Does anyone else pretty much have NO support at all?

bunnylvr

I mean other than MFP community? I am getting no support at all from my family or my boyfriend. I'm pretty much completely on my own with this. Is anyone in the same boat? I'll probably just quit telling the people in my life about my success because they only say things that will discourage me, I am just sick of it. I weighed in today and I lost another 1.6 pounds and I was really excited, but then today I got two snide remarks, one from my mother and one from the boyfriend, which kind of killed it for me. It really pisses me off. Sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest.

hapoo100

sadly this is pretty common. You did really awesome on your weigh in, dont let anyone take that from you. You deserve to feel good!!

Hannova

That is probably the hardest thing. I did go through that once, and I wound up keeping my successes to myself because in the end, it's going to be obvious when the healthier version of you emerges.

I'd rather say nothing than get the snide remarks or any comment that could de-rail me. Even when friends knew I was completely overhauling how I ate, I still get those who insist on presenting me with seconds or "just a little more?" at a meal, or at a family dinner, attempting to push dessert, or leftovers on me.

That was both hard, and very disappointing. I would never sabotage anyone else's weight loss plan, so it was sad to know they would. Frankly, I got pissed. And I work harder when I'm mad.

olygirl1971

I agree with the previous post. Don't let others kill it for you. If it bothers you, you should feel free to say something. It's not okay for others to make us feel badly about ourselves, regardless of who they are. No support? ha!!! I've been living in a foreign country now for 3 years, and anyone 5 pounds over their "ideal" weight is just flat out told 'you're fat' - there is no polite monitor here. It does wonders for your self esteem (insert massive sarcastic overtones there). So, if that makes you feel any better - just think of that!

used2beunderage

your man probably thinks when you lose a lot of weight that you will find someone else. that's why he is so negative about your loss. let him know that he is the one you want your size now or smaller. as for your mother, maybe she enjoys being the smaller of the two if that is the case. don't know bout that one.

sailorsaturn

i know what you are feeling, family bringing in candy and cookies. boyfriend thinks that if he don't drink soda and pukes at the gym that he is better than you. people saying you need sleep but when you sleep you have to get up to go to the gym. gym cost rising. boyfriend weighs more than me and telling me i have flabby arms.

harmonious1

Girl, I feel ya. Same here. My husband says he doesn't mean to be mean, but when all I'm trying to hear is a simple good job, it kinda hurts and discouraging. Like what I'm doing isn't good enough. blah, that's a reason why I started this cause I need simple suport.

Ready2Rock206

Totally know the feeling. Not a lot of support around here. Don't let it get you down. When I did have a BF (he's long gone now) I was so excited to buy a pair of medium pants. His response? "So? they're still not a small" I wanted to kill him.

musicstardust67

Yep I barely get any support at all except from maybe my dad. All I get is nit picky BS about depriving myself of horrible foods I shouldn't eat in the first place. I also wish I got more support on here but most people on here are very supportive though.

CivicSista

Same here, people in my life don't understand that I want to get fit. I need more MFP friends, I'll add you.

chubbytiff

I am in that boat. I have food pushing going on. My husband is not really helping me. My family when i say i have lost 12 lbs acts like woopi doo. I hear how big i am all the time and how I used to be so pretty. So I understand where you are coming from. One of the most stupid things came from my mom. She said if you want to loose it the just eat salid and drink water everyday. Coming from her who weighs 97lbs and smokes like a freight train.

scott1080

yes i have been on my own with my new life style for over a year. for the first 6 months when i was at my strongest i was doing great i lost 52lbs. then the holiday stress hit. along with that i have no support from my wife. i know she loves me but she is to wrapped up in all her facebook mommy groups to give me any attention. so my weightloss took a step back and i gained 15 back so i found this site and all the great support i lost 9 so far. and whats really sad is after losing 52lbs you would think your SO would pay more attention but i think its gotten worse

myogibbs

I consider myself very lucky, in that I have an amazing husband, who is so supportive. I have been in your shoes before...a previous boyfriend told me when I REALLY wanted to change, I would...so, well, it did...I lost about 200 lbs of unwanted fat...HIM!!! We are all SO proud of you and your weight loss, but, even more important...that you have the desire to be fit and healthy. Easier said than done, but try not to let it get to you. Don't give away your power like that. You are strong and determined and amazing! So, when anyone tells you differently, just go into the bathroom, look yourself square in the eyes and tell yourself that...love yourself and celebrate your successes...if they can't realize how exciting it is, well, their loss...don't let their misery become yours...you are doing great!!! Keep it up!!! BTW...I am a good cheerleader if you want to friend me

dvisser1

I get a "hey, congratulations" if I really make a point of pointing out how much weight I've lost (22 lbs in 6 weeks). Other than that, it's just me.

The way I choose to look this, I'm doing this for me. I have made me and my health a priority in my life. I don't care if you support me or are envious of me and the positive changes I am making in my life. I will enjoy every step of this journey because this is my life.

bunnylvr

Thanks for all the kind words and support everyone, it really helped cheer me up I think my mom thinks I am going to develop an eating disorder and my boyfriend just didn't think I needed to lose any weight in the first place. So my mother is afraid and the boyfriend just doesn't care that much.

