Question for the divorced daters.....

La_Amazona

You need one of these

I already have one!!

La_Amazona

I'm not stressed out about it.. I was just curious as to what others have done. The 1 year per 5 years is kinda long! I was married for 10 years. I heard it's 1 month per year you were married..

I'm not on a deadline or anything but I'm nervous and excited about it. I want to be careful about my choices this time around which is why I'm not rushing. But I also want to be relaxed enough to not pass up a good fella.

Marriage and divorce teaches you some things!!

lorro

It's a great feeling to know alone does not equal lonely, isn't it?

It sure is

hapoo100

im curious
- did you decide to get healthier after the divorce?
- did you decide to get healthy and realize you wanted a total life change and get divorced?
- did they have nothing to do with each other?

jenny031477

Marriage and divorce teaches you some things!!

I think my divorce taught me a lot more than my marriage. :laugh:

I agree that you need to do what's right for you. I'm really scared to death to get back out there and have been on a couple of dating sites but gave up on that route. I just wasn't having any luck with it. I'm pretty much hoping Mr. Perfect will just walk into my life.

Bikini27

I'm not stressed out about it.. I was just curious as to what others have done. The 1 year per 5 years is kinda long! I was married for 10 years. I heard it's 1 month per year you were married..

I'm not on a deadline or anything but I'm nervous and excited about it. I want to be careful about my choices this time around which is why I'm not rushing. But I also want to be relaxed enough to not pass up a good fella.

Marriage and divorce teaches you some things!!

Amen sweetie, and not even watching your parents go through it can teach ya all you need to know.
You'll find your groove and what works for you and trust me, it only gets better!

ETA: First few dates? Date an older man. I love my young hotties, but the older guys just seem to know how to make a woman feel like she is cherished.

xonashwaox

Only YOU will know when the time is right to date. It took me two years to finally start dating and then once I got out there I realized dating was not what it used to be. I tried a few dating sites also and those were big fails. Now I am just letting it happen on its own. I am sure I will meet someone when the time is right. Good luck to you!!

La_Amazona

im curious
- did you decide to get healthier after the divorce?
- did you decide to get healthy and realize you wanted a total life change and get divorced?
- did they have nothing to do with each other?

I've been "trying" to get healthy since 2008... but hit it hard when I moved to my new city 2 years ago.. I was still married. Everybody here is active and it motivated me. My ex also got on the healthy train and we got healthier together... now he's fat again and I'm still going. hehe

Losing weight and divorce had nothing to do with each other.. actually when I started working on my interior, did I realize that I deserved much better than what my ex was giving me. (he was unfaithful years ago and still an a-hole) The interior makeover just motivated me more to work on the exterior.

hapoo100

im curious
- did you decide to get healthier after the divorce?
- did you decide to get healthy and realize you wanted a total life change and get divorced?
- did they have nothing to do with each other?

I've been "trying" to get healthy since 2008... but hit it hard when I moved to my new city 2 years ago.. I was still married. Everybody here is active and it motivated me. My ex also got on the healthy train and we got healthier together... now he's fat again and I'm still going. hehe

Losing weight and divorce had nothing to do with each other.. actually when I started working on my interior, did I realize that I deserved much better than what my ex was giving me. (he was unfaithful years ago and still an a-hole) The interior makeover just motivated me more to work on the exterior.

thank you for sharing, i just realized i was being nosy

jcstanton

Make a list of things you've always wanted to do. A Single's Bucket List, so to speak...interests you've always wanted to pursue, places you've wanted to see, or things you've always wanted to do, but just never had the time, money, motivation, or courage to try. Then go out and start doing them. There are many more ways to have fun than just going clubbing on the weekends, and you'd be surprised at how many new and interesting people you'll meet in the process. Maybe among them, when the timing is right, you'll meet someone extra special who enjoys the same things you do.

PeekABooGirl

I've been separated since last March and will be divorced in April. But, my marriage was over long ago.....emotionally abusive situation that took me a while to get the strength to actually leave. But to a large degree, I felt like I mourned the loss of the relationship long before I actually left. I've spent the past year learning how to become independant again, making my own decisions, getting stable on my own two feet. But it's only been recently that I've really started wanting male companionship again. Not just the physical aspect but also just being with a man in general. I've poked around online a bit. But I need to get myself in the mindset to just date for FUN not date for a longterm relationship. (If it happens, it happens -- but I think anyone coming out of a long term relationship/divorce SHOULD take some time rediscovering the opposite sex. Figuring out what they want this next time around, what works and what doesn't work, etc.) I've never been the type to just date for the sake of dating. I've always had the goal of happily ever after. But for now, I am in no rush to get into happily ever after. Just would be happy finding an honest, respectful guy who treated me right.

