Would you tell them?

Clarecbear82

If someone you know and care about had a serious weight problem and kept on about how they where being really good while eating half a loaf of bread and whole Easter eggs to themselves ect. Would you point out to them that they are kidding themselves it would you just let them believe they are doing really well?

Only asking because someone very close to me is doing exactly that and I'm not sure weather to being up the subject or leave it? What would you do?

Xiaolongbao

I'd tell them but tact isn't my strong point.

When I saw them eating something like an easter egg I'd say 'hey, I thought you were being good'. Depending on how they reacted I'd either continue the conversation or just let it go.

Guitarjon

My sister is in the same boat. She is getting bigger and bigger, she struggles to get in my car now (mx5). I tell her because I care, my mum and dad tell her but she doesn't seem to care. The main reason I am on here is because I don't want to follow my families trend of bad health due to being obese. Why does it bother me greatly but her not at all. She's got worse since she moved out of my parents home.

psiren28

I would try and drop it in the conversation without being too direct (I'm not the most confrontational of people). Maybe use myself as an example like: 'Wow, when I logged my food the other day I couldn't believe how many calories is in a slice of bread / easter egg!!'
OK, it's not that subtle but I can still deny that I meant them and really was talking about myself.

My usual rule is if no one has asked for my opinion, I keep it to myself, but it's hard to see someone making a mess of themselves through denial or possibly lack of knowledge.

You're on an eating plan right? Or you wouldn't be here. So it's perfectly normal that you will talk about it at times. Just talk about it casually with this person, tell them how great it is, how well you're doing etc. and hopefully it might rub off on them without having to directly call them out.

Good luck

BTW: Well done on the 70lbs, we're almost ticker twins

mabug01

I wouldn't. Adults know they are fat; why torture them by reminding them of it? It's just not supportive. Lead by example.

Package02

It depends, if they make comments about not losing weight or that they feel they're getting larger then sure, I would mention it. Point it out in a nice way like "hey, these might be some things that are holding you back" but unless they bring it up I wouldn't. A grown adult should know if they're getting bigger and be well aware of the issue. I tend to let other people live their lives how they see fit as long as they aren't harming anyone. Try leading through example though. I used to be a lot bigger during my high school years and I managed to lose all that weight and my brother, who was also rather large, began to start eating right and working out. Maybe if said person sees a change in you they may be inspired to make some changes of their own and then in that situation if they come to you for help you can point out what they're doing wrong or could be doing better.

juliekaiser1988

I try to lead by example. I also post on Facebook what I've made/ eaten. It keeps me accountable and others can see how to do it. I'm amazed how many people have jumped on the bandwagon and started paying closer attention to what they shove in their piehole once they see I eat healthy.

Martucha123

I did tell my mom all the time
I did tell my sis all the time.

For my mom beeing diagnosed with daibetis was a wake up call, now she is making effort to lose weight.
My sis keeps saying that she does not eat that much, but she does, I think that she eats about 4000 kcal per day... she just don't want to see it.

so yes I would tell, but frankly wouldn't expect that will change a lot...
I think the best you can do is tell and offer help, talk about mfp, offer working out together ect.

grizzlymaze

You know its funny. We don't have to live on salad alone. My wife was at work a couple of weeks ago and she was sitting around all these health nuts during lunch, and they were all eating salad. My wife was eating shrimp and french fries. They noticed that she had lost wieght and than noticed the fod she was eating. She was asked how she was losing wieght and she replied MFP. One of the ladies looked at her and said, your losing wieght and you eat "that". My wife smiled and replied yup.