Macrocarpa

Yep, absolutely. Sorry to hear you're going through it, too. Hey when you have NSVs and scale victories you kinda have to enjoy them on your own. You're in it for yourself, bunnylvr, weight loss is not a participation sport.

My classics:

* Wife was dubious about my commitment at the start, then lost interest because of the impact it had on her life ('You're getting up at 5am to go for a run AGAIN? Quit waking me up!' and 'If you want to lose weight, fine, just stop being such a selfish prick about what you eat'). Is now irritated because 80% of my wardrobe has to be thrown away.

* Mother-in-law told me that people who diet beyond what she considers to be a healthy weight (note at the time she made this comment, I was 27% body fat and still in the 'Obese' BMI range) run the risk of forming a mental illness / eating disorder. Has yet to congratulate me on weight loss or fitness. Told me (after injury) that I should listen to my body and just not exercise. She's probably 20 kilos overweight and will likely carry it for the rest of her life; next month I will run 14km for charity, so I don't really pay any attention to her any more.

I stopped waiting for people to mention - or even notice - my weight loss until they asked about it, and stopped enthusing about how wonderful exercise was unless I found someone who wanted to talk about it. My appearance now shocks people I haven't seen for some time - I guess this is validation in some way??

JulieDerda

Good job on losing the lbs! I've never had that happen to me before but i can just imagine how that made you feel. ;( Seems to me like they are just jealous of what you accomplished and/or dont understnad how hard it is to work it off! If anything they should be proud of you!! keep up the fabulous work and do what you do. dont let anyone take your sense of accomplishment away from you!

30yearssincebikini

This reminds me of my ex husband. After my second child was born, I had about 50 pounds to lose, which I did, getting down to 135 pounds and looking good for the summer (year was 1990, child was born june 1989). So I lost the weight and was wearing little cutsie shorts and tanning and stuff and I turned around in front of him and said "Aren't you glad I lost all my weight and look hot again like when we met?" He answered " When you get down to about 125, I'll be happy."

So, stupid me, I diet like crazy and lose the ten pounds and so here I am looking like I did in high school (I was 27) and getting compliments from everyone, but he never notices. I told him I lost the weight and he just shrugs it off, like it's no big deal. The real kicker is that he was over 100 pounds overweight! He was over 300 pounds at six feet even.

cmriverside

They just want to talk about themselves. Ask about them, first. Then spill your good news!

slay0r

That's true, if you don't ask about them and harp on about all the good things you've been doing you don't come across well! At least converse a bit first and ask them about themselves before you start gushing about your own successes! (Trust me I've learned this the hard way a couple of times!)

That said, there's the following thing my friend said to me when I was in the same situation as all of you:

"Everyone is happy to get behind a fat bloke, but once a fat bloke starts becoming a thin bloke, the knives come out."..very very true! I had the exact same things, when I first started losing everyone was making sure I hit my calories and that I was doing it right and were happy to talk about it and congradulate me.. The closer I got to their weights the more *****y they got about comments. The favourite seems to be asking about skin and being really nasty about it to try and keep you below them. I actually had to get a few new friends as a result because some just couldn't be nice about it. (don't want them as friends if they're that shallow anyway!)

Oh and to the person who's boyfriend is being nasty, it's because he's worried you'll get fit and get bored of him and move onto someone fitter like you are now. You have to reassure him but at the same time the doubts will still be there, from experience with good reason because I was engaged and the works when I was losing all of mine and we broke up near the end of my journey, I'd completely changed as a person and she was still the same. She'd want to stay in and eat unhealthily while I wanted to always be out and about doing new things, meeting new people and being very healthy and doing lots of exercise. We just ended up being complete opposites so he's probably got good reason to worry a little!

psposey

Sounds like a similar story all the way around. I enjoy my own success, not so much in big numbers lost but lifting more, running farther, lowering my body fat. Family, especailly my wife and son struggle with weight and while not nasty about it, do not share in my accomplishments because of their struggles. My bottom line is that I do this for myself. In my profile I talk about my Dad who was 70 at the time on the floor with my son, then 2 play wrestling on the floor and I told myself when I turn 70 and have Grandkids I want to be able to do that. I am going to be able to take that hike, run that race, and be able to keep up with the grandchildren!

jadelyndsey

Sadly, I think most of the people on MFP are basically using MFP as their only form of support.

I come from a large family, not in the quantity sense of the word, but the fat sense of the word. My younger sister (15) is morbidly obese, and when I was 191lbs, it looked like I was heading the same way. When I decided to change, I had nothing but "You are stupid for trying to lose weight, you are fine the way you are" and then when I eventually began to lose weight, my mother would tell me "Don't see why you're so happy about it, you yo yo diet all the time and you will eat like a pig at the weekend and just do the same thing all over again"

Unfortunately, she was right. I am not about to blame my mother/family for my size, but I am pretty sure it hasn't helped. I have now hit a wall and haven't lost weight for approximately 5 weeks, so hopefully I can start to exercise more and lose again. Have to give it to MFP, whenever I've felt bad or regretted something, the MFP community never failed to either encourage me to carry on or stop me feeling so depressed. I need to start using this site more often!!! xxx

chrishgt4

The only person I really get encouragement from is the mate who is my spotter.

