Fat Shaming

Mirabilis

:bigsmile: The one thing I've learned from my own journey is that it's full of left turns and unexpected stalls, and unexpected victories too... and I don't think I'm the only one. We're here on this website for support and education too, but we're not pros or we'd be charging people for sharing what we know.

Why would you think that that sanctimonious b**ch/b**tard over there has all the answers? Don't believe the hype and don't believe they're perfect. If it's a question of pecking order, peck them right back! Respect begins with you and me. If you respect yourself, there's nothing they can do to you, sad creatures that they are.

Oh yeah.. and don't ever use the words "lifestyle choice" at me... man that's condescending! :bigsmile:

Lozze

Well, being "skinny" does not make anyone a bad person either. Just saying.

I never said it did? (and if you want to start a 'skinny' bashing thread I'll be right there win you. I LOATHE 'real women have curves' Real women are whatever they want to be.

That being said, i have yet to read a post where such comments are made here. If they were, I'm sure they were taken down fast enough that it didnt caused alot of troubles. Like you said, people know that they're unhealthy, they dont need to be reminded.

Except in the 'obese' topic that a lot of people are referring to (and is the exact reason I've posted this topic) it started off well and then it denigrated to 'you're not that big, morbidily obese people can't walk' or 'OP you look morbidily obese' (I'm not making this up. That was said)

However, i do have a problem. It sounds like you're in a bit of denial. You're not modbidly obese. I will just leave it at that.

Denial about what? I'm honestly curious. (PM me if you're not comfortable talking about it on the boards) I know I'm still fat. I know I still have 40kg to lose. I'll get there :-)

HeaderAutumn

Okay so, I agree that maybe bashing people who are obese on here is not nice, BUT, if you want to stress health over weight I'd like to point out that no matter how much you run or how much weight you can lift, if you are obese or morbidly obese you are unhealthy. That much fat on you puts stress on your organs, bones, joints, etc.

Although it may come across hurtful on some occasions, a majority of the people on here are trying to help, and sometimes having someone tell you something you already know is the kick in the butt you need to get yourself into gear. Plus, many of the people on here have been right where you are or have some sort of knowledge you may not.

It wouldn't hurt to listen to some of them, you may learn something. And if someone truly just being mean, there is an ignore function you can utilize.

And you need to not post on this topic thank you, sir.

Artemis_Acorn

When I first joined MFP, I encountered some of the most judgmental people I had ever encountered in these forums. I was disheartened for a short time, but I also ran into some amazingly warm and supportive people who inspired me to face the battle I was facing with humor and courage and determination.

I am so grateful that I did not allow those who seem to get some sort of self-validation by putting down and shaming others to scare me off! The vast majority of people on this site are wonderful and encouraging - that is exactly what I needed. I don't need a 'kick in the butt.' There's plenty of that to be had in the real world, thank you. I don't need someone to tell me I don't know a thing about the body I've been living in for 50 years, because I'm well acquainted with it - I know it's weaknesses and have a good sense of it's strengths too. The thing that helps the most is just knowing that others have walked (and are walking) the same path that I am and that I'm not alone in working toward getting healthy.

OP, I'm glad you posted this topic. It needed to be said.

wychwych

Morbidly obese is what I am, not who I am.
It's taken me all of my adult life to realize this. As a 10 year old my family told me I was fat and worthless, and I believed this. Thanks to the confidence shown in me by a fantastic boss who saw the potential in me, I am a happy 38 year old who is about to qualify as a nurse. Yes I am morbidly obese, I don't need anyone to tell me that or the implications, but I am also a worthwhile member of society who is about to get her first job in the career she loves and I have finally learnt to love me.
It's going to be a long road to becoming a healthy weight and if I need a kick up the butt to get there I will ask for it. Please don't hit me ( or anyone else) around the head with comments about how huge I am............I know , but I also know how damaging those kind of comments ( although well meaning, hell family told me it was because they loved me) can be.


