I have an overweight little girl

600racer

My girl is 11 and has added a little too much weight the past couple of years. I myself have only started eating healthy the last few months and my wife, soon to be ex, has let her self gain alot also. The wifes weight was not a factor in our decision but maybe a result. I've never put pressure on either about weight. I heard my girl talking about loosing weight to the wife but the wife grew up skinny and everyone always brought that too her attention. The wife was telling not to worry about it but she she seriously needs to loose some pounds and become more active. My question is how valid would the numbers be for an 11 girl from mfp? I want to help her loose weight without pressuring her too much since she is very headstrong (stubborn). If I can show her numbers to keep up with I think she would eventually start trying to stay within the limits. Any advice would be appreciated.

PlunderBunneh

Instead of quoting numbers at her and making her obsess over food, why not encourage her to be more active? Take her on hikes, sign her up for field hockey, just get her moving. Changing the household eating to a more healthy and nutritious standard will be effective for the entire household. You can help her to learn about good foods and bad foods, but I would never ever tell a prepubescent girl to watch her calories. That is not something she needs to stress over.

healthymel7704

Instead of quoting numbers at her and making her obsess over food, why not encourage her to be more active? Take her on hikes, sign her up for field hockey, just get her moving. Changing the household eating to a more healthy and nutritious standard will be effective for the entire household. You can help her to learn about good foods and bad foods, but I would never ever tell a prepubescent girl to watch her calories. That is not something she needs to stress over.

Yes, yes, yes. Please don't have her watching her caloric intake and tracking everything at 11 years old. I think it's great to make her aware of healthy eating habits and encourage her to get active. It will help her just seeing you as an example of healthy living.

foremant86

A child only needs to be more active, they shouldn't obsess over calories.

Make sure she has healthy meals and snacks to eat and is more active and she'll do just fine.

steph1278

I think that it's too much pressure to put on a kid to count calories. As a parent, I would suggest emphasising the health aspect instead of weight. Have healthy food available and watch portion sizes. Exercise is important as well. Go for walks, ride bikes, make it fun. My son was overweight at that age. Now, 3 years later, after having a growth spurt and getting more active, he is at a normal ratio, My daughter is 11 and is having the same weight issues. She started playing basketball and now that the weather is starting to get nicer, I plan on doing more outdoor activities together. I'm hoping she'll even out, but I don't want her to obsess about her weight. Good luck.

lmalaschak

I'm not sure if she spends most of her time with you or mom, but I think the first thing to do rather than start counting calories would be to spend some time being physically active with your daughter. Make sure that whenever you can, the two of you go biking, walking, skating, hiking, whatever it takes to get her active. This age is so tricky because sometimes they'll grow over the next couple of years and the problem will at least partially resolve itself. I would think right now, simply concentrate on being a good example of physical activity and healthful eating and encourage her to be as active as possible. What you don't want to do is start pointing out that she needs to lose weight or count calories, even if she thinks that herself. It's just so easy to feed into the already shaky self-image of an adolescent. Instead, do it by example -- instead of telling her "Honey you really shouldn't have another sandwich" you can just use portion control yourself to show her what a proper plate looks like. If she should ask you about diet or portions, you can always say "Well this is what works for me" and that takes the pressure off of her. Hope I'm making sense.

WingMan380

If you are watching what you eat and she is eating with you and eating what you eat then by default she will be watching what she eats without really knowing it.

Aerohead21

I agree. The best thing for her right now is you modeling good behavior and encouraging her to engage in those same behaviors - especially making healthy food and activity choices. Maybe start a sticker board where she can earn a reward for making good choices. Put the stickers on a calendar. If she chooses a healthy meal or snack, give her a sticker that day. Once she earns a week of stickers, give her a small reward. If she makes a month of healthy choices, a bigger reward. At this age, rewards can be endless and of all natures - watching a movie together. Going to the park. Getting a new toy/game.

Also, for the activity, take her out. Make her play outside. Play with her. How about a game of frisbee with her dad? What a better reward than her hanging out with you! She is at a prime age for that. In a few years parents will so not be cool anymore

And by encouraging her to maintain a healthy lifestyle versus calorie counting and weight loss, she will have a more solid foundation.

Lastly, talk to her doctor about a nutrition plan. The doctor will give you a far better understanding of what her growing body needs than MFP.

sherry9300

I have an 11 year old daughter, too. I encourage healthy choices and exercise....we go to the gym together lately. Also, I keep her involved in sports and activities. However, no matter what, I would never put her on a calorie restrictive diet. Just encourage her to move.

KareninCanada

There is a book called "Lean Kids" which I would recommend to you... it's a full program designed for kids, but starts with the parents. I'm reading it right now and the information is good.

