Does anyone else pretty much have NO support at all?

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  • jadelyndsey
    jadelyndsey Posts: 150 Member
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    Sadly, I think most of the people on MFP are basically using MFP as their only form of support.

    I come from a large family, not in the quantity sense of the word, but the fat sense of the word. My younger sister (15) is morbidly obese, and when I was 191lbs, it looked like I was heading the same way. When I decided to change, I had nothing but "You are stupid for trying to lose weight, you are fine the way you are" and then when I eventually began to lose weight, my mother would tell me "Don't see why you're so happy about it, you yo yo diet all the time and you will eat like a pig at the weekend and just do the same thing all over again"

    Unfortunately, she was right. I am not about to blame my mother/family for my size, but I am pretty sure it hasn't helped. I have now hit a wall and haven't lost weight for approximately 5 weeks, so hopefully I can start to exercise more and lose again. Have to give it to MFP, whenever I've felt bad or regretted something, the MFP community never failed to either encourage me to carry on or stop me feeling so depressed. I need to start using this site more often!!! xxx
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    The only person I really get encouragement from is the mate who is my spotter.

    I guess it's the same if your bf came home from a fishing trip to tell you about the big fish he caught, but you don't understand or care about fishing, you may well be like, yea who cares, they will be the same about weight loss because they don't understand it so it's not interesting to them.

    For me I'm not doing it for anyone else anyway so I don't really care about other people's opinions. I have my own standards by which I judge myself and if I can see myself getting close to them that's all the encouragement I need.
  • silhouettes
    silhouettes Posts: 517 Member
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    My husband is as supportive as he can get, he doesn't get upset with me exercising... but he complains when I want him to exercise with me... and he eats what I buy... but the problem with him is snacks, he keeps eating them around me and offering them to me and although most of the time I say no, sometimes I give in and I wish he wouln't tempt me.

    Or on the road, it's happened a few times if they mess up our order they give us double the food to appologize and he makes me feel bad until I eat my half because it's a waste and homeless people could use it... I hate that the most.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    MFP is basically all I have for support, but that's okay. I get to support others in real life now, since I've already achieved my primary goals (weight loss, good health) and get enough support on here to help me with my secondary goals (awesome muscles).
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    When I decided to change, I had nothing but "You are stupid for trying to lose weight, you are fine the way you are" and then when I eventually began to lose weight, my mother would tell me "Don't see why you're so happy about it, you yo yo diet all the time and you will eat like a pig at the weekend and just do the same thing all over again"

    I think people who are like that are the sort of people who believe it's bad luck/genetics/*insert other generic excuse here* that got them like they are, and they have so much of a victim mentality that they just believe there is no way to fix it.

    They do believe what they are telling you, but at the same time, they also want to put you off trying because you might succeed and that will make them look bad, both on a physical level, but also that you can do it when they can't.

    Ultimately when you do make it and show them it is possible, they will rationalise it that you are just lucky, and if they tried then it still wouldn't work for them.

    Gotta ignore all the negative people and stay inside your own head for that - be happy with the results you see and who cares about what anyone else has to say...
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    Isn't support the whole reason the bra and boxer briefs were invented? I mean seriously, go to Wal-mart and buy a cheap set and you'll have all the supported comfort you need!
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
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    To be pretty honest about it, I never even considered any need for "support".

    I made the decision that I wanted to meet specific goals... I spent the time researching HOW to get there.. and now im just doing it.
    I dont think i ever asked anyone in real life for help... or anything like that. I dont tell people Im on a diet, or that im trying to lose weight...

    I just dont get what kind of "support" you people are really talking about? are you looking for someone to tell you what to do, like a trainer, or do your really expect someone to constantly say "good for you!" when you make a personal decision about food?


    btw, that comes off harsh, and I dont mean it that way, its a honest question.. what do you guys mean by "support"?
    Im fairly independent, so it honestly baffles me.
  • Hannova
    Hannova Posts: 50
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    This reminds me of my ex husband. After my second child was born, I had about 50 pounds to lose, which I did, getting down to 135 pounds and looking good for the summer (year was 1990, child was born june 1989). So I lost the weight and was wearing little cutsie shorts and tanning and stuff and I turned around in front of him and said "Aren't you glad I lost all my weight and look hot again like when we met?" He answered " When you get down to about 125, I'll be happy."