I don't think there is any set timeline of when it's ok to date again. Depends on each personal situation.

terra32903

I'm not going to make an opinion of when is the right time for anyone to do something (or than for myself). With that said, I would agree with what many have said here...find happiness with yourself. Learn to be alone. Love yourself and then you will be able to love others. If you are bored or lonely get out and do things. Get a dog. They love to go for walks/runs and you will never find a more loyal companion. My dog sleeps in my bed every night and quite honestly I prefer his companionship to most of the men I have met in the years since I have been single. Maybe take up a new hobby. MeetUp.com has all sorts of groups that will meet in your area. Book clubs, kayaking, religious groups to name a few. You will know when you are ready to share your life with someone. Until then...enjoy being single.

jcstanton

Only YOU will know when the time is right to date. It took me two years to finally start dating and then once I got out there I realized dating was not what it used to be. I tried a few dating sites also and those were big fails. Now I am just letting it happen on its own. I am sure I will meet someone when the time is right. Good luck to you!!

Same story here. I've found that I'm at an age where most of the men that I'd be interested in dating are either already married or they just aren't interested in me for one reason or another. I certainly wouldn't advise anyone to go out and rush into a relationship after a divorce, but you don't want to wait too long either.

La_Amazona

I'm not going to make an opinion of when is the right time for anyone to do something (or than for myself). With that said, I would agree with what many have said here...find happiness with yourself. Learn to be alone. Love yourself and then you will be able to love others. If you are bored or lonely get out and do things. Get a dog. They love to go for walks/runs and you will never find a more loyal companion. My dog sleeps in my bed every night and quite honestly I prefer his companionship to most of the men I have met in the years since I have been single. Maybe take up a new hobby. MeetUp.com has all sorts of groups that will meet in your area. Book clubs, kayaking, religious groups to name a few. You will know when you are ready to share your life with someone. Until then...enjoy being single.

I've been doing this.. I go out all the time with friends, have a dog, workout, take classes etc etc.. I think I just like the city fast life too much. Either that or being trapped for so long being miserable really did a number on me and I'm enjoying my new freedom.

sculley

After my divorce I was like you a few dates here and there but didn't really see anyone serious until two years after divorce it had been over a year before divorce. And honestly the only reason I think I seriously dated again and got married was because my husband was my first love so that's y I think it was so easy because if it weren't for him I think I would still be single

rockracerp89

I have been single now for 2 years and love being single.
No one to report to, criticize what I eat, watch what i want on tv, see my friends, decorate my place or spend my money.
I only need a woman around for 1 thing, and all my freedom is not worth giving up for that.
It's FWB or nothing.
I have been studying Leykis101

lorro

im curious
- did you decide to get healthier after the divorce?
- did you decide to get healthy and realize you wanted a total life change and get divorced?
- did they have nothing to do with each other?

For me the divorce motivated me to change everything else, including my job and (eventually) my unhealthy lifestyle. My life had stagnated for years and I resisted change because the consequences were too difficult, but once I was free I was so thirsty for change.

970Mikaela1

My soon to be ex wife and i split in june. I have yet to go out on a date. I have just now come to the conclusion that i dont NEED a relationship(although i do miss having someone around). I have my daughter that lives full time with me and she takes up my free time now . She has taken the divorce alot harder than me( and its not her biological mom, although my ex is still Momma Chelle to her, that part makes me the saddest) So between work and raising a daughter by my self , I have no idea where i would even find the time to look! Im hoping to run into Miss Perfect For Me someday but for now my responsibilities of being a single parent come first:)

harley47920

After a horrible marriage and my walking papers, I met my best friend and ended up marrying him about 2 1/2 years after the divorce. We weren't looking for a relationship other thn friendship, but things happened and I thank God for it. :happy:

After the divorce and a brief moment of insanity (I gave it one more shot with the ex-husband to see if we could make it work... NOT), I made a vow to myself that I would rather be alone than to settle for something less than I wanted. I was not about to waste any more time trying to find someone decent. It was like picking fresh green beans at a farmer's market. No thank you!

So, I was not looking and officially off the market because it was all about me and my life. I was going to enjoy doing things for myself and myself alone. I was fine with that and began to have fun with it. Then...

