Working Moms vs. Stay at Home Moms

daryls

Tonight I was reading this article on the LA Times:

http://www.latimes.com/health/la-he-the-md-working-mom-20120213,0,2356974.story

It discusses the happiness of stay at home moms vs. working moms. The percentage is pretty much the same. Also, they look at the emotional health of the child and it's almost the same too (except for the "only negative effects were found with very intensive, full-time employment early on").

In addition, "Mothers who worked reported better overall health and fewer symptoms of depression than women who stayed at home."

So, can it be said that each person chooses what works best for them? If you work or stay at home, are you happy? How do you add in exercise?

Sadly, the percentage that said they were "happy with their lives" was only 36% for both stay at home and working mothers.

Bahet

I'm a SAHM but my boys are older now (11 and 14). I've been a SAHM since 2 months before kid 1 was born (tax season ended so I volunteered to be laid off.) I do work from home doing taxes and financial advising but it's very part time and on my own schedule. I think it's the best of both worlds. I'm always home when they get home from school. I can make more elaborate meals any day of the week. If one of the kids is sick I'm here already. But I also get to bring in a decent income and feel I'm contributing financially. I don't have as much adult conversation but when you tell someone who is worried they are going to owe that they are getting back $10,000 you pretty much make a friend for life. :laugh: I'd make more if I worked outside the home but we don't need for me to do that so I get to have it all. The only way I could possibly be happier would be if the PCH Prize Patrol showed up with a big oversized check and hubby could quit his job and be home with me.

sassylilmama

I am a SAHM now but have worked as well since my kids were born. I do watch friends kids for some extra money a couple days a week. Some days I am more stressed than when I worked but mostly this is much better for me. Money is tight but I pinch pennies everywhere and enjoy couponing (saved 52% on my groceries yesterday :happy: ). I also do online surveys, search to win sites etc for amazon gift cards. Knowing my kids daily life first hand is priceless to me though. When I worked away from home I was miserable knowing I was missing out on so much. So now I will make sacrifices when needed to be here for them.

jankleberry

I'm a stay at home mum of a two year old. It wasnt really my choice as I was doing temporary work when I fell pregnant and so had no job to go back to after my maternaty time. I deffo would have if I'd been in permenant employment. I really want to work and have been looking on and off for the past two years but the way the job market has been in Scotland it has been near impossible to even get an interview.

My partner works long hours so its really hard to get a workout in. I go to the gym on the few days he gets off and on the nights he gets home earlier. Its frustrating as I really liked some of the fitness classes but they have to be booked and I never know from one day to the next when I'll be going.

In an ideal world I would work part time and put my daughter in nursery, then be at home the rest of the time with allowances for work outs!

improve2012

We all love our children and are doing what we think is best for them.

fionarama

This is a hairy one and could develop into a lot of working mums v ATH mums!
I think they always look at it from too much of a black and white angle. It all depends on the type of work you did before you gave up work.
If your job was dull and dead end of course staying at home is an option, if you love your job you will be unhappier if you have to give it up.
Personally I feel the big thing with working (if you have a good job that is) is your financial independence from your husband and also setting a good example to your child. I don't say how you can encourage your child to work hard at school for instance and pass those exams if she sees you don't work. She will assume she will also not work so not bother. I personally feel it sets a better example to children. I like that my daughter knows I have business meetings and customers etc even though she's only 4 I think shes' pretty proud of me.

Robin1117

It's an interesting topic. It makes me wonder though who they asked for these studies? All doctors who "decided" to stop working, or keep working? Or those who truly needed to continue working to keep a roof over their heads? I know it said it compiled 69 studies, or something like that, just makes me wonder.

Anyway, I worked crazy hours when my son was born, worked at home, but had a full-time babysitter for him, but then traveled probably 25% of the time. I became burnt out completely and resigned when he was 3 1/2 because I didn't know my son's friends, I knew nobody in the community and then didn't feel I could take it anymore and felt I was missing out on everything. . So.....3 years later, I think my son is better off. Me? I'm a little brain dead. I think my self-esteem on the work front has taken a hit. I don't know what I want to do next. I'm so glad I did what I did but neither option is all that great.... Hopefully some day I can get some great part-time deal like the author in the article and have the best of both...

