How to handle a boy bully against girls?

YassSpartan

Because 99% of the time, a bully like the OP is talking about won't know WHAT to do when someone stands up for themselves against him. Probably run off and cry?

I may have to say that's speculation. Of course, I'm saying this from my point of view, not saying you're wrong or right. It is nice to think they would go running, but how many cases there have been when the kid will come back to take revenge and not in a nice manner? Just saying.

alorick

My girls are both red belts in Tae Kwon Do...that said, I still don't want them hitting anybody unless it is self defense against something PHYSICAL. I'm not having either of my kids get thrown out of school.

Psychological abuse isn't okay. And it sounds like it's not going to stop anytime soon. I understand you don't want them thrown out of school, but there has to be some record of what's been going on. Your kids have a right to defend themselves. I don't think calling the boy a big meanie head would get the job done. But, do you and yours.

KrisyKat

I would talk to the school and request that this boy be "shadowed" by his parents on the bus for the next few weeks. Maybe if his Mom and/or Dad have to take time off of work to monitor his behavior, they may be more prone to dole out harsher punishment!! As a teacher, I can say that this strategy works wonders!!!

alorick

Because 99% of the time, a bully like the OP is talking about won't know WHAT to do when someone stands up for themselves against him. Probably run off and cry?

I may have to say that's speculation. Of course, I'm saying this from my point of view, not saying you're wrong or right. It is nice to think they would go running, but how many cases there have been when the kid will come back to take revenge and not in a nice manner? Just saying.

Statistics show that the bully will leave them alone, and move on to the next easy target. That's not okay either, but it would solve OP's problem.

After reading, I think having a police officer come and talk to the kid and his parents would be a great idea. Scared straight, or something like that.

12skipafew99100

Absolutely file a report with the school. Then have a personal talk with the boys father. He may be totally unaware of his childs actions and deserves to be told the truth. Do it with a kind heart. Good luck.

sunshine__angel

My first reaction would be to talk to the parents about it personally. Tell them that your daughter is having problems with their son and you would appreciate it if they could talk to him about it. If the problem persists, I would speak to the principle. And if the problem is not solved after all that, return to the boy's parents and tell them you take threats and harassment very seriously and if the problem is not corrected, you will be going to the police. A 10 year old knows that threatening to kill someone is wrong and bullying is wrong. If he doesn't want to listen to his parents or the school then he can answer to the police. A threat is a threat and it should not be taken lightly. You shouldn't have to remove your daughter from the school but as a very last resort, I would consider it if she is actually living in fear.

jamiesadler

Three weeks ago, a boy on my twin daughter's bus, got in big trouble at school. He told a girl that he was - and this is the quote " Going to beat your parents to death with a metal baseball bat." He's in 5th grade, and so are my kids. He was suspended from school for a week, and then forced was forced to sit behind the bus driver for the remainder of the year ( The incident happened on a bus. ) And at age 10, he also called the girl the "C" word.

So today, my one daughter came home from school crying, saying that this same boy is being incredibly rude to her and making fun of her, and has been since he came back to school after his suspension. She said that she is afraid to ride the bus because of him, though she also said that he didn't threaten her. But she said it is all the time harassment.

Now here's the 'kicker"..... his father is the guy who teaches my daughters in CCD ( Catholic education classes for the kids who do not attend Catholic school ) The father, IMO, has taken the big incident way too lightly. The boy's "punishment" for the big incident was to not be allowed to attend a sleepover the weekend that it happened.

See, if this was not the same kid who threatened to kill somebody's parents with a metal baseball bat, i would just tell my daughter to ignore the idiot boy. Boys can be really rude.... but given the boy's history in the last month, and the fact that my daughter now is afraid to ride the bus, I think maybe I need to chat with the school.

What do you think?

For a 10 year old to make a comment like that something else is going on. I would certainly contact the school. Bullying is illegal and your child, every child, has the right to go to school without being afraid of what will happen.

becoming_a_new_me

This needs to be address by a meeting with the principal and school counselor. This boy obviously has unresolved anger management issues. I had a problem similar to this with my daughter and a boy in her school. He was trying to get her to be his girlfriend because she had a "phat *kitten*". She is in 6th grade and is in 7th but was held back a year so should be in 8th. He had a history of pushing kids around and trying to get girls to do things they did not want to do. No matter what she said he would not leave her alone.