For the most part, with kids the best thing is to keep them from GAINING, moreso than getting them to LOSE, so that they can grow into their weight without risking their healthy development. For example the low-fat diets that adults can handle are actually unhealthy for kids who need more fat in their diet.

If it's bothering HER, though, maybe you could go together to a dietitian and discuss healthy eating, better choices, etc - without putting too much focus on the number on the scale.

mygrl4meee

I wrote a post about this with my son who is also 11 years old. We haven't put him on a diet but we have changed his and our eating habits. One thing was for breakfast we tell him to pour less cereal and offer an yogurt and or a banana. With dinner we try really hard to include a veggie and sometimes give him less of a meat so when he asks for seconds it's not quite as damaging.
I got us a little basket and we keep fruit in it to help ensure more of our snacking is fruits and I take him to the Y once a week for a class his age and a couple times a week gets a walk in.
He hasn't been weighed but we feel like we have some control over his eating now.

IvoryParchment

It would be nice if all the adults in her life were on friendly enough terms that could agree to avoid making food an occasion for her to get special attention from one of them. I've seen too many families where giving the kid treats seemed to be a competition between warring parents and grandparents.

lewandt

Both of my kids were heavier at that age, then a few years later shot up and lost it all.

Don't make an issue of it, lead by example and do things with her that keep her moving...walking, bike riding, roller blading, etc. Buy healthier foods and don't keep too much junk food in the house.

Narisong

I have been overweight as long as I can remember, but I can tell you what I remember most from childhood is my step father always said things about my weight.. do you really need to eat that? why are you eating so much? etc... All this made me do was be a closet eater. I would just make sure he never saw what I ate other than at meals. I was not a binge eater but I ate things that I could "hide" .. stuff from the freezer or the pantry. It's a great idea to do more things with her where she can be active or if she is the one asking about losing weight or when she is with you. It's good that you are concerned :-)

SunnyAndrsn

My girl is 11 and has added a little too much weight the past couple of years. I myself have only started eating healthy the last few months and my wife, soon to be ex, has let her self gain alot also. The wifes weight was not a factor in our decision but maybe a result. I've never put pressure on either about weight. I heard my girl talking about loosing weight to the wife but the wife grew up skinny and everyone always brought that too her attention. The wife was telling not to worry about it but she she seriously needs to loose some pounds and become more active. My question is how valid would the numbers be for an 11 girl from mfp? I want to help her loose weight without pressuring her too much since she is very headstrong (stubborn). If I can show her numbers to keep up with I think she would eventually start trying to stay within the limits. Any advice would be appreciated.

I really think that you should discuss this with your child's pediatrician. Children shouldn't calorie restrict, but perhaps you can discuss what the appropriate calorie level for a child this age should be. Then it's it up to you and your wife/ex to provide food, and an environment that will provide healthy choices, and examples. Don't underestimate the effect that your strained marriage has had on your child--perhaps consider having your daughter work with a therapist to get through this tough time may be helpful. If you suspect your child has been eating to deal with stress, this is particularly important.

A child this age is at a vulnerable stage, I learned my eating habits from my mother and sister, who both had weight problems. Although I was normal weight until I was 19, their dieting habits were horrible and that unfortunately was what I learned. Helping her learn proper nutrition now, coupled with proper activity levels will help.

Best of luck, my heart goes out to her.

Julip89

I can give some perspective from the point of view of someone who was that 11 year old girl.

When I turned 10 my mother started putting me on diets. I had calorie counters, was doing video taps of Richard Simmons, was forced to eat lettuce wraps three times a day, etc. All I can say is I have massively gained weight since then, and I have become a closet eater, and someone who is very afraid to eat in front of people. I would eat outside of my home, especially since I wasn't allowed to eat things like goldfish, hostess cakes, cookies, etc. I didn't have my first pop tart until I was nineteen.

My point is, I reacted very badly to all of this and I hope you take this into consideration. Something I loved doing as a kid was sports camps. Maybe that's a choice, at least for the summer? You can control certain meals, especially when you eat together - but always make it tasty and kid friendly.

emstgm

I think the feedback here is unanimous. DO NOT put her on a diet or start her counting calories. An 11 year old girl does not need to begin obsessing over calories. And you harping on her to lose weight is likely to have the opposite effect. I would totally encourage her to be more active - go for hikes, etc. And encourage healthy choices, and limit available junk food - make the healthy choices available for her and appealing.

Rachiepie6

Agreed, focus on healthy living rather than calories. Plenty of fresh food, cut down processed.. Lots of exercise, help her find something she enjoys doing, find her sport

zafferFL

agree with posts about not having her count calories.
Teach her what good food is, and what isn't. The general idea is what matters, not calories.

