My boyfriend is missing

Kali112

So happy for you that your boyfriend is safe. Now you can get angry at him

ashreynolds09

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

I am very glad that your bf is ok and home safely.

Now - on to the practical things:

1. Call his therapist. Tell her everything. She may be able to help you get him forcibly in a mental ward or a detox unit. Let her be your advocate and his. She may not be able to share information with you about him, but you are fully within your right to share as much information with her as you would like. You will feel horrible for doing this. It is the right thing to do. (I have recently had to do this too)
2. Find an al-anon support group. Join it. Find someone to watch your child and make this a priority.
3. NONE of this is your fault. You should not have any feelings of guilt. Make your bf call his grandma and tell her why she doesn't have a ride. Make him call his brother for help getting her transportation. It isn't your job. He needs to see the inconvenience he has caused everyone. Not you.
4. Do not leave your child in a situation where he is alone with her or responsible solely for her health and safety until he is healthy. It isn't worth the risk.
5. You are a great person, and deserve to be able to find some peace in your life. Please, let the people who can help you, help you and do their jobs. Don't try to hide anything from anyone to protect your bf.

Solid advice here. I'm glad he's home and safe, not it's time to protect yourself and your child.

I just read all of this. I'm happy he's found, for your sake. But I'm with these guys. Let him go. I am not much older than you - and don't think I could ever deal with this BS from my husband....father of our kids or not. Both of my grandmother's dealt with very similar situations in their younger years and have taught me it's not worth it. So please take their advice.

emyback68

Have you considered going to Al-Anon? You can't change him, but you can change you. And you will find many women who are going through exactly what you are going through. Good luck.

clrtaylor

Dear Lord, help this woman and her boyfriend! I will keep you in my prayers.

Alysgrma

I am sorry for what he put you and his sister through. I do know about alcoholics, I was married to one and have a brother who is one. I have found out the reason they did things was because I & family was enabling them. Don't lie for him, tell his grandmother what he did. Make him talk to her, you can not keep covering up for him, you & family are allowing him to do this to you/them.
The only one who can change him is himself. When you reach the end of your rope and you are ready to make a better life for you
and your child, give him the ultimatum and stick with it. If you have done that before then gone back on your word to him he knows you will cave again and until he really reaches rock bottom he will never change. It may take losing you and your daughter for him to see the light....some people never do. They just cant give up the booze.
My ex husband chose the booze over his family. We all stopped helping my brother who ended living in his truck, he has now seen what he had to do and is now in AA.
It can be done ONLY if you & his family quit enabling him and he makes the changes.
Good Luck, dont let him do this to you and your baby AGAIN!

ShellBelle6

His phone and wallet were in his coat, but I can't find his debit card or the car keys. I am SO mad about that as I have to take his grandma to work in the morning...I don't know what I'm going to tell her, she's worried as it is and I hate to stress her out worse.

From past experience, call the bar. They most likely have his debit card and pulled his keys if they thought he was unable to drive. Glad he's alive. And you are still in my prayers.

^^This

JacksMom12

It's hard to find a balance between thinking you are helping and being an enabler. I have 18 months clean in drug addiction recovery and as long as I had enablers in my life, I kept using. I had to lose EVERYTHING, including my family before I hit rock bottom and got clean. Give him ultimatums, starting now. You have to have a will and reason to stay sober because its very hard not to relapse. If he assumes he can continue drinking without consequences, why would he stay clean? He NEEDS to be on antidepressants. You can have him forcibly committed if he truly is that suicidal. Until he tackles that and gains the will to live again, he wont have the will to stay clean.

onedayillbamilf

I'm glad he is safe. I have refrained from commenting until I heard the outcome, but now I will take the unpopular viewpoint.

You are 21 yrs old. Don't spend the next decade or so babysitting this guy just because he is your baby's daddy. When he sobers up, give him an ultimatum. Get counselling. For both you and him and then as a couple.

I don't care how much you think you love him; once you became a Mother your priorities changed. Your baby is better off with no father than a alcoholic suicidal father. Don't let him drag you down.

I am very glad that your bf is ok and home safely.

Now - on to the practical things:

1. Call his therapist. Tell her everything. She may be able to help you get him forcibly in a mental ward or a detox unit. Let her be your advocate and his. She may not be able to share information with you about him, but you are fully within your right to share as much information with her as you would like. You will feel horrible for doing this. It is the right thing to do. (I have recently had to do this too)
2. Find an al-anon support group. Join it. Find someone to watch your child and make this a priority.
3. NONE of this is your fault. You should not have any feelings of guilt. Make your bf call his grandma and tell her why she doesn't have a ride. Make him call his brother for help getting her transportation. It isn't your job. He needs to see the inconvenience he has caused everyone. Not you.
4. Do not leave your child in a situation where he is alone with her or responsible solely for her health and safety until he is healthy. It isn't worth the risk.
5. You are a great person, and deserve to be able to find some peace in your life. Please, let the people who can help you, help you and do their jobs. Don't try to hide anything from anyone to protect your bf.

Solid advice here. I'm glad he's home and safe, not it's time to protect yourself and your child.

Agree completely.

I'm so glad he's back safe.....now, please, listen to these people!

catcrazy

Having read and cleaned up this thread, I have decided to lock it to stop people rehashing some of the drama. And to be honest, there really was no more that could be added.