has anyones SO ever snooped?

Legalchica

Mine goes through my phone all the time.. txts, calls, FB everything... i know because he doesn't try to hide it... and then accuses me of all kinds of crazyness...

CoryIda

I came home from work for lunch yesterday, and I went to turn on my laptop, which had been OFF when I left for work, and found that it was on and I was "logged in" --- apparently, my husband (who I am separated from) had come to the house after I went to work and logged onto my computer (under my login, not his... not even sure how he got the password).

That was my first experience with snooping (that I know about anyway) and it made me feel totally violated.

enigrebua

I'm snoopy by nature. Not paranoid. Big difference. Once paranoia and jealousy sets in, there's problems.

ItsMeRebekah

Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.

Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.

I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.

Am I being too harsh?

nope

Bronx_Montgomery

I thought Snoop Dogg called it the Crypt Walk? Didn't know it was called the Snoop:laugh: :laugh:

lorishultis

I am a recovering snoop!!!! I used to go through by boyfriends phone while he slept. Was easy since he worked nights and slept during the day and I could just “Mark as Unread”.

It was my insecurity and not anything he did that made me do it.

Once I realized that any man would be lucky to have a prize like me and that I wasn’t a consolation prize I got over it.

I am in a 4 year relationship (again) now with the same person I snooped on (and yes he knows) and it’s much better this time. My insecurities would have killed the relationship if we hadn’t. back then I was terrified “he wouldn’t love me” and “I’d die without him” and now I am like “I love him but if he thinks he can do better good luck!” not that I wouldn’t cry and miss him but that I know I would survive.

Feel free to send a private message if you need a sounding board. I am a great listener…

DarthCeltic

i grab my phone and run.. unfortunately havent figured out the door knob yet.. so it doesnt do me much good..

worej

I would never ever look through my husband's phone and he would never ever look through mine. It's not that we have super big secrets to hide from each other or anything...it's a respect thing. In our marriage, it's okay to have some things private, and our text messages are just that. private. Do I think I'd find anything crazy if I did snoop? Absolutely not (and the same goes if he were to snoop), but, for us, it's about trust and respect. I trust him, without question and I respect his privacy, plain and simple.

This is exactly how I feel. I don't know how respected I'd feel if my boyfriend read through all my messages all the time. If he wants to ask me a question, I'll answer honestly. But there are still plenty of things I don't want him reading, even if they're not secrets. Just private conversations. Perhaps unflattering things, like if I was venting about something stupid to a friend. Or if I were to post here about my weight loss progress, and mention something about awkward flabs of fat or something. I don't know. That's not a secret. But it's not his business. And he has things that aren't my business, but I trust him.

If complete, limitless openness with your SO is your thing and it works for you, good for you. But I don't think it's necessarily the ideal that everyone should shoot for.

padraigin67

I leave my facebook and mfp account up on the family laptop all day. My wife leaves hers up on the other tabs. I just have nothing to hide.

Ditto

Exactly, I get on his accounts all the time and he gets on mine. We do not hide anything. Once he started hiding and deleting texts. I was woke up at 3 am by a text on his phone. A woman friend texted him a graphic text. I woke him up and let him know, I did not appreciate her doing that and that I knew that was why he was hiding texts. That if it did not stop, he could leave and be with her. He said he knew I would react that way, that it was harmless. I stated no, it was not. She was single and hunting. By hiding it from me, it gave her encouragement and caused problems with us cause we where fighting about him hiding things. He said he was not even interested. So in front of him, I sent a text off his phone letting her know I seen the text and thought it was pretty S****y that a supposed friend would send a pic of herself like that to my husband. Needless to say she is not, his friend any longer. It was not about not trusting him, it was about the hiding stuff. If he would have been honest from the get go, it would not have gotten as far as it did.

karenwill2

My husband and I have free access to each others everything. Honestly, if you are gonna cheat then you are gonna cheat. We have the expectation that we would at least have the brains to hide it better. I mean really! That and the door is always open. If you want to date other people, fine. Then let me do the same. There is nothing forcing you to be in a relationship so there is no reason to rebel from it. There has to be trust. Without that, you really aren't in an actual relationship.

NeuroticVirgo

As far as I know I've never been snooped on, but then again I don't have anything private either. I pretty much share everything with my spouse. I think the only thing I have that we don't share is my email...and even then if we sign up for anything important (like bank statements) we use my email and he has the password to check it. And I've always been like that, I let my boyfriends read my diary, check my emails etc. It didn't really bother me. lol

Sadly... I have snooped. On my ex boyfriend, and it was accidental snoop gone bad. I was using his computer (with his permission), and went to type into the address bar, and you know how sometimes it will auto fill for you from your history? Well, it pulled up an online dating site. So I clicked on it...his profile was still logged on...so I start snooping through the profile, it said last time logged in was yesterday! So now I'm really crazed...so I go to his email...still logged in on that too...I find emails from girls from the dating website. Sexy emails, nude pictures etc. Nothing about them ever meeting up or making plans to ever meet, but still he had naked ladies in his email, and he SENT them emails of himself naked etc....

Ya...lets just say that started a big fight, and led to the road of our break up (no we didn't break up over this...because I'm a dumb *kitten*, who believed "I just go to those sites because its basically free porn" ... people can be real idiots when their young right?...)