The point is, we can eat whatever we want as long as we log it and hold ourselves accountable for it. Why do we need to live off from salads to be as fit as a fiddle. Lets enjoy our lives and not be so blah!

silveryflutterby

I think someone like that is in denial and you could say something, but I don't think it will make a difference. People have to want to change themselves and if they don't, no matter how much you care there is nothing you can do to make them...it's unfortunate. I have a sister that is the same way. Whenever we get together and have family meals, she always makes the comment that she hardly eats anymore and sometimes she will say that she has been losing weight when it is very clear to the eye that she has not. They've got to find their own way and figure it out for themselves. I think the best thing you can do is be a good example and maybe invite them to do things that are fun and active or invite them over for a healthy meal and let things sink in subconsciously. Good luck and I hope your loved one will be fit and healthy one day!

mabug01

You know its funny. We don't have to live on salad alone. My wife was at work a couple of weeks ago and she was sitting around all these health nuts during lunch, and they were all eating salad. My wife was eating shrimp and french fries. They noticed that she had lost wieght and than noticed the fod she was eating. She was asked how she was losing wieght and she replied MFP. One of the ladies looked at her and said, your losing wieght and you eat "that". My wife smiled and replied yup.

The point is, we can eat whatever we want as long as we log it and hold ourselves accountable for it. Why do we need to live off from salads to be as fit as a fiddle. Lets enjoy our lives and not be so blah!

There's a HUGE difference between eating healthy and just eating to lose weight; anyone can starve themselves skinny but it doesn't make them healthy. I would stick with the salad.

Clarecbear82

You know its funny. We don't have to live on salad alone. My wife was at work a couple of weeks ago and she was sitting around all these health nuts during lunch, and they were all eating salad. My wife was eating shrimp and french fries. They noticed that she had lost wieght and than noticed the fod she was eating. She was asked how she was losing wieght and she replied MFP. One of the ladies looked at her and said, your losing wieght and you eat "that". My wife smiled and replied yup.

The point is, we can eat whatever we want as long as we log it and hold ourselves accountable for it. Why do we need to live off from salads to be as fit as a fiddle. Lets enjoy our lives and not be so blah!

I'm not saying they should be eating salad all day but they seem to be oblivious to portions ect. I eat chocolate and that but don't kid myself if I eat tonnes. They don't log what they eat as mfp is stupid and a waste of time in their view!

XXXMinnieXXX

You know them well enough to gage a reaction. Some people when they are not really ready are very defensive so I understand this is difficult. It was only when I accepted I needed help and wanted it, that I truly listened. Something had to snap in my head and I really wanted it. I'd probably say something, but be subtle. The fact that she's saying she wants to loose weight to you, suggests she may be reaching out to you. X

velvetkat

You know its funny. We don't have to live on salad alone. My wife was at work a couple of weeks ago and she was sitting around all these health nuts during lunch, and they were all eating salad. My wife was eating shrimp and french fries. They noticed that she had lost wieght and than noticed the fod she was eating. She was asked how she was losing wieght and she replied MFP. One of the ladies looked at her and said, your losing wieght and you eat "that". My wife smiled and replied yup.

perfect! ^^

The people at my work eat the lean cuisine meals every day.. day in and day out.. then proceed to eat the cake and cookies that get brought in and wonder why the arent losing... me Im eating my well balanced meals and skipping the crap and losing weight.
People have to be ready to commit to losing weight and changing their lifestyle.. if they arent ready they just keep falling off the wagon. People cant believe how much weight Ive lost and always ask me "how did you do it" thing is they really dont want to hear that I WORKED at it every minute of every day to get the results I did. Leading by example is the best way to approach it.

Becky_Boodle

You know its funny. We don't have to live on salad alone. My wife was at work a couple of weeks ago and she was sitting around all these health nuts during lunch, and they were all eating salad. My wife was eating shrimp and french fries. They noticed that she had lost wieght and than noticed the fod she was eating. She was asked how she was losing wieght and she replied MFP. One of the ladies looked at her and said, your losing wieght and you eat "that". My wife smiled and replied yup.

The point is, we can eat whatever we want as long as we log it and hold ourselves accountable for it. Why do we need to live off from salads to be as fit as a fiddle. Lets enjoy our lives and not be so blah!