( and for anyone who thinks I won't get a job.......I thought that to when I first got on my course but occupational health seem fine with it)

ludeo

well said!!!!

im here to eat better and exercise more and hopefully lose about 10kilos which probably isnt that much, but it is hard to do for me. losing any weight is good i think everyone should realise that everyone on here has made a terrific step in trying to lose weight or trying to get fit!!!!

michellebd1980

Hey there,

Thanks so much for your post! I'm just starting out once again and I'm at the heaviest I've ever been. I'm tipping the scales at 460! I'm 5'9 and have a ton of medical problems. The last thing I wanna read is some *kitten* telling me that I'm too fat or that I can't do anything. If that's the case, I wouldn't be able to walk at all or dance or weight train. I'm large but I'm me and I'm trying my best to improve my health and this is what this site is for. So, kudos to you, my friend. Awesome post and thanks again!

jkdarby

I have been a member for a little less than a year now. I posted in my food journal for about three months and then stopped logging. I never read the message board. I started logging again on February 1st of this year and decided to read the message boards to hopefully get me motivated again. All I have found is that there is always a Debbie Downer in almost every single one of these boards. I think I may just go back to logging my food and not viewing any of these stupid messages. OP, I am glad that you posted this message to defend yourself and I congratulate on your weight loss and journey to your goal! Whether we are here to lose 10 pounds or 100 pounds, we should all support each other!

lillystargazer

Very well said. Thank you for posting this. :happy:

mousepaws22

Well said. I think this is even more relevant in the UK at the moment- every day there is fat bashing in the papers and I've even read comments online about how all fat people should be lined up and shot. I also agree that people should stop equating weight and dress size with whether you are healthy or not. My sister eats nothing but processed carbohydrates and sugars (never eats fruit, veg or salad) and only drink lemonade. I try to eat healthily, yes I slip up sometimes, but I do try to avoid processed foods, eat my veggies etc. I am 2 dresses sizes bigger than her but apparantly that's more unhealthy than eating nothing but crap? I disagree.

Nopedotjpeg

I'm morbidly obese and will outrun some of your skinny *kitten*.
less fat =/= more fit

ArroganceInStep

OP, I respect your point of view, and unfortunately didn't follow the obese thread so I'm not sure what was said there. I am sorry it upset you though, that sucks.

That being said, I'm one of those morbidly obese folks, and I tend to disagree with your reaction. While I do understand the sentiment, I much prefer that people at least be honest. Even hateful comments, in my opinion, are better than the ones unsaid. I prefer the *kitten* saying 'at least I'm not that fat' or 'you're unhealthy' or 'you're killing yourself' to the person who looks at me and thinks it but doesn't say anything. To the people who do say something stupid, I can tell them exactly what to do a certain baseball bat coated in crushed glass (or punch them in the face, which is fun too). I know you said that just because it's the internet doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but I prefer to face things rather than have people think it behind my back. Not to say that people should have to face that sort of abuse, but if folks aren't saying it they'll probably be thinking it. I'd rather build on my motivation by facing it head on. As I see it we can't change *kitten*, only our reactions to them.

It seems like that's what you're doing now, and more power to you.

geckofli

Woman I love you, you're bang on the money.
I generally avoid the forums cause I know there are some nasty toxic people out there
I choose to allow supportive people in my mfp land. Of you feel you absolutely must critise people at least have the decency to be constructive about it and be sensitive, speak how you would like to be spoken to, treat people how you want to be treated

NatalieBrooke88

Its my fitness Pal, not my fitness Aholes!!

Haha, I love it!

It is certainly true that the anonymity of the internet turns people into know it all, aholes. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

grinch031

So if someone has high standards for themselves as far as weight goes, and is disgusted with themselves being obese, do you find that offensive as well? Because if they think they are disgusting being obese, that must mean everyone else who is obese is disgusting to them too, right?

Elizabeth_C34

So if someone has high standards for themselves as far as weight goes, and is disgusted with themselves being obese, do you find that offensive as well? Because if they think they are disgusting being obese, that must mean everyone else who is obese is disgusting to them too, right?

