Question for the divorced daters.....

La_Amazona

How long did you wait to date?

I keep going back and forth on this.. Ex left back in October but our marriage was over way before that. We had no kids.

Divorce was filed soon after that.

I am on a mission to actually enjoy being single. So far so good. I have dated here and there. I had my rebound with 1 guy whom I saw for 2 months. (can't believe I even went out with him!)

I've been on dates here and there with cool guys, have had my random make out sessions and most recently started seeing a guy whom I enjoy his company, am attracted to but we agreed to be just friends. Spending time with him reminded me how nice it is to have someone to just hang out and have fun with.

One minute I tell myself I want to seriously date and find someone and the next minute I want to just be ME for a bit and prove to myself that I can enjoy being ALONE. I hate being bored, lonely, etc but I want to overcome that.

I miss the intimacy of being with someone. I'm not into casual dating nor hooking up so that's out of the question. I'm not desperate, I don't feel I NEED someone but sometimes I want someone.

Espressocycle

After my marriage ended I did the online dating thing and went on a zillion first dates and a few flings before suddenly finding my soul mate. So my advice is quantity, bo big expectations, and just be patient.

NeedANewFocus

why does there have to be a set time limit? shouldnt you act on your own when it feels right?

lilfurson

I agree...only you can know when it's the right time and you are ready.

❤lindsay❤dawn❤

I think I waited just long enough... : ))

KatieJane83

why does there have to be a set time limit? shouldnt you act on your own when it feels right?

^^This

chevy88grl

Just live your life.

When the right one comes along - you'll know. Don't set a time frame or anything like that. Be you. Enjoy yourself. Eventually, he'll show up....

meg7399

I was never officially married. I was with a guy for 7years and we were engaged. I went crazy being alone, cooking for one, sleeping alone, everything. I started online dating right away and met someone who I thought was awesome! (Turns out we both just got out of serious relationships and couldn't handle being alone). Was with him for almost a year before we broke up. Upon the break up was not sad about rebound guy, I went back to mourning my original ex. Apparently I used him to hold onto what I thought I needed...a partner. It actually took just random casual dating for me to realize what I wanted in a mate and out of life. After a year or so it actually became fun meeting new people! Some of them are still friends and others are mortal enemies. 4 years after original ex I found the man of my dreams. I realized that when I stopped looking he kinda just landed in my lap. Best of luck and focus on you!

AllanMisner

I was separated for a year (hoping to reconcile) and then met someone and had a rebound marriage. After that trainwreck was over, I made two time factors for considering marriage: Get back to even financially and when I could go a month without even thinking about my exes. I dated but made it clear that marriage wasn't something I was considering for a while. I accomplished both of the above and have been divorced longer than I was married (both wives combined). I like being single, dating, enjoying my life on my terms. I know I'll meet a woman one day and know she's the one. But until then, I'm not in a hurry at all.

Scott613

You need one of these

MrsCon40

I waited quite a while to date - but wasted no time finding a relationship of "convenience".

Being there for my daughter and not subdividing my attention was more important that moving on to the next man. Having a warm body on call helped me to stay on task.

KatieCuth

why does there have to be a set time limit? shouldnt you act on your own when it feels right?

What he said.

ElementalMoe

I've been single for 2.5 years, and still haven't found anyone worth dating. I've probably been on about 50 first dates (literally), but am holding off for that "spark".

I enjoy being single for the most part, but get lonely from time to time. . However being alone is better than being in a mediocre relationship.

I think you'll know when you're ready. . . "They" say you need 1 year of singledom to recuperate from 5 years of togetherness, and this equation seemed quite accurate for me.

lorro

How long did you wait to date?

I keep going back and forth on this.. One minute I tell myself I want to seriously date and find someone and the next minute I want to just be ME for a bit and prove to myself that I can enjoy being ALONE. I hate being bored, lonely, etc but I want to overcome that.

I miss the intimacy of being with someone. I'm not into casual dating nor hooking up so that's out of the question. I'm not desperate, I don't feel I NEED someone but sometimes I want someone.

I didn't wait long, but like you I went back and forth, at times wanting the familiarity of being part of a couple, at times feeling being alone was what I needed and that I could learn to enjoy it. In retrospect this was all about learning how to be a single person, how to be content on my own and how to allow new relationships to evolve naturally, rather than expecting them (and my role in them) to be the same as in a long marriage.

I would follow your instincts. The directions they are leading you in may be contradictory but they will help you resolve the contradictory feelings behind the impulses. It's in that resolution, gained through experience, that you will find what makes you most happy, whatever that may be.

Farfourah

After I get my divorce, I'm done with men for several years.

cygnetpro

The rule of thumb that I was told (and was true for me) was one year of alone-ness after splitting for each five years of the marriage. I have several divorced friends, and they agree with the number as a basic guideline, also.

But I agree with a lot of the others-- whatever feels right to you.

00Steph

Getting a puppy was my solution after my divorce so I wouldn't jump into anything out of lonliness.

Xaspar

. . . "They" say you need 1 year of singledom to recuperate from 5 years of togetherness, and this equation seemed quite accurate for me.