I'm not saying they should be eating salad all day but they seem to be oblivious to portions ect. I eat chocolate and that but don't kid myself if I eat tonnes. They don't log what they eat as mfp is stupid and a waste of time in their view!

Most people are oblivious to portion size...I know I was until I started weighing and measuring everything...
and if they think logging what they eat and MFP is a waste of time...
then they're the ones who aren't losing weigh...you are...
focus on your jouney and hopefully they will follow

AllTehBeers

My mom would tell me all the time that I needed to lose weight. She even told me that if I could lose so many pounds she would give me $100. I was just like, yeah I know I'm fat and I think about it every day there's no need to keep reminding me. I think others are right when they say to lead by example. Maybe she doesn't really know how many calories she's really eating. Just talk cabout your progress, what you eat and how surprised you are with how many calories are in different things.

beccarockslife

If someone you know and care about had a serious weight problem and kept on about how they where being really good while eating half a loaf of bread and whole Easter eggs to themselves ect. Would you point out to them that they are kidding themselves it would you just let them believe they are doing really well?

Only asking because someone very close to me is doing exactly that and I'm not sure weather to being up the subject or leave it? What would you do?

Put yourself in their shoes, consider their reasons, figure out how YOU would react to that information and then make a decision. If they feel you are judging them they will understandably think you're a douche and it won't help them forwards. Maybe getting them to admit the problem in a round about way is more tactful...or introduce them to here? Unless they are completely dense they are going to realise that they are eating the wrong ****.

Some people just aren't ready to hear the truth. Just because you've been able to make the leap, and possibly feel much better for being honest with yourself doesn't mean that they will be grateful for hearing the truth from you.

bkubp01

I am 1 of 4 siblings (all girls). As a child I was the "chunky" one and they were all thin. As we grew older I learned to eat properly and am always watching my wieght. All 3 of my sisters are Overwieght. There is nothing you can say to them. However, you will be surprised how a "picture says a thousand words". No matter how thin I am...I always see a fat person in the mirrior. My sisters all know they are overwieght, but they see themselves as thin. For some strange reason when we see ourselves in pictures it;s a whole diferrent perspective. Take a picture of her and hand it to her when she's eating something she shouldn't, don't say a word, let the picture do the talking. If she asks why you are giving her a picture...just say becuase "I love you" and leave it at that. She is the adult and person ultimately responsible for herself. Ps.. The picture must be printed , not an image on a screen, even if it's off your computer paper.

beccarockslife

I am 1 of 4 siblings (all girls). As a child I was the "chunky" one and they were all thin. As we grew older I learned to eat properly and am always watching my wieght. All 3 of my sisters are Overwieght. There is nothing you can say to them. However, you will be surprised how a "picture says a thousand words". No matter how thin I am...I always see a fat person in the mirrior. My sisters all know they are overwieght, but they see themselves as thin. For some strange reason when we see ourselves in pictures it;s a whole diferrent perspective. Take a picture of her and hand it to her when she's eating something she shouldn't, don't say a word, let the picture do the talking. If she asks why you are giving her a picture...just say becuase "I love you" and leave it at that. She is the adult and person ultimately responsible for herself. Ps.. The picture must be printed , not an image on a screen, even if it's off your computer paper.

If someone did that to me I'd be utterly humiliated and then I'd want to kill the person who did it.

lmelangley

It's a hard subject. I know several people like this and some days they're open to discussions, but mostly they're convinced they're right. When the subject of weight comes up, I try to bring up my own experiences to get them thinking - before I started logging, I had no clue about portion control, etc... I guess the bottom line is, no one is going to lose weight until they are ready.

gregavila

There's a HUGE difference between eating healthy and just eating to lose weight; anyone can starve themselves skinny but it doesn't make them healthy. I would stick with the salad.

Seating salad does not imply eating healthy. I've seen salads that clock in at 1200 calories. There is very little nutritional value of iceberg lettuce. And I'm not saying salads can't be healthy...

