Would you tell them?

bkubp01

You just proved that it would work....why would you be mortified unless, you know how big you really are and instead of killing herself which she is already doing slowly...she might take action.

How often are you with a group of people and pictures are being taken...than when they give you a copy you realize what you really look like vs. what you look at everyday in the mirror? A picture let's her face reality and gives her the choice to do somthing about it. The person wanting to help doesn' need to say a word.

chelbel89

If you are very close, I would tell her with truly good intentions at heart. I would do it in a very tactful and supportive manner. Offer a hand, or just simply tell her that you need more help on YOUR journey. Tell her you would benefit from working out with her by putting in some walking time. Good luck, hope it helps! :flowerforyou:

scott091501

You really have to be able to gauge the person. To know what motivates them, makes them tick. I needed a good kick in the rear which I never got. Some people need a gentle approach. Some people need to hit rock bottom.

I just had this conversation with my Dad. Most of his ailments stem from being over weight. He didn't see it that way so I said "My training as a personal trainer says xxxxxxx." He disagreed and said it was my opinion. In the end I offered my help if he wants it. Unless there is a health event that changes my opinion I will continue to offer help when the subject comes up, but otherwise it's a closed topic.

mousepaws22

No I wouldn't to be honest. No matter how concerned for someone you are, you cannot control someone and you cannot try to change someone. Only they can decide whether they want to change or not- if they are that big that's it's worrying you then I'm pretty sure they already know they're overweight. If someone told me I was fat (and I know I am) I would be angry with them and to be honest it would just be likely to make me eat more. The only thing I would suggest is perhaps try and encourage them to join MFP- point out the info and support you can get here- and they might be shocked when they realise what their calories actually are. I had no idea how much hidden carbs and sugar were in things until I joined in January, up until then I though I ate fairly healthily.

deninevi

The thing is no matter what you tell them and how you tell them, they will not change if they are not ready. If they ask for help or what are you doing then there is an open door for you. Good luck! It's a though one.

tialynn1

I know quite a few people that could stand to lose weight. I don't offer advice unless they ask or talk about losing weight. Then I will tell them about this website and what I have been doing to lose weight. My sister-in-law is probably one of the biggest people I know. I know I could never tell her about it. She doesn't do criticism well. She even has considered the lap band surgery. But, I only see her once a year. She lives in San Diego and I live in Pittsburgh. I really haven't mentioned the weight loss on facebook, I plan on putting a new picture of me when I lose the weight and then if she asks, I will tell. I have talked to one of my nieces that live out there about weight loss and how we can't wait to show up for Christmas Eve Christmas dinner looking HOT!

Justice96

You could always say, "Hey I bought this new workout DVD and I was wondering if you would be my new workout partner ?"

And if they dont wanna join you then everytime you loose weight mention it to them and maybe it will inspire them.

lindalou4850

I think people that are over weight already know it.. You could be an inspiration to them. Didn you ever suggest this web site to them. Talk about your eating healthy and working out. And hopefully they will catch on..

iNkedFiTmama

I agree. Plus I feel like if I was in this type of situation its on really my place to say anything.

I wouldn't. Adults know they are fat; why torture them by reminding them of it? It's just not supportive. Lead by example.

sarahbear1981

A person's weight loss is personal. My parents used to tell me I needed to lose weight and that I was fat when I was a size 14. It was only hurting my feelings and I thought I was huge when I was a teenager all it did was confuse me into to thinking that weighing 180 lbs and wearing a size 14 made me a tub of lard and less than in comparison to my "skinny friends". As an adult, I ballooned up to a size 28, down to a 20 now and I just keep wishing I was a size 14 again. You can tell them but if they are not ready to change then they will not change, they have to realize it for themselves. It could be that you saying something will be their moment of realization but most likely it will not be and you will just be hurting them.

If you simply must say something then the next time they say they are being good challenge them to prove it by logging their food for the day and then maybe talk about making healthier choices. Oh and bread is not evil in moderation.

BrianSharpe

Change has to come from within. Smokers know they should quit, overweight people know they should do something to live a healthier life and sometimes it takes a crisis to turn knowing into doing.

