not about weight..but about a creepy guy..advice please

Debbe2

^^ All great advise. Trust your gut! If he knocks on your door and then hides behind the door again you can actually call the police. Perhaps the scare of them showing up would frighten him, make him move... anything! I agree with the people who recommend that you not threaten him because you don't know how stable he is. But a record of a complaint may be a good idea under the guise of you being scared and you didn't know it was him. Pepper spray, small can of hair spray or anything that can spray in his eyes and momentarily debilitate him if he comes too close sounds good to me! Stay safe!!

PlanetVelma

1. Check to see if he has a record or is a sex offender.
2. Notify said landlord of any findings as well as anytime that he harasses you.
3. Purchase mase.
4.Get hand gun permit.
5. Purchase small handgun.
6. Contact law enforcement and register a complaint if nothing else, just incase and so they are aware of the problem. Could help if you ever need a restraining order.
7. Mase that dude STRAIGHT in the stinking face next time he decides to be a creeper.
8. Make sure you keep your handgun on you.



Feel free to omit 4,5, and 8 if you aren't as southern as I am...lol.

But seriously, that's what I'd do.

Love this comment....

Can you enroll in some self defense classes? Many community centers have free/low cost self defense classes.

I would notify my landlord in writing and verbally (squeaky wheel).

If your landlord will permit it - get a dog....a large dog. I'm thinking a rescued Rottweiller.

I had a guy like that at my old residence, he was a creep. As soon as I got a dog, he left me alone and stopped trying to mess with me.

gluvdjs4e

Please don't take my next statement wrong: Check what you are wearing (clothes) while working out--some outfits can make crazy guys crazier. I say this because I work on a college campus and some of the outfits these girls wear --well lets just say the outfits look like nothing more than tights, and not all of them are working out.

even with the disclaimer, this comment is inappropriate. Whatever she wears, is fine. Nothing she wears gives anyone the right to harass her in any way. Please do not further this victim-blaming mentality. This kind of thinking is why women tell themselves they won't report the harassment or rape they suffered because somehow their clothing means they deserved it. Nothing could be further from the truth. This creep is harassing her because he is a creep. NOT because of her clothing choices.

You are right it's not the victims fault, but it is how the crazies think, isn't it? Do we not wear low cut, tight, super short clothes to get looks? I do it. So a person who doesn't appreciate boundaries may think that she wants to be watched, touched or taken. It is an excuse they use. Maybe he doesn't look at the other young woman in the building because she dresses in looser clothing. Dressing for safety is no different than avoiding bad neighborhoods. You can not control the inappropriate behavior of others, just make sure you do what you need to to be safe. And get some pepper spray. He deserves a face full next time he jumps out at you or comes to your door.

skinnybearlyndsay

Any update?

hdroddy

I have to agree, and take it a step further...even with the disclaimer, this comment is BU11$HIT. I can not evern comprehend how, in this day and time, anyone could even think to make this type of comment regarding this situation. I don't care if you are wallking around topless in a thong, there is no place for this kind of behavior, nor this kind of commentary.

There are things that people can do to help avoid a potential attack. That does not mean someone who doesn't do the things on the list is asking to be attacked, just that the person who does is taking extra precautions to stay safe. The problem arises when people impart inaccurate or misinformed suggestions to others. That can either lull someone into a false sense of security or perpetuate the ideology that the victim was somehow at fault for getting attacked.

With respect to clothing choice. It's actually pretty low on the list of things to do. The main reason it's ever even mentioned has to do with the risks it poses to the would-be attacker and not the sex appeal it gives to the wearer (someone in high heels would have more difficulty fleeing and the gait of that person tends to make them look more vulnerable is a classic example). Furthermore, the fact that the person in question is being approached at her residence takes away just about all claims to clothing being an issue. There are so many more important things that you could do to increase your safety levels than worrying if your top is cut too low.

Stay alert at all times. Have contingencies planned for emergency situations. If you come home and think someone has broken in what will you do? If you notice someone following you on your way to your house what will you do? Where is the nearest police station and how long would it take for them to get to you if you called in an emergency? If you do get attacked and are able to flee, where will you go and what route will you take to get there? Things like that. These aren't 'fun' things to think about but it's better to figure out the answers now than trying to on the fly when you're in the middle of a bad situation.