I assume this was directed at my comment earlier, but I'm not sure.

My answer to this is, "no." I'm much much harder on myself than I am other people. A lot of my friends are still obese, and I never saw them as disgusting at all. I don't look at people who are overweight, obese, or morbidly obese as disgusting either. Just myself at that size. I felt disgusting.

grinch031

So if someone has high standards for themselves as far as weight goes, and is disgusted with themselves being obese, do you find that offensive as well? Because if they think they are disgusting being obese, that must mean everyone else who is obese is disgusting to them too, right?

I assume this was directed at my comment earlier, but I'm not sure.

My answer to this is, "no." I'm much much harder on myself than I am other people. A lot of my friends are still obese, and I never saw them as disgusting at all. Just myself.

It was directed to the OP, but open for anyone else to answer as well.

So its okay to shame yourself for being fat openly (as long as it isn't applied to others), since being fat is really relative to the standards of each individual.

Elizabeth_C34

So if someone has high standards for themselves as far as weight goes, and is disgusted with themselves being obese, do you find that offensive as well? Because if they think they are disgusting being obese, that must mean everyone else who is obese is disgusting to them too, right?

I assume this was directed at my comment earlier, but I'm not sure.

My answer to this is, "no." I'm much much harder on myself than I am other people. A lot of my friends are still obese, and I never saw them as disgusting at all. Just myself.

It was directed to the OP, but open for anyone else to answer as well.

So its okay to shame yourself for being fat openly (as long as it isn't applied to others), since being fat is really relative to the standards of each individual.

Sorry, I thought this was directed at my earlier comment about feeling disgusting when I was obese. Didn't mean to hijack.

For me, it is definitely not okay to judge anyone, even yourself, as less of a person or less valuable because of weight. I should never have done it to myself, because all it ever did was make me feel like I was worthless and prevent me from starting this journey much sooner than I actually did. When I realized that I could do something about it and that I was valuable, that's when things changed. This is all my personal opinion though, and others may feel very differently about it.

grinch031

So if someone has high standards for themselves as far as weight goes, and is disgusted with themselves being obese, do you find that offensive as well? Because if they think they are disgusting being obese, that must mean everyone else who is obese is disgusting to them too, right?

I assume this was directed at my comment earlier, but I'm not sure.

My answer to this is, "no." I'm much much harder on myself than I am other people. A lot of my friends are still obese, and I never saw them as disgusting at all. Just myself.

It was directed to the OP, but open for anyone else to answer as well.

So its okay to shame yourself for being fat openly (as long as it isn't applied to others), since being fat is really relative to the standards of each individual.

Sorry, I thought this was directed at my earlier comment about feeling disgusting when I was obese. Didn't mean to hijack.

For me, it is definitely not okay to judge anyone, even yourself, as less of a person or less valuable because of weight. I should never have done it to myself, because all it ever did was make me feel like I was worthless and prevent me from starting this journey much sooner than I actually did. When I realized that I could do something about it and that I was valuable, that's when things changed. This is all my personal opinion though, and others may feel very differently about it.

So would you be offended if someone judges themselves as less of a person? Or if someone judges themselves as being unhealthy just because of their weight?

Elizabeth_C34

So would you be offended if someone judges themselves as less of a person? Or if someone judges themselves as being unhealthy just because of their weight?

Offended, no. Sad that they feel that they are less valuable because of their weight, yes.

I know what it's like feeling that way, and I know when I felt so horrible about myself, it had nothing to do with anyone but me.

Lozze

So would you be offended if someone judges themselves as less of a person? Or if someone judges themselves as being unhealthy just because of their weight?

I wouldn't be offended, I'd be very, very sad for that person. What's the point in going through life hating yourself? I was at that point. It's horrible.

grinch031

So would you be offended if someone judges themselves as less of a person? Or if someone judges themselves as being unhealthy just because of their weight?