I guess it's the same if your bf came home from a fishing trip to tell you about the big fish he caught, but you don't understand or care about fishing, you may well be like, yea who cares, they will be the same about weight loss because they don't understand it so it's not interesting to them.

For me I'm not doing it for anyone else anyway so I don't really care about other people's opinions. I have my own standards by which I judge myself and if I can see myself getting close to them that's all the encouragement I need.

silhouettes

My husband is as supportive as he can get, he doesn't get upset with me exercising... but he complains when I want him to exercise with me... and he eats what I buy... but the problem with him is snacks, he keeps eating them around me and offering them to me and although most of the time I say no, sometimes I give in and I wish he wouln't tempt me.

Or on the road, it's happened a few times if they mess up our order they give us double the food to appologize and he makes me feel bad until I eat my half because it's a waste and homeless people could use it... I hate that the most.

CoryIda

MFP is basically all I have for support, but that's okay. I get to support others in real life now, since I've already achieved my primary goals (weight loss, good health) and get enough support on here to help me with my secondary goals (awesome muscles).

chrishgt4

When I decided to change, I had nothing but "You are stupid for trying to lose weight, you are fine the way you are" and then when I eventually began to lose weight, my mother would tell me "Don't see why you're so happy about it, you yo yo diet all the time and you will eat like a pig at the weekend and just do the same thing all over again"

I think people who are like that are the sort of people who believe it's bad luck/genetics/*insert other generic excuse here* that got them like they are, and they have so much of a victim mentality that they just believe there is no way to fix it.

They do believe what they are telling you, but at the same time, they also want to put you off trying because you might succeed and that will make them look bad, both on a physical level, but also that you can do it when they can't.

Ultimately when you do make it and show them it is possible, they will rationalise it that you are just lucky, and if they tried then it still wouldn't work for them.

Gotta ignore all the negative people and stay inside your own head for that - be happy with the results you see and who cares about what anyone else has to say...

hiker282

Isn't support the whole reason the bra and boxer briefs were invented? I mean seriously, go to Wal-mart and buy a cheap set and you'll have all the supported comfort you need!

MrDude_1

To be pretty honest about it, I never even considered any need for "support".

I made the decision that I wanted to meet specific goals... I spent the time researching HOW to get there.. and now im just doing it.
I dont think i ever asked anyone in real life for help... or anything like that. I dont tell people Im on a diet, or that im trying to lose weight...

I just dont get what kind of "support" you people are really talking about? are you looking for someone to tell you what to do, like a trainer, or do your really expect someone to constantly say "good for you!" when you make a personal decision about food?


btw, that comes off harsh, and I dont mean it that way, its a honest question.. what do you guys mean by "support"?
Im fairly independent, so it honestly baffles me.

Hannova

This reminds me of my ex husband. After my second child was born, I had about 50 pounds to lose, which I did, getting down to 135 pounds and looking good for the summer (year was 1990, child was born june 1989). So I lost the weight and was wearing little cutsie shorts and tanning and stuff and I turned around in front of him and said "Aren't you glad I lost all my weight and look hot again like when we met?" He answered " When you get down to about 125, I'll be happy."

So, stupid me, I diet like crazy and lose the ten pounds and so here I am looking like I did in high school (I was 27) and getting compliments from everyone, but he never notices. I told him I lost the weight and he just shrugs it off, like it's no big deal. The real kicker is that he was over 100 pounds overweight! He was over 300 pounds at six feet even.

Funny coincidence, that... my ex-husband said the same thing to me too. "Lose 10 more pounds..." I found out shortly afterward that his diet plan revolved around cocaine. I, too, could stay effortlessly skinny as long as I didn't mind sticking a teeny spoon up my nose.

Whiskey tango fox. That's why he's the ex.

kanmuri

I get support fro my husband and my family, which is nice. However, since I'm already pretty thin, people will be really sarcastic when I tell them I've gained a few pounds. They'll ask me "Where? Behind your ears?" They don't realize that three pounds can make a huge difference in the way my clothes fit.

Anyway, let them talk. You're taking this journey for yourself; don't let the other ruin it for you. You go girl!

MrsMuffinRun

Hi! Me too. I don't really discuss with anyone in any detail. That's why I like using this site, as it's away from real life. My goals are personal to me and I have got to the point in my life (ie I am old) that i am not looking for approval. Obviously my hub knows I go running now and he acts a bit amused by it all and I do mention to my sister from time to time, but she is mega fit anyway so I am no threat on that score to her! But friends, parents etc - no. I am not going to get interest, support, approval, motivation etc so I don't look for any!!!! :-))