body image issues with boy children

JenAiMarres

I am a mother of three boys..I have been highly obsessed with my figure since I had my first son 11 years ago.I was determined to not let a baby ruin my body...and it didn't!! I have always "dieted" (or just eaten right as a lifestyle). As of a year ago I started working out and became even more conscious of my body. During this whe transition to working out my husband started eating right and going to the gym daily as well..Everythibg is great, we work out hard and it shows!! Definitely not a bad thing...

Buttttt... With all this focus on food, eating , not eating, protein, cardio, weights...I hear my kids talking about things like calories, the gym and protein...My 11 y/o was chatting my mom up about the differences between regular bacon an turkey bacon at ihop!! and my 5 year old even asked me if I was eating something ( i think it was cottage chesse) to loose weight or for protein!!! It made me feel sad...plus my son was just taking progress pics of my husband..I know we don't want to instill bad eating habits in our children but I think that even healthy eating habits can be excessive when it comes to children!

I thought with all boys I would not worry about them having skewed body images, but I'm not so sure any more!

fitby38

... smh...

xraychick77

lol

TinkrBelz

As a mom of 5 sons...I think that you are giving your boys a good body image. In today's society, we see a lot of over weight and un healthy moms and dads. As a society, we are passing these habits onto our children.

My husband has always been healthy, lifts weights, cardio and watches what he eats. Now that our sons are teenagers, they are healthy young men. They play sports, they eat well (yes, I do pack them chips and little debbies), but they do not over eat, they are some of their only friends that do not have a jelly belly. It pleases me to know that we are passing a healthy lifestyle onto our boys and I hope that they pass it onto their children as well. And, my boys are proud that their dad is known as the muscular dad and that their dad can still keep up with them in baseball, soccer, and football.

I would say the same thing about education...would you be "obsessing too much" if your 5 year old son understood the difference between adverbs and adjectives? You would be proud that not only could your young child read well, but he also knew how to use an adverb correctly!!!

You are passing good habit onto your boys!!

fitby38

seriously? ...smh...

TinkrBelz

I wonder why some people not only write one rude comment, but feel like they have to write two rude comments? Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves.

I come onto the message boards to help other moms and other women, while others come onto the message boards to make fun of others!

Jen, keep educating your sons about nutrition and teach them to treat others with kindness and respect!

JenAiMarres

Thanks tink...I like your analogy about education in your first post...I want to ensure that my kids are all fit and healthy and they do have great habits so far!! I guess I would rather that than them wanting mc Donald's or crap in their lunches! I do want them to go to the gym and know that health is important...I guess my point is I always thougt that I would worry about girls not boys in this area!!!

Thanks for the support!!

Sytera

I think you are doing right by your sons. We have three boys and I am proud that they know about healthy eating and exercise. If I get myself a little unhealthy treat, they point out that it isn't healthy. I don't think they will ever obsess over body image because they have such a great start to healthy lives.

StrawberrySt

What does smh mean anyway?

Jen, I think your boys are growing up with a healthy lifestyle and positive body image. In Australia they have a huge focus on nutrition in schools now and teach kids what foods are "sometimes foods" which I think is great.

And I'm sure your boys will thank you when they're older and have great bodies because they know all about 'protein' and 'macros'

JenAiMarres

Smh...means shaking my head...

Thank u all for the insight...I guess it is knowledge I wish I had grown up with or didn't start breaking into later in life. We eat, we eat healthfully and we work out!! Not bad things by any means!

I think maybe my verbiage in my original post is what set off the "smh" comment(s) I tend to speak dramatically...I said I am "highly obsessed with my figure" when really I meant" I am very conscious of my figure". Who knows!?!?

Elizabeth_C34

I think it's great that you do this for your family as a whole. My family ate like pigs when I was little, but they encouraged us to be athletic so I was skinny, but for years after I quit being an athlete, I just gained and gained and gained the weight every year. I wish I had known about eating well and what foods have what nutrients at a young age.

I think as long as you focus on the food and not things like their body shape or size, you'll be doing just fine. I would avoid putting yourself down or pointing out small flaws in yourself or your husband around them. Really, it should be more about being healthy, fit, and able to live the best life possible, not all about the looks.

BTW, you look FAN-tastic! I cannot tell you have 3 children. Great work!

D446

seriously? ...smh...

What's with this?

JenAiMarres

I think as long as you focus on the food and not things like their body shape or size, you'll be doing just fine. I would avoid putting yourself down or pointing out small flaws in yourself or your husband around them. Really, it should be more about being healthy, fit, and able to live the best life possible, not all about the looks.

BTW, you look FAN-tastic! I cannot tell you have 3 children. Great work!

Thank u so much!! We work hard at it and you are so right about the flaws...that is probably something I could work on..good reminder!!! Definitely keeping it food and health focused is key!!

