Husband isn't supportive

briocktj

My hubby is very supportive, BUT, he is also an enabler. I will say DO NOT buy me candy if I ask for it and then a couple days later he will be going out and I will say get me some M and Ms and he will say NO, but then he comes home with them....

jcdiris

I agree with everyone, if he's going to do it, it'll be because he wants to. Meanwhile, do some grocery shopping on your own. Make mac and cheese with some low-fat cheese and wheat pasta. Make little substitutions here and there without him knowing. Also, just start going for walks by yourself, or find a friend you can go with. It sounds like he's feels you're not happy with the way he looks and are trying to change him. If that's the case, any guy would balk at that.

Mrsairforce

My husband is extremely supportive because he wants me to succeed. While he still eats Oatmeal creme pies like I've never seen, he doesn't push them on me or get angry when I drive across town to the Whole Foods and spend forever in there. If your husband really doesn't want to support you, ignore his bickering. Stay positive for yourself and lead by example. He will see that you are no longer indulging his in arguments and he will start to come around.

mohanj

My husband was the same way. For decades I fought with him to get regular exercise and better nutrition. He is a good cook and that did not help much. He did not care even though he is diabetic. Suddenly 2 years back, he started falling while walking with out any reason. He hit is highest weight and was unhealthy. Suddenly, one day after work when he was on business trip he watched an hour show with managing diabetics with low glycemic index foods. Suddenly something changed in him and he got hooked to the information. He started exercise and having a low carb diet and lost about 50 pounds in less than an year. His medication dosage has come down and hasn't fallen even once. Now he encourages me and very supportive of my weight loss journey. Now he is an inspiration for me, my family and friends. What I learnt is you cannot force anyone but it has to come from with in. Hopefully your husband does not wait until he gets his wake up call. Good luck.

kealey1318

He will have to want to do it for himself just as you decided for yourself it was time to change. Don't badger him. Just keep setting a good example of positive change. As he sees how much better you feel, he may come around.

I agree with this! You can't do it (or want it) for him... The only thing within your control is YOU! Continue to do the right things and I think you'll be surprised that as he see's your results, he will most likely want some of his own. Also, know that there are a variety of reasons for why spouses, family, friends can be the worst sabateours... Stick to your guns and take care of YOU! Best wishes!!! :flowerforyou:

Oslobluesky

I am about 400 pounds, had a pulmonary embolism last year, though other stuff seems to be okay. I've always struggled to find diet food I can enjoy.

I decided to figure out how to create a meal I enjoy eating, that is full of nutrients, and that leaves me filling full. Usually that amounts to a kind of bowl filled with some combination of tomatoes, chicken or fish, sweet potato, and so on. Usually it takes the form of a stir fry (in water or olive oil) or almost thick soup in consistency. One bowl usually does it. Siracha, cream cheese, or peanut butter can be added in very small amounts for thickening.

Thus, for your husband and your problem, I would suggest NOT trying to get him to eat what you eat, but finding a way to make what he enjoys eating, but in a modified low calorie way. Take his data-(weight, height, activity level)- and get his RMR (resting metabolic rate), and then calculate how to do tasty meals that hit under that number. Don't force the veggies or typical diet foods. Just subtly introduce high vitamin foods into his favorite foods, and modified so that the totals come in under the rate that his body would burn calories (at rest). (Oh, and when calculating BMR or RMR, don't factor in any activity).

In the end he may not even notice why weight is dropping off until you convey to him why. Of course this only works to the extent you are making his food. If he is buying fast food, then he is probably sunk for the day. You might approach that from a "saving cash" angle. Encourage him to save money for what he, or both of you, might want to do. So instead of him not buying fast food for weight or diet purposes, you avoid fast food for "savings" purposes... to take that vacation or buy that new computer he wants.

You combine that with favorite food modification and it might work. So for example, instead of saying, "Fried chicken is bad for you, eat tofu spinach salad with me," you say, "Okay, I will make fried chicken". Then get boneless, skinless, and fry it in the best possible oil. The goal here, is to make all his meals for the day come in under his RMR number, not so much to correct the wrong food patterns.... yet. Eventually you will evolve him away from fried foods, low nutrient foods, bad carbs. But focus first on overall weight loss.

Over time, this might work. Or not. Given my weight I am the last one to give advice. However, it's the method I am trying to consistently apply to myself, while trying to introduce healthier snacks like popcorn, pickles, yogurt, a few nuts, etc.

kennethmgreen

Lead by example!

You can't make him go on this journey with you if he doesn't want to. That should be his decision. Maybe if you stop trying to get him to go along and do it just for you, he'll see the benefits and want to join later.

I'm not married, but that's just my 2 cents.

