Fat Shaming
Replies
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I think what people need to remember is, the internet is text. We are not blessed with tone, inflection, or even a facial expression. Because of this wording is important. If someone says, "you're obese and you are unhealthy", they may just be stating fact or what they know/have been told. To the person it's said towards, depending on their mood, it can be an attack, an insult, or just plain unnecessary. Same goes for vice versa. I've only been around a month but having been part of communities that deal with sensitive subjects like weight loss or relationships, bad wording is how *kitten* hits the fan quick.
That aside I don't think having people come in and begin to tell a member how big they are and how unhealthy it is and so on is really needed. Why? Well hey, they're already here so obviously some effort is being made. Now if said person is NOT making an effort or is being immature, then sure, remind them of their predicament and how it can be changed. Those that post just to compare their largest to someone else's or to say something along the lines of, "whoo I'm glad I've never been THAT big!" just need to hold their tongue. This site is not a p*ssing contest to see who's bigger or smaller or who can drop the weight the fastest and be the most healthy being on Earth.
To make a long story short: this is a site of support and while many (myself included) use tough love, it needs to be used wisely and carefully because weight loss, especially if you're among the obese or morbidly obese, is hard enough and takes a grand toll on the mental state of that person already. Don't baby, but don't be a Drill Sergeant, either. Lord knows I would have quit if it hadn't been for people pushing to remind me of my goals.0 -
I agree. I think it is body shaming in general. Trust me I get it too. Have you ever noticed the amount of skinny bashing on this website? Then one negative comment on an bigger person and there is huge uproar. It is wrong on all occasions IMO
Here's the thing. It's not one negative comments. It's lots of them. I'd have to be pointed towards so called skinny bashing because I haven't seen it here. I have seen people deride skinny fat but those people who weigh less but have high levels of body fat are just as unhealthy as others.0 -
Shame isn't healthy, and it's certainly not the way to motivate anyone to become healthy.
I couldn't agree more! Positive reinforcement gives much greater results, lifts people up and creates vibrant communities- shame just creates isolation, guilt (helloooo emotional eating triggers) and a group of people who are afraid to speak or have anything but a perfect body/response/opinion.0 -
Ahh yes bmi words healthy,overweight,obese. I'm sure everybody has known a "healthy" skinny fat person who is in horrible shape and an "obese" person who's built like a brick *kitten* house. My point is as long as you're healthy and feel good about how you look who cares wtf category others put you in. Technically I'm considerd obese???? But I just put myself in the badass category and anybody can join me in it!0
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preach.0
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I agree. I think it is body shaming in general. Trust me I get it too. Have you ever noticed the amount of skinny bashing on this website? Then one negative comment on an bigger person and there is huge uproar. It is wrong on all occasions IMO
Here's the thing. It's not one negative comments. It's lots of them. I'd have to be pointed towards so called skinny bashing because I haven't seen it here. I have seen people deride skinny fat but those people who weigh less but have high levels of body fat are just as unhealthy as others.
Besides on that post that you are talking about I have not seen a lot of fat bashing in one thread. Here and there I may see it, and people attack. I see skinny bashing a lot such as "eww i don't want to be skinny I want my curves" and such, or calling people out who are at healthy weights and calling them too skinny. Happened to me a couple of times actually. Not talking about skinnyfat actually. Most people would agree that is not where you would want to be either. Keep up the good work and *kitten* the haters ;D I have seen you around and think you are doing an awesome job!0 -
Honestly, I agree with absolutely everything OP has said (and tracked the obese thread all the way through), but some people are set in their beliefs and it takes a lot to change the way they think.
People are beautiful and we all have different journeys to go through. But there will be a s**t-storm here.0 -
But I just put myself in the badass category and anybody can join me in it!