In my case the real wake up call was my older brother having a mild stroke (he fully recovered but still doesn't lift anything heavier than a beer bottle)

autiemommy

I would try to be nice but stern to get the point across. But thats the type of person i am but if they are in their own "self-destruct" mode you cant do much.

lifelearner79

It's a rough boat to be in. Making statements about yourself is the best way to go. As someone who people "tried" to help by doing that, all I felt was "you're not good enough." I felt that to be loved I had to change and all I'd ever been taught was that people should love you for who you are. I am setting my examples for others by behaviors. As was said on here earlier, they know they are overweight. It is a choice to act on it. Their choice. Be supportive and suggestive healthy things to eat together and healthy activities to do.

warneg

Are you able to bring up your own weight issues? I wonder if you could ask her to join you on here, because (and I think it may be true) it would help you to have a "real live" buddy right there with you to check on you, and work with you. She's not stupid, though, so don't point out the obvious--she might withdraw. Just a thought. Good luck to both of you; however this pans out.

smariere

My mom would tell me all the time that I needed to lose weight. She even told me that if I could lose so many pounds she would give me $100. I was just like, yeah I know I'm fat and I think about it every day there's no need to keep reminding me. I think others are right when they say to lead by example. Maybe she doesn't really know how many calories she's really eating. Just talk cabout your progress, what you eat and how surprised you are with how many calories are in different things.

My Mom did something similar, she told me that if I lost weight she would give me money to buy a new wardrobe. Instead of motivating me it just made me feel horrible about myself. I think that no matter what you say, they won't hear it until they are ready and they want to make a change. Just try to stay supportive and be ready with tips when they are ready to make a change on their own.

tabulator32

if it is someone you know and are close to them and care about them, honesty is more important than pretending to be polite.

If they know you and are close to you and care about you, they will at least listen to what you have to say.

Ninatoots

My DH was eating way bad food choices ! First my daughter tells him he's not buying healthy foods, then I say he should get off his lazy but and move more! In the morning he's at the computer, then around 4 he's watching all the shows he's recorded! He records so many shows I hardly have room for what I want to watch! Now he's been on his pity pot for several days and it's been real hard on me! He does workout and he has lost weight. He's had weigh-loss surgery but he could have reached his goal a long time ago! We've been married sense 1964 so I know him pretty well.
Nina:brokenheart: He's braking my heart and he doesn't seem to know it!

hooligansmom

Maybe you can invite them to do something active without making it sound like you are trying to get them to lose weight. Invite them mall walking and say you do it so you can window shop before the stores open without feeling any sales pressure. Or invite them over for a healthy meal that is really delicious (or both the mall walking and the healthy meal?). You might not be able to make a BIG change, but how about a small one?

1953Judith

My family has a lot of weight issues so do some of my friends and colleagues. If someone starts directly talking to me about desiring to lose weight or move to a healthier lifestyle. I usually don't leap right into advice, I ask if they want to participate in a "challenge" with me. I let them know that having others participate in a "challenge" really helps me stay on track. We negotiate the challenge together. It usually revolves around an eating pattern habit with a minor weight loss component.

These challenges really do help me and are constructive and non-threatening to the other person. So to answer the OP, I would not discuss her bread and eggs. I would respond to her comments to me about wanting to diet and maybe come up with something little, but important, you can do together to support each other.

58pounds

I understand your position. I agree with the other posts that it depends on what their personality is like. Do they get offended easily, or are they good about being open minded? I would say "Hey I have been doing this myfitnesspal.com and it has really helped me, if you're really trying and not seeing the results you want, give this a try! I know there were things I thought were good, but I learned off of the site they weren't as good for me as I thought!" Also see if they would be willing to work out with you, go for a walk, something along those lines. If they argue or don't take you seriously, just know there is only so much you can do. It's going to have to be up to them. Just like it was up to you, nobody else, to make a change. As long as you stick with it and they see the change, it might encourage them to! I hope this advise helps! If you're ugly about it, thinking you're doing the whole "tuff love" thing, it might come off as you think you're better than they are and you don't want that. I have the same problems with a couple of people in my family and one of them has major health issues. I have begged, yelled, cried, tried to encourage, and now all I can do is work on myself and hope that will encourage them to change. But again it's just up to them. Again, I hope this advise helps!!!