Severely depressed

StrongGwen

well this thread has helped me see that many people suffer from depression.......... i know that there is something wrong with me and there has been for many years....at least 15 probably. how does a dr determine what is wrong with you? do they ask u a bunch of questions? run some sort of tests? how do I know if I'm depressed, bi-polar, or need anger management???? and what do I do? call my family doctor and say I want an appt becuz I think I'm depressed? it does make me feel a bit embarressed or ashamed?
but i hate the way i am. i get mad at little things. when i get really mad, like when my husband and i are arguing and I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me, i can end up callng him names, throwing things and even hitting. i feel like no one loves me. i didnt have a terrible childhood but i had a dad that abused my mom once in awhile and he ended up becoming a nasty drunk cuz he was in the gulf war and ended up having PTSD. when i was 21 my mom and i moved away from my dad and about 6 months later she met someone and a few months later she chose this guy over me and kicked me out. so , i dont really talk to either of them. i have no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents...........
i never feel truly happy, tho others probably wouldn't understand. i have a family, a son and a daughter, and a roof over our head. i feel like i matter to no one.

Yes, go to a doctor. if he/she is any good, they will understand when you say you are embarrassed to talk about it. They will ask a lot of questions. you can prepare yourself by going online and searching for any of the depression sites that ask some of the basic questions, so you'll know the types you need. It sounds like you will benefit from counseling too; you have some behaviors like physical and verbal aggression that are unlikely to go away with medications alone. Think of your kids, and do it for them. Do you REALLY want them growing up in a home where one parent is angry and unpredictable all the time (sounds like your own PTSD, doesn't it?) You need to get better for your own happy future as well as theirs.

mrlazy1967

SSRI's, Paxil etc, get a bad press, but they can really help, talk to the psychiatrist

minnesota_deere

I dealt with depression off and on for many years (bad childhood, foster care, homelessness etc) but things got better. I haven't felt depressed for about a few years. Now, out of no where, I'm depressed again. It came on slowly and now it's really bad; I'm tearful and pessimistic and... Well, depressed: absolutely and completely miserable without cause. Id rathert be physically suffering.

Anyhoo, I can't go see a psychiatrist for a few weeks and I am so unhappy right now. It doesn't help that my husband and I had an argument tonight and now we won't be celebrating valentines. I just guess I'm looking to hear that I'm not completely alone and any tips to feel better would really help. I feel guilty for feeling so bad since I have so many things to be grateful for (healthy children, food, roof over head, education) but I seriously can't help it.

with your experience, you know it will pass, i have come to realize that when i get that way, just get through the day, or week. i have learned to stop talking about it even though it appears people want to hear it, there just being nice and enabling me to keep feeling that way.

30yearssincebikini

This worked for me: EXERCISE! Don't blow me off thinking, "yeah,I know, I need to exercise, but blah blah blah", and go on moping. Depression is very tricky, it sneaks up on you and if you don't get treatment right away, it can devastate your life. But exercise is like treatment. It changes your brain and makes you happy! (Haha, that sounded weird, but it's true) I get up every morning before anyone gets up, and go to the gym and get my heart rate going. It works. Try it, you will see how it will make you happier.

If you do exercise, then exercise harder.
"

DarkAngel525

Like everyone has said - - you are not alone. PM if you need a friend to talk to :flowerforyou:

Z_I_L_L_A

I was on Celexa and Xanex and every time I went back to the doc he would double the dose. I took enough to knock out a horse. Celexa was the stupid pill for me it would make it where I couldn't focus on the things that depressed me but also made it where I struggled to focus or concentrate on the everyday simple things. I thought to myself if I could get back to the time in my life where I was stress free I wouldn't need the pills. That time was when I worked out, for about 12 years I had no stress, no injuries, no sickness or even a sniffle. I know it will take a boot to the rear to get started but this is the one and only thing that has saved me. I'm off all medicines now, even down to the cholesterol and BP meds. I feel renewed and fresh again, a second chance so to speak. Like I said in my first response to your post the endorphins are what did it for me and the side effect was also self confidence and health. Good luck and we are here if you need us.

