Losing weight too easy? Try these handicaps

taso42

If you're having way too easy of a time losing weight and would like it to be a bigger challenge, try some of these tips!

1. Cut out entire food groups arbitrarily. One week you can cut out carbs. Another week, stop eating fats. On week 3, don't eat any yellow foods, etc. Be creative with this.
2. Don't eat 3 hours before bed. Or 4 hours. Or just stop eating after 2pm. Consider eating only at 1:30pm. If you miss the 1:30 mark one day, don't worry. Just try again tomorrow. Set an alarm on your smart phone.
3. Make sure you spend 1/3 of each day on the elliptical machine. Remember, cardio, cardio, cardio, and more cardio! Aim for a 2000 calorie per day burn. Of course this should only be done while eating 1200 calories.
4. If you eat breakfast currently, STOP EATING BREAKFAST!
5. If you don't eat breakfast currently, EAT BREAKFAST! IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL AND IT WILL KICKSTART YOUR METABOLISM.
6. Juice fast. 'Nuff said
7. Take the Dr. Oz challenge! Every week, tune in to the Dr. Oz show, listen very carefully, and do exactly what he says.
8. Starve yourself. Stay under 900 calories every day because you're very short and you know your body and you have a slow metabolism.
9. Click on all internet links that advertise weight loss secrets. Buy as many as possible.
10. Stop exercising. It's a waste of time and all that sweating can't possibly be good for the skin.

We hope that by following some or all of these simple rules, you can make losing weight the difficult and excruciating process that it was meant to be.

CoryIda

Awww crap! Why didn't you share this information with me last year? Now it's too late to incorporate any of these fabulous ideas because I already LOST all the weight!

**grumble**

joejccva71

Haha Taso. Awesome.

sunkisses

I rarely propose marriage but.... I think this post warrants it.

grapenutSF

you forgot to add the diet pills from mexico.

Silverkittycat

My alarm on my "smart" phone doesn't seem to work. Also, every time I try to add Chobani to my grocery list it changes to Chicano. What should I do?

Clever_Girl

Let's not forget the importance of laxatives.

MB_Positif

Lovely post. Thanks for the tips!

sunkisses

Let's not forget the importance of laxatives.

Ah, yes, "cleansing".

infamousmk

Don't forget water!


All liquids are water. Especially black coffee. However, if you're drinking your coffee with splenda, then you may only count pure, clean, ice-cold water.

ChRiStA_1983

If you're having way too easy of a time losing weight and would like it to be a bigger challenge, try some of these tips!

1. Cut out entire food groups arbitrarily. One week you can cut out carbs. Another week, stop eating fats. On week 3, don't eat any yellow foods, etc. Be creative with this.
2. Don't eat 3 hours before bed. Or 4 hours. Or just stop eating after 2pm. Consider eating only at 1:30pm. If you miss the 1:30 mark one day, don't worry. Just try again tomorrow. Set an alarm on your smart phone.
3. Make sure you spend 1/3 of each day on the elliptical machine. Remember, cardio, cardio, cardio, and more cardio! Aim for a 2000 calorie per day burn. Of course this should only be done while eating 1200 calories.
4. If you eat breakfast currently, STOP EATING BREAKFAST!
5. If you don't eat breakfast currently, EAT BREAKFAST! IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL AND IT WILL KICKSTART YOUR METABOLISM.
6. Juice fast. 'Nuff said
7. Take the Dr. Oz challenge! Every week, tune in to the Dr. Oz show, listen very carefully, and do exactly what he says.
8. Starve yourself. Stay under 900 calories every day because you're very short and you know your body and you have a slow metabolism.
9. Click on all internet links that advertise weight loss secrets. Buy as many as possible.
10. Stop exercising. It's a waste of time and all that sweating can't possibly be good for the skin.

We hope that by following some or all of these simple rules, you can
make losing weight the difficult and excruciating process that it was meant to be.

* Insert exaggerated gasp here*. So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong! Omg, Taso, you're a GENIUS! :P

MrsCon40

Apple cider vinegar! Don't forget to take that orally and colonicly!

BigDaddyBRC

You forgot the prego's pee!!!!!!!!!!! DRINK IT!!!!!!

TrophyWifeSass

But will my bones shrink?

ilookthetype

When hungry just drink vodka until you pass out.

Yanicka1

is it ok if a give you a steamy hot french kiss???

TDGee

If you MUST use weights, lift light and lots of reps. Also,
Tae Bo.

Elizabeth_C34

*throws panties at Taso*

becoming_a_new_me

you forgot to add the diet pills from mexico.

But make sure they come in a plain paper bag with no labels or it doesn't count

becoming_a_new_me

If you MUST use weights, lift light and lots of reps. Also,
Tae Bo.

Don't forget about Burpees

becoming_a_new_me

When hungry just drink vodka until you pass out.

Wait...that's a bad thing??? :embarassed:

wildcard29

Now I'm soooo confused. I think I should just stop eating!!!!

JoyousRen

When hungry just drink vodka until you pass out.

Wait...that's a bad thing??? :embarassed:

No, that's fun!

becoming_a_new_me

When hungry just drink vodka until you pass out.

Wait...that's a bad thing??? :embarassed:

No, that's fun!

Whew!! Had me worried for a sec!! :bigsmile:

wk9t

ROTFLMAO!! I think you just solved all my weight loss problems. When is your book coming out?

KatieJane83

I love you.


That is all.

chrisdavey

Definitely no burpees! Body sculpt is where it's at.

Remember, never to pick anything up that is heavier than you're hand bag. Don't want to get bulky.

maidentl

You forgot to tell people to eat clean. Wash all foods thoroughly with soap and water.

mes1119

LOL, I think some people missed the sarcasm...

tiamaria3

:laugh: :noway:

Takes2long

Take the unlabled diet pills, from the brown paper bag, AND the laxatives and swallow them with the vodka.