and you will have him to thank.
Your husband is a big boy and knows perfectly well what he is doing to himself. If eating and being a couch potatoe makes him happy let him be happy. The fact that his poor eating and exercise habits bother you is on you, not him. Again, let it go. There is nothing you can do but set a good example and hope he chooses to follow - but let him choose on his own.
I wish you luck. Don't give up on your mission to get healthier.0 -
Have you tried shopping without him? Also I have found that buying wheat pasta instead of regular helps and also my husband doesn't even notice anymore, so maybe make homemade "hamburger helper" with lein meat and wheat noodles.0
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Thanks you guys for all of the wonderful advice!
I have tried the whole "tricking" him into eating certain foods, but he is not only stubborn but incredibly picky.
You sound like you are talking about a pet or a child, you realise he is an adult with his own free will? I don't agree with the posts saying to swap his foods for healthier stuff, it's his choice what he eats at the end of the day, would you like it if he started adding things you didn't want to your foods.
Your problem isn't that he doesn't support you, he hasn't tried to stop you living healthier, it's that he isn't falling into line and doing as you do. Good for him, you can't bully him into healthy eating, it should be his choice.0 -
My husband is the same way. You aren't alone! We are no where near in bad shape, but he has a history of heat attacks in his family at a young age. His dad had a heart attack and died at age 42! So I get concerned at times, and push that he should eat better. We BOTH should! I go to the gym 4 times a week and run three miles each time. I love being healthy! But my husband would rather sit and watch tv and eat. It's such a struggle to get him to go to the gym with me! But sometimes you just gotta not rely on other people to keep you motivated and to eat right. Only you can decide what you put in your body and when you get excercise.0
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i think the problem is the way you're approaching the situation. just because he isn't into eating healthy doesn't mean that he doesn't support YOUR efforts. i think you should let him know that it is important to YOU to do this & that you're not trying to force him into doing anything he doesn't want to do, but that you would appreciate his support. my boyfriend still eats whatever he wants and buys junk food at the store & i'm okay with that - but i know it's not right for me anymore & he is very supportive of that. if he wants chinese or something like that, i just let him know that he can have that, but i can't. sometimes i find that he's willing to compromise and go somewhere like subway where i can get something healthier but he can still get something he enjoys. sometimes we don't eat the same things, but we still eat *together*
also, when it comes to exercising, i've been trying to run more & that's not something he's into, so i don't try to force or nag him. instead, when i feel like i need an exercising buddy and a little motivation, i'll suggest we do something active together & he's quick to suggest that we take the dogs for a walk or go skating or bowling, etc.0 -
I had this same thing going on exactly. I do think you can change it around through, just back off for like a week. one day when my husband was eating something particularly unhealthy I just said if you die of a heart attack at 60 I will remarry, just so you know. not mean just joking. my husband started drinking water the next day. This is the man that drinks dr. pepper with breakfast and told me in all seriousness that ice counts as water. he like water better with lemon so I bought a bag of lemons and he doesn't cook so I cook healthy stuff that we like and I don't tell him it is healthy. At this point just sneaking a couple veggies in is good enough.
And once he sees how good you look and how much more "energy" you have at the end of the day, he will want to get there too.
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I have not read the 3 pages of replies, but wanted to share my two cents real quick. I've been married for 6 years, my husband and I were both in the best shape of our lives when we got married. I was raised with a Jewish background, him- Italian. Needless to say- our lives revolved around food, and our next meals. Since being married, I've gained 60 lbs (40 of which from having our baby) and he gained about 80.
For the past two years I would try a little diet here and there or go walking but nothing was really effective. It wasn't until HE decided he wanted to diet as well that we both kicked things in to high gear.
He's got to want to do it. He wont do it against his will. As wives, it's not as much about WHAT we say to the men, but HOW we say it and HOW it comes across. Encourage him in a positive way, and if he chooses to not want to join in your diet, leave him be. Eventually he may come around. Maybe also try grocery shopping alone!
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I also don't agree with the "This is what I'm making for dinner- eat it or make your own" as wives, we are called to love our husbands. We should want to take care of them. Men will get resentful of that kind of attitude. Surely there are meals you can make that will please both of you.0
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I definitely think that as you start losing weight / toning up your fella will notice this will make him think about his own body. Just keep going and make him aware that it is important to you.0
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My husband is the same way. You aren't alone! We are no where near in bad shape, but he has a history of heat attacks in his family at a young age. His dad had a heart attack and died at age 42! So I get concerned at times, and push that he should eat better. We BOTH should! I go to the gym 4 times a week and run three miles each time. I love being healthy! But my husband would rather sit and watch tv and eat. It's such a struggle to get him to go to the gym with me! But sometimes you just gotta not rely on other people to keep you motivated and to eat right. Only you can decide what you put in your body and when you get excercise.