But it's a bit ignorant to make such a generic statement. Shrimp is actually quite healthy for you, and occasional French fries won't harm you either.

bkubp01

You just proved that it would work....why would you be mortified unless, you know how big you really are and instead of killing herself which she is already doing slowly...she might take action.

How often are you with a group of people and pictures are being taken...than when they give you a copy you realize what you really look like vs. what you look at everyday in the mirror? A picture let's her face reality and gives her the choice to do somthing about it. The person wanting to help doesn' need to say a word.

chelbel89

If you are very close, I would tell her with truly good intentions at heart. I would do it in a very tactful and supportive manner. Offer a hand, or just simply tell her that you need more help on YOUR journey. Tell her you would benefit from working out with her by putting in some walking time. Good luck, hope it helps! :flowerforyou:

scott091501

You really have to be able to gauge the person. To know what motivates them, makes them tick. I needed a good kick in the rear which I never got. Some people need a gentle approach. Some people need to hit rock bottom.

I just had this conversation with my Dad. Most of his ailments stem from being over weight. He didn't see it that way so I said "My training as a personal trainer says xxxxxxx." He disagreed and said it was my opinion. In the end I offered my help if he wants it. Unless there is a health event that changes my opinion I will continue to offer help when the subject comes up, but otherwise it's a closed topic.

mousepaws22

No I wouldn't to be honest. No matter how concerned for someone you are, you cannot control someone and you cannot try to change someone. Only they can decide whether they want to change or not- if they are that big that's it's worrying you then I'm pretty sure they already know they're overweight. If someone told me I was fat (and I know I am) I would be angry with them and to be honest it would just be likely to make me eat more. The only thing I would suggest is perhaps try and encourage them to join MFP- point out the info and support you can get here- and they might be shocked when they realise what their calories actually are. I had no idea how much hidden carbs and sugar were in things until I joined in January, up until then I though I ate fairly healthily.

deninevi

The thing is no matter what you tell them and how you tell them, they will not change if they are not ready. If they ask for help or what are you doing then there is an open door for you. Good luck! It's a though one.

tialynn1

I know quite a few people that could stand to lose weight. I don't offer advice unless they ask or talk about losing weight. Then I will tell them about this website and what I have been doing to lose weight. My sister-in-law is probably one of the biggest people I know. I know I could never tell her about it. She doesn't do criticism well. She even has considered the lap band surgery. But, I only see her once a year. She lives in San Diego and I live in Pittsburgh. I really haven't mentioned the weight loss on facebook, I plan on putting a new picture of me when I lose the weight and then if she asks, I will tell. I have talked to one of my nieces that live out there about weight loss and how we can't wait to show up for Christmas Eve Christmas dinner looking HOT!

Justice96

You could always say, "Hey I bought this new workout DVD and I was wondering if you would be my new workout partner ?"

And if they dont wanna join you then everytime you loose weight mention it to them and maybe it will inspire them.

lindalou4850

I think people that are over weight already know it.. You could be an inspiration to them. Didn you ever suggest this web site to them. Talk about your eating healthy and working out. And hopefully they will catch on..

iNkedFiTmama

I agree. Plus I feel like if I was in this type of situation its on really my place to say anything.

I wouldn't. Adults know they are fat; why torture them by reminding them of it? It's just not supportive. Lead by example.

sarahbear1981

A person's weight loss is personal. My parents used to tell me I needed to lose weight and that I was fat when I was a size 14. It was only hurting my feelings and I thought I was huge when I was a teenager all it did was confuse me into to thinking that weighing 180 lbs and wearing a size 14 made me a tub of lard and less than in comparison to my "skinny friends". As an adult, I ballooned up to a size 28, down to a 20 now and I just keep wishing I was a size 14 again. You can tell them but if they are not ready to change then they will not change, they have to realize it for themselves. It could be that you saying something will be their moment of realization but most likely it will not be and you will just be hurting them.

If you simply must say something then the next time they say they are being good challenge them to prove it by logging their food for the day and then maybe talk about making healthier choices. Oh and bread is not evil in moderation.