TinaDay1114

well this thread has helped me see that many people suffer from depression.......... i know that there is something wrong with me and there has been for many years....at least 15 probably. how does a dr determine what is wrong with you? do they ask u a bunch of questions? run some sort of tests? how do I know if I'm depressed, bi-polar, or need anger management???? and what do I do? call my family doctor and say I want an appt becuz I think I'm depressed? it does make me feel a bit embarressed or ashamed?
but i hate the way i am. i get mad at little things. when i get really mad, like when my husband and i are arguing and I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me, i can end up callng him names, throwing things and even hitting. i feel like no one loves me. i didnt have a terrible childhood but i had a dad that abused my mom once in awhile and he ended up becoming a nasty drunk cuz he was in the gulf war and ended up having PTSD. when i was 21 my mom and i moved away from my dad and about 6 months later she met someone and a few months later she chose this guy over me and kicked me out. so , i dont really talk to either of them. i have no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents...........
i never feel truly happy, tho others probably wouldn't understand. i have a family, a son and a daughter, and a roof over our head. i feel like i matter to no one.

This breaks my heart -- and reminds me a little bit of me when I was younger. :flowerforyou: I agree w/an above poster...tell your doc, AND find a good therapist who can help you work through some of this stuff. You're carrying around a LOT of bad history, and those you love have left you. You can't carry all that alone. And you can't just "figure it all out" alone, either.

Try to find a doc that someone you know (or even a friend of a friend) has used and liked, if possible. I found a really experienced and compassionate therapist in my 20's when I felt just like you. I never felt "truly happy" either, or like I mattered, until I got some of that stuff out in a room with her.

Medicine helps, but it helps you work your way through the REAL issues underneath, and find a better way to live after those issues are out on the table. Think of it as "turning on the lights" so that you can see your way to being happier, healthier, like that hole is filled.

At least you already admit you have things that you need help with -- that's the hardest part sometimes! Hang in there, and don't be embarassed to tell your doc, and find someone to talk to. If you have a good doc, they may even be able to recommend a good therapist they've worked with before.

You can find that joy in you...you just need help digging it out from all that you've been through. Good luck.

j4nash

check profile, about me section, you're not alone. gl.

JSMSDSAS05

well this thread has helped me see that many people suffer from depression.......... i know that there is something wrong with me and there has been for many years....at least 15 probably. how does a dr determine what is wrong with you? do they ask u a bunch of questions? run some sort of tests? how do I know if I'm depressed, bi-polar, or need anger management???? and what do I do? call my family doctor and say I want an appt becuz I think I'm depressed? it does make me feel a bit embarressed or ashamed?
but i hate the way i am. i get mad at little things. when i get really mad, like when my husband and i are arguing and I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me, i can end up callng him names, throwing things and even hitting. i feel like no one loves me. i didnt have a terrible childhood but i had a dad that abused my mom once in awhile and he ended up becoming a nasty drunk cuz he was in the gulf war and ended up having PTSD. when i was 21 my mom and i moved away from my dad and about 6 months later she met someone and a few months later she chose this guy over me and kicked me out. so , i dont really talk to either of them. i have no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents...........
i never feel truly happy, tho others probably wouldn't understand. i have a family, a son and a daughter, and a roof over our head. i feel like i matter to no one.

This breaks my heart -- and reminds me a little bit of me when I was younger. :flowerforyou: I agree w/an above poster...tell your doc, AND find a good therapist who can help you work through some of this stuff. You're carrying around a LOT of bad history, and those you love have left you. You can't carry all that alone. And you can't just "figure it all out" alone, either.

Try to find a doc that someone you know (or even a friend of a friend) has used and liked, if possible. I found a really experienced and compassionate therapist in my 20's when I felt just like you. I never felt "truly happy" either, or like I mattered, until I got some of that stuff out in a room with her.

Medicine helps, but it helps you work your way through the REAL issues underneath, and find a better way to live after those issues are out on the table. Think of it as "turning on the lights" so that you can see your way to being happier, healthier, like that hole is filled.

At least you already admit you have things that you need help with -- that's the hardest part sometimes! Hang in there, and don't be embarassed to tell your doc, and find someone to talk to. If you have a good doc, they may even be able to recommend a good therapist they've worked with before.