Yacki

Jen -
I have started to wonder the same thing about my boys. Both of my boys are very skinny - they need to gain weight. They are like my husband and have an awesome metabilism. My weight loss journey is affecting them - we go for walks and bike rides together. From time to time - I hear them ask about the calories in food. I know that I am setting a good example for them. I feel that I am helping them to understand that being healthy means eating helathy and getting exercise. I think that someday this may help them in their relationship with their wives- I mean they will be more understanding of weight issues that women face since they are seeing what I am doing to try to get healthy. So continue to do what you are doing! It only makes them more compasionate for anyone who is having weight issues. Good luck with your weight loss / living healthy - goals!

Scott613

I am a mother of three boys..I have been highly obsessed with my figure since I had my first son 11 years ago.I was determined to not let a baby ruin my body...and it didn't!! I have always "dieted" (or just eaten right as a lifestyle). As of a year ago I started working out and became even more conscious of my body. During this whe transition to working out my husband started eating right and going to the gym daily as well..Everythibg is great, we work out hard and it shows!! Definitely not a bad thing...

Buttttt... With all this focus on food, eating , not eating, protein, cardio, weights...I hear my kids talking about things like calories, the gym and protein...My 11 y/o was chatting my mom up about the differences between regular bacon an turkey bacon at ihop!! and my 5 year old even asked me if I was eating something ( i think it was cottage chesse) to loose weight or for protein!!! It made me feel sad...plus my son was just taking progress pics of my husband..I know we don't want to instill bad eating habits in our children but I think that even healthy eating habits can be excessive when it comes to children!

I thought with all boys I would not worry about them having skewed body images, but I'm not so sure any more!

that is bad@as! Not enough parents good habits rub off on their kids. Your kids are asking about your eating behaviors. Instead of asking about twinkies,ding dongs, and pizza he asked you a question about weightloss and protein. Congrats your kids are ahead of the obesity game.

OregonNativ3

I think it is very important for a family to eat well, and maintain an active lifestyle. I wasn't active for a good portion of my life and I regret it now. I plan to raise my children on a healthy diet and an active lifestyle.

Don't sweat it. You are preventing your children from going down a path many of us wish we had not gone down. Good for you, and GREAT for them!

dorktaped

I see this as a definite good thing! Had I known about all this only a few years ago (male or female) I probably wouldn't be on this site today. Major kudos to you for bringing your kids up right!

tawnajean

My hubby and I were just talking about this! We've noticed our kids talking a lot more about calories, etc since we started MFP and we were kinda freaked out by it, too! My hubby doesn't like to look things up, so he's always asking me how many calories are in things, so I shoulda known it was coming

I think it's good for kids to learn about nutrition and exercise, we just have to teach them moderation so that they don't obsess over it.

PS You know its bad too, when you do 30DS and your kids ask why you aren't doing "real" push-ups! lol! Fun for the whole family

Cold_Steel

I don't see a problem I see it as pretty damned good parenting.

They talk about it now, they will get those habits ingrained into their brains now. I know plenty of lifetime healthy people and it is only because their parents taught them nutrition at an early age.

Hey its better that they are talking about it and actively participating. Any communication is good communication when they become teens that is going to get harder.

Good job ! I would call this "problem" an NSV.

Chipmaniac

Hopefully, I can ease your mind. I grew up with a very judgmental mother when it came to how I looked. She would often cut me down about what I looked like. I wasn't fat but she made me feel like I was ugly and unworthy. Additionally, when I was picked on in school and would tell her about it, she'd say "It's because you are so unfriendly". She definitely didn't provide a soft place to land Crazily, she still does it and I'm 41! I don't think she is completely aware of how she makes all of us kids feel.

She's the master of the backhanded compliment. She recently told my girlfriend, who had lost a few pounds "You're getting so pretty now!" I kid you not. My girlfriend is a trooper and understands that my mom has little awareness of how her comments are received. Thank goodness. If I had been there at the time, there would have been a huge fight.

What you are doing, based on your description, is completely different. As long as you put the emphasis on health and not appearance you are doing your kids a service rather than causing them harm. Relax.

AussieMisfit

I offered my 4y.o son McDonalds the other day (I know - SMH :laugh: ) and he said, "No, I want something healthy".

I think it's a good thing.

JenAiMarres

Hopefully, I can ease your mind. I grew up with a very judgmental mother when it came to how I looked. She would often cut me down about what I looked like. I wasn't fat but she made me feel like I was ugly and unworthy. Additionally, when I was picked on in school and would tell her about it, she'd say "It's because you are so unfriendly". She definitely didn't provide a soft place to land.

What you are doing, based on your description, is completely different. As long as you put the emphasis on health and not appearance you are doing your kids a service rather than causing them harm. Relax.

