Working Moms vs. Stay at Home Moms

Carl01

christine24t

I had an unique situation growing up. My mom worked nights and my dad worked days. My mom took care of us in the day, waited until my dad got home, and then went to work. We always had a parent around and I loved it. I still do. We never had babysitters, had to go to day care, etc. There was always a parent around to take us to events and to see us in school activities. We never had to worry about someone not being able to pick us up from stuff because our parents were both working at the same time.

I think my mom would've gone insane though if she hadn't worked!!

I admire working moms and SAHMs!!

daffodilsoup

I'm only popping in to add some good reading: The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennetts. Anyone else read this?

ItsCasey

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

I have five children. I have always worked full time and have always had the ability to be a GREAT mother. We don't have a luxury house or luxury vehicles but we do have bills and those bills require money. Just because I have to work doesn't mean that I shouldn't be allowed to have children. My children are amazing! They are normal. They are well-mannered, respectful, playful, loving, smart - I could go on all day but I think you get the point. Who cares if you work or stay at home? The quality of the time you spend with your children should be the focus - not the "amount" of time you spend with them. Being a stay-at-home mother doesn't automatically qualify you as a better mother (or father). It's just not that simple.

Exactly. My mother has worked full-time outside the home her entire adult life. My brother, sister, and I couldn't have had a better mom. My dad couldn't have had a better wife. And she started as a secretary at a title insurance company and now owns her own title insurance company, so she has been very successful at work, too. It IS possible to be great at all three. Just because you can't do it or your mom or dad couldn't do it doesn't mean that no one can.

ceebs9

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

SMH. :huh:

I'm a mom who chose to stay home. I was lucky to have the choice. But I would NEVER judge women who choose to work, just as I would hope no one would judge me for choosing to stay at home. This "us vs them" thing DRIVES ME CRAZY.

And let me add, that I chose to stay home not because I thought my children would suffer without me, but because I hated my job. Could have found a different one I suppose, but since I had the choice...

jend114

I have no choice but to be a working mom since I'm a single mom

kb455

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

Now, I know how that sounds but it's directed purely to the situation when one parent COULD stay home but both CHOOSE not to during the early years.

Whaaaat?? Really? I think that's ridiculous. A woman shouldn't have to choose between being a mom and having a career. You can do both and a mom shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing so.

SofaKingRad

I always thought a stay at home mom is a working mom! She probably works harder than most do in their career!

SofaKingRad

It is a personal choice however I think children benefit from having a stay at home parent (doesn't matter which one) until they go to school. In reality this isn't always possible.

My mother didn't work until both me and my sister started school and even then she worked inside of school hours so she was there every morning when we left and evening when we got home. It wasn't until we were both teenagers that she started working full-time.

My personal oppinion, and I apprieciate that this won't go down well with many, is that if you don't have time to parent your child and instead pay someone else to do it then you shouldn't have had a kid in the first place.

Now, I know how that sounds but it's directed purely to the situation when one parent COULD stay home but both CHOOSE not to during the early years.

Oh good point. I guess we should give our kids up for adoption then since we both work. We probably shouldn't have had them in the first place, since we send them to pre-school instead of staying home with them. While I respect it's your opinion, your logic behind it makes zero sense.

scs143

I have always worked full time, until two years ago when I had my twins. One is physically disabled and so I now work 4 days a week and less on weeks when we have surgery or pre-surgical appointments. I think that both parents and kids adapt to the situation at hand. My mom stayed home with us. We were happy children. I work. I have happy children. My kids don't know what it's like to have a mom and dad who stay home all day and so therefore, they are not pining for us to be home. We spend as much time as we possible can with them. They aren't missing out on anything.

We have to work to pay the bills. But I don't think you should have to chose between a career and kids. I am a lawyer. I worked hard to get where I am and the idea that children would prevent me from continuing in my career is ridiculous. I think it breeds resentment and unhappiness for the parent which in turn makes for unhappy kids.