I wouldn't be offended, I'd be very, very sad for that person. What's the point in going through life hating yourself? I was at that point. It's horrible.

Why do you think they hate themselves? They could just hate the idea that they have no control over their own health. Doesn't mean their attitude won't change upon regaining that control and losing the weight.

Lozze

Why do you think they hate themselves? They could just hate the idea that they have no control over their own health. Doesn't mean their attitude won't change upon regaining that control and losing the weight.

Because if you think you're 'disgusting', 'gross', 'insert negative word here' then you don't like yourself very much. It's a lot harder to make changes when you're negative and beating yourself up.

grinch031

Why do you think they hate themselves? They could just hate the idea that they have no control over their own health. Doesn't mean their attitude won't change upon regaining that control and losing the weight.

Because if you think you're 'disgusting', 'gross', 'insert negative word here' then you don't like yourself very much. It's a lot harder to make changes when you're negative and beating yourself up.

What if someone believes that they are unhealthy because of their weight? Is that acceptable?

Lozze

Yes. I knew I was unhealthy at my heaviest. I know is I stay at this weight I'll have health complications in the future. As long as they don't go into threads and be nasty to others who don't think the exact same way they do then I don't have an issue.

christilujin

It should be obvious that anyone on this site is aware that their weight is not ideal and is at least trying to take steps to make changes. Telling someone that they're fat/unhealthy is completely unnecessary.

Unfortunately, many people can make themselves feel better by running others down. It's much more comforting than looking at their own flaws. Heck, I've been criticized for being underweight, overweight, and everything in between. When I was at a normal weight, someone called me anorexic!

While we all know that we shouldn't take criticism to heart- after all, it says a lot more about the person dishing it out- it's still hard not to feel hurt. We're wired to care about what other people think. That also makes it easy for people who derive their chief entertainment from starting fights on the internet, because we naturally want to defend ourselves.

On a site like this, support should trump every other attitude. Besides, in my experience, those constantly delivering "tough love" or "brutal honesty" are just trying to excuse *sshole behavior. They're usually not very good at taking what they dish out, either.

So yeah, it's one thing to make helpful suggestions in response to specific problems and questions. It's quite another to claim you're getting people to "see the light," when their presence here already indicates that they can see it just fine.

Aerohead21

Agreed. Although not true for everyone, THINKING and BELIEVING you are disgusting is a mindset, not a weight issue. People who believe it will go away by weight loss are usually mistaken. I personally went through this process once before and the self-loathing didn't melt away like the weight did. Think about it in terms of the other direction, if that helps. Someone who is battling anorexia doesn't necessarily believe they look good or they'd stop losing at a healthy point. Their mindset keeps telling them they are disgusting even when they aren't what they think they are.

grinch031

Agreed. Although not true for everyone, THINKING and BELIEVING you are disgusting is a mindset, not a weight issue. People who believe it will go away by weight loss are usually mistaken. I personally went through this process once before and the self-loathing didn't melt away like the weight did. Think about it in terms of the other direction, if that helps. Someone who is battling anorexia doesn't necessarily believe they look good or they'd stop losing at a healthy point. Their mindset keeps telling them they are disgusting even when they aren't what they think they are.

I don't know if this is in response to what I was asking, but I didn't mean 'disgusting' in the sense that you see yourself as gross/unattractive because of weight. I meant 'disgusted' in one's self for being unable to control their own health and weight. I think there's a distinction.

Aerohead21

I don't think it breaks down so neatly as to say disgusted in appearance vs disgusted in not having control. I know there is a distinction but it is such a fine line I sincerely doubt anyone is that self aware that they can distinguish between the two that easily. If it were as simple as you are trying to make it sound eating disorders of any kind (anorexia/bulimia/overeating) wouldn't be as prevakent an issue. Besides which, for a good majority of people, including the negative Nellies, the two go hand in hand: people see exerting that sort of control as attractive and when you don't (or can't) you are deemed unattractive. That's part of the reason this thread isso important. People need to learn it isn't that simple and it isn't fair to judge that way.