Couple Question

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  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Basically, it all comes down to not having the right attitude. Are you a victim, or a spouse/partner?

    Monarchy: "I don't/can't do that because my husband won't allow me to."

    Marriage: "My husband and I talked [because we would have] and that makes him feel really uncomfortable. Because he explained his reasoning, I can see where he's coming from and I respect the way he feels. Therefore, I choose not to do it."

    This^^^ though for us as a couple= Neither of us frequent those places unless it were some sort of special occasion which we have no issue with... I haven't been in one in years and neither has my husband. I don't see what the big deal is about that type of thing unless your spouse is some sort of strip club addict.

    We don't "forbid" things and basically we're independent people who are "allowed" to be ourselves. If we think something might be questionable we have a discussion... if something is going to disturb either of us we have respect for one another and don't commit the disturbing act.

    "I'm not allowed to" sounds like a pouting childs response to a parents restriction - not a married adult.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    I'm insecure enough about my body that I'd rather not have to add to my insecurity in that manner, but "not allowed" is different than "I would appreciate if you would respect that going would make me uncomfortable"
  • LHAMON2009
    LHAMON2009 Posts: 55
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    If my husband were to ever go to a strip club he better be prepared for one pissed off wife when he gets back.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,139
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    If my husband were to ever go to a strip club he better be prepared for one pissed off wife when he gets back.

    Why?
  • Steelheart7
    Steelheart7 Posts: 1,056
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    When I was younger I had a problem with it and have given the whole "you are not going ever" lol .. now that I am older and have had more relationship experience it doesn't matter so much.

    I think I have always had the opinion that those places are trash and the people in them are trash .. so why would I want to be with someone who wants to go to trashy places. Now I just don't care enough for it to matter. Whatever floats your boat.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,139
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    I'm insecure enough about my body that I'd rather not have to add to my insecurity in that manner, but "not allowed" is different than "I would appreciate if you would respect that going would make me uncomfortable"

    Oh hot mama, you have nothing to be insecure about :love:
  • ♥PrincessSaraGarcia♥
    ♥PrincessSaraGarcia♥ Posts: 34
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    I vote NO on the strip clubs...
  • Abells
    Abells Posts: 756 Member
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    strip clubs are fun! i say enjoy
  • dubw
    dubw Posts: 429
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    I've been to a few over the years and have always walked away feeling remorse for being there - raunchy is not my thing. Wife used to pole dance in her late teen years. I've offered to buy her a pole but she has long quit grinning about the joke. She probably would not care if I went to a strip club again, would wonder why, and worry about how much money I might spend.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,845 Member
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    Don't mind if he goes to a strip club...early in marriage it did bother me..I had some growing up to do. I've went with him...He's not sure what to think when I point out the dancers' assets to him.

    He never had a problem with me going to see the male strippers either..Always said he enjoyed the benifits when I got home.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    Basically, it all comes down to not having the right attitude. Are you a victim, or a spouse/partner?

    Monarchy: "I don't/can't do that because my husband won't allow me to."

    Marriage: "My husband and I talked [because we would have] and that makes him feel really uncomfortable. Because he explained his reasoning, I can see where he's coming from and I respect the way he feels. Therefore, I choose not to do it."

    Completely agree with this. I think the reason a lot of couples get into fights about all kinds of things, not just strip clubs, is because instead of having an honest conversation, they will just say "no you can't do that" and let's face it, nobody likes being told no.

    If your partner respects you (which he/she should) he/she should respect if something in particular makes you uncomfortable, and not put you in the position to begin with.
  • loombeav
    loombeav Posts: 391 Member
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    It all depends on the circumstances. I would not forbid my husband from doing something. I'm not his mother and we are partners. If he wanted to go hang out at a strip club with his buddies and told me about it I wouldn't care. If he was sneaking around behind my back, hiding it from my and lying there would be a problem.
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
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    I was talking to my boss the other day, and he said he's "not allowed" to go to strip clubs. Now "not allowed" is something all on it's own. Women, is it okay with you if your husband/fiance/boyfriend, goes to a strip club? Men, is it ok with your wife?

    I personally don't have a problem with my other half going, never have. And I like to go as well, so if he wants to go, we make it a big ordeal and invite a bunch of friends to go. Lap dances, dollar dances, I don't care. It's all fun. Thoughts?

    my wife could care less, however i never go because i think it is really stupid to pay someone to get all aroused and now what?? go home to your wife so she can fix it?? how stupid. plus its degrading to women and men. 2nd i know it would break her heart so i choose not to go. on the flip side i could care less if she goes and it would not hurt me emotionally if she did, because shes coming home to me and i don't care because our private life is amazing now that we are losing weight its even more fantastic!!!
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,139
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    and worry about how much money I might spend.

    That would be my issue.
  • chicky89
    chicky89 Posts: 262 Member
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    I let him (I don't know "him" is.... maybe I'll meet him one day)

    I see it as eye candy... and ladies, we have ours too!!

    At the end of the night, hes coming home with me...

    I'm the one who would bring the man to the strippers and get us both lap dances.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
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    I would rather my husband didn't go to a strip club, but to say he isn't "allowed" is demeaning, and frankly, I think would make a man think he HAD to go in order to prove a point. My husband doesn't "hang out" in strip clubs and I'm glad, but if he was invited to a bachelor party or was hanging out with friends, I realize that he has a limited number of options.

    Option 1: Please his wife and look like either a wuss (if he's like "My wife wouldn't like it..." .) like he is being judgmental ("I don't think it is right") or cheap ("Drinks in those places are EXPENSIVE".)

    Option 2: Displease his wife, who gets that sometimes we spend time with friends doing what they want to do. (At least, that's what I would choose to tell myself. :wink: :embarassed: )
  • terra32903
    terra32903 Posts: 185 Member
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    I've probably gone more times than my boyfriend so no, it's not an issue at our house. It's all about trusting the one you are with. And if you don't...why are you with them????
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    Maybe it's the relationship then. Because we have a relationship where if I see a hot girl, I point her out.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    If my husband were to ever go to a strip club he better be prepared for one pissed off wife when he gets back.

    This guy ^^^^ is REALLY "not allowed"...
  • MommaHoff
    MommaHoff Posts: 54 Member
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    I don't care if my husband goes. It's when he starts hiding it that it becomes a problem. Because if he's hiding it he thinks he's done something wrong and then I wonder what else is he hiding. But I usually know before he even goes that he's going. I do sometimes get jealous that he's going out with the guys while I stay home. But that's just because I wanna go out too just not with the guys and my girl friend is always so busy.

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