It seems to be the opposite in my case: 5 years of singledom for each year of togetherness. I was married for 7 years. That means I ought to be ready to date any day now! :drinker:

neverstray

I dated right away after my divorce. Big mistake. Now, I'm just enjoying being alone. I'll probably stay alone for a while. I've recently realized that I'm undatable because I have issues still that I need to work through. So, here I am, just hanging out and enjoying silence. I know that I'll eventually get to a point where I'll want to meet someone, and I know that when I am ready, they'll be right there in front of me. So, for now, I'm enjoying now. And, that's about all I have to say about that.

sharonucd

You need one of these

love it!

hobbitgrrl

I enjoy being single for the most part, but get lonely from time to time. . However being alone is better than being in a mediocre relationship.

^ This is so true!

I've been single for 11 years and for the most part, I really enjoy it. It's different for everyone...I have friends who waited between six months to a year before dating again and it worked very well for them.

KlassyKassi

I waited a looooong time. Like, years. I had absolutely no interest in a relationship or dating, aside from a good male friend that I could rely on from time to time for *ahem*, some fun. I needed time by myself to get over the heartbreak. But after a while, I just started to feel like I was ready. I think you'll know when it's time. I did.

BecksgotBack

I waited quite a while to date - but wasted no time finding a relationship of "convenience".

Being there for my daughter and not subdividing my attention was more important that moving on to the next man. Having a warm body on call helped me to stay on task.

^^^ awesome

this 1 year single for each 5 married/together thing seems to be backwards for me too....i've been single much longer than my marriage and last relationship combined.

something's gotta give eventually.

but don't lower your expectations and never settle. better to be single and sometimes lonely than stuck with a loser for the sake of being "comfortable" or "convenient"

Thad81

After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.

Bikini27

I had no kids either, marriage had died in April, divorced in October 2010.
When I tried dating, I just was not mentally or emotionally prepared for it OR the questions people would ask about my marriage. And they aren't always kind in the delivery of the questions.
So I took time to get back to me. Started dating a year later, and it still was a bit rough in the beginning. My last date was in December before I decided to get serious about my health. I just was not attracting the people I was attracted to, not just in the physical sense but where they were mentally.
So basically, you can't force it. If you find something that works 10 days or 10 years after your divorce, than you have it. For me, I have done enough settling in my life. It's going to take one hell of a man to bring me around to the relationship state of mind because I am a very happy single woman :bigsmile:

PS, I also have an amazing toy that takes care of urges. Prevents the random pick up at a bar! :drinker:

sunshinegirlnm

Do what feels right to YOU! And keep your expectations reasonable....

Happinessgrl

Just live your life.

When the right one comes along - you'll know. Don't set a time frame or anything like that. Be you. Enjoy yourself. Eventually, he'll show up....

♥ THIS! It made me feel good... Thanks!!!

Bikini27

After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.

Exactly this.

My mother, a hopeless romantic (and always spot damn on) told me to relax, live my life, enjoy me, and one day I'll bump into "him" while getting my morning coffee and it'll be 'it'. So I live my life, I take care of me, and I keep an open mind and heart. If I never meet my soul mate, at least I will have lived a full life. And should I meet him? We will have a full life together. But my happiness does not revolve around it.

Plus, my pups and I enjoy the bed to ourselves

lorro

After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.

Exactly this.

My mother, a hopeless romantic (and always spot damn on) told me to relax, live my life, enjoy me, and one day I'll bump into "him" while getting my morning coffee and it'll be 'it'. So I live my life, I take care of me, and I keep an open mind and heart. If I never meet my soul mate, at least I will have lived a full life. And should I meet him? We will have a full life together. But my happiness does not revolve around it.

Plus, my pups and I enjoy the bed to ourselves

This is the point I'm at now too

Bikini27

After my divorce I didnt date for three years, and it has been almost five years now. The more I have dated I have realized that I am only interested in someone truly amazing (for me) and am willing to wait, or not have that at all if it doesnt occur. I enjoy being single, though I am not against being with someone, it is not absolutely necessary for my happiness. Though I do get lonely at times and miss being with someone. I havent found anyone yet that I really relate to, in regards to all the work I have done getting where I am physically, professionally, and in life in general. Sometimes I think that I am in too small of a town to meet someone that could be similar in experience and world view. But thats okay, if they are out there I might meet them someday.

I think that I need to be totally good with myself as a person before I can be good with someone else.

Exactly this.

My mother, a hopeless romantic (and always spot damn on) told me to relax, live my life, enjoy me, and one day I'll bump into "him" while getting my morning coffee and it'll be 'it'. So I live my life, I take care of me, and I keep an open mind and heart. If I never meet my soul mate, at least I will have lived a full life. And should I meet him? We will have a full life together. But my happiness does not revolve around it.

Plus, my pups and I enjoy the bed to ourselves

This is the point I'm at now too

It's a great feeling to know alone does not equal lonely, isn't it?

jenny031477

Definitely give yourself some time and enjoy being single!

I left my ex husband almost 2 years ago but our divorce was just final this month. We have 2 kids and things got nasty, unfortunately. We are, thankfully, in a much better place but I'm definitely enjoying being single. Do I miss having a man around? Definitely. Do I need a man around? Nope and that's what I love. I am *ok* by myself and I have no doubt that there is someone out there for me. He'll walk into my life at just the right time.