Fattack

As a former snooper who has seen their error of their ways, all I can say to any prospective snoopers is don't do it.

If you do it and find nothing, provided you're a half decent person, you'll probably feel terribly guilty and confess.
If you do it and find something, you'll feel terrible, and either confess because you know and want clarification, or keep it to yourself and feel horrible about it all anyway.

Personally, I wouldn't mind too much if my boyfriend were to snoop (although I doubt he ever would, he's never been jealous... but then again, guys don't tend to flirt with me so he'd never have reason to be) because I have nothing to hide that could damage our relationship. Although there are probably some things I'd be embarrassed about if he saw and would rather he didn't see (for instance, me whining about him one day, me whining on a "fat" day in a private email to a girlfriend).

kristelpoole

I have snooped in past relationships, but not now. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year (and plan to get married) and gave each other our passwords early on. It wasn't even a sit down conversation, it just came up as we were borrowing each other's computers, phones, etc. He initiated with giving me a password for something and it was as though it was nothing. Really made me trust him even more and since I have nothing to hide, I didn't care when the opportunity came up the other way around.

Like someone else said, we'll tell each other if they got a text or call and the phone is in the other room. We'll also ask who certain twitter followers, facebook friends, etc are if we don't know them. But it's just us being curious, or even sometimes a little friendly teasing, but not snooping and not jealousy.

I like that we have each other's passwords, even though we never use them to snoop, because 1) it's convenient if we need to log in for one another and 2) I feel totally secure in my relationship and know that he does too.

If I were you, I wouldn't put up with that crap. I understand the impulse to snoop, but it's a sign of insecurity and distrust. If you can't openly communicate about those issues rather than snooping, then your problems are deeper and need to be addressed immediately. I don't know if you can fix it, but at least you can try to put things out on the table. What's happening now is not acceptable, personally.

nurseamysweeney

Snooping just causes problems....I am a snooper...and funny each and every time I snooped I found something, and not a something that is easily taken out of context, something that is blatantly obvious, like dating sites, emails to old flames apologizing for leaving them and being with me, txt msgs sent to women wanting to meet up for drinks shortly after I left for a week to visit my parents with our newborn baby..... so sometimes when your gut tells you to check I think it's valid.... BUT with that said it's not something I do all the time, in 7 years I have done it maybe 7 times.....and each time I have found something...we are currently separated, and trying to work on saving our family (the nail in the coffin was finding him on the dating websites)

But I do agree with what some others are saying, is that is he trying justify HIS actions??

ItsMeRebekah

I wanted to know what sort of porn he watched

i "snoop" at this all the time! and it does really good things for our marriage

QueenJayJay

Snooping is unacceptable, in my opinion.

If you decide to grant each other access to each other's email accounts, facebooks, etc., that's not snooping. And I actually think that's pretty cool.

But snooping, in my opinion, is a huge violation of trust.

If a person really believes that their SO is doing something that they shouldn't, then either (1) they are, and the person knows this because they are treating you differently or acting differently or (2) the person is experiencing trust issues. Either way, talking to each other is the answer, NOT snooping.

This is exactly how I feel.

janiedoe111

When I snooped in the past I usually found unpleasant things. BUT, even thinking about snooping makes my heart race and a black bile flow through my veins.

My snooping started with thinking something was up with my Mom when I was 12. In fact something was wrong. She was cheating on my dad. I kept the secret for three months before things began to unravel at a fast rate regardless of my participation.

My ex cheated on me at two different periods. I found out through snooping. I have vowed since then not to allow that behavior become a facet in future relationships. This situation led to my current motto: "If it doesn't work the first time, it probably won't work the second or the fifth."

My boyfriend has unfortunately suffered through a bit of my craziness due to my past, but I am happy to say we don't check-up behind one another.

Basically, I think that snooping can locate a cheater/liar, but it does more damage to the person snooping that it does to the liar/cheater and if you really think someone is lying or cheating they probably are without needing to check their electronics.

Italianyc84

I used to be like this when we first got together. I was 22, she was 38. I had only been in one relationship prior to that, so I was very immature as far as relationships go. I was very jealous of her past--that she has been in several long term relationships, and just couldn't grasp that you could be with someone for eight years and not think about them anymore, not have contact, etc (they didn't stay friends, but I guess I just couldn't believe that). So, I used to look in her phone. Never found anything. Now, five years later, I realize how ridiculous it was, and I'm glad she stayed with me after that!

butterflyliz32

Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.

Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.

I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.

Am I being too harsh?

If it bothers you, then you should change your passwords to something he could never figure out. In all honesty, he should respect your privacy if you ask him to stay out of your business. He may be someone who is prone to jump to conclusions. If so, then you need to think about how that will affect your future lives together. Things like that don't tend to go away over time.

That said, when I was married to my ex and could just tell he was cheating, I could have worked for the FBI. I was a genius at catching him doing things he shouldn't be doing. It wasn't healthy, but I did it. Now I am remarried, and I have never once had a reason to even think about checking up on my husband. I know he adores me and would never do anything to hurt me. Trust is important.

lookpretty

I wanted to know what sort of porn he watched

i "snoop" at this all the time! and it does really good things for our marriage

omg he was a perverted sob, thank goodness I was in the same way!

birdieintx

I have nothing to hide but I would consdier a SO going through my phone or accounts without asking as a violation of privacy.