My husband is the same way. You are not alone in this. We do not argue over it but i do stress that i wish he would come excercise with me or eat healthier. He comes from a family that is overly obese and has serious health issues due to it. Even though he rather sit and watch tv instead of workout with me. I do see positive changes as well. Before this we were guilty of drinking a 24 pack of coke. Now we decided that we wont by soft drinks for the house. We used to eat fast food all the time or if i cooked it was mainly fried food (famous in the south). Now we might have fast food once a week on a busy night and we eat more grilled and baked foods and maybe a side of something he would prefer. Only you can decide what you put in your body and when you get excercise. Hopefully he comes around as well.0 -
Didn't read any of the responses, just the initial post. He sounds like a ****.0
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I also don't agree with the "This is what I'm making for dinner- eat it or make your own" as wives, we are called to love our husbands. We should want to take care of them. Men will get resentful of that kind of attitude. Surely there are meals you can make that will please both of you.
Really? Please I love my husband but if he wants to get mad or resentful because I am not making exactly what he wants for dinners there are other issues that are more important to deal with. I am his wife not the hired help.0 -
He can only change himself. Maybe he will see your great progress and some day it will click in his brain. I know it was like that for myself and boyfriend. He was all getting in shape and eating healthy, and I was eating cake for breakfast and having too much sweets. It took 2 years for it to click in my head.
Now, I am eating healthy and exercising, but I am doing it for myself. I want to live longer, be healthier and only buy smaller clothes!
Be strong and keep up the good work.0 -
Just make your healthy choices and meals and if he wants something different make him get it himself.
This. It's basically what I've been doing with my husband.
Took 6mo for DH to get on board. Stay the course without nagging him.0 -
Been there, done that, for years!!! My husband is over 300 lbs. with a heart condition. I have to lose weight for my health and I have decided that he is not going to mess me up this time. My health depends on me, not him. Funny thing though, last night we went out with friends and they noticed I was carefully watching what I ate. They gave him a huge lecture about his weight and health without my prompt. My husband said nothing, but in front of him I told them thank you, that I had been saying the same thing for years and hoped that maybe now he might listen. I don't think it really sunk in.0
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Lead by example!
You can't make him go on this journey with you if he doesn't want to. That should be his decision. Maybe if you stop trying to get him to go along and do it just for you, he'll see the benefits and want to join later.
^^^ this! It is working for MY WIFE, who knew she needed to but didn't... now we are doing some things together. I like my exercise solitude, my escape!0 -
It took almost 8 years of me getting on my husband's case before he finally went to the doc to get medicated for his diabetes and high blood pressure. Then he started working out and asking me to cook healthy. I didn't listen, I was depressed and eating to cope. I wasn't working out and defiant about being able to eat what I want. One day I woke up and just said that's it, I'm ready. I now lead the family again on healthy eating, weight loss and working out. Everyone is on board.
My point is, he will change when he's ready or finally gets scared enough to do something about it. Until then if he wants to eat unhealthy, then he gets to cook it. Cook healthy meals for the family and the unhealthy junk if he wants it bad enough, he can cook it.0 -
We're on the exact same page, and if it were not so, I'd be throwing that stuff out with the trash.
I do not allow certain junk foods in my home.
End of story.0 -
I also don't agree with the "This is what I'm making for dinner- eat it or make your own" as wives, we are called to love our husbands. We should want to take care of them. Men will get resentful of that kind of attitude. Surely there are meals you can make that will please both of you.
Really? Please I love my husband but if he wants to get mad or resentful because I am not making exactly what he wants for dinners there are other issues that are more important to deal with. I am his wife not the hired help.
In no way am I trying to stir the pot or create enemies, but I had said that surely there were meals to be made that both husband and wife could enjoy together. A mentality like that contributes to rising divorce rates.0 -
tell him to get onboard or someone else will ........0
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You are not alone. Get a load of this conversation that took place between me and my husband:
Hubby: Would you like something else with dinner?
Me: No, thanks, I have plenty.
Hubby: You could have a salad, or a piece of bread.
Me: Thanks, but I have enough, and I don't want overeat.
Hubby: If you don't eat enough your body will go into starvation mode.
Me: Really? Thanks for that dieting tip, there Mr. Diet Guru....
Next day:
Hubby: Want some of your sherbet ice cream?
Me: Yes, thank you!
Hubby: Comes back with a bowl about as big as a basketball full of sherbet.)
Me: That's too much!
Hubby: But it's fat free!!!
Me: Sigh!!0 -
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Really? Please I love my husband but if he wants to get mad or resentful because I am not making exactly what he wants for dinners there are other issues that are more important to deal with. I am his wife not the hired help.