Thanks for posting.....

Airbear3

i am 31 and have always worked, with my older 2, ages 11 and 6. i stay at home now with my 15 month old.i love being a stay at home mom! i get to see every stage and every new thing she does when she does it! i feel a little more connected with my little one. and feel great that its me that gets all the hugs and kisses through the day rather than some daycare worker! but at times it get depressing because i never get out. the chance to talk to another grown up like i would if iwas working doesn't happen. so i guess like everything else in life there is good and bad! wouldn't change my situation though.....

olong

I'm a SAHM who thought, during my college years and early career years, that I would work in the corporate world AND have the amazing (well-balanced, well-mannered, well-achieving) kids. I stopped working before marrying and having my three wonderful kids and simply cannot imagine being able to work and mother well. (Just one person's POV and not a judgement on any other person). I am in the 36% that is "very happy with my life."

daisydieter

I have the best of both worlds... I work from a home office. I structure my day so that come 3pm, I am only communicating via email with clients and colleagues.... so with a Blackberry, I can switch between being chauffeur, therapist and chef.

Catplumb

I definitely think its a personal choice. I am a working mum, but I only work part time to cover school hours. I considered very recently taking on more hours but my daughter (aged 8) told me in no uncertain terms that she didnt want me to!!! I have total respect for women who choose to stay at home but personally, it would drive me insane!!! I am at home this week as it is half term here in the UK, and I tell you, I am looking forward to going back to work next week!!! My kids are perfectly rounded and normal. My brothers kids are very different. My kids went to nursery/childminder from 6 months old and I had no proiblems, and my 2 year old is more than ready for school!!! My niece and nephew didnt go to nursery, their mum stayed at home with them until the youngest started school, and I have to say they are not as willing to share or as outgoing as my kids. But then again, every kid is different and so are parents. But whether you choose to work or stay at home, as long as you love your kids then thats all that matters!!!

SueD66

I've done both and i can say, for myself, that staying home
until my kids were in school full time worked great for me. When they were in school i hired into a part time job in their school. It was the best thing i ever did. Had the days off of work when they did and summers off too. Like i said it worked for my family and if i can be so bold to say I have pretty good kids.

sondra216379

I wish I could afford to be a stay at home mom, but...when I was.....I was not as happy......no adult conversation all day, but now that I'm working again, I WISH i could be home again!

sassylilmama

This is a hairy one and could develop into a lot of working mums v ATH mums!
I think they always look at it from too much of a black and white angle. It all depends on the type of work you did before you gave up work.
If your job was dull and dead end of course staying at home is an option, if you love your job you will be unhappier if you have to give it up.
Personally I feel the big thing with working (if you have a good job that is) is your financial independence from your husband and also setting a good example to your child. I don't say how you can encourage your child to work hard at school for instance and pass those exams if she sees you don't work. She will assume she will also not work so not bother. I personally feel it sets a better example to children. I like that my daughter knows I have business meetings and customers etc even though she's only 4 I think shes' pretty proud of me.

OK trying this again, long response got lost in MFP land. lol

This is not an argument just explaining how your concern is handled in our home.

Our kids know I worked before and will return to work when they are older. We stress the importance of education and being able to care for and provide for yourself. They have chores, earn money and are learning how to be responsible with money. They also know how important what I do to run our home and care for everyone is. They know when they become parents they have a choice on working or being a full time parent.

