Poll: Is it Rude to Question the Waiter When Out To Lunch Wi

Saffyra

I don't think its rude. I do it. My husband makes fun of me (teasing, not serious) but I usually get what I want.

It helps to be kind and understanding with the server. Most will be sure to do/get what you want if you are nice. Some things are out of their control if it gets made wrong in the kitchen, so don't get mad at the server if you open up whatever it is and find a discrepancy. Just let them know to have it remade.

Sometimes there are things that are impossible because something is marinated or there might be no way to tell right then whether something has a certain ingredient in it. I've had to run back and check and see if a dressing had a certain ingredient but was unable to verify it because we didn't have any of the original tubs with the ingredient labels on it.

As long as you are understanding if your request can't be met, I'm totally okay with it. It's when people gripe because there isn't a way to make that certain item without an ingredient that things become ridiculous.

chaoticxinsane

It's not rude at all! You're not sitting there telling him HE'S preparing the food wrong and how dare they serve something not to YOUR PERSONAL STANDARD blah blah blah (Ladies and Gents, may I present my grandfather). You're just asking. No harm in being curious.

I'm one of those kind of people that I don't ask questions and NEVER EVER EVER complain, but some of the things that have been set down in front of me I sure's hell wish I did. Like that Tilapia incident at Red Lobster. It was listed as "spiced," which I assume to mean like... Garlic, Italian seasonings, maybe a little mediterranian. Not BLACKENED. If I'd asked what they meant by "spiced" and heard "Cajun" I would have never ordered the thing in the first place!

lisakyle_11

totally responsible. absolutely NOTHING wrong with asking about food prep, options, etc... Not. One. Thing.

alexandria412

I was a waitress for years and have very strong opinions about restaurant etiquette.

As long as you had a polite tone (keyword) and asked your questions promptly (don’t say, “Well…hm…what about…hm…maybe I’ll…hm…”), then I say you are totally fine.

Also, special orders are NBD, but you MUST TIP ACCORDINGLY. Ordering “no mayo” is one thing, ordering “no mayo, sub balsamic vinegar, no lettuce, sub sprouts, extra tomato, grilled not fried, bacon on the side,” deserves an extra tip.

Lona728

Being married to a chef, and being a former waitress myself, it is not rude to ask preparation questions of the waiter. And a good waiter knows the answers. Also, most restaurants can accomodate simple dietary needs when requested, such as dressing on the side, hold the mayo, toast bread with no butter on sandwiches, light on oil when grilling... remember not all requests can be met due to the fact that some items are preped ahead of time, but a good restaurant will do its best to accomodate a reasonable request.

This. I am not married to a chef but was a server for about 3 years.

967_1111

I think your server would rather spend a few moments answering your questions and ensuring you enjoy your meal, than having to return an item that was prepared in a way that you don't want.

becoming_a_new_me

Where I eat out, the servers know me on sight because I custom order everything. They also know I tip well so don't complain. They even make it a point to let me know when there is a new healthy option or if the cook is cranky.

MissFit0101

It's absolutely in no way rude.

ishallnotwant

I do it all the time-even if i'm not on a diet. If i'm paying money for someone to prepare my food I prefer it prepared to my liking. I often ask for my dressing on the side, things put on separate plates (I can't stand my pancake syrup touching my eggs at breakfast time), I don't eat dark meat chicken so I always ask if stuff is made with white or dark meat and if it is made with dark meat I ask if I can sub white, etc. I haven't once had anyone tell me I was rude or anything like that. I cook for my family most of the time, when I spend money to go out I want to enjoy a meal that is cooked properly and that I don't have to clean up after lol. I'm paying for a service, i'd like to be able to enjoy not just my food, but my dining experience in general. I've also been known to just linger and chat over my meal. My family has literally spent two hours at a restaurant just hanging out, enjoying our meal and each others' company. Maybe we *are* a little too demanding lol. :laugh:

Rodentranger

I don't think it's rude at all. My older son was gluten, dairy, soy and fructose intolerant for his first few years. I have a severe allergy to olives. If I don't ask questions, my food may have to go back. I'm not going to pick off olives and risk my throat swelling up. I wasn't going to feed my son food that would cause his severe GI stress.

