has anyones SO ever snooped?

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245

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  • OLFATUG
    OLFATUG Posts: 393 Member
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    I leave my facebook and mfp account up on the family laptop all day. My wife leaves hers up on the other tabs. I just have nothing to hide.
  • peteb79
    peteb79 Posts: 386
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    My wife goes on my Facebook account all the time, but not to snoop. She plays games and uses my account to help her out in her game.. No snooping here, but nothing to hide either.
  • elainecroft
    elainecroft Posts: 595 Member
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    Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.

    Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.

    I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.

    Am I being too harsh?

    No. He's being insecure and insensitive to your reasonable requests. You are completely justified to tell him this is unacceptable.
  • runbyme
    runbyme Posts: 522 Member
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    You are not being to harsh! I would dump him like last nights gravy. If he has these control/insecurity issues now, what will your future with him hold? You deserve way better than this!
    Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.

    Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.

    I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.

    Am I being too harsh?
  • NightOwl1
    NightOwl1 Posts: 881 Member
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    Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.

    Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.

    I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.

    Am I being too harsh?

    Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.

    Controlling behavior is not a good thing. It's okay if a person wants to voluntarily share their email/facebook/phone with each other, but snooping and questioning every move they make is controlling behavior and not indicative of a healthy relationship.
  • burg1801
    burg1801 Posts: 124
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    I stay clear of facebook to avoid those 'myspace-sque top friend' drama scenarios.
  • lookpretty
    lookpretty Posts: 276 Member
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    wont lie, I got curious, snooping would be a bit much because usually right in front of him but hed do the same to me, if I were in my email hed glance emails and if one caught his attention hed want to see it, it wasnt trust more out of curiousity hown we talk to others, he is a mean sob at work because of what he does and Im a two faced lier at work (vain industry) so its a bit humurous to figure out how we interact, he will read my emails to people at work in a very clinical nasal voice lol. He also read through emails I had sent to potential bfs before him, I think curiousity gets the best of people, isnt necesarilly trust issues
  • dawn_eichert
    dawn_eichert Posts: 487 Member
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    Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.

    Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.

    I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.

    Am I being too harsh?

    Honey he is obviously very insecure. This behavior at this stage isn't a good thing. Boyfriends who act like this become very controlling husbands to where your life isn't your own anymore. I would serious consider where you see things going and if you are in a good relationship. I have been there and the best thing I ever did was get out. But that was me. You need to decide what is best for you. You aren't being harsh at all and maybe you need to consider if you need to take it one step further and not just make ultimatiums. Good luck
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    hubby and I do it to each other all the time, from me it's not that I don't trust him I am just bored. Him on the other hand he is working on his jealous side. How I know he has snooped, he will tell me and ask who is this and why were you talking to him?
    I don't have any problems with him looking unless if he is on a witch hunt where he is looking for something to hold against me. It has happened before and that is where I give him the lecture on who I am to him and how bad it makes him look to think of me like that. I go the guilt rout, it seems to work with him.
  • Devlyn_P
    Devlyn_P Posts: 294 Member
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    My ex went on my FB page all the time and sent messages to some girls on there asking how they knew me etc. Needless to say she became the ex fairly shortly once I found out. That kind of psycho behavior is not healthy and if trust is not there, no point in continuing on the wrong path with that particular someone. Confidence is attractive and insecurity is a major turn off.
  • tropaze
    tropaze Posts: 317 Member
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    My husband and I share most of our internet communications. We don't really check up on each others phones either. It really comes down to trust, my husband has on one or two occasions told me he doesn't trust me, and I let him know he better either put more faith in me or leave. I'm not about to be hounded for things I haven't done, ask me if you want to look at something, since I have nothing to hide, I'll show you.
  • jrodx2
    jrodx2 Posts: 203 Member
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    If you can't trust your partner or your partner can't trust you, what's the point?

    Exactly my thought. The moment I feel the need to go through my husband's phone, email, ect. then we have much bigger problems. I refuse to be in a relationship where there is no trust.

    It may not be the case here but it always seems that the snoopers are only doing it to justify the actions that they themselves are doing.
  • lookpretty
    lookpretty Posts: 276 Member
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    ok also have to admit because no I feel guilty, I noticed others saying thise, I leave passowrds saved, he left his email account logged into my computer one day and I didnt immediately ex out, I glanced annnnnd I was a bit curious about a pending job offer and read those emails....... didnt even think to look for a girl or affair though?
  • LaurasClimb
    LaurasClimb Posts: 211 Member
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    Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.

    Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.

    I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.

    Am I being too harsh?
    So ask him, "You have a reason not to trust me?"
    Sometimes it's guilt because they can't be trusted themselves, sometimes it's something from the past (I hate it when they make you pay for someone else's mistake!), sometimes there's no reason.
    "You may not snoop into my stuff, I have nothing to hide. If you have questions, ask me." really lays it out.
  • tropaze
    tropaze Posts: 317 Member
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    ok also have to admit because no I feel guilty, I noticed others saying thise, I leave passowrds saved, he left his email account logged into my computer one day and I didnt immediately ex out, I glanced annnnnd I was a bit curious about a pending job offer and read those emails....... didnt even think to look for a girl or affair though?

    Curiosity is one thing, he left it open, dumbass When you specifically go into someone's account to look for trouble that is something else. it indicates a lack of trust, and as someone else said without trust who wants that relationship?
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 775 Member
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    IMO... snooping is completely unacceptable! I don't do it, and I expect the same in return.

    If I knew it was happening regularly the relationship would come to a swift end.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    My husband can look at anything of mine that he wants....I frequently leave my facebook open and walk away from it, he plays games on my iPhone, I wouldn't care if he read my emails. He is my husband and I chose to be with him for the rest of my life.....and therefore, I don't have anything to hide from him. I think it says something if you are worried about a SO looking through "your stuff".
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    I don't snoop, mainly because I don't really care if he was chatting with another woman, our marriage is on its last legs anyway.

    He doesn't snoop, but if he did, there wouldn't be anything for him to find. He can't work my netbook or my phone, so if I did want to hide something, I could. But I don't have anything TO hide.
  • Thir13en
    Thir13en Posts: 18 Member
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    I don't date and I don't use social media sites so I'm in the clear.

    smart :)

    i'm insanely insecure. i've snooped my last 3 serious relationships (1 lasting 2 year, living together, 1 5 years, living together, and now another 3 year, living together relationship)

    i'm effed up inside. i tried pushing people away so they don't have to deal with my crazy, but i've also never lived alone since about 8 years ago.. it's scary.

    anyways, that was a ramble. people check when they're insecure, it doesn't mean they're specifically acting out because they've done something wrong, but unfortunately, thats the case sometimes.

    sometimes people are insecure. i am. and i know i shouldn't snoop. neither should your SO, but it's hard to stop him now, now he'll assume you don't want him snooping BECAUSE you're hiding something.. so then he's going to get more insecure, more weird, and more secretive about the way he checks things, and the assumptions he's making. it's wrong, but it's a permission thats hard to take back once you allow it.
  • worej
    worej Posts: 108
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    I confess, I snooped on my ex. And I was right.

    She started doing that thing where she'd close her laptop whenever I'd walk by. She'd be on her computer in the middle of the night, and if I got up to use the bathroom, she'd close it when I walked past. Normally, we had no secrets, so that was strange.

    I did snoop, and sure enough, she had a new dating profile I didn't know about, that said she was single and looking for someone who wanted to have a lot of sex - which was something we'd fought a lot about.

    By the time I got to the snooping part, I knew the relationship was already in a very bad place. She never found out I knew, but we broke up a couple months later. I've never snooped otherwise.

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