How to handle a boy bully against girls?

papa3x

Three weeks ago, a boy on my twin daughter's bus, got in big trouble at school. He told a girl that he was - and this is the quote " Going to beat your parents to death with a metal baseball bat." He's in 5th grade, and so are my kids. He was suspended from school for a week, and then forced was forced to sit behind the bus driver for the remainder of the year ( The incident happened on a bus. ) And at age 10, he also called the girl the "C" word.

So today, my one daughter came home from school crying, saying that this same boy is being incredibly rude to her and making fun of her, and has been since he came back to school after his suspension. She said that she is afraid to ride the bus because of him, though she also said that he didn't threaten her. But she said it is all the time harassment.

Now here's the 'kicker"..... his father is the guy who teaches my daughters in CCD ( Catholic education classes for the kids who do not attend Catholic school ) The father, IMO, has taken the big incident way too lightly. The boy's "punishment" for the big incident was to not be allowed to attend a sleepover the weekend that it happened.

See, if this was not the same kid who threatened to kill somebody's parents with a metal baseball bat, i would just tell my daughter to ignore the idiot boy. Boys can be really rude.... but given the boy's history in the last month, and the fact that my daughter now is afraid to ride the bus, I think maybe I need to chat with the school.

What do you think?

SofaKingRad

I'd catch his father when no one is around. Get face to face with him and tell him that he needs to get his boy in line or I'll do it for him.

I actually did this at a playground once when some father got pissed at me because his son kept trying to push my daughter off of the top part of a slide that was about 9 feet high. All it takes is that little face-to-face confrontation and quietly telling him that you'll correct his child for him.

boomboom011

i say get on the bus and call his little *kitten* out. Like Madea! I bet he wont say another word. Of course thats what WE would do at my house. It would happen 1 time. Done.

papa3x

LOL, well, OK, here's the thing.... at least IMO.... I don't have a temper... unless you mess with my kids. Then I go ballistic. I need to keep myself distanced and on an even keel, I'm thinking that I can best do that with the school as the arbitrator / middle man.

bellevie23

I'd catch his father when no one is around. Get face to face with him and tell him that he needs to get his boy in line or I'll do it for him.

I actually did this at a playground once when some father got pissed at me because his son kept trying to push my daughter off of the top part of a slide that was about 9 feet high. All it takes is that little face-to-face confrontation and quietly telling him that you'll correct his child for him.

This and the school. The school shouldn't be allowing it and his dad has a responsibility to ensure it stops as well. Honestly, if your daughter is scared, that isn't okay, and obviously the boy has some issues..either they come by him naturally or his dad might have a dark side as well that the boy is learning from..He needs to be taken care of at this age before he progresses in his behavior to a older age. That is not okay and honestly Im being nice wording it this way, if it was my daughter I would prob try and put the fear of God into the little boy myself if his dad doesn't think its a problem..but then again that might me overlooking his age...a little .

SueD66

My opinion is to set up a meeting with the Principal and parents of the boy and yourself. that way there is no he said this or that. Bullying is a huge problem in the schools, and out, and needs to be delt with. Let them know that your daughter is afraid. I work in the school and i see things that other adults don't see. It helps when all the staff keep their eyes open.

bellevie23

I agree, if you are anything like I am, prob better to utilize the school, as this would be saving all kids, not just your daughter, from dealing with this child's destructive attitude, ya know? I guarantee it isn't just your daughter, I would possibly talk to your child's teachers to see other children he is involving in his harrassment, and try to look into getting him sent to a juvenile school..but then again Im all for military boot camp for children like that LOL. It may be the military in me, but if we sent more children to get disciplined then maybe we wouldnt have such a issue with bullying nowadays..but thats a different subject.

alorick

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

Swanson83

We had a similar incident happen to our daughter. She is in 4th grade. The boy actually did physically hurt her. My daughter attends the small parochial school in town and the boy attends the public school. He took her hat and threw it across the bus and then pushed her head against the school bus hard enough to cause tears, not hard enough to leave a mark.
We confronted the family, because we live in a small town it was easy to figure out who it was. Though she wasn't bothered again by him, his family said he was going to send an apology to her and we never received it.
The mama bear in me was coming out in full force when this happened. It hurt me worse than it did her, even now thinking about it my heart hurts.
My suggestion is to approach the subject with the school and inform them what is happening. Talking to the parents doesn't help, they normally feel as though their child hasn't done anything wrong. Bullying is such a HUGE issue right now and schools are supposed to be stopping this from happening. If they need to provide a helper on the bus to watch the kids then do so. That is what our school district has had to do.