Again not meant to be an argument. (feel the need to stress this to avoid any possible issues)

OkieinMinny

The idea of vs. drives me nuts - we are all moms who love our kids and do what we know is best for them working in or outside of the home. I have boys a newly 9 and almost 11 year old and I work FT - I have done all of it - when they were first born I worked PT (the days I didnt work my mom watched them) I was home full-time for a period but still freelanced during that time - my oldest was in Kindergarten and the youngest 4 - I found it stressful to try and balance freelancing with the needs of my kids - Clients are needier than kids most of the time! Almost five years ago I decided for my sanity and the bank account to go back FT - I am able to be there for school events, every year I am a volunteer in the classroom for an art program - I believe I have found a great balance - and yes Im lucky enough that my mom keeps them in the summer and they have a pool, playground and golf course (Love a retired nana and papa :happy: ) and would rather be there most days than with me anyway! And I get time to be an adult and have great friends and experiences from having been at work

When do I workout? when they were really little I always did the early morning 5am workout - I still do that a couple days a week - but lately have been going after homework and dinner due to the gym class schedule - they see me in my gym clothes and they ask are you going to the gym what are you doing? The almost 11 year old is excited he will be able to come with me soon

So whether you work outside or inside the house - do whats best for you and what makes you happy!

lulabellewoowoo

I too have the best of both worlds. I work from my home from 2:30 a.m. until 8 a.m. and then have the rest of the day off if I choose, and have had the privilege of doing it this way since the day my daughter was born over 11 years ago. For example, my daughter is very sick with strep throat (although being 11 yo, she is still my baby), so even in the middle of the night, I made sure priorities were taken care of workwise, and then went and laid down with her for about 30 minutes to help her get back to sleep. Now today we will spend watching movies and cuddling on the couch. And sometime in the next week, I will work a few extra hours during the day while they are in school to make up for any time that I might have missed today.

My sister is a single mom who HAS to work, but has a great friend who, with her own two young daughter, watches her 3 yo. Other than sometimes exhaustion of my sister having to be both mom and dad, I see little different in the security, self-confidence, and happiness of her daughter as opposed to my children at that age.

I have an awesome respect for both as I know that no decision in this avenue is made lightly. So to all you wonderful, beautiful moms out there whether trudging away outside of the home, or keeping the home fires stoked, Cheers to you and yours. You are truly awesome!

smitchell37

Im a full time working mom. I work 10.5 hr days 5 days a week. I hate it, I think I would be a lot happier if I only worked 8 hr days but I cant afford it. I would really love to work part time. Probably about 3-4 days a week I go to the gym after work so that puts me at home even later. I have 3 kids 13, 9 and 3. I am going going going til bed time with dinner and clean up and homework. If I dont go to the gym we try to go for walks or I do Wii Fit plus.

Swissmiss

I don't see where a SAHM is NOT working !!!!! I was one of them for many years. I am now working due to family situation. We should all have the opportunity to stay at home and see how much goes into being a full-time wife and mother.

Dtho5159

Ive been a SAHM for 7 years. In that time, I did a small 4 month stint at McDonalds on overnight shift because that was the only shift I could count on my husband to be home for to watch our son. By far, staying home has been the least stressful for me. Not only did I run on NO sleep when I worked, but I made next to nothing and it wasn't worth it.

Arachnapheria

It is a personal choice however I think children benefit from having a stay at home parent (doesn't matter which one) until they go to school. In reality this isn't always possible.

My mother didn't work until both me and my sister started school and even then she worked inside of school hours so she was there every morning when we left and evening when we got home. It wasn't until we were both teenagers that she started working full-time.

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

Now, I know how that sounds but it's directed purely to the situation when one parent COULD stay home but both CHOOSE not to during the early years.

KMSForLife

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

I have five children. I have always worked full time and have always had the ability to be a GREAT mother. We don't have a luxury house or luxury vehicles but we do have bills and those bills require money. Just because I have to work doesn't mean that I shouldn't be allowed to have children. My children are amazing! They are normal. They are well-mannered, respectful, playful, loving, smart - I could go on all day but I think you get the point. Who cares if you work or stay at home? The quality of the time you spend with your children should be the focus - not the "amount" of time you spend with them. Being a stay-at-home mother doesn't automatically qualify you as a better mother (or father). It's just not that simple.