Great advice. Make healthy choices for yourself. As you begin to change - physically and emotionally - your partner is likely to take notice. Let your success be motivation. Nagging/chiding/shaming someone into health rarely works. Demonstrate the payoff.

CreepyOne

put him up for sale

ThePinkPachyderm

The fact is, most humans are stubborn, and dislike change. Eating poorly and not working out is significantly more enjoyable than eating clean foods and spending your free time exercising. So unless someone truly wants to make those lifestyle changes for themselves, then there is really nothing you can do to sway them.

What I do know is that often times our pride can override our stubbornness. My wife gets motivated in spurts, and when she is not motivated I have tried every psychological trick in my arsenal to get her on board. What I have found is that the only thing that really gets her motivated to join me is when she sees me busting my *kitten* working out an hour a night, getting fit and trim, and she feels like she is being left behind. She needs to come to the conclusion on her own, but seeing the results of my hard work is sometimes enough to motivate her.

Legalchica

put him up for sale

^^^THIS

meg7399

This is why my BF is not allowed to go shopping with me and I do the cooking. If he wants something different AKA unhealthy he is on his own. Luckily, he is glad I shop and cook for him so he is usually pretty content. What the hardest for me is his daughter. She is with us 50% of the time and complains that there are no fruit snacks, cookies, ice cream, and all that other fun packaged processed crap she gets at her moms. I am fine making my BF suffer with my choices but its so much harder to explain to a 5 year old that those things are not healthy when she gets them with her mom. Her response is always: "Well my moms a nurse so she knows whats healthy and she buys them for me!" I am the mean one I guess...but when she is fat in middle school she will be wishing she listened to me!

OkieinMinny

I agree with the majority here, dont try and change him, lead by example - My husband is a couch potato who loves his fast food. but I do all the cooking at home, I still make his meals he loves - but have modified them, for instance pasta with wheat pasta, sloppy joes with ground turkey some stuff he loves and is surprised by that and other stuff not so much. He sees me going to the gym everyday, I dont say anything to him about it but I hope that he sees what I am doing for me and he will get motivated by that but if he doesnt Im doing this for ME and nobody else and thats what you should realize this is for you!

_VoV

I agree to LEAD BY EXAMPLE ~ just doing it for yourself and no one else is rewarding enough. You'll outlive him ~ be sure he has lots of insurance!!! LOL

^^THIS!! LOL!!!

I'm going on four months of MFP, and the family is just now hopping on board. Sometimes it takes a while. Cook your way, and if he insists on bad choices, tell him he's now in charge of his own food, including making it.

AllanMisner

Just make your healthy choices and meals and if he wants something different make him get it himself.

^^^ This ^^^

Tiff1124

Thanks you guys for all of the wonderful advice! I have tried the whole "tricking" him into eating certain foods, but he is not only stubborn but incredibly picky. Won't eat most veggies, fruits, whole wheat anything..lol I will definitely try to stay on task, and if I am cooking and he doesn't like it, he can buy his own meals from now on.

I'm glad to know I am not alone in this. Wish we could just kick them all in the *kitten* sometimes

jean1058

I am going to be different than everyone else and tell you that you ARE alone. Alone on the quest to eat better and exercise. This is NOT your husband's idea, and until it is, he will not be on board.

Now, as far as being sympathetic..... I TOTALLY am with you. My husband refuses to eat "rabbit food". So, I just cook everything the way I want and season his food the "old" way. I plan to outlive him and spend the insurance money.

(JUST KIDDING).
:laugh:

lewandt

There is no way you can make someone else lose weight. I think of it like quitting smoking, you can't make someone else quit. Even if they know you are right, it has to be what they want.

I have always been the one to exercise and eat (kind of) right. My husband is smaller and never really had to worry about weight. The last few weeks though as i am working out he has been coming down and getting on the treadmill. I think it is more an insurance thing (he gets a discount on insurance if his fat ratio is under a certain percent). So for him money is more of a motivator than getting healthy.

Just do what you need to do for you. Maybe down the road he will join in. Don't harp on him though as that may have the reverse effect.

thepetiterunner

He will have to want to do it for himself just as you decided for yourself it was time to change. Don't badger him. Just keep setting a good example of positive change. As he sees how much better you feel, he may come around.

^^ Exactly.

Just because you're on your journey doesn't mean he wants to ride shotgun. Everyone has to come to it on their own. It's hard to see people you care about making unhealthy choices (whether by health/fitness, personal relationships, work, etc), but allowing it to drive a wedge between the two of you is counterproductive.

therealangd

Another vote for "lead by example"

If you do the cooking, he'll have to eat what you prepare or make his own food. If he is cooking, eat what he prepares in a smaller portion, and add a big assed salad.