    So, stupid me, I diet like crazy and lose the ten pounds and so here I am looking like I did in high school (I was 27) and getting compliments from everyone, but he never notices. I told him I lost the weight and he just shrugs it off, like it's no big deal. The real kicker is that he was over 100 pounds overweight! He was over 300 pounds at six feet even.

    Funny coincidence, that... my ex-husband said the same thing to me too. "Lose 10 more pounds..." I found out shortly afterward that his diet plan revolved around cocaine. I, too, could stay effortlessly skinny as long as I didn't mind sticking a teeny spoon up my nose.

    Whiskey tango fox. That's why he's the ex.
  • kanmuri
    kanmuri Posts: 112
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    I get support fro my husband and my family, which is nice. However, since I'm already pretty thin, people will be really sarcastic when I tell them I've gained a few pounds. They'll ask me "Where? Behind your ears?" They don't realize that three pounds can make a huge difference in the way my clothes fit.

    Anyway, let them talk. You're taking this journey for yourself; don't let the other ruin it for you. You go girl!
  • MrsMuffinRun
    MrsMuffinRun Posts: 93
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    Hi! Me too. I don't really discuss with anyone in any detail. That's why I like using this site, as it's away from real life. My goals are personal to me and I have got to the point in my life (ie I am old) that i am not looking for approval. Obviously my hub knows I go running now and he acts a bit amused by it all and I do mention to my sister from time to time, but she is mega fit anyway so I am no threat on that score to her! But friends, parents etc - no. I am not going to get interest, support, approval, motivation etc so I don't look for any!!!! :-))
  • sjebert
    sjebert Posts: 212 Member
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    MFP is my only support too, sadly I feel more like I get sabotaged at home than I get supported, although I must say that because I have stuck to it for 60+ days now, she seems to be coming around a little bit, so maybe after you have stuck to it a while and they start to see some results MAYBE they will start to come around.
  • Hannova
    Hannova Posts: 50
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    To be pretty honest about it, I never even considered any need for "support".

    I made the decision that I wanted to meet specific goals... I spent the time researching HOW to get there.. and now im just doing it.
    I dont think i ever asked anyone in real life for help... or anything like that. I dont tell people Im on a diet, or that im trying to lose weight...

    I just dont get what kind of "support" you people are really talking about? are you looking for someone to tell you what to do, like a trainer, or do your really expect someone to constantly say "good for you!" when you make a personal decision about food?


    btw, that comes off harsh, and I dont mean it that way, its a honest question.. what do you guys mean by "support"?
    Im fairly independent, so it honestly baffles me.

    Dude, I think you misunderstand. I am willing to say that most people here don't need handholding. That's why we're here.

    However, nothing makes changing a bad habit harder than temptation and negative feedback. Getting positive feedback helps. My main reward is being able to fit into the next size smaller clothes, or being able to bike 20 miles without collapsing.

    But an "atta girl!" will never go amiss, whereas a "What makes you think you can look better? Here have an Oreo and forget about it." is going to drag at you and mess with your head.
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
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    Yes. To me 'support' means not bringing home cookies or other crap that would sabotage my healthier lifestyle because he knows I have no control.
    Not *****ing while we are going out to dinner that I need to go to a restaurant that serves 'healthy' food. Or whining while I look up restaurants online to pick out my healthier choice before we go.
    Not complaining because I 'have' to get my exercise in.
    Not complaining because I measure food.