You can find that joy in you...you just need help digging it out from all that you've been through. Good luck.

thanks for ur words.
im afraid i don't have the money to see a therapist. that's not something thats covered by insurance , is it? and doesn't it cost in the $100's for like an hour or two?

katherinemm31

I dealt with depression off and on for many years (bad childhood, foster care, homelessness etc) but things got better. I haven't felt depressed for about a few years. Now, out of no where, I'm depressed again. It came on slowly and now it's really bad; I'm tearful and pessimistic and... Well, depressed: absolutely and completely miserable without cause. Id rathert be physically suffering.

Anyhoo, I can't go see a psychiatrist for a few weeks and I am so unhappy right now. It doesn't help that my husband and I had an argument tonight and now we won't be celebrating valentines. I just guess I'm looking to hear that I'm not completely alone and any tips to feel better would really help. I feel guilty for feeling so bad since I have so many things to be grateful for (healthy children, food, roof over head, education) but I seriously can't help it.

I'm so sorry to hear that! I know all about depression. The best therapy for me it to get out and work. It gets my mind going in a positive direction. I don't know if it works for you. Some people get really stressed out at work, which just contributes to depression.

SammaBread

I have been feeling depressed lately too! I'm not sure why, But I recently got sick with a UTI, had a major schedule change, money isssues, etc. so it's hard to pinpoint when or why I've felt this way. We've also both recently lost a lot of weight, I wonder if that has anything to do with it?

hlshubert

So sorry you are feeling sad, I deal with it myself, daily. I find that exercise helps a lot! Just have to make myself do it, although it's getting easier everyday ) You could also try some St. John's Wart, you should be able to find it in the vitamin section at any large grocery chain (or maybe in the health food section) and of course in herb shops or health food stores, it's supposed to alliviate depression, I tried it, but I don't think I stayed on it long enough for it to take effect. At any rate, know that you're not alone! I've found the best and biggest family here on MFP, we're all here for you. )

Jeaniehop

I go through bouts of depression and I just put on some headphones with some good feeling music and walk til I can't take another step and it really helps clear my head.

katherinemm31

well this thread has helped me see that many people suffer from depression.......... i know that there is something wrong with me and there has been for many years....at least 15 probably. how does a dr determine what is wrong with you? do they ask u a bunch of questions? run some sort of tests? how do I know if I'm depressed, bi-polar, or need anger management???? and what do I do? call my family doctor and say I want an appt becuz I think I'm depressed? it does make me feel a bit embarressed or ashamed?
but i hate the way i am. i get mad at little things. when i get really mad, like when my husband and i are arguing and I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me, i can end up callng him names, throwing things and even hitting. i feel like no one loves me. i didnt have a terrible childhood but i had a dad that abused my mom once in awhile and he ended up becoming a nasty drunk cuz he was in the gulf war and ended up having PTSD. when i was 21 my mom and i moved away from my dad and about 6 months later she met someone and a few months later she chose this guy over me and kicked me out. so , i dont really talk to either of them. i have no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents...........
i never feel truly happy, tho others probably wouldn't understand. i have a family, a son and a daughter, and a roof over our head. i feel like i matter to no one.

This breaks my heart -- and reminds me a little bit of me when I was younger. :flowerforyou: I agree w/an above poster...tell your doc, AND find a good therapist who can help you work through some of this stuff. You're carrying around a LOT of bad history, and those you love have left you. You can't carry all that alone. And you can't just "figure it all out" alone, either.

Try to find a doc that someone you know (or even a friend of a friend) has used and liked, if possible. I found a really experienced and compassionate therapist in my 20's when I felt just like you. I never felt "truly happy" either, or like I mattered, until I got some of that stuff out in a room with her.

Medicine helps, but it helps you work your way through the REAL issues underneath, and find a better way to live after those issues are out on the table. Think of it as "turning on the lights" so that you can see your way to being happier, healthier, like that hole is filled.

At least you already admit you have things that you need help with -- that's the hardest part sometimes! Hang in there, and don't be embarassed to tell your doc, and find someone to talk to. If you have a good doc, they may even be able to recommend a good therapist they've worked with before.

You can find that joy in you...you just need help digging it out from all that you've been through. Good luck.

thanks for ur words.
im afraid i don't have the money to see a therapist. that's not something thats covered by insurance , is it? and doesn't it cost in the $100's for like an hour or two?