I requested a parent meeting, and I explicitly told both the parents and the school officials that should another instance like that happen, I was pressing charges for sexual harrassment and suing the school for allowing the behavior to occur. In exchange for me not pressing charges immediately, the parents agreed to have him meet with the counselor once per week for sensitivity training. She has not seen him since.

Do not take the matters into your own hands...get everyone involved and make sure they all know you are serious.

DieVixen

My daughter would probobly kick him in the nuts

kalateach

I feel as if the school will not do much about this. Consequences are pretty light, as we want everyone to "feel good" about themselves and parents almost always come down on the side of the kid. I like the suggestions about having parents shadow the kid, but they may not comply, and the idea of meeting with both kids, principal, cops and parents. This kid needs to stop terrorizing people, and TEACHERS can't stop it! They don't do it in front of us! Even in 5th grade, this is serious stuff. No one should have to be afraid to go to school, but the reality is that many kids are. There were always bullies and always will be. Heck, I was threatened with a beat down from a boy in 5th grade myself, and in fear I spun him around and let him fly on the cement steps. He never bothered me again.

jesusHchris

Teach your daughter how to throw a job to the nose. Make sure there are some of her friends around to laugh and ridicule this kid as he cries and sniffs on the blood and tears. He's already obviously a bit off in the head, this isn't going to turn him into something he isn't already.

Or maybe he will become a serial killer and you'll feel really bad. Probably not, though.

It wasn't that many years ago when you could actually have this solve the problem. These days, everyone sues over everything and public schools are terrified to confront anyone. 3 more generations and the entire world will be one mass of oozing wuss.

Good luck man, hope it works out.

kingfawz

I'm an attorney...a public defender for what that's worth. I don't have my own children at this point, but I have friends who do. If one of them told me a story like this, I would be DELIGHTED to attend a meeting between them and the school staff. I wouldn't have to say a word. Just the fact that you took the matter seriously enough to consult with counsel would send a loud and clear message to both the school and the boy's parents.

Missouri has pretty strong anti-bullying laws (in person and online), and I'll bet your state does too. Being a kid is hard enough without some little punk making it more difficult. Help her out here

becoming_a_new_me

I'm an attorney...a public defender for what that's worth. I don't have my own children at this point, but I have friends who do. If one of them told me a story like this, I would be DELIGHTED to attend a meeting between them and the school staff. I wouldn't have to say a word. Just the fact that you took the matter seriously enough to consult with counsel would send a loud and clear message to both the school and the boy's parents.

Missouri has pretty strong anti-bullying laws (in person and online), and I'll bet your state does too. Being a kid is hard enough without some little punk making it more difficult. Help her out here

With the situation with my daughter, I had my family attorney's business card with me. He said to make sure that if they had any futher questions to have them call me. It is amazing how "pressing charges", "attorney", and "lawsuit (with counsel on board)" get things done.

tinacc1

I don't know what the hell is wrong with kids. No respect for anyone around them. It makes me crazy. My daughter was bullied by the kids in the 'low rental housing' in the adjoining neighbourhood since before she started school. She's in grade 5 now, and she's always nervous. It messes with their heads! So unfair. Well on the news today there was another school shooting, and the shooter had been bullied.5 kids have been shot, 1 is dead and the shooter is going to end up in jail for murder.
We. as parents, are responsible. If you kid is being bullied...WE HAVE TO STOP IT! My daughter (as well as another child) was BIT this week at swimming class after being held underwater by another girl. BIT! The biter is trying to say she was playing 'shark'. Almost 11 years old, and she was teasing another girl just the day before during lunch for eating a banana.(you know what I mean) If your old enough to do that, the 'playing shark' crap doesn't fly with me. I called the school, and this swim instructor has also been informed of her behavior. The teacher has called her mother, but nothing will be done.
I told my daughter that if the 'shark' comes near her again , that she can kick, punch, scratch, tear off her bathing suit, gouge out her eyes, whatever it takes to protect herself. I'll deal with the repercussions, and I don't care anymore. Time for the bullies to be stopped.
Chuck, don't step on the bus, but tell the bullies' Dad, that whatever his kid does to your girls, you're going to do the same to him.
I'm aware that violence breeds violence, but we only have so many cheeks to turn! I don't know about you, but I'm fed up.