Whenever possible, avoid traveling alone and stay in well-lit and well-trafficked areas.

I hate the phrase, but "don't let yourself be a victim." It's got such bad connotations but I don't know of a better way to put it. Assault, especially sexual assault, is a very psychological thing. A criminal is going to prey on someone that they think is weaker, someone that they don't feel will cause them problems. It is important to remember that at all times. Avoid situations that would take you out of control (have your keys in hand and ready when walking to your car/door, plan routes you'll be taking ahead of time and especially at night, etc). It is OK to be afraid in an uncertain situation, but learn to mask that fear and give off a display of confidence.

No one deserves to be attacked. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take steps to increase your own personal safety though.

This is also not a women only issue. There are lots of scenarios that can put a man in danger too. Having a **** doesn't mean you don't have to worry about safety.

I've taught self defense classes at the community college near me and grew up in a law enforcement household. If anyone has ANY questions about this sort of thing feel free to message me. According to the CC, I have at least 2 college credits worth of info I can bore you with . A self defense class that you go to in person is obviously better, and I'm sure there are many people here as knowledgeable or more so than I, but I feel very strongly about this issue and would gladly help in any way I can.

I have a daughter about to go to college. Scares the hell out of me. This is exactly what I tell her. It is never, ever the victim's fault. But you have to do all you can to avoid becoming one. Even if it seems unfair, if it saves you the heartache and distress of suffering something worse, it is worth it.

I wouldn't recommend the gun unless you've received extensive training or have a lot of experience with them. My daughter has been shooting since she was 8, and I will get her a gun as soon as she can legally carry one on her if that is what she wishes. It's not as easy to shoot a person as you might think, even in such a situation, and if you don't know how to handle a weapon it can easily be turned on you. Big dog, definitely.

gluvdjs4e

@Countryboy65....you must not have read all of the comments, I did explain why I said what I said....so before you and the rest of the folks start attacking comments you really should read all of them and respect that others can and do think differently...So please explain why you all are taking this in a bad way instead of another option for her to look at to help keep her out of danger, like the comment was meant for. Why be on the look out for negative....
What I said came from a good place, and in no way implied that it is her fault for this crazy person to be stalking her.
If you are doing something that might put you in danger would you not try to change it? Notice I did say "might"....

Does it make it right--NO it doesn't she should not have to change it is her freedom to do as she pleases, however she did ask for help and that was just ONE of the things I said.....if changing outfits helps to keep her safe then maybe just maybe she might want to think about that....

You all should stop jumping so fast to think bad about things, there was no hidden agenda in what I said.
If she had said I go jogging in the dim lit park at 2AM and this man is stalking me....No one would have had an issue if I had said try jogging in a different place or at a different time.

Like I said before we all have the right do go and do what we please, however we still need to think about our safety....

I totally agree with you.

77tes

Creepy guy in your apartment complex or not -- never open the door to someone you can't see.

Don't engage him -- he really might be mentally unstable (I know -- I've had a crazy neighbor, but in our case, he thought my husband was stalking him).

Tell everyone you know about him. Check with the police (although in my experience a visit from the police only made things worse).

Be careful. Good luck.

a6ftdiva

According to a 2002 report by the National Center for Victims of Crime, "Virtually any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking

1st- do not cuss him out- next time you see him, tell him in a respectful way that what he is doing makes you uncomfortable, please stop. Hard to do but necessary. He could think he is flirting with you if he is a drunk and you have to let him know in no uncertain terms that you are not interested.
then,
write him a cease and desist letter, be logical, and explain that his behavior is menacing and you would like it to stop. LET HIM KNOW YOU FEEL HE IS STALKING YOU (WRITE THAT IN THE LETTER) and detail the dates and time that you have asked him to stop the behavior. have it notarized and send it certified or overnight, signature required. SEND A COPY TO THE LANDLORD, also certified, signature required. ** when you type the letter include the tracking number of the package or certified tracking number in the body of the letter.....

keep copies of everything and a detailed log about what he does and when he does it. (see the link below for a downloadable log sheet) take pictures to add to the log.

the next time he scares you, hides and says boo, CALL THE POLICE. AND KEEP CALLING THEM EVERYTIME HE DOES IT. Call them if he is walking around drunk, etc.