There are community places that often provide free or low cost mental health care. Check with your social services department, a church or a charitable organization if you can't find something just by Google.

hlshubert

Most insurance plans do cover "mental" health, it may be a slightly higher co-pay is all.

Pakitalian

I suffer with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Currently looking to get on meds for it. I have been through a lot in my short 26 years... more than most people will go through in a lifetime. But I understand. Sending you a friend request now. PM anytime. I'm a great listener. Take things one day at a time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

2hmom

So many good responses here,don't know what to say after them. Just send you some hugs. We care.

BrendaLee

I feel guilty for feeling so bad since I have so many things to be grateful for (healthy children, food, roof over head, education) but I seriously can't help it.

Depression is a medical issue. You could have the perfect life, and it could still hit you hard. Don't feel guilty. I hope you feel better soon.

ckreklow

My heart goes out to you! As another poster said, please don’t wait to get in to see a psychiatrist. A counselor or therapist can help you as well. Only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication, but that sometimes can even make depression worse. If you’re a member of a church, pastoral counseling may be available, or sometimes they have trained staff. My church has a “Stephen” ministry to help those in crisis.

Sometimes you can pinpoint a cause for your depression and just knowing that can help make it more bearable. Seasonal affective disorder- Don’t know where you live, but it is winter with less sunlight and outdoor time. Realizing this is only temporary can help, or you can treat yourself with UV light for a few minutes per day.

A physical check-up is in order. Maybe you’re anemic or your thyroid is out of whack. You’ve accomplished something phenomenal by losing over 70 pounds! That’s so inspiring! But the large weight loss itself could cause a hormonal imbalance, or if you were on any medications like for diabetes, the dosage may not be right and should be adjusted or even discontinued. Also make sure you’re not dehydrated. That could be a contributing factor, too.

Many people think “If I could only lose weight, everything will be different”. Relationship with husband etc. When this doesn’t happen, it may cause depression.

Aerobic-type exercise will do wonders for you, releasing all those endorphins! And doing a “good deed” for someone can completely turn your day around. Perhaps you could go see someone in a nursing home who doesn’t have family, and bring a little treat. (If you call and ask, staff members will know who would appreciate a visit.). If you have the time, volunteer to feed the homeless or work on a Habitat for Humanity project.

Please remember you're not really alone. We care! I want to hear back from you to see how you're doing.

blessmy5

I have found that there are many components to fighting depression for me. Diet, exercise, media influences, stress levels, etc. I have to manage each and every one to maintain balance. Eat a balanced, vegetable/fruit rich diet with lots of healthy lean protein. Exercise does wonders, even when you don't feel like it - make yourself get that heart rate up for at least 20 minutes a couple times a day during difficult times. I have to really limit watching the news as it's just so depressing, especially with all the political BS going on. By eliminating negative media, my mind is so much more peaceful. Learn to say "no" to things that will add stress to your life. Some people can "do it all" - I'm not one of them. I have to have down time for quiet and meditation to maintain balance. All these are tools for me to stay balanced and I have to each and every one of them! Hugs to you~

joiselene

You are not alone. Lots of good replies on here. What helps me is listening to Eckhart Tolle audiobooks/seminars on my headphones. You may have heard of him on Oprah and his book Power of Now. It really helps to clear my head and see the big picture, to be grateful and live in the moment and realize what makes you upset and react the way you do. It's easier said than done and takes practice. I have downloaded his audiobooks/seminars but there are also videos on YouTube. Hope this helps!

TinaDay1114

Most insurance plans do cover "mental" health, it may be a slightly higher co-pay is all.

^^ True.

Depending on where you are, too, there are a lot of FREE services out there. Some employers also have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that allows free counseling sessions, with full privacy. The employer doesn't even know who used it, who didn't.

TinaDay1114

I feel guilty for feeling so bad since I have so many things to be grateful for (healthy children, food, roof over head, education) but I seriously can't help it.

Depression is a medical issue. You could have the perfect life, and it could still hit you hard. Don't feel guilty. I hope you feel better soon.

TRUE TRUE TRUE ^^^ Thanks for pointing that out.