Well, I'm off to join the badass category.0 -
BUMP
Everyone needs to read this. Props to you.0 -
you are awesome & good luck with all your goals0
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Okay so, I agree that maybe bashing people who are obese on here is not nice, BUT, if you want to stress health over weight I'd like to point out that no matter how much you run or how much weight you can lift, if you are obese or morbidly obese you are unhealthy. That much fat on you puts stress on your organs, bones, joints, etc.
Although it may come across hurtful on some occasions, a majority of the people on here are trying to help, and sometimes having someone tell you something you already know is the kick in the butt you need to get yourself into gear. Plus, many of the people on here have been right where you are or have some sort of knowledge you may not.
It wouldn't hurt to listen to some of them, you may learn something. And if someone truly just being mean, there is an ignore function you can utilize.
Perhaps, but those with fitness knowledge to share might do better to learn tact before attempting to edify the rest of us...0 -
Thank you so much for posting this. I have wanted to say this a few times but kept my mouth shut. Again, thanks!0
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I think what people need to remember is, the internet is text. We are not blessed with tone, inflection, or even a facial expression. Because of this wording is important. If someone says, "you're obese and you are unhealthy", they may just be stating fact or what they know/have been told. To the person it's said towards, depending on their mood, it can be an attack, an insult, or just plain unnecessary. Same goes for vice versa. I've only been around a month but having been part of communities that deal with sensitive subjects like weight loss or relationships, bad wording is how *kitten* hits the fan quick.
That aside I don't think having people come in and begin to tell a member how big they are and how unhealthy it is and so on is really needed. Why? Well hey, they're already here so obviously some effort is being made. Now if said person is NOT making an effort or is being immature, then sure, remind them of their predicament and how it can be changed. Those that post just to compare their largest to someone else's or to say something along the lines of, "whoo I'm glad I've never been THAT big!" just need to hold their tongue. This site is not a p*ssing contest to see who's bigger or smaller or who can drop the weight the fastest and be the most healthy being on Earth.
To make a long story short: this is a site of support and while many (myself included) use tough love, it needs to be used wisely and carefully because weight loss, especially if you're among the obese or morbidly obese, is hard enough and takes a grand toll on the mental state of that person already. Don't baby, but don't be a Drill Sergeant, either. Lord knows I would have quit if it hadn't been for people pushing to remind me of my goals.
This is the best thing I've seen written on here in a long time!
I'd like to know the context of this fat bashing. I've gotten tough love from people who have lost 50+ pounds. Sometimes people ask for help but their diary shows they aren't trying, or they're fooling themselves. If someone that lost 100 pounds tells me I'm doing something wrong, I listen. On the other hand, if someone comes around who has never been fat and starts lecturing, they don't last long.
This topic reminds me of the diary non-publishers topics that always come up.0 -
THANK YOU!
I read the first few pages of that thread (including your original comment) but I had to stop tracking it in the end.
People aren't aware of how triggering some comments are. I'm talking any body shaming here... It's just not acceptable (especially on a website dedicated to weight loss)
I started my weight loss at 431lbs. Yeah, one of those REALLY BIG ONES. I'm not advocating becoming morbidly obese here, but to say we're the ones who can't walk is just so ridiculous. Just a few months ago (at 430+lbs) I spent 5 days walking around disneyland paris!
I'm lucky enough not to have any medical issues related to my health so far. I live a pretty "normal" life.
Seeing comments like that made me sad. Not sad enough to do anything stupid, because I was in a pretty good mood t the time but I can see how it could be triggering.0 -
Well said!
i agree!!! Thank you!0 -
Well, being "skinny" does not make anyone a bad person either. Just saying.0
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I think this needs to stay on the homepage for all to see.0
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Hmm... I'm very sad that people are feeling bashed on this site. Whether thin or otherwise. : ( I haven't experienced that or seen it directed at others. I've seen very supportive and caring individuals, and some who were funny and had slightly cutting senses of humor - but so far I've been lucky enough to miss the haters.
