body image issues with boy children

BellydanceBliss

Id like to add, my son told me yesterday he was choosing to eat lighter he does count his calories 2200...because he was allowed to eat fun food on his birthday...I go just make sure you are eating enough calories it is important to still grow. He goes dont worry mom, im not going to not eat i like food too much. lol I am just choosing to eat better for my body. I like all the "healthy" foods (he puts his fingers in quotations. lol He says hes not concerned about his body he likes himself. Goes I am a good person I try to be a good person all the time...lol My friends like me, and when I am older if I am still "paunchy" because of genetics then god will send me the right woman for me so it wont be a problem lol. My point is he has a healthy view of himself. Just have a sitdown and talk to your kids and find out how they view themselves.

luvsdeals

I've got 6 kids and I think all parenting is a matter of balance. I don't talk about "trying to lose weight" or calories or proteins or all of that. right now I'm the mom and I make all the food and they eat what I serve. They know they eat "healthier" than some of their classmates and that we like to eat a lot of veggies and fruits because they have so many good things in them that our bodies need to work well and stay healthy. When we're eating dinner they'll ask, "What does spinach have in it that makes it good?" or "What about strawberries?"

I think if we as parents model health that's great. If we're modeling appearance only that can be dangerous. We eat well because we want to be well and live well. And I think messages like not wanting having a baby "ruin" our body or things like that can be subtle (or not so subtle) and kids can pick up on them. We need to remember the end goal is ultimately health--right?

MeadowSong

This is not the first thread I've seen with parents worried because their kids are taking an interest in what they eat. I don't see that you're worried because your skinny kid looks in the mirror to examine himself for fatness or talks about being too fat/ugly/weak! I see that you're worried because your kid takes an active interest in nutrition! I would be proud instead of worried. Love the cottage cheese question!!! He's wanting to know why you made that choice to know if it's a choice he should make--that's a WAY GOOD thing! There is no way most people can live in this society without understanding something of calories vs nutrition! We're no longer out on the farm eating beans and onions for about every meal like my mother grew up doing. There are Ding Dongs on every corner and no societal norm that says not to get one (and a Coke) every time you get gas or a newspaper. The problems kids have with body image are partly just how people are--to a degree everyone (if they're normal) feels that they don't quite measure up, but mostly because of mean-spirited or just ignorant people trying to change behavior through shame and manipulation rather than by teaching and training. I have five kids, the youngest is 16. We live 'out' and have livestock and so my kids grew up knowing that what goes in is a big part of health. We talked a lot about getting out and doing things being good for people as well as aging horses. My kids know that health is what you do, and sometimes just what happens in spite of what you do, it's not part of what makes you worthwhile.
Also, I think it's important that we look for what is really true about our selves and our situations. I am overweight, to the high end of 'normal' now, but have been obese more than I'd like to admit. I don't have a problem saying I'm fat when I am--I'm also in debt and I talk too much (as if you hadn't figured THAT one out by now). Beating myself up over my weak areas is not productive--but neither is denying that I have weak areas. Another poster talks about 'balance' and I agree, and want to add 'tone' and 'value'. Speak the truth in love, to yourself and others. And YOU don't value body image over things of consequence, like character, integrity, work ethic and love--and your kids will be more likely to value the things of value also.

fitby38

I wonder why some people not only write one rude comment, but feel like they have to write two rude comments? Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves.

I come onto the message boards to help other moms and other women, while others come onto the message boards to make fun of others!

Jen, keep educating your sons about nutrition and teach them to treat others with kindness and respect!

smh is a rude comment? oh ok ....smh again ...

fitby38

I think maybe my verbiage in my original post is what set off the "smh" comment(s) I tend to speak dramatically...I said I am "highly obsessed with my figure" when really I meant" I am very conscious of my figure". Who knows!?!?

you are correct!

jonski1968

IMO...I think its great...I`m sure your kids will be eating as healthily as you and your hubby are. Getting kids to question what they are eating is a good thing, if all children did this maybe the obesity crisis would be nowhere near as bad as it is.

faythe

I think you're doing right by them by keeping the family's lifestyle healthy. Growing up, my family ate junk food and fast food and all of us were overweight to some degree. I have 2 kids now, a boy and a girl, and I want them to be healthy and fit from the get-go and not have to worry about needing to lose weight. There's nothing wrong with helping your kids understand what a healthy diet and exercise regimen looks like!