Not even adults should be counting calories.

simonsayzz

My son had the same problem last year. I had a 'we are all going to be healthier" chat one night and said we needed to be responsible and make better choices. I geared it around health vs. making our bodies 'sick' and it worked really well. He is allowed one soda per day so he has some control over choosing his 'treats', and if he wants a handful of chips, fine. I don't wanna give the kid issues, but if he eats a bowl of chips after school, he's having yogurt for his goodnight snack. I sum it by saying something like "yes, you can have a snack, but since you already had chips, you now need to choose something that's good for you". He is totally fine with this. Because he has some say in eating what he wants, and isn't deprived of the things he loves....it has worked really well for him. I was an obese child and although I had a great childhood I want better for my son's overall health. I think striking a balance is your best bet...and focusing on the 'keep your body healthy' aspect is much better than playing a numbers game!

BeautyFromPain

Instead of quoting numbers at her and making her obsess over food, why not encourage her to be more active? Take her on hikes, sign her up for field hockey, just get her moving. Changing the household eating to a more healthy and nutritious standard will be effective for the entire household. You can help her to learn about good foods and bad foods, but I would never ever tell a prepubescent girl to watch her calories. That is not something she needs to stress over.

Yes, yes, yes. Please don't have her watching her caloric intake and tracking everything at 11 years old. I think it's great to make her aware of healthy eating habits and encourage her to get active. It will help her just seeing you as an example of healthy living.

Also, buy a wii! Fun and active

fiftyandfit

Our son is 11yrs old and a chubbabubba....
It's up to me to provide the healthy food for him to choose....
we both cleaned out the pantry, fridge and freezer, went to
the grocery store and chose yogurts, fresh fruit/veggies,
no sugar added popsicles and fudge bars, graham crackers,
and fruit snacks(not the healthiest, but a twice a week treat)
We have at least 2 veggies at dinner w/ lean meat and a
whole grain rice or boiled potatoes. He is not allowed to play
on the computer or watch tv until I get home. He has outside
chores and plays outside until it starts to get dark. He's happy
because he was part of the decision/shopping process. We
talk about being healthy, not about being FAT....
Hope all of our input helps you out........
Pam

ahubacek

I echo what some of the above posters have said about helping her become more active. Do things together (hiking, bike rides, playing basketball) to make working out more fun rather than making her feel like she's doing something wrong (or setting her up to think she's fat).

mseraf713

Your obviously a good father because your intentions are in the right place, but I agree with everyone else- you shouldn't put a child on a diet. And growing up as a chubby kid, then turned obese teenager then an obese adult who had a family with the best of intentions, I can speak from experience. Encouraging her to be active is the best step, and you should show by example.

I swallowed the pill from watching the YouTube video "sugar- the bitter truth" and now I firmly believe that excess sugar consumption is the leading cause of obesity in North America. the doctor on the presentation suggested for kids to lose weight is to trade 1 minute of active play for 1 minute of tv, and cut out all sugary beverages (including 100% juices) for water or milk.

LatinaGordita

I'm not sure if she spends most of her time with you or mom, but I think the first thing to do rather than start counting calories would be to spend some time being physically active with your daughter. Make sure that whenever you can, the two of you go biking, walking, skating, hiking, whatever it takes to get her active. This age is so tricky because sometimes they'll grow over the next couple of years and the problem will at least partially resolve itself. I would think right now, simply concentrate on being a good example of physical activity and healthful eating and encourage her to be as active as possible. What you don't want to do is start pointing out that she needs to lose weight or count calories, even if she thinks that herself. It's just so easy to feed into the already shaky self-image of an adolescent. Instead, do it by example -- instead of telling her "Honey you really shouldn't have another sandwich" you can just use portion control yourself to show her what a proper plate looks like. If she should ask you about diet or portions, you can always say "Well this is what works for me" and that takes the pressure off of her. Hope I'm making sense.

^^^

This is great advice. I was overweight at 11 years old too. However my parents pointed out to me that I was fat all the time that it just upset me and and I ate emotionally. Do things with her that will keep her active, try to stay away from taking her out to eat. Cook healthy meals at your home together. So she can also learn to make healthy meals when she is not staying with you.

firesoforion

Instead of quoting numbers at her and making her obsess over food, why not encourage her to be more active? Take her on hikes, sign her up for field hockey, just get her moving. Changing the household eating to a more healthy and nutritious standard will be effective for the entire household. You can help her to learn about good foods and bad foods, but I would never ever tell a prepubescent girl to watch her calories. That is not something she needs to stress over.

Yes, yes, yes. Please don't have her watching her caloric intake and tracking everything at 11 years old. I think it's great to make her aware of healthy eating habits and encourage her to get active. It will help her just seeing you as an example of healthy living.