I also think being a SAHM is work. The time that I am home, besides shuffling one kid to numerous medical appointments, is spent cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, organizing homework for the week, etc... There isn't much down time.

ruggedBear

I am ultra happy with my life, great husband, great kids, a career that I work hard to excel in and I get to do all the fun things I want to do - mostly because my career enables us to afford to not have to worry about the basics. Part of my parenting style is to make sure my kids have every opportunity they could hope for - in relationships, in school, in sports, recreation, etc. I want them to have a great time, learn something new every day, love without limits and appreciate the hard work it takes to live the lifestyle they enjoy. We share chores, volunteer together and are open about the value and trade-offs we make for the things we want to do.

It's always been hard to manage the demands of what I consider three full-time jobs - mother, wife and professional (tack on grad school, which I just finished, and it's really tough!). Working at home most of the time certainly helps, but there is some travel and days when I could use another 18 hours of daylight! I firmly believe in being open with my kids about these challenges, and their rewards, as well as why it is important to me to continue working. As a result, my kids have a good understanding of what it takes to acheive your goals. I want to prove to them by example that all these things can be important, and that with hard work you can acheive excellence in all aspects of your life.

carolann_22

I teach, so I get the best of both worlds - being a SAHM in the summer and having a creative/social outlet throughout the years with breaks I spend at home. I am not UNHAPPY, but I wish I could be home a little more - we are paying down debt so I can hopefully move to part time next year, which I think would be ideal for me.

ETA: As much as it's great to be home when they are small, I think it's MORE important to be home when they get off the bus. My oldest starts K in the fall and that's a big motivator for me to go to part time, I want to BE THERE when he gets off the bus, for the rest of his school career.

ruggedBear

I always thought a stay at home mom is a working mom! She probably works harder than most do in their career!

:laugh: This is a joke and one that I am sick of hearing!

Only someone who has never had to do both would assume this to be true. Working moms do twice the work (at least) since most don't have the luxury of having someone else do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, homework help, shuttling kids to practice and activities, etc.

I may spend 8 hours a day at work, but I also spend another 8 hours or so doing the same stuff SAHMs get to spread out over the course of a whole day. I do most of my housework after the kids go to bed and before they get up in the morning, and that's only when I don't have a 10pm conference call - I try like hell not to waste the time we do have together - so the only times I am not with them is while they're at school or asleep!

Take a walk in my shoes someday - and maybe you'll change your mind.

KareninCanada

In addition, "Mothers who worked reported better overall health and fewer symptoms of depression than women who stayed at home."

I think the health thing needed more explanation... it IS true, but quite unrelated to the "at home mom" thing in and of itself. It is definitely related to spending more time inside, more exposure to household cleaners, etc etc, less getting out in the air, etc etc. And some moms do end up quite isolated, which can lead to depression. So you do have to make the effort to get out and do things, talk to people, find a creative outlet. (Although I find that I actually have more fulfilling conversations now than I ever did when I worked in an office with people who I had little in common with.)

So, can it be said that each person chooses what works best for them? If you work or stay at home, are you happy? How do you add in exercise?

Yes, I think that can be said. I stay at home and I'm very happy with it. I answer to no one but myself, my husband and God. I set my own schedule, and I can change my day at the drop of a hat if I need or want to. I get to be the one who decides what my kids see, do, experience, learn... and be there with them while they're doing it.

Exercise can be a hard one. We don't have a big budget surplus, so there isn't money available for me to book a sitter 3x/week to go to the gym. Right now what we've got worked out is, when DH gets home about 4:00-4:30, I am out the door and at the gym to get my workout done during the lull between afternoon and after-supper exercisers. He will start something for supper, at least for the kids, and when I get home we finish up. I fit in other exercise where I can, like Wii games or walks with the kids. I am really trying NOT to fall into the trap of using the kids or life as an excuse, by reminding myself of what I've done before. When the girls were 2.5 years and 10 months old, hubby left for military training for a year. THAT was a challenge, but that is the time when I lost actually the most weight, I think because I had to really focus and plan in order to get anything done. My youngest spent a lot of time in a backpack then. I would get on my exercise bike at night after they went to bed. Situps, planks and so on after the bike. I'd squeeze in other kinds of exercises through the day as opportunity arose, like did you know that the bathroom is perfect? Angled pushups off the sink, tricep dips off the toilet, squats using the counter for balance.... do a few sets of those while the kids are in the tub. It takes effort, but it can be done.

