Question about men

ojell

The first couple of replies nailed it I think.

schnugglebug

My man acts the same around me as he does with his friends... he will be tough an manly with them... then bend over or come over and give me a kiss call me his schmoopsie poo and go back to being manly lol...

if I am in the room he can't help but wrap his arms around me etc... it's been 2 years he hasn't changed which is fine if he never does lol

like someone else replied Men don't act like that Boys do yep!

kk0223

Girl, I have a LOT of questions about men.

But 'societal norms' is the answer to this one.

What would your opinion be about a girl who never talked about her feelings, or about the ups and downs of her relationships, had no desire to chat on the phone or via text or on twitter about much of anything, played football, drank beer, burped loudly, lifted heavy weights and bragged about her strength and muscle size... ? etc etc.

You'd likely think she was not very feminine, at the very least. That's because we have feminine 'norms', too.

For both genders, there are many who feel the need to follow the strictures of this norm for fear of being labeled negatively (for men: pansy, homo, etc.. women: butch, gross... whatever.). For some, this fear is pretty strong. For others, that's really just how they are, without thinking about it. That's what societal conditioning does. We act in certain ways without knowing why. We just do.

That said, bending societal norms can be FUN!

As a woman who feels comfortable enough w/ her own femininity to burp right along w/ the guys while we watch football and drink beer, and who is damn proud to know her way around the free-weights area of the gym, and who is known to flex at any opportunity... I get off on being 'other'.

You're right. I never looked at it that way. I guess men wonder why we question everything, text, talk on phone, cry, worry, etc etc. That's just how we are. I didn't ask for it. I hate being so emotional but that's just me. lol Thanks for this answer!

kk0223

My man acts the same around me as he does with his friends... he will be tough an manly with them... then bend over or come over and give me a kiss call me his schmoopsie poo and go back to being manly lol...

if I am in the room he can't help but wrap his arms around me etc... it's been 2 years he hasn't changed which is fine if he never does lol

like someone else replied Men don't act like that Boys do yep!

He's sweet to me when with friends. I'm not saying that. He holds me and kissse me etc in front of people. He's a good guy. I'm just curious in general why when the woman isn't around do they act like they are harder then they are when with us alone. I think a lot of these answers nailed it for me though. Makes sense and I'm not stressing it now!

jenniebean1680

I disagree with the common response. Many PEOPLE (predominantly men but not just men) don't open up emotionally except to their partner. They have their public persona and they have their softer persona. Nothing wrong with that. So they might have a bit of a tough front that gets them through the day, that doesn't mean they can't crumple in a heap on the couch with their partner at the end of it.

This... is a good answer and true.

I've been through a bit- and I never let my shield down or armor fail when I am out in the "wild". But once I get comfortable with someone, yah that shield lowers some and I take that outer layer of knight armor off... and... crumple to the couch.

I agree w/ both of these things. I have a very strong, outwardly rather 'hard' (I suppose!) fiance who is, at heart, very comfortable w/ his emotions and expressing them, he just is very choosy as to who he shares those emotions with, regardless of gender. And I think that's great, because I get to be that person that he can always feel safe enough to be completely open with. I think that's something any of us, male or female should feel lucky to find!

kk0223

I disagree with the common response. Many PEOPLE (predominantly men but not just men) don't open up emotionally except to their partner. They have their public persona and they have their softer persona. Nothing wrong with that. So they might have a bit of a tough front that gets them through the day, that doesn't mean they can't crumple in a heap on the couch with their partner at the end of it.

This... is a good answer and true.

I've been through a bit- and I never let my shield down or armor fail when I am out in the "wild". But once I get comfortable with someone, yah that shield lowers some and I take that outer layer of knight armor off... and... crumple to the couch.

Well, that's awesome of you. I like a guy like that. Mine is that way. He's extremely lovable and sweet and is even that way in front of people and I love it. But, I see no point in acting all "manly" in front of friends when your girl isn't around. But, I guess it's a guy thing. Hell, who knows? I'm done trying to "figure men out". lol I will drive myself insane if I keep it up.

jenniebean1680

Girl, I have a LOT of questions about men.

But 'societal norms' is the answer to this one.

What would your opinion be about a girl who never talked about her feelings, or about the ups and downs of her relationships, had no desire to chat on the phone or via text or on twitter about much of anything, played football, drank beer, burped loudly, lifted heavy weights and bragged about her strength and muscle size... ? etc etc.

You'd likely think she was not very feminine, at the very least. That's because we have feminine 'norms', too.

For both genders, there are many who feel the need to follow the strictures of this norm for fear of being labeled negatively (for men: pansy, homo, etc.. women: butch, gross... whatever.). For some, this fear is pretty strong. For others, that's really just how they are, without thinking about it. That's what societal conditioning does. We act in certain ways without knowing why. We just do.

That said, bending societal norms can be FUN!

As a woman who feels comfortable enough w/ her own femininity to burp right along w/ the guys while we watch football and drink beer, and who is damn proud to know her way around the free-weights area of the gym, and who is known to flex at any opportunity... I get off on being 'other'.

You're right. I never looked at it that way. I guess men wonder why we question everything, text, talk on phone, cry, worry, etc etc. That's just how we are. I didn't ask for it. I hate being so emotional but that's just me. lol Thanks for this answer!