These.

BuffyEat2Live

I haven't read ANY of the replies, so I apologize if I am repeating something that's been said.

I started my obsessive dieting at around age 11, when I had put on some weight. If I had just waited a bit, I would have realized that a growth spurt was just around the corner and I was going to quickly gain about 5 inches of height and lose my baby fat before I was 12 and a half.

Please just let her be. She's a kid, and at that age, she's still growing.

georgina1970

Lead by example and show her the healthy way to eat and exercise regularly. Don't draw her attention to it, she'll just feel worse. For overweight children the goal is to get them to maintain their current weight while they are still growing. Be aware of the pre-puberty grow spurt as well. Girls who go through puberty early should not be compaired to their peers who haven't. (Health Professional)

Alex_is_Hawks

My daughter started emotionally eating in the last two years, it was controllable to a point as she was younger, meaning she would eat well with me and then she would balloon with her father, only to come home and eat well with me and lose most of it through regular activity.

however she's now diagnosed with extreme stress and anxiety and with it came a whole host of eating issues as i helplessly watched her turn to food as an emotional tool of coping.

we've made changes, i work at home now, so that she's not in the house without me (the controller) and an unrestricted pantry. (her step father wouldn't really watch the kids and in fact would encourage them to sit in front of the tv and eat rather than play so he could get "work" done. (meaning being active and social on facebook until I came home from work).

as stated in another post, i'm leaving that relationship as it is too unhealthy for her (and me) but in the meantime her pediatrician recommended that I put her in a personal wellness group for kids. It's a group for kids that is designed to help them be healthy, happy, playful and that teaches them activity and eating habits. it is NOT a diet. the idea of the group is that she follows the canada food guide for her AGE (coupled with height and body size).

the idea is that if she follows the food guide which is a healthy full sized child daily portion, she will no longer continue to gain weight but will grow into her current weight. it's working, she still has bad days, she still has anxiety and emotional eating, but she sees a therapist for that and is learning to listen to herself and her body about when she WANTS something for her tummy and when she wants something for her sadness/stress/anxiety/fear/etc....

it's not perfect, but she's more active and quite frankly, the food guide gives her a lot of options, and there are days when she struggles to eat everything, but has learned that those days come, and then the days come when she just blows it out the water and eats more than she's allowed, and that is OK, it's balancing out.

but to ALWAYS eat over the allowed guide, would be eating enough food for a teenager, every day, which she is not.

so she has her wheel counter, and she has the information of what is healthy and what is not....and we talk about it, every morning, it starts with breakfast and we slowly work through her day, planning her lunch to go with her to school and then seeing what's leftover for afterschool snack, supper and bedtime snack.

but SHE'S in control. And when she says, mom, I'd really like to have Chinese tonight, or I'd really like to have a treat tonight, we usually find a way to work it in, because as i keep telling her, a healthy diet has room for those days when you just do that, as long as it's not every day.

So long story short, don't put her on a diet, don't make her count calories, find out what the food guide recommends for your child to be eating right now and put her on that, let her have a full portion, let her have all she's entitled to have, and other than the occasional treat day, nor more than the guide....

And she will grow into her weight, she will lean out and she will blossom.

L

Bohohippy

At 11 years old, the weight will go away quickly if you just get her active. Perhaps start cooking healthy meals (ones that help both of you and are appealing to a child) and go swimming together, make her join perhaps a dance class? Theres tons of different oens, ballet, tap, dance, street dancing and so on. Gymnastic's is amazing for young girls, how about an after school sports class? It'll be good for future education too.

When I have children, my children will go straight into hobbies from a young age, football is already a massive thing in my life (my boyfriends passion not mine) so the boys (if not the girls) will be doing football practise most nights, girls I'll put into dance lessons and gymnastics, brownies or guides. I'll have animals, so they'll be active walking dogs, cleaning their animals out, and I always cook from scratch so they'll grow up with a healthy attitude to how to cook food

I'm also going to plan events (birthdays) around proper thing instead of meals and take aways which working at tenpin I've noticed a lot of moms do, lazer bowling and a fat burger and fries with lots of coke :S

psuLemon

I was chunky as a child. Here is what my mom did.

1. Stop fast food
2. Get lean meats more often
3. More veggies
4. Get rid of chips, soda and other unhealthy snacks from the house
5. Get your child outside more often.
6. Restrict video games/tv/movies/technology to raining days or only an hour a day (goes with outside/active theme).
7. One caveat to technology. If they love video games, get them xbox kinect or wii and only get them games where they move a lot. I had a friend lose 50 lbs doing dance dance revolution. He played it for 2-3 hours a day.

But never restrict calories. Children need it to grow.


In one year, I grew 4", lost all the fat and became skinny.