My boyfriend is missing

BerryH

I'm so glad he's OK, thanks for taking time out of such a stressful day to update us.

daisydieter

I didn't read all the comments so forgive me if someone else already suggested Al-anon to you.

My father is an alcoholic (sober 36 years thanks to AA) so I grew up in "the program". What happens when a significant other (or parent) is an alcoholic, the natural progression of things is to become co-dependent which does him no good and can be devastating for you. Al-anon will give you some tools as well as another support network of people who know EXACTLY what you're dealing with.

Depression goes hand in hand with alcoholism so you'll have support for having a partner who is depressed too.

Glad he is ok but hope you get help for your sake as well as your daughter's. My mom did and eventually, my father did as well.

TheRoadDog

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

vim_n_vigor

I am very glad that your bf is ok and home safely.

Now - on to the practical things:

1. Call his therapist. Tell her everything. She may be able to help you get him forcibly in a mental ward or a detox unit. Let her be your advocate and his. She may not be able to share information with you about him, but you are fully within your right to share as much information with her as you would like. You will feel horrible for doing this. It is the right thing to do. (I have recently had to do this too)
2. Find an al-anon support group. Join it. Find someone to watch your child and make this a priority.
3. NONE of this is your fault. You should not have any feelings of guilt. Make your bf call his grandma and tell her why she doesn't have a ride. Make him call his brother for help getting her transportation. It isn't your job. He needs to see the inconvenience he has caused everyone. Not you.
4. Do not leave your child in a situation where he is alone with her or responsible solely for her health and safety until he is healthy. It isn't worth the risk.
5. You are a great person, and deserve to be able to find some peace in your life. Please, let the people who can help you, help you and do their jobs. Don't try to hide anything from anyone to protect your bf.

jwaitman

Glad he turned up safely.

tinamatteson

Glad he is ok. So relieved for you. Please keep us posted on what happens next. I think some of us feel like we know you after all this!

tbresina

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

Thank you, finally a post that isn't all rainbows and unicorns-its abour reality and the kid has to come first!

Katbaran

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

This is good, great, fantastic advice!

You cannot MAKE another person change. YOU need to make the child your first priority. Baby Daddy is a grown up and although he may need support for his problems, this does not mean YOU should be the one doing the supporting. Just my 2 cents, but Roaddog said it best.

katetaylor999

So happy for you that he's turned up safe and sound - relatively speaking.

Labour your worry and love to him until he really does understand what he has done to you. He needs something to kick start his recovery process and guilt can be quite a powerful thing

Onwards and upwards, and hope your day improves from here.xxx

(Been refreshing server since I saw this this morning too!)

IN FACT...SHOW HIM ALL THESE POSTS OF SUPPORT FOR YOU AND WHAT HE PUT YOU THROUGH!!

karmaticgeek

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

I agree, actually. If he can't or won't change, even for his child, then I would move on.

jewels68

Funny how drunks find their way home, but can't remember a thing in the morning.

I know what you mean. My husband drank for many years. He's been sober since 12.31.99. But he always made it home.

diverchic73

I am very glad that your bf is ok and home safely.

Now - on to the practical things:

1. Call his therapist. Tell her everything. She may be able to help you get him forcibly in a mental ward or a detox unit. Let her be your advocate and his. She may not be able to share information with you about him, but you are fully within your right to share as much information with her as you would like. You will feel horrible for doing this. It is the right thing to do. (I have recently had to do this too)
2. Find an al-anon support group. Join it. Find someone to watch your child and make this a priority.
3. NONE of this is your fault. You should not have any feelings of guilt. Make your bf call his grandma and tell her why she doesn't have a ride. Make him call his brother for help getting her transportation. It isn't your job. He needs to see the inconvenience he has caused everyone. Not you.
4. Do not leave your child in a situation where he is alone with her or responsible solely for her health and safety until he is healthy. It isn't worth the risk.
5. You are a great person, and deserve to be able to find some peace in your life. Please, let the people who can help you, help you and do their jobs. Don't try to hide anything from anyone to protect your bf.

^^This!

Very glad he is okay but he needs to be the one to clean up the mess he's caused, not you.

Hugs

Krizzle4Rizzle

Big giant hugs for you!

XXXMinnieXXX

Soooo glad he's home. X

datguy2011

Glad he's good to go... now please give him an ear full.... and make sure he understands that his life isn't important to just HIM... and he can realize that... then... you know what to do.

emily356

I read the beginning, and was praying for you and him. Soooo glad he turned up. Maybe you can use last night to help convince him to get some help once and for all!!! Hang in there and make this day the best that you can!!

jrrflr

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

This X 10. My father was a suicidal alcoholic. Put us through hell. One of the best things that ever happened to me was that his third suicide attempt was successful. Sounds harsh, but that was when the physical, and emotional, abuse finally stopped. My mother wouldn't leave him, no matter what he did to me.

peacheywoo

Unfortunately the only person who can really help him is him - he needs to want to be better - and if he doesn''t you really do not need to question if you are in the realtionship as a partner or as a parent.

Its a very very tough question to ask yourself but you cannot spend your life babysitting a grown man who is making detrimental choices.

I have been through it (and going through it again) with my hubby - all compounded by his brothers unexpected suicide (totally out of the blue) - the difference is hubby wants to be better and asked me to take him to the doc - which makes our situation more equal - I'm supporting him not babysitting him.

I think you have some hard choices to make - for you, for the little one and for him. Sadly if he doesn't want help even as a Dad this will be an ongoing thing and you have to think whether its fair on any of you

jewels68

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

I completly agree here. It took an ultimatum with my husband too. Thank god he chose his family. But I was 26 and had 4 kids with him. I was ready to leave. My mom and sister would have taken us in, in a heart beat. You don't have to put up with it.

katetaylor999

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

^^^ and this guy knows what he's talking about, talks sense and has helped many others looking at his profile and recent posts! Very admirable x