If it continues, you will have evidence of stalking, and will be able to get an order of protection.
visit the stalking resource center: http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_IncidentandBehaviorLog(goodone)759


If he has a record, is a sex offender etc, the first call to police will most likely land him in jail.

DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH THIS STUFF...

kaetra

We had a problem with a neighbor last year and after trying to resolve it on my own with several different non-confrontational techniques I finally called the police.

I am so happy that I did. They sent a special kind of police officer - a community mediator. She talked to me about what was going on and really listened. Then, she went to the neighbors house and talked to them. On her instruction, each time we had an issue, I called the police. And each time they sent a mediator. The police knew the situation, sympathized with the distress it was causing and they helped the situation immensely!

Within 2 months those neighbors moved out. It never would have happened if I hadn't turned to the authorities for help.

This guy is a CREEP. Don't make creeping easy for him. Call the police. They will help you.

UltraRoyal

Pepper Spray. Next time he jumps out at you give him a faceful.

OH YAAAAA!!!!! Also, find out what you can, like if he is a sex offender, find out his name, google and facebook search. Be in the know......keep track of his daily routine. Make sure that your own personal daily schedule changes all time. Honeslty, majority ppl will say oh dont worry its harmless, but I trust NOBODY, watch your back and everymove, people are unpredictable....especially the creepy ones. I wish you the best, dont take it lightly.

UltraRoyal

According to a 2002 report by the National Center for Victims of Crime, "Virtually any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear can be considered stalking

1st- do not cuss him out- next time you see him, tell him in a respectful way that what he is doing makes you uncomfortable, please stop. Hard to do but necessary. He could think he is flirting with you if he is a drunk and you have to let him know in no uncertain terms that you are not interested.
then,
write him a cease and desist letter, be logical, and explain that his behavior is menacing and you would like it to stop. LET HIM KNOW YOU FEEL HE IS STALKING YOU (WRITE THAT IN THE LETTER) and detail the dates and time that you have asked him to stop the behavior. have it notarized and send it certified or overnight, signature required. SEND A COPY TO THE LANDLORD, also certified, signature required. ** when you type the letter include the tracking number of the package or certified tracking number in the body of the letter.....

keep copies of everything and a detailed log about what he does and when he does it. (see the link below for a downloadable log sheet) take pictures to add to the log.

the next time he scares you, hides and says boo, CALL THE POLICE. AND KEEP CALLING THEM EVERYTIME HE DOES IT. Call them if he is walking around drunk, etc.

If it continues, you will have evidence of stalking, and will be able to get an order of protection.
visit the stalking resource center: http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_IncidentandBehaviorLog(goodone)759


If he has a record, is a sex offender etc, the first call to police will most likely land him in jail.

DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH THIS STUFF...

OH THIS IS PERFECT!!! going to keep it for myself as well.

ArroganceInStep

You are right it's not the victims fault, but it is how the crazies think, isn't it? Do we not wear low cut, tight, super short clothes to get looks? I do it. So a person who doesn't appreciate boundaries may think that she wants to be watched, touched or taken. It is an excuse they use. Maybe he doesn't look at the other young woman in the building because she dresses in looser clothing. Dressing for safety is no different than avoiding bad neighborhoods. You can not control the inappropriate behavior of others, just make sure you do what you need to to be safe. And get some pepper spray. He deserves a face full next time he jumps out at you or comes to your door.

This really is inaccurate. There are many more things to be wary off that are more important than clothing choice. Targeting for assault has more to do with the perceived vulnerability of the victim than it does with the tightness of their shirt. Your claim might make sense to you and I recognize that it's coming from a place with good intentions, but it does serve to reinforce an ideology of victim blame ('well if she wasn't wearing THAT outfit...).

auroranflash

Legally covering your own butt, talk to the apartment manager in person, but also send them a certified letter regarding the harassment. Keep a copy of the letter, and your receipt from it being certified, just in case you need it for proof/evidence later.

I agree with keeping a log of every time this person makes you feel uncomfortable. Make sure to include date, time, and what was done that made you feel uncomfortable.

Go with your gut. Don't provoke him. And get a dog if you can (from the shelter if possible).

I'll say a prayer for you that everything works out OK. Sometimes apartment managers can be very thick-headed, you have to keep after them and keep a log of EVERYTHING! God bless.

jenbooks

Get this book and read it: The Gift of Fear by Gavin Becker. ( http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198 )

FoamyRiver

Wasp spray works well too and is readily available at most grocery stores, convenience stores, big box stores, etc. Whereas mace/pepper spray sometimes aren't easy to find.