thamre

We live in a small community and last year when my daughter was getting involved with a little bullying (being the bully and being bullied with the same girl - it went back and forth) the superintendent had us all in for a meeting. The kids, the parents, school staff and the local cop. The local cop got involved because it being a small town, he would know of anything that might happen off school grounds. It was a good meeting and the girls left each other alone. Definitely set up a meeting with the school and the other parent...always good to have mediator.

thamre

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

this is a good suggestion...but by the sounds of it I don't think this other kids would back down from hitting her back. That would be bad.

rammsteinsoldier

Bullying got so bad at my daugther's school that she decided she wasn't going back period. She is now online schooled and doing much better. Her school had a no bullying policy and the kids were encouraged to file a harrassment charge if anyone bullied them but then the bullies knew who complained and went after them harder. It was really a mess and this was high school. She is much happier just doing her thing online and skipping all the drama, death threats and personal attacks.

bellevie23

Yeah if he is threatening to kill people..thats a little extreme..he needs the school to separate him or something so it isnt just his daughter he stops with, he needs help to stop his antics period, with any child, I would primarily be concerned with my child of course in this scenario, but it isnt his first time, I doubt it would be his last, he would just move on to be another family's problem, I would address it as such and ask him seriously be considered to go elsewhere or maybe these complaints be documented against the child and have the parents and him aware that if he continues he will be expelled if another complaint is made.

Buddhasmiracle

If it is happening on school property then the school officials need to be notified, particularly since the boy already has a history. Take several deep breaths (no ballistic please) and speak with the father in person or by phone. State the facts and your concern. In all liklihood he is not going to respond in a positive or neutral way. Sadly, the bullying boy may have a bullying father.

WifeNMama

Go to the school and meet up with them and the boy and his parents. Also, having a police officer there would be ideal. There has got to he something wrong if he is acting and talking so aggressively. Make it very clear that your daughters WILL be protected from this boy.

My parents told us girls that if anyone touched us inappropriately or started a fight, to throw a hard punch, preferably to the groin, and they would deal with the consequences. But, in turn, we knew that if we got into trouble at school, there would be hell to pay when we got home.

WhittRak

I say talk to the school and the parents. This boy should not be allowed to terrorize poor little girls. My first reaction though..would be to get on that bus and hand that little *kitten* his own butt! lol.

reaolliemama

i say get on the bus and call his little *kitten* out. Like Madea! I bet he wont say another word. Of course thats what WE would do at my house. It would happen 1 time. Done.

BAD IDEA...it's illegal for a person who is not a student or school employee to get on the bus! Don't do it!!!

tlschlp

I say, go to the school and let them handle it; this all happened on school grounds (even though it was the bus). Hopefully, they will be able to get *something* across to the boy and his family. If not, don't stop letting the school know when incidents happen.

When my eldest was in 4th grade (quite a while ago), he was harassed by 2 boys (sons of teachers at the Christian school) because I wouldn't allow my son to play with Pokemon. Well, one day, without the gym teacher seeing, the kids played some Pokemon game. My son innocently got the better of one of his harassers. That boy ended up (literally) jumping my son right after that and started a fight with him!

Now, my son wasn't perfect (as his teacher kept reminding me every time I complained about the previous harassment) but he didn't deserve this! Luckily, he wasn't hurt!

So, my son wasn't punished by the school, but I still made him write letters of apology to the principal, his classroom teacher and the gym teacher -- he shouldn't have been playing that way to begin with. The other boy's punishment? His parents still took him to Disney for spring break! When he got home, his parents helped him create "order forms" (because there was a line about "make checks payable to ....") for selling Pokemon stuff! When my son brought that home to me, I was livid! Especially since there was a dress code at the school and no "recognizable characters" were allowed to be worn. (Even seen Mickey Mouse spark a fight?)

I scanned that sheet in and attached it to a rather lengthy e-mail I sent to the principal! Within a week, the school had an assembly where all the kids were told that Pokemon was banned from campus! Small victory, but it was won with our heads held high!

Now? I have no idea where those harassers are, but my son went on to become an Eagle Scout and he's now with the Navy Reserves as an MP! I think he's already come out way ahead of those 2 brats from years ago!

Good luck!