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In no way am I trying to stir the pot or create enemies, but I had said that surely there were meals to be made that both husband and wife could enjoy together. A mentality like that contributes to rising divorce rates.
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I am not trying to either.... but my point is if what you cook for dinner results in divorce then there were BIGGER issues to begin with. I don't do everything just to make my husband of almost 13 years happy. My health and our kids happiness and health are important too. Just like I am not going to tell him what he can and can't eat. I don't expect him to tell me what I can't make for dinner.0 -
I also don't agree with the "This is what I'm making for dinner- eat it or make your own" as wives, we are called to love our husbands. We should want to take care of them. Men will get resentful of that kind of attitude. Surely there are meals you can make that will please both of you.
Really? Please I love my husband but if he wants to get mad or resentful because I am not making exactly what he wants for dinners there are other issues that are more important to deal with. I am his wife not the hired help.
In no way am I trying to stir the pot or create enemies, but I had said that surely there were meals to be made that both husband and wife could enjoy together. A mentality like that contributes to rising divorce rates.
A mentality like yours results in submissiveness. No thanks.0 -
I have the same issue. I gained weight from some health issues (I know that sounds weird, but was thyroid) and my husband used food to help him through. He did not want to put his worry on top of mine and bottled it up. Now that I am healthy and making a move to get more so, he has put on 90lbs since we were married 13 years ago. His cholesterol is through the roof (no exaggeration 319), and he is on blood pressure medications, but he still believes the doctor tells everyone to exercise and watch their diet! I am a nurse and I just can't make him see the risk and move in the right direction.
My plan has been to get in shape, lose weight and hope he thinks he has to do the same to keep the family happy. Unfortunately, my husband does much of the cooking at my house because of my strange work hours, and my boys are falling into the same routine as him. I am currently making/ or adding healthy things for me and making them try it, it is slow progress but it is working. They are starting to ask for some of the healthier foods. I will not give up, but admit it is terribly frustrating!0 -
Imagine a grown adult exercising his right to eat or not eat what he wants and to exercise or not as he chooses.
Someone really should put a stop to that kind of behavior. Seriously!0 -
If you can persuade him to do so, sit down and have a heart to heart with him on the issue. Just tell him that you have a sincere desire to be a happier healthier you, and, out of love and concern for his well-being you would really love to see him join you in that journey. However, make sure he realizes that you are not trying to force him to do anything he doesn't want to or isn't ready to do, but it's an open invitation. He is welcome to join you at any point on your path to a healthy lifestyle, should he choose to do so. Furthermore, make him aware that, even though he isn't willing to join you at this point, you would still like to have his support and encouragement for your efforts. Perhaps, offer him the proposition that, if he promises to give you more support and encouragement, you'll promise not to pressure him on the issue anymore. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. You can only be responsible for your own decisions in this area. Hopefully, he'll come around in time. Hope this helps. :flowerforyou:0
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You can't force him to think what you think or do what you do. He has to come to the realization that in order to keep your relationship healthy has has to, at least support you even if he doesn't want to change his habits. It's taken YEARS for my husband and I to want to be healthier at the same time. And we tried to involve each other but it never worked out and caused arguements and stress. Just focus on yourself and one day he'll realize that he needs to change too, just to keep up with you. But until then, don't take it personal, he has to want to change himself. It's better when you're both on the same page, but use this as an opportunity to succeed in spite of the lack of support. Or just put a laxative in his food (I'm kidding!!!).0
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I also don't agree with the "This is what I'm making for dinner- eat it or make your own" as wives, we are called to love our husbands. We should want to take care of them. Men will get resentful of that kind of attitude. Surely there are meals you can make that will please both of you.
Really? Please I love my husband but if he wants to get mad or resentful because I am not making exactly what he wants for dinners there are other issues that are more important to deal with. I am his wife not the hired help.
In no way am I trying to stir the pot or create enemies, but I had said that surely there were meals to be made that both husband and wife could enjoy together. A mentality like that contributes to rising divorce rates.
A mentality like yours results in submissiveness. No thanks.
If I come off as submissive, than I take that as a compliment! I suppose it helps having a husband on board with also wanting to lose weight. Dinner time is easy. We choose meats and vegetables for dinner through out the week and fruits and coffee in the evening time together. Weekend is usually fair game. Whatever he makes, I will eat. If he knows I do not like something (seafood) he will usually cater to that as well. And he will do the same. If I cook something, he may eat it, but he also may make something to go with it. It's done out of love though, not spite. It's never a "well this is what I'm making and if you don't like it, make your own"
I feel we are drifting from the topic of sharing a meal together as husbands and wives and the opinions of how women act in relationships.0
This discussion has been closed.
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