I met the most wonderful man that became a friend and then my husband. It happened by chance. You see, he's a mortgage officer that was doing some professional networking on-line. I, being an insurance agent, was someone that approached. Needless to say, we started talking about things other than insurance & houses. We discovered that we had a lot in common. We would talk for hours on the phone each night. He lived about 2 hours away, so it wasn't like we saw each other at that point.

We became friends and we made each other laugh. Then it happened. I realized that I loved this man that I had never met in person. We talked about meeting and decided to take it slow and easy. Yeah, right. One look at him and I knew it as soon as I took a look into his eyes. I had found my soulmate.

Its been almost 5 years since we've been married. Would have I done it differently? Nope. I honestly feel that it was because I was single and not looking that the man of my dreams was able to find and approach me.

Don't settle for anything less than what you truly deserve.

Best of luck to you!!

shanlynt

I say stay single and sleep around.

Ginger4real

There is no set time.. I would just go out and let life happen...but def would have a booty call on speed dial! Just sayin! No need to go it alone ...

La_Amazona

haha, I wish I could do the whole FWB but I can't..... I'd be a mess!! I've said this before, if I want to sleep with you PLUS you're my friend and obviously we have a connection... then I'd probably fall in love. I'd be the poster child for what NOT to do with a FWB. :ohwell:

stevieb3052

When I split up, I tried internet dating straight away. Looking back it was a reaction to the idea that if my ex didn't want me, then there were plenty of others who did. I did the loads of first dates, like most people, met some nice ladies and one or two bunny boilers. After about 6 months of that, I started another relationship, but that didn't last 12 months.

I had to check how long I had been divorced recently and it surprised me, as did the length of time since I last dated!

I've almost sorted my health issues. Finances are looking in better shape but I'm in no rush to get back into the dating scene - all that pressure and there's the thought that most women who might give me a second glance will be grandmothers.

Not that this is an issue, I'd prefer to be aiming for M*lfs!

morganhccstudent724

You need one of these

I got one...works wonders :flowerforyou:

TheRoadDog

I always try to line the next talent up before I let the previous talent go.

WifeNMama

I haven't been divorced, but my husband and i have counselled or dealt with the aftermath of a few of them. My advice is to surround yourself with your friends. Keep busy with different interests that you haven't had time for or haven't pursued. I think most people have the hardest time being alone in the evening. Maybe you could get a friend to come stay over occasionally so you have some company.

Decide an amount of time (six months, a year, less?) Where you do not get involved, whether seriously or casually, with anyone. You need time to evaluate what caused the end of your marriage, your part in it, his part in it, habits and character traits that did not mesh well, and the positive things that really worked. You need to have time to grieve the ending of a marriage, as well. Even the people who are happy their marriage is over need time to grieve the fact that they got to that point. You deserve to have your feelings validated, and you need to find out who you are without the title of wife.

Lastly, counsellors of any kind advise that you do not make any big, life altering decisions after a loss. This includes moving to a new town or state (unless the divorce proceedings make it necessary), changing careers suddenly, serious relationships, etc.

Keep taking care of yourself physically, too. :-) Best wishes to you.

catherine4211

You need one of these

I am up to three of these now!!!

Dayna154

I have been divorced for a far longer time than I was married. Had a serious relationship that was harder to walk away from than my marriage. We were together 11+ yrs and spit 2.5+ yr ago. There was a lot of abuse and negative things for me to deal with from our relationship. I got online to date right away but found I kept finding excuses to not date. I realized I needed to work on myself first. So I waited, got to where I am today mentally and found that I love being single and being the independent person I am. I have gone on LOTS of first dates a few repeat dates but just wasnt finding anyone who was worth giving up being single for.
So I kind of gave up and then met a guy who I became good freinds with who I really like..
Find out who you are and what you really want... the rest will fall into place when you are really ready

macylane4

I have a question for everybody....I've never been married, so I can't say I've been divorced. I've had a few long term relationships, and at times thought about marriage, but never went through with it. Why do marriages so often not work? I am going through a very rough patch with my current boyfriend,and don't know if it is worth it to stay together. We have been dating for 5 years. Any advice, or words of encouragment for me?!?!

odusgolp

I dated about 6 months after leaving the house, but before the legal divorce was final. And that was good FOR ME.

One thing I'll say, though. Make sure you're ready... cause if you date and then decide "No wait... I need more time for sleeping around, smoking pot, being alone, enjoying my knitting more..." whatever, it really hurts the other person involved.

So try not to jump into something until you sure you're ready....