Setof2Keys

I have been dealing with this with my son and I started throwing around the word bullying and serious consequences and the school jumped all over it. I also asked for the child to be seperated from my child. They have the right to not allow the child on the bus. They first offered to have my son sit out of recesses. I lost it, my son is not the problem, the child that is ninja kicking other children is. Remove him!! I let the school know it is taking everything I have not to go all Mama Bear on him and show him what bullying is really about, that they would really want to handle it before I get a disability lawyer involved. My son has Autism BTW but there are lawyers that eat this stuff up and Im sure that you can get them really moving if you mention that you have consulted with one. Good luck and also please, please take steps to empower your daughter whether it is a self defense class or some kind of motivational group. The most important thing a father can do is let his daughter know she is worth it!! Great job not allowing it to fly under the radar!!

SassyCalyGirl

Do you have a friend at your local police dept that can pay the little bas.... And his parents a visit and have a nice little chat???

papa3x

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

That would get her thrown out of school.

chu604

Tell your daughter to kick that kid right in the nuts. He won't have the voice or the lol 'balls' to go tell..
You should do the same to his father.

jskaggs1971

I think you need to escalate this with the school. It's happening at school and on the bus, where you as a parent have a reasonable expectation that you kid will not be harassed. Also, you don't know how many other kids this bully is harassing. Sometimes it's hard to be that guy, running to the principal to fix a problem with your kid, but that's how it works now.

I think the school authorities need to know about this, because it sounds like more than the typical "kids are mean" bullying. You have every right to expect a safe environment for your kid. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to be a PITA to the school administration for them to address the issue.

SassyCalyGirl

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

I would aim a little lower!

YassSpartan

I'm not a father (at least for now) but I have a major philosophy that whoever gets to be the mother of my kids must accept or she won't be the mother of my kids (duhh lol). My kids, both girls and/or boys will get in martial arts as soon as they're old enough. They need to learn how to deal and defend themselves while I'm not around. Karate and Taek Won Do are crap in my opinion, Krav Maga is the way to go. I'll deal with the school and parents after my kids defend themselves.

In regards to the boy's dad, since you know him already, you should seriously confront him about it. Psychological damage is as bad as physical and your girl(s) shouldn't have to deal with the issues other kids have and the lack of control their parents have over them. If they don't know how to educate them, it is their problem as long as they don't affect your kids, otherwise it becomes your problem as well.

Of course, there's no need to be agressive about it. A good serious one on one conversation with him, explaining the the behavior and consequences of his kid's actions and your concern about it should be a good start. If he is smart enough, he'll listen and look for other ways to control his kid.

SinIsIn

I say talk to the school and arrange a meeting with the father at the school. See if that helps.. if not scare the ever living crap out of the kid!?

madamepsychosis

I totally understand why your first reaction would be to want to punch the kid or exchange harsh words with his dad or whatever, but I think that would make both you and your daughter come off worse in the whole scenario. As a trainee teacher, I can say that it's way more likely to get your daughter punished if she did indeed do what some MFP'ers are saying and kick him in the gonads, which would cause those in authority to completely overlook the fact that this child's behaviour needs to be dealt with.

This kid has a history that the school is aware of. That means that even if he stops picking on your daughter, if the school isn't aware of it, he will just carry on the same behaviour to someone else's kids. And if he's never reprimanded for that, then who knows how he could grow up to be? Arrange a meeting with the boy's parents and the school principal. They need to be aware that his behaviour hasn't changed and will hopefully be able to keep a lookout to prevent your daughter from being picked on by this boy.

christina0089

i say get on the bus and call his little *kitten* out. Like Madea! I bet he wont say another word. Of course thats what WE would do at my house. It would happen 1 time. Done.

THIS would be and has been my solution! Catch em face on and let em know whats up! No questions no BS. I don't think he will continue after you have had a word or two with him.

mgmlap

Call the father on it. I mean ...that's what I would do. My daughter has a friend. Whenever we have small group at church....she is in my group. Her mom called me to voice some concerns..which were no concerns at all..but at the end of the day..if this parent is giving your child religious education..you have every right to let them know what their child is doing...

Obviously there is a disconnect between the boy bullying and the father giving CCD classes..if it doesn't get resolved..go to the priest and complain..cause those that are giving our children religious education must stand by those morals that they are teaching!

MMarvelous

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

This has got to be a SC thing b/c I was going to say I will have my niece Trinity beat him up. LOL

Make an appointment at the school and ask the father to be present. Discuss the issues. If nothing happens, teach your girls how to take out that little boy.

Snakey74

I'd tell your daughter to kick him in the ding-ding.
Someone standing up to him sounds like something he isn't familiar with.