Yep! We're all a product of societal conditioning. Some of us are just more 'typical' of our gender than others. And we ladies act differently around our girlfriends, too, I've been told! I don't HAVE a lot of girlie girlfriends but I have noticed slight changes in myself around the girlier friends I have, lol. Again, being a chameleon can be a lot of fun. And I think we all are chameleons to some extent. We adapt to our surroundings.

HotCuppaJo

Men dont act like that, boys do.

Well-said!

kk0223

Girl, I have a LOT of questions about men.

But 'societal norms' is the answer to this one.

What would your opinion be about a girl who never talked about her feelings, or about the ups and downs of her relationships, had no desire to chat on the phone or via text or on twitter about much of anything, played football, drank beer, burped loudly, lifted heavy weights and bragged about her strength and muscle size... ? etc etc.

You'd likely think she was not very feminine, at the very least. That's because we have feminine 'norms', too.

For both genders, there are many who feel the need to follow the strictures of this norm for fear of being labeled negatively (for men: pansy, homo, etc.. women: butch, gross... whatever.). For some, this fear is pretty strong. For others, that's really just how they are, without thinking about it. That's what societal conditioning does. We act in certain ways without knowing why. We just do.

That said, bending societal norms can be FUN!

As a woman who feels comfortable enough w/ her own femininity to burp right along w/ the guys while we watch football and drink beer, and who is damn proud to know her way around the free-weights area of the gym, and who is known to flex at any opportunity... I get off on being 'other'.

You're right. I never looked at it that way. I guess men wonder why we question everything, text, talk on phone, cry, worry, etc etc. That's just how we are. I didn't ask for it. I hate being so emotional but that's just me. lol Thanks for this answer!

Yep! We're all a product of societal conditioning. Some of us are just more 'typical' of our gender than others. And we ladies act differently around our girlfriends, too, I've been told! I don't HAVE a lot of girlie girlfriends but I have noticed slight changes in myself around the girlier friends I have, lol. Again, being a chameleon can be a lot of fun. And I think we all are chameleons to some extent. We adapt to our surroundings.

That's very true now that I think about it. I guess when I'm with my man I'm more sweet, giving and loving. You get me with my girls and I'm loud, goofy, playful, and just act silly. "Omg *twirls hair in fingers* he's so fine!" kind of attitude with girls. lol

IamDCGuru

I want to say real men don't act like that lol. Maybe it's just a mater of confidence and feeling secure about ones self. I'm not big on PDA but I always show my girl love even when I'm with the guys.

kk0223

I want to say real men don't act like that lol. Maybe it's just a mater of confidence and feeling secure about ones self. I'm not big on PDA but I always show my girl love even when I'm with the guys.

Thanks I guess only time will tell with this one. I can pick em!

Tubby2Toned

By now it should be sinking in that...

Men dont act like that, boys do.

jillyt85

I've been with my husband for 9 years, married for almost 6 and I can't stand being lovey dovey in front of anyone. He doesn't really like it either, but he never acts "hard" in front of other guys. We just do not like showing mushy affection to each other when people are around for the most part.

I_give_it_2_u_str8

im hard around some women, but i just walk it off

JDviant

There's always a chance its NOT an act when we're acting hard. I act different around my friends then I do when I'm alone with a gf, because they're not the same people. I have 10+ years of familiarity with my friends - I know what they think like and our relationships are very well defined. I have a different dynamic with them, they really bring out my bravado. It's always there, but I've known these guys for so long that they just get a reaction from me my gf doesn't. You have a separate life outside of your intimate relationships, and the two don't always seem to go together but it isn't always an act. Just a guys perspective, but I know I have a pretty expansive personality and not everyone gets me in the same mood.

jenniebean1680

im hard around some women, but i just walk it off

This thread just went from 'great' to FRIGGING AWESOME.

jenniebean1680

There's always a chance its NOT an act when we're acting hard. I act different around my friends then I do when I'm alone with a gf, because they're not the same people. I have 10+ years of familiarity with my friends - I know what they think like and our relationships are very well defined. I have a different dynamic with them, they really bring out my bravado. It's always there, but I've known these guys for so long that they just get a reaction from me my gf doesn't. You have a separate life outside of your intimate relationships, and the two don't always seem to go together but it isn't always an act. Just a guys perspective, but I know I have a pretty expansive personality and not everyone gets me in the same mood.

This is good stuff. It's the 'chameleon' thing I was talking about. Could be better described as 'facets', maybe. We're still 'us' but different people bring out different parts. It's one of the things that makes having real relationships w/ close friends rewarding. Between sig oth, male friends, female friends, and family, if we do it right, we have the opportunity to be our fullest selves, letting all our colors/facets shine on the regular.

kk0223

There's always a chance its NOT an act when we're acting hard. I act different around my friends then I do when I'm alone with a gf, because they're not the same people. I have 10+ years of familiarity with my friends - I know what they think like and our relationships are very well defined. I have a different dynamic with them, they really bring out my bravado. It's always there, but I've known these guys for so long that they just get a reaction from me my gf doesn't. You have a separate life outside of your intimate relationships, and the two don't always seem to go together but it isn't always an act. Just a guys perspective, but I know I have a pretty expansive personality and not everyone gets me in the same mood.

Awesome. Thanks for your honesty. It helps!

NKolhar

Men dont act like that, boys do.

Amen