Keep up the good work, mama!

SoDamnHungry

I think it's great that your kids understand nutrition, calories, and portion size. As long as they aren't worried that about how they look, it shouldn't be a huge issue. That said, tone down the talk of calories and up the talk of nutrition. 11 years old is a bit young for them to be so obsessed that they carry on conversations with adults about it...

fitby38

I think it's great that your kids understand nutrition, calories, and portion size. As long as they aren't worried that about how they look, it shouldn't be a huge issue. That said, tone down the talk of calories and up the talk of nutrition. 11 years old is a bit young for them to be so obsessed that they carry on conversations with adults about it...

ditto this ^^^ ... well said

Daydreams406

I think it's great that your kids understand nutrition, calories, and portion size. As long as they aren't worried that about how they look, it shouldn't be a huge issue. That said, tone down the talk of calories and up the talk of nutrition. 11 years old is a bit young for them to be so obsessed that they carry on conversations with adults about it...

I agree with this as well.

I have two sons, one is 18 and he has become "health conscious" on his own. I didn't need to direct him much. Especially in today's body obsessed society. My other son is only 4 so his health choices are mostly mine at this point.
If you are in control of your children's food choices....which most parents are, then there should be no worries as to talk of calories etc. They should only be worried about kid stuff IMO. A well balanced meal should be the responsibility of the parents. Calories, protein, carbs, and so on are not dinner conversation in our house...I would rather discuss how their day went and what things they did. I think if your kids are picking up on your "health talk" to the point that they are trying to have discussions about it, then maybe, just maybe there is cause for a little concern. I would at least tone down the conversations in front of the kids.

fitby38

I think it's great that your kids understand nutrition, calories, and portion size. As long as they aren't worried that about how they look, it shouldn't be a huge issue. That said, tone down the talk of calories and up the talk of nutrition. 11 years old is a bit young for them to be so obsessed that they carry on conversations with adults about it...

I agree with this as well.

I have two sons, one is 18 and he has become "health conscious" on his own. I didn't need to direct him much. Especially in today's body obsessed society. My other son is only 4 so his health choices are mostly mine at this point.
If you are in control of your children's food choices....which most parents are, then there should be no worries as to talk of calories etc. They should only be worried about kid stuff IMO. A well balanced meal should be the responsibility of the parents. Calories, protein, carbs, and so on are not dinner conversation in our house...I would rather discuss how their day went and what things they did. I think if your kids are picking up on your "health talk" to the point that they are trying to have discussions about it, then maybe, just maybe there is cause for a little concern. I would at least tone down the conversations in front of the kids.

I agree totally ... i was called rude because i shook my head to the original post ... but the OBSESSIVE part is what i thought was extreme. thanks for speaking what my smh meant lol

JennW130

As a mom of 5 sons...I think that you are giving your boys a good body image. In today's society, we see a lot of over weight and un healthy moms and dads. As a society, we are passing these habits onto our children.

My husband has always been healthy, lifts weights, cardio and watches what he eats. Now that our sons are teenagers, they are healthy young men. They play sports, they eat well (yes, I do pack them chips and little debbies), but they do not over eat, they are some of their only friends that do not have a jelly belly. It pleases me to know that we are passing a healthy lifestyle onto our boys and I hope that they pass it onto their children as well. And, my boys are proud that their dad is known as the muscular dad and that their dad can still keep up with them in baseball, soccer, and football.

I would say the same thing about education...would you be "obsessing too much" if your 5 year old son understood the difference between adverbs and adjectives? You would be proud that not only could your young child read well, but he also knew how to use an adverb correctly!!!

You are passing good habit onto your boys!!

Very well said!

Grlnxtdr0721

Jen- I think you are doing the right thing with them. I have one child- a boy- and although he is only about to turn 3, you don't want them to grow up thinking that it is ok to just always sit down and watch tv or play video games. There are so many bad things (health and otherwise) that can come from that. I know that I want to instill a healthy image and environment for him, and any other children we may have. If you are worried, just keep an eye on it. If it gets to a level where you feel it is necessary, talk to them about it.