"I plan to outlive him and spend the insurance money." LMAO! Awesome.

wilkin777

My boyfriend still likes to eat chips and eat food that isn't great for him but since I started getting healthier he is eating a lot LESS of this stuff. His mother has nagged him for years about his weight so I am not about to go down that route. He sees me looking and feeling better and wants to be there with me. Slowly but surely it works. But it has to be his choice.

(I didn't get fat because someone put a gun to my head and I'm not getting healthy for that reason either. It was time for ME to choose to do something about it) : )))

MissVCI

DUMP HIM!!!! ( Just Kidding)

that honestly sucks not to have support from him, aren't husbands supposed to be built in support systems. I wouldn't know (I'm happily single)

but even if he's not dieting, tell him its important that he'd be supportive of your healthy choices. Have him lock the junk food in a cabinet you can't reach.

njean888

Hey everyone. Hate to start out with such a bummer topic, but this has been bothering me for awhile and am hoping to get some advice, or at least know I am not alone.

In my attempt at getting in shape, and trying to eat better and healthier, so far I am doing pretty well. However, my husband is a little less enthusiastic about my efforts and is not at all concerned about his health or his diet. Anytime I mention we should eat better, or he should go walking or running with me it always turns into a fight.

Grocery shopping is also a fight. As I'm loading up the cart with fresh fruit and veggies, meats etc, he is loading it with chips, hamburger helper, mac and cheese..well you get my point.

I'm tired of fighting with him, but it kills me to see him not care at all about his health or appearance. HELP!

Okay are you married to my husband? I think so! You just described the exact thing I live with. Sorry no advice to give, I just tell him I'm going to be partying it up with the life insurance money if he does not take control of his health. He is a grown man and I cannot help someone who does not want help.

Elizadolots

Do your own thing! Once he sees you are staying on track, he'll soon follow..

itgeekwoman

My husband smokes and has a pepsi Intravenous. He hasn't done anything exercise related in a very long time. He's happy, he's loved me no matter what size I am. He's well insured. I love him.

Bottom line is, if he's happy, and if he's not holding you back, then ignore it and go have fun. I do throw little hints in about how sexy my trainer is. How hot muscles look. I also bought him some testosterone supplements. After that, I can't do any more. Lead by example, he either follows or he doesn't.

prairiedawg2014

my husband is the same way. as a result i cook 2 different meals (his and mine) every meal. its a pain in the butt, i guess if i want to continue losing weight this is what i have to do.

Angie0rtiz

Please stop trying to change your husband. Even if you think it's for the better. Accept him as he is and lead by quiet example.

I agree! You cant change anyone but yourself. I too have the same challenge. I have two children who are picky eaters (one more than the other) and my husband doesnt help the situation because he is the pickiest of them all.

I cook one main meal and alter my own or their's if possible. Its horrible when my husband says " oh that looks gross" or " OMG that [Sugar Honey Iced Tea] smells nasty" better yet " get away from me you smell like tree bark" ( I have multi grain cracker/chips that I snack on)!

My pantry currently has chips, brownies, honey buns, doughnuts... you get the point, but I have restraint. Dont get me wrong sometimes its hard, and I want some but I think did I really work hard all day to ruin it with a doughnut?

You married him like that (I know I did), so you just have to be the better person! Hopefully he will follow on his own one day. It not easy (Believe me I know!), but if it doesnt kill you... it'll make you stronger! Your strong so dont give up and become as strong as you want to be!

therealangd

OH, and leave him home on grocery day.

itgeekwoman

DUMP HIM!!!! ( Just Kidding)

that honestly sucks not to have support from him, aren't husbands supposed to be built in support systems. I wouldn't know (I'm happily single)

but even if he's not dieting, tell him its important that he'd be supportive of your healthy choices. Have him lock the junk food in a cabinet you can't reach.

I don't want anyone locking food up so I can't reach. I either want this for myself or I want to sabotage myself. I buy him junk food because he wants it. It frustrates me, but I can't change him.

LeanMeanFitnessMachine

My boyfriend was the same way. But after a while I just kinda gave up and did my own thing. Once he saw me losing weight & getting a hot figure, I think he felt like he had to step up his game. He started asking if he could go to the gym with me & started trying my healthy recipe meals - he still loves to be lazy & eat like a man, don't get me wrong. But its 100% better than it used to be.

Lead by example!

JBott84

If you make the meals...don't give him a choice..."this is what's for dinner if you don't like it make something for yourself" I was told this when I was a kid "eat what I make or go hungry"....This is what I am doing with my husband he is not excited about dieting but wants to lose weight....He works hard at work all day and needs calories so he has his fruit bars, and granola bars apples etc....for snacks he basically eats the same breakfast and lunches he always has but when it's dinner time...MY choice, I make I choose it....he eats it or makes himself something else....it works for us. and what do you know....after 2 weeks of this he has only made his own dinner once