Props to you for hanging in there, and for addressing this issue. Good luck to us all as we strive to reach whatever health goal we have set for ourselves. :drinker:0 -
Well, being "skinny" does not make anyone a bad person either. Just saying.
It's not the being skinny that's the problem, it's the misinformed judgements being doled out that is the problem. The skinny-shaming is also bad and we should all be for health here- it's FITNESS pal right? It's just that the topic of this thread is about fat shaming.
I think a separate thread about skinny-shaming would be a good discussion point as well. Perhaps keep the topics separate since there are some big differences between the types of shaming. As a skinny-shaming thread could tackle the topic of 'Real Women have curves' type statements.0 -
But I just put myself in the badass category and anybody can join me in it!
Well, I'm off to join the badass category.
Good idea... me too!0 -
Well, being "skinny" does not make anyone a bad person either. Just saying.
You are absolutely right!! Being inconsiderate, disrespectful and hurtful is a one-size-can-fit-all condition. I don't see this as a battle if "skinny vs. fat", I see it as more of a reminder that what we communicate to one another can have a profound effect (good or bad), and in a virtual venue like this, where tone, inflection, body language and facial expression cannot be utilized, it is imperative that we choose our words and the way we combine them wisely and tactfully.0 -
People who have never been obese or morbidly obese have no idea how ashamed many of us already feel. I felt disgusting when I was obese. I didn't look at myself in the mirror except to put on makeup and do my hair for over a year. Trust me, it DOES NOT HELP to have it pointed out to you publicly, anonymously, or in any other way when you already feel like a complete failure because of your weight. It just made me feel like more of a failure whenever anyone mentioned my weight. Was I in denial? Oh yes! Did people pointing out my weight issue bring me out of that denial? No. It was me that did that. I had to realize it for myself.
No matter how much you intend to help, pointing out someone's weight issue will do nothing to help them out. Change has to come from within, not from the outside. They will change if/when they are ready to, and not a moment sooner.
If you really want to help, be supportive. Be honest. Be an example.
P.S. there is nothing wrong with skinny women either, so stop hating on them too.0 -
"What matters is that you are taking the steps instead of sitting and letting your situation become a health risk."
You my friend speak for a mass of us when I was younger I was pretty much in that range so I know how it feels. I have contributed a lot of time and effort into the thought process of getting in shape and now am reaping the benefits of all the work. It takes time and dedication to get to a point where you want to be. For me it has taken about 3 years but I'm finally in that "fit" range that everyone awes over but I'm not an *kitten* about it. I give advice. I work. The basic help I give people who want to lose weight is "start moving... keep moving...." that's my philosophy for getting fit. I learned this over the years that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you do something. And now that something has grown. So simply put, if you are "big" you can work for what you want. If that is to weigh less or look more fit/tone. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are taking the steps instead of sitting and letting your situation become a health complete risk.0 -
Negative comments are almost never nice (unless its some kinky thing being tried out in bed, then by all means). Heck, alot of us trigger into binge eating due to negativity. So calling posters fatties or something is just rediculous.
As for your comment about posts like "Atleast i'm not THAT fat". Those should be deleted right away. Its the same as an obese person going to a gym and being mocked. That person will never go back to even try to be healthy and just sit at home and eat away his pain.
That being said, i have yet to read a post where such comments are made here. If they were, I'm sure they were taken down fast enough that it didnt caused alot of troubles. Like you said, people know that they're unhealthy, they dont need to be reminded.
However, i do have a problem. It sounds like you're in a bit of denial. You're not modbidly obese. I will just leave it at that.
As for the third point you made. If I ever dropped down to my goal weight, I would show off here. This is the first place I will show off to because its been a support to me and other people who have shown off their bodies have been an inspiration.
Once again, i dont know what exactly triggered such a post however if you're having a problem with some poster who's abusing the forums, report them0 -
But I just put myself in the badass category and anybody can join me in it!
Well, I'm off to join the badass category.
Good idea... me too!
Right there with you!