Carl01

christine24t

I had an unique situation growing up. My mom worked nights and my dad worked days. My mom took care of us in the day, waited until my dad got home, and then went to work. We always had a parent around and I loved it. I still do. We never had babysitters, had to go to day care, etc. There was always a parent around to take us to events and to see us in school activities. We never had to worry about someone not being able to pick us up from stuff because our parents were both working at the same time.

I think my mom would've gone insane though if she hadn't worked!!

I admire working moms and SAHMs!!

daffodilsoup

I'm only popping in to add some good reading: The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennetts. Anyone else read this?

ItsCasey

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

I have five children. I have always worked full time and have always had the ability to be a GREAT mother. We don't have a luxury house or luxury vehicles but we do have bills and those bills require money. Just because I have to work doesn't mean that I shouldn't be allowed to have children. My children are amazing! They are normal. They are well-mannered, respectful, playful, loving, smart - I could go on all day but I think you get the point. Who cares if you work or stay at home? The quality of the time you spend with your children should be the focus - not the "amount" of time you spend with them. Being a stay-at-home mother doesn't automatically qualify you as a better mother (or father). It's just not that simple.

Exactly. My mother has worked full-time outside the home her entire adult life. My brother, sister, and I couldn't have had a better mom. My dad couldn't have had a better wife. And she started as a secretary at a title insurance company and now owns her own title insurance company, so she has been very successful at work, too. It IS possible to be great at all three. Just because you can't do it or your mom or dad couldn't do it doesn't mean that no one can.

ceebs9

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

SMH. :huh:

I'm a mom who chose to stay home. I was lucky to have the choice. But I would NEVER judge women who choose to work, just as I would hope no one would judge me for choosing to stay at home. This "us vs them" thing DRIVES ME CRAZY.

And let me add, that I chose to stay home not because I thought my children would suffer without me, but because I hated my job. Could have found a different one I suppose, but since I had the choice...

jend114

I have no choice but to be a working mom since I'm a single mom

kb455

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

Now, I know how that sounds but it's directed purely to the situation when one parent COULD stay home but both CHOOSE not to during the early years.

Whaaaat?? Really? I think that's ridiculous. A woman shouldn't have to choose between being a mom and having a career. You can do both and a mom shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing so.

SofaKingRad

I always thought a stay at home mom is a working mom! She probably works harder than most do in their career!

SofaKingRad

It is a personal choice however I think children benefit from having a stay at home parent (doesn't matter which one) until they go to school. In reality this isn't always possible.

My mother didn't work until both me and my sister started school and even then she worked inside of school hours so she was there every morning when we left and evening when we got home. It wasn't until we were both teenagers that she started working full-time.

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

Now, I know how that sounds but it's directed purely to the situation when one parent COULD stay home but both CHOOSE not to during the early years.

Oh good point. I guess we should give our kids up for adoption then since we both work. We probably shouldn't have had them in the first place, since we send them to pre-school instead of staying home with them. While I respect it's your opinion, your logic behind it makes zero sense.

scs143

I have always worked full time, until two years ago when I had my twins. One is physically disabled and so I now work 4 days a week and less on weeks when we have surgery or pre-surgical appointments. I think that both parents and kids adapt to the situation at hand. My mom stayed home with us. We were happy children. I work. I have happy children. My kids don't know what it's like to have a mom and dad who stay home all day and so therefore, they are not pining for us to be home. We spend as much time as we possible can with them. They aren't missing out on anything.

We have to work to pay the bills. But I don't think you should have to chose between a career and kids. I am a lawyer. I worked hard to get where I am and the idea that children would prevent me from continuing in my career is ridiculous. I think it breeds resentment and unhappiness for the parent which in turn makes for unhappy kids.

I also think being a SAHM is work. The time that I am home, besides shuffling one kid to numerous medical appointments, is spent cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, organizing homework for the week, etc... There isn't much down time.