Wow...sorry about that I have a grandma like that too.. Yes it can be rough!!!!!!!!!!!!! I definitely don't do that..in fact I tell then they are gorgeous every day..smelly but gorgeous and praise each of thier unique talents!!!

And to the poster that called this an NSV!! Awesome!! I do to

londanfudd4eva

what does smh mean

hbunting86

Speaking from a different perspective, when I was growing up my mum always made the healthy choices for myself and my sister.

By no means was/is our family a beacon of perfection, but I can honestly say that we had the best start in life. We had treats of course - in our packed lunches we could choose a bag of chips OR a small chocolate biscuit - never both. We had one treat a day, a healthy breakfast, lots of fruit and veg and a balanced meal at night. Food was never an issue because my mum made sure that our diet was balanced.

So many parents use food as a bribe these days - or a reward but they don't realise they're ingraining that into their childrens perceptions of food and healthy eating.

I think you're doing absolutely the right thing. Whilst I can honestly say we never discussed calories or things at home (probably because my parents weren't aware of them haha) I think it's good your sons are showing an interest in their diet and health. It's good to hear this, as I worry so much about children these days being overweight not from a body image perspective, but a health and longevity perspective.

Good on ya!

Le_Joy

Boys get eating disorders and have body image issues. Not saying that what you are doing will cause those tings, but yes it is possible.

JenAiMarres

what does smh mean

It means "Shaking my head"...i had to look it up...I'm not fluent in forum trash talk!!

hbunting86

I don't understand what's to shake heads about?!

This thread is actually making a point - tons on the forums are just ridiculous harping on about carbohydrates and protein and eating back exercise calories. This is an important issue.

just4peachy

Boys get eating disorders and have body image issues. Not saying that what you are doing will cause those tings, but yes it is possible.

Sure, if they're already predisposed to that (eating disorders are not just social issues) and if she's telling them on a regular basis on fat & disgusting they are. BUT she's made it a point to say she tells them how wonderful they are and how much she loves them DAILY. She's just worried about her obsession rubbing off badly.

OP- Are you're boys asking if you love them? If you think they're fat? If they disgust you? Or are they asking honest, health centered questions? Those should be your concern.
Sounds to me like you're raising fabulous little boys that will (someday) be amazing, FIT, HEALTHY men. Good for you!

taso42

Educating your children about nutrition is excellent. As you should be. But sounds like you have some reservations. Maybe you just need to sort out exactly what messages you're giving them. Interesting thing to ponder really.

JenAiMarres

Boys get eating disorders and have body image issues. Not saying that what you are doing will cause those tings, but yes it is possible.

Sure, if they're already predisposed to that (eating disorders are not just social issues) and if she's telling them on a regular basis on fat & disgusting they are. BUT she's made it a point to say she tells them how wonderful they are and how much she loves them DAILY. She's just worried about her obsession rubbing off badly.

OP- Are you're boys asking if you love them? If you think they're fat? If they disgust you? Or are they asking honest, health centered questions? Those should be your concern.
Sounds to me like you're raising fabulous little boys that will (someday) be amazing, FIT, HEALTHY men. Good for you!

Yes I know they can get disorders and that's why I definitely had/have a concern...but yes I am in general a very positive person with them and everyone for that matter...

And in answer to your questions..definitely no they don't ask if I love them.. And we don't even say the words "fat", "ugly" or "stupid" so good point !! And yes all of their questions come from a place of genuine curiosity...plus my oldest is interested in gaining weight and growing tall...and I see him making a real effort to eat just like dad!
Thanks for the reassurance

BellydanceBliss

I think it matters how you as a parent handle it. It sounds pretty benign to me. When I was young my mother forced me to diet even though I didnt need to. this caused major problems for me later on ie eating disorders for years screwing up my metabolism so bad that then caused me later to be obese. This is a different matter all together. I would maybe just put a focus on how important it is to love yourself no matter the weight and everyones perfect weight is different. My son unfortunately is overweight...He is a great kid though. My husband hasnt always supported healthy eating making it hard for me to instill any kind of healthy lifestyle. when I started doing my thing...my son followed suite. Hes doing a fabulous job and we have talks about loving ourselves and how important it was...loving ourselves also means eating healthy to maintain this marvelous temple God gave us to house our souls. Unhealthy body unhealthy soul. It is the same with your kids. Them knowing the difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon and talking to their grandparents is a benign thing. The thing with him asking you a very honest question about cottage cheese to lost weight or to be healthy...could be a different thing. Maybe he was concerned for you yourself. Ya know...and only you know this answer. I am very open with my kids. I told them I had an eating disorder what that meant and what happened and how important it is that it doesnt happen with them that if they ate healthy and loved themselves and moved their body everyday they would be ok. From what you said you have been a dieter as a lifestyle up and down i would do some soul searching on that and then talk to your kids about it so that part doesnt repeat with them. Otherwise sounds like smart kids...