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A little nervous replying since I've arrived at my goal.
But, I want to say I'm sorry the kinds of things that led to this post are said at all, ever, to anyone. I guess, in a free speech society, we have to suffer the fools to include the scholars. Look, whatever people say, you just keep going. You don't ever stop. This is your life. And, if some shallow thinking dullard needs to spray paint it for their empty headed amusement, just wash it off and move on. You can do this. And you will do this. You will be the victor. And the detractors will be just so much background noise. Don't let it get to you. And never stop.
Heartfelt congratulations for all you've done already.0 -
Well, being "skinny" does not make anyone a bad person either. Just saying.
You are absolutely right!! Being inconsiderate, disrespectful and hurtful is a one-size-can-fit-all condition. I don't see this as a battle if "skinny vs. fat", I see it as more of a reminder that what we communicate to one another can have a profound effect (good or bad), and in a virtual venue like this, where tone, inflection, body language and facial expression cannot be utilized, it is imperative that we choose our words and the way we combine them wisely and tactfully.
I completely agree! :flowerforyou:0 -
I am going to be blunt.Okay so, I agree that maybe bashing people who are obese on here is not nice, BUT, if you want to stress health over weight I'd like to point out that no matter how much you run or how much weight you can lift, if you are obese or morbidly obese you are unhealthy. That much fat on you puts stress on your organs, bones, joints, etc.
Although it may come across hurtful on some occasions, a majority of the people on here are trying to help, and sometimes having someone tell you something you already know is the kick in the butt you need to get yourself into gear. Plus, many of the people on here have been right where you are or have some sort of knowledge you may not.
It wouldn't hurt to listen to some of them, you may learn something. And if someone truly just being mean, there is an ignore function you can utilize.
Please shut up.
Just because someone has visible abs doesn't make them healthy. Sumo wrestlers are overweight but they are some of the most conditioned athletes in the world.0 -
I am going to be blunt.Okay so, I agree that maybe bashing people who are obese on here is not nice, BUT, if you want to stress health over weight I'd like to point out that no matter how much you run or how much weight you can lift, if you are obese or morbidly obese you are unhealthy. That much fat on you puts stress on your organs, bones, joints, etc.
Although it may come across hurtful on some occasions, a majority of the people on here are trying to help, and sometimes having someone tell you something you already know is the kick in the butt you need to get yourself into gear. Plus, many of the people on here have been right where you are or have some sort of knowledge you may not.
It wouldn't hurt to listen to some of them, you may learn something. And if someone truly just being mean, there is an ignore function you can utilize.
Please shut up.
Just because someone has visible abs doesn't make them healthy. Sumo wrestlers are overweight but they are some of the most conditioned athletes in the world.
Thank you.0 -
I am going to be blunt.Okay so, I agree that maybe bashing people who are obese on here is not nice, BUT, if you want to stress health over weight I'd like to point out that no matter how much you run or how much weight you can lift, if you are obese or morbidly obese you are unhealthy. That much fat on you puts stress on your organs, bones, joints, etc.
Although it may come across hurtful on some occasions, a majority of the people on here are trying to help, and sometimes having someone tell you something you already know is the kick in the butt you need to get yourself into gear. Plus, many of the people on here have been right where you are or have some sort of knowledge you may not.
It wouldn't hurt to listen to some of them, you may learn something. And if someone truly just being mean, there is an ignore function you can utilize.
Please shut up.
Just because someone has visible abs doesn't make them healthy. Sumo wrestlers are overweight but they are some of the most conditioned athletes in the world.
I would also add that there are a lot of people in the "healthy" BMI and body fat categories who are very unhealthy as well. Health has more to do with the quality of food you eat (getting your essential nutrients, mainly), your activity level, your lifestyle habits (smoking, alcohol or substance abuse, exposure to environmental toxins, etc.), and in many ways, your genetics. Body fat only goes so far as a general indicator of health, and there's a LOT of wiggle room in there.0
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