Sadly, the percentage that said they were "happy with their lives" was only 36% for both stay at home and working mothers.

I think that's a normal female thing. We tend never to be really quite satisfied; there's always some kind of carrot dangling out there trying to make us want to be someone different.

kittyinaz

I wish I was a stay at home mom. Luckily I have the benefit of being able to bring my child to work with me. I am hoping to work from home one day, but that will all depend on the eventual permanent job that my fiance ends up settling down in.

ishallnotwant

...and the male poster is the voice of reason. :laugh: I agree wholeheartedly lol!

theoneandonlybrookie

I always thought a stay at home mom is a working mom! She probably works harder than most do in their career!

It really bothers me when people say this. I'm sorry, but do you think that a woman who is waiting tables or standing in a factory line is really working less than a woman who stays at home? I've done both. I stayed at home with my twins for a year and then went back to work. With my last baby, I worked the entire time. Believe me, I had a lot more free time as a stay at home mom (with twins!) than I did when I worked with an infant.

That being said, I think ALL moms who try to spend quality time with their children, actively stay involved with their lives, and attempt to make their kids' lives better than their own are doing a GREAT job. Both working moms and stay at home moms (and dads!) who do these things are good parents, no matter where or when they work or don't work.

messyinthekitchen

I am kind of a SAHM. I run a cake business from home and I also do hair and makeup from home. I do this because next year my son will be going to school and I wanted time to get my business up and going before then so I wasn't left sitting around. I chose to be a SAHM because that's exactly what I wanted to do. My son is my first priority and I wanted to spend as much time with him before he's off to school. I am completely happy and wouldn't have it any other way. I really think it depends on the person. Some people wanna get out of the home and work. Working makes them happy and they want to interact with other adults. And some people like myself want to stay home with our children. And we sacrifice the adult time. I have the option to stay at home with my son some people don't have the means to do so. So the overall happiness I think has a lot to do with what you truly want to do and what you can afford to do. I think working moms have it harder. I workout when my son naps. And get the house cleaned when he is napping. I prep dinner when he wakes from nap and is having snack. I spend the vast majority of the day with him unless I have a client coming or a cake order. I can do everything I need to do, appointments, running errands without worry. And then have the weekend free.

Working moms on the other hand I don't know how to do it. These women wake up at crazy times in the morning. Make breakfast and lunch. Get themselves and their kids ready. Drop kids off at sitter/day care/school. Get to work. Work 8-9 hours. Run errands if need be. Pick kids up. Make dinner. Play with children. Help with homework. Get kids bathed and ready for bed. Tidy home. And still have time for working out and their spouse. And they're usually busy on the weekends too. It isn't what I would chose but I have much respect for working Moms and give them props for all they do. At the end of the day there is no right or wrong. You need to do what makes you happy first and foremost, and be the best mom you can be in your situation. That is all.

Cberg9

I wish I could afford to be a stay at home mom, but...when I was.....I was not as happy......no adult conversation all day, but now that I'm working again, I WISH i could be home again!

^^^ THIS! exactly lol

Shanna_Inc86

All moms are working moms...case closed lol

That being said, I didn't have the choice to stay home more with my daughter. I'm a single mom and not a government mooch so I work full time outside of the house. I hate that I haven't had more time with her.
If I had been in a position to only work part time I would have. I could not be totally out of the work force for personal reasons.

I work 8:30-5pm
Usually don't get a work out in till 8pm or later
Bed usually comes around 11p/12a

The Teri Clark song "she didn't have time" hits home for me