mikey1976

Tell your daughter to kick that kid right in the nuts. He won't have the voice or the lol 'balls' to go tell..
You should do the same to his father.

i love this but bo i would ended it fast with the school you and his parents. the threat to kill the family should be filled with the police i know he's young but look what just happen at that school in the state the stupid kid brought a gun to school and used it. i would be a ball of fury if this happened to my nieces and nephews. i right know my oldest nephews is a low down liar and theiff still staying out all hours skipping school. we are at a loss for what to do with him. i tried to get in his head but he refused to even consider his future and whats hes doing. but hes only 14 so maybe he might change but i refuse to bend over backwards for him. he need some tough love. he just got new shirts, pants and shoes worth 300 to 400 hundred dollares. that worth more then all my wardrob together how sad. but yeah back to your question i would put the fear into him and his parents with cops and a petion to have him removed completly. sham on his father for not punishing him. i would of gotten a beaten for doing that. i have been there where i had to take a bus with kids from another school one hit with a bat then laugh he did laugh long once we where off the bus he recieved a beat down from me and he stay as far as he can until i moved away. i hate bullies period there no room for it now or ever.

paisley2288

i say get on the bus and call his little *kitten* out. Like Madea! I bet he wont say another word. Of course thats what WE would do at my house. It would happen 1 time. Done.

^^THIS! Ha! I love it! And bring a metal baseball bat with you.

taso42

Sorry this is happening. Sounds awful. The parents are failing to fulfill their responsibilities here, big time. Make sure to let the school administration know about each and every one of these incidents.

MommyTKD

In my opinion, you have a much better chance of effecting change if you bring it through the school which then needs to make and implement a plan to manage this kid. It's not YOUR daughter's problem, it's this kid's. If you approach the parents directly, they are likely to be a) defensive or b) in denial about their kid. Assuming they are good people, then they will have a hard time accepting your statements (and i"m pretty sure a kid who has no qualms about threatening to bash adults with metal bats will also likely LIE if confronted).

I would NOT insert yourself here. I WOULD get into that school TOMORROW, report the incident, and make darn sure you know exactly what steps are going to be taken.

maryloo2011

I won't even bother reading what everyone replied with but i certainly hope that the majority has said to take it up with the school.

I am the oldest and my middle sister dealt with a LOT of bullying from both boys and girls growing up. Even on the bus. The SCHOOL bus is SCHOOL property, you NEED to bring it to the attention to the principal and proper authorities.

I am so sorry your daughter has to deal with this and no child deserves that treatment. I am almost in tears because of this because it hits so close to home... PLEASE I beg you to bring this to attention to the school.

Best wishes.

cloud2011

I don't know. Honestly, I had four siblings, so if a boy was this rude to me, I usually would have first fought him myself (I wasn't a tough girl, but I was athletic and had two brothers who used to get into it with me at times). OR I would threaten them with my brothers. That was a different era though.


Today,physical aggression (even in self-defense) is no longer tolerated in school. When I was a kid, it was the law of the jungle, well nearly.

First of all, I think this kid has problems. But if the father won't address them, there's not a lot you can really do.

Second, your daughter needs to diffuse the bully's threats or rudeness. I taught my kids to say, "So?" after every snotty put-down. There's nothing left to say on the bully's end, if you keep saying, "So?" or "So what?"

Example:

Bully: You're a c***.

Student: So?

Bully: Well you're a big fat ugly rhino!

Student: So?

Bully: I'm going to beat you up!

Student: So?

And so on.

In the book, "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," I believe this is also mentioned as "computer talk." If someone is offensive and rude, you respond to them as if you are a computer, without emotion, without feeling. You repeat the same message over and again. They either get it or they don't but you don't take the bait.

The bully is looking to push your buttons. Nothing is more frustrating to them when they can't.