CountryBoy65

And get some pepper spray. He deserves a face full next time he jumps out at you or comes to your door.

Beware of the pepper spray. When I was a State Trooper, I had to endure pepper spray in training before I could carry it. I stood 6 feet away from the instructor, who sprayed about a 10 second burst of pepper spray into my eyes, nose and mouth...after which I went after him, took him to the ground, took his weapon and handcuffed him. If I had been the bad guy, he would have been a dead man. It hurt like hell and it was some nasty stuff, but it does not always stop someone from hurting you....

KrisyKat

I'd give him a taste of his own medicine and start doing things to creep HIM out. Make it your ultimate goal to get him to avoid you. Here's some fun ideas...

1. Whenever he looks at you, dig your nose---extra points if you pretend to eat boogers.

2. When he tries to start a convo, bring up subjects like period blood, yeast infections, and the size/color/shape of your bowel movements.

3. Invite over your most obnoxious friend/family member over and have THEM converse with him in the hall---extra points if you can get the person to act like they have a crush on him (doesn't matter what sex they are.)

4. Don't put on deodorant when you do your stairs bit- get nice and sweaty and make sure you REAK. Don't brush your teeth either- halitosis works wonders!

5. Try to fart during every encounter. If you can't, buy a fart machine keychain or download the fart sound app on your phone.

6. Repay his "BOO" routine with a good old punch to the face (make sure it's instant.) No one can say you did it on purpose- hey, you were startled. Plead self-defense!

7. Make constant hurtful remarks like, "Wow, you're getting fat!" OR "I hope I don't look as bad as you when I'm 40" OR "Why are you always drinking?- Beer doesn't fix ugly!"

I could think of a lot more, but I'll let other MFP-ers give it a go...

BEST OF LUCK!!!

becoming_a_new_me

Coming from a former rape victim, absolutely report him to your landlord, get a good picture of him and report him to the police. My rapist was a creepy neighbor too. I avoided eye contact with him, skirted around him, anything to avoid him. Once night, he broke into my apartment and did his thing while my roommate slept in the next room. I was 23 at the time, and he scared the crap out of me. Our landlord was a police officer, and told me that had I reported the guys behavior then he would have been warned or evicted. As it was, after the incident happened and the police showed up, the guy was spooked and took off. They never found him and I never had justice.

After that, I took a self defense class, and I learned the following things:

1. Always stand straight with your head held high. While you do not want to "lock eyes" with your stalker, you do want him to know that you are confident and know he is watching. Therefore, make sure that you look at him so he knows you saw him. I tend to also give the evil eye when I do this.

2. If you have not taken a self defense class take one. They teach you where to kick and how to do it to disable your attacker.

3. Make noise if he comes anywhere near you. If he does start to attack you, yell "fire". People don't respond to screams for help, but if they think that their own person or property is in danger, the will respond.

4. Also related to if he attacks you...kick, scream, bite, scratch, head butt...whatever it takes, but be a major pain in the *kitten*. If he has a weapon, this is different, but most do not use a weapon.

5. Get all information you can about the person. Write down his name, address, make and model of car, license plate number, VIN #, whatever. Also keep a log of every-single interaction with him whether it seems trivial or not.

Be safe and good luck!! As to clothing choice...tighter is harder to get off, but most attackers do not make a choice of target because of clothing. There is usually something else, it could be you remind him of an ex-girlfriend, have a certain color hair, or carry yourself a certain way that tripped his trigger.

sarahp86

If you are in fear for your safety do something now. He could be testing the water to see how far he can push you without retaliation. He could also have mental health issues or learning disabilities.

Make a complaint to your landlord and talk with the police if there is a community policing section they could advise you. Maybe get a friend to stay with you or put up a dummy CCTV camera over your door. He doesn't have to k ow its fake.

Just be safe and look after yourself

chrissismone

Honey I would be in jail and plead insanity bc he is in my personal space and I feel stalked and threatend. I would let him know to back the hell back and if not I would also make alot of notes as he could turn stalker like. I would inform the landlord and if needed the police. Knocking on someone door when he knows you live alone at night is grounds in my book to stab or shoot.