    He's getting better. A lot better! He even started going on walks with me and picked out healthier foods that he likes at the grocery store and while dining out. Thank God for that because he was hospitalized Sat with what the Drs thought was a massive heart attack. It wasnt, but on the way home he bought cookies.. I'm sure it (the cookies) was due to all of the stress but I hope he continues to support me and I pray that he continues to join me. :)

    Add me if you like, but you may have to remind me why. lol
  • jodee_donavan
    jodee_donavan Posts: 51 Member
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    Sometimes the people you love the most sabotage you- whether it is active or passive. As you see success they may feel threatened by it- you are changing and change scares people. I have had to have the "stop sabotaging me" talk with a loved one- it wasn't fun and I felt guilty about it- but afterward I felt freed and more empowered to make this positive change. Do not put your self value in someone else's hands. No one can eat that cookie for you- just like no one can eat that carrot for you. You may need to have these conversations or cut back on the time you spend with some of the people who make you feel bad---- kinda like cutting carbs my dear-- you can coexist with them- but they're not always good for you.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
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    I have very little support. So, I am my own motivator. When I drive in my car, I talk to myself and tell myself how awesome I am and how good I'm doing. It might be crazy, but it works and at least I'm getting kind words out of it!
  • slparsaca
    slparsaca Posts: 59 Member
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    I don't know you or your bf but sounds to me like the boyfriend needs to go. Family is harder because they're family, but you can choose your friends and boyfriends...speaking from experience....
  • 2012newbie
    2012newbie Posts: 88 Member
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    I don't have support but I live alone now. My kids are grown and my husband before my recent divorce NEVER supported me when I'd try to lose weight, or even the times I lost alot of weight, he was always deciding it had to be a pizza night or complain that I didn't eat the crust, and that I was being wasteful, etc. Even your best friends can become resentful especially if they are not trying to get healthier. Or they disagree with your methods, or think you are losing too fast or not enough or not where you need to lose it, or you are forcing them to eat differently or whatever, they'll find something to gripe about because they either are jealous, or they feel threatened, or they are afraid you might expect them to do likewise, or maybe they feel by your losing weight, you're implying that
    they are less than because they don't want to. It's crazy lonely when you get no support or positive feedback, but hang in there, in the end it is YOU that matters. And the people who don't care and don't support and encourage, are the ones with the hangups. Be
    proud of yourself for doing something you need to do.
  • Twylyght
    Twylyght Posts: 224 Member
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    My husband and son are huge supporters of me...but my step mom (and dad because of my step mom) absolutely think "I'm too skinny already" okay, no I'm not. I want to lose about 12 more pounds and tone my stomach...I am determined to get into a bikini this year! I have been "too skinny" before and that's not where I'm headed at all. Can't you just be happy that I am finally trying to be happy with my body? I can't put any of my successes, big or small on facebook because of this. So I share all my successes with my awesome MFP friends instead!
  • terra32903
    terra32903 Posts: 185 Member
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    My bf isn't non-supporting but he isn't helpful or encouraging either. The other day I found a 5K that I was excited to start planning for. When I ran home to show him after work he said "Screw that! I would rather sit on the couch." I'm thinking current bf may need to become the past bf if that garbage is still going on for much longer. It's ironic...he's in really nice shape and yet my energy level does circles around his. That for me is where I find my pleasure....proving myself capable of living up to my potential. Hopefully you can find something that works for you as well!
  • myf1101
    myf1101 Posts: 99
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    My husband and children are underweight and all three are tall. I am short at 5'3". They can pretty much eat what they want and I just have to look at something unhealthy and put on weight. They sit in front of me at night with plates of cheese sandwiches and packets of crisps and when I give up and get myself a packet of crisps or a biscuit my husband says - you'll never get slim because you've got no willpower. When I did say that it didn't help having him eat in front of me he brought the sandwiches and crisps to bed insead. He has offered me £100 if I lose a stone, but added that he was pretty sure his money was safe, which is why I am determined to lose the weight. I have a sister who is 3 dress sizes larger than me who criticises my size and clothes and really thinks she is thinner than me. My mother does try to help and comes walking with me twice a week, but she doesn't really understand because she is a UK size 6. So I do know what you mean and keep my losses (mainly because they are small so far) to myself and my best friend who has also joined the site. I have found loads of support on this site but could always do with more friends so if you want some support from someone in a similar position to you add me.

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