CakeFit21

Absolutely not rude. Better to make your wishes known then have a meal you don't like then not return! I assure you the chef doesn't want that!

I always ask questions, ask for sauce on the side and whatever. I just imagine I'm Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally" and that it's cute.

rjt1000

I was reminded of this while reading another post, and would like to know what y'all think:

A couple years ago, I was out to lunch with coworkers and it was time to order. I asked how the chicken was cooked, to make sure it wasn't fried, and when it came time for the salad, asked the waiter what the dressings were. He listed them off, and I selected one. Then he asked about my sides, and I asked if the day's veggies were grilled. He told me, and I finished my order.

I was feeling really good about my healthy selection when a coworker leaned over and said, "Do you ALWAYS do that every time you eat out?" I looked at her (having no clue what she was talking about) and said, "Do what? What did I do?" She and the guys at the table fidgeted, and it wasn't until later that I realized, "Oh, she must mean my asking about the food options."

What do you think? Rude or Responsible?

I worked in restaurants for a long long time. Asking about how food is prepared is not rude at all and in any decent restaurant is expected. If the wait staff wasn't there to answer questions about prep, you could easily have a menu board on the table for customers to punch in their orders.

And higher class restaurants don't wait for you to ask, they tell you how food is prepared, either on the menu itself or by the waiter.

Now, if you constantly ask for food to be cooked in some special way, yeah, that can be rude. "Is the chicken on the Fried Chicken salad fried? Can I get it broiled?" That can get out of hand. But simple changes are no big deal and a decent restaurant has no issue with it. And every place I worked we encouraged the wait staff to be very knowledgable about how every item was prepared.

sfh0wrd

Responsible!

It's better to ask up front than to complain when it gets to the table and say "I assumed this would be blah blah blah, so I'll need you to fix it."


I have a dairy allergy, and so I always have to ask if things have cream/cheese/milk/etc in them. Even when I say I'm allergic, I get weird looks. But hey-- we shouldn't be confined to our homes just because we want to eat healthfully!

Now, if I forget to ask for no cheese on my salad, I'll pick it off.

But when I tell the server to please only bring 2 biscuits, and they bring 5..... then I give an internal "hmmmph" and hide the extras. (I'm not a very aggressive orderer.)

bahacca

It depends how you asked. You say you wanted to make sure the chicken wasn't fried. Was it a
"How is the chicken in that salad prepared?" then fine.
If it was
"Is that chicken fried? Because if it is, I have to choose something else. That just isn't in my diet." that is rude.

rjt1000

Where I eat out, the servers know me on sight because I custom order everything. They also know I tip well so don't complain. They even make it a point to let me know when there is a new healthy option or if the cook is cranky.

absolutely. If you're going to ask for somethign extra to be done, it's a good idea to express your thanks for them doing the extra. And as long as you don't get crazy and ask for really difficult changes, good business/restaurants will take care of you. And be understanding when you're told, "sorry, we can't do that for you." I had one customer who was angry because I couldn't prepare our vegetable beef soup for him as a complete vegan soup. Sorry, it's already made, dude, I can't suck the meat particles back out of the soup stock.......

mdduck

As a former waitress, I'd rather you ask up front then either not eat it (and then we'd assume that something was wrong with it) or complain. As a customer, I order exactly what I want for two reasons. 1. I'm the one eating it. 2. I'm paying for it.

Stasha17

Not rude and all. Your food, your body. You have the right to know what your putting in it.

TheAnie

I suppose it depends on how the question was asked. If you were getting snarky and nasty I'd understand their discomfort. Otherwise? It's just silly. You sounded polite enough to me. Most places I eat I find the answers to questions like that in my menu as well.

elfo

Not rude at ALL!!! You are paying for service-- not to mention that you have a right to know how your food is cooked. If you had allergies people wouldn't question you about it. I think about it in this way-- certain foods do not agree with me (my diet) so I ask. If the waiter doesn't like it THEY are the ones being rude. Usually I find that they are very accommodating and those are the restaurants I always return to. If people have a problem with it- too bad. You don't have to please everyone

elfo

PS-- I agree with rjt1000 -- my tips usually reflect the service and I find that the waiters try to help out with the request, and I'm happy to tip extra for this reason.