H_Factor

I think its fine that your boys ask these questions...it shows that you guys do things as a family and they are paying attention. My 8 year old daughter has, for a long time, asked if different foods are healthy and both of my kids have taken an interest in "exercising with me". Sometimes the four of us do an exercise video together...and its super fun watching the kids do their thing. But, I really don't think its a bad idea for kids to learn healthy habits early....I don't think this will lead to body image issues (not by itself anyway). Parents' actions influence what kids learn. Kudos to you and your husband for instilling positive lessons on your children. I truly believe they will benefit from this.

Shyster2005

I think it's great that they're becoming aware. My 2 boys are always watching what I eat and notice when I have a huge plate of broccoli. Being aware of exercise, calories, protein and good things like that are key to kids being aware of these things when they get older and doing good things for their bodies. It's fantastic when a kid can look at something and say, "this junk food won't help my body." If they start obsessing about weight LOSS when they don't need to lose weight, that's when I'd keep an eye on it.

UponThisRock

My kids know that "eating too much make you fat."

I did well.

mskari77

I think it's great that your kids understand nutrition, calories, and portion size. As long as they aren't worried that about how they look, it shouldn't be a huge issue. That said, tone down the talk of calories and up the talk of nutrition. 11 years old is a bit young for them to be so obsessed that they carry on conversations with adults about it...

I agree with this as well.

I have two sons, one is 18 and he has become "health conscious" on his own. I didn't need to direct him much. Especially in today's body obsessed society. My other son is only 4 so his health choices are mostly mine at this point.
If you are in control of your children's food choices....which most parents are, then there should be no worries as to talk of calories etc. They should only be worried about kid stuff IMO. A well balanced meal should be the responsibility of the parents. Calories, protein, carbs, and so on are not dinner conversation in our house...I would rather discuss how their day went and what things they did. I think if your kids are picking up on your "health talk" to the point that they are trying to have discussions about it, then maybe, just maybe there is cause for a little concern. I would at least tone down the conversations in front of the kids.

I agree totally ... i was called rude because i shook my head to the original post ... but the OBSESSIVE part is what i thought was extreme. thanks for speaking what my smh meant lol

No, I think you were called rude because instead of asking a question to clarify what she meant, or offering any advise, you felt it necessary to simply shake your head at her words. How is that in any way helpful?

dmpizza

First of all good for you.
Kids learn what they hear.
Your boys will soon learn that their friends don't give a crap about stuff like this and they will stop talking about it.
I can guarantee that.

xo_morgan

Better than the Mom's who let their children stuff their faces with donuts & fast food french fries.

cushygal

I applaud you for helping your kids make healthy choices, I don't think its a bad thing at all.

For those of us who had unhealthy parents, and then we grew into unhealthy adults from heavy kids it is a sad cycle that will not stop until the grown ups make a good choice and pass that down.

I do not have kids but my brother has a 6 year old daughter who is wearing a size 14 girls. As a kid my brother was always very fit and active but the woman he married is very sedatary and does not know how to cook(neither does my brother) so this leads to alot of fast food - my brother has gained some weight, not terrible but still unusual for him, his wife is heavy and so is the kid.

So keep making healthy choices for you and your family.

Cheers

Still_Fluffy

I only wish my mother (who was a nurse) would have installed just habits and knowledge to me. I've had to learn it all on my own. My children will be given those skills ealry on.

cynthiaj777

Better than the Mom's who let their children stuff their faces with donuts & fast food french fries.

Agreed! When I see unhealthy sized children, I SMH at the parents.

Chagama

I think it's great. I wish we had paid more attention to it when our kids were younger. You need to teach them this stuff early, if you wait until they are older, you have less control over their meals, they are out and making more of their own decisions, and of course they think their parents don't know anything so they won't listen. Don't worry that your kids are educated and knowledgeable about something so important.

Daydreams406

I keep seeing "eating disorder" thrown around in this thread. Then people insisting that if you "discuss" nutrition with your kids then they won't have an eating disorder, or they will only end up with an eating disorder if you call them "fat" or "ugly".....both of those notions could not be farther from the truth.

Discussing nutrition with your children is one thing....but making it a daily habit and a topic that is constantly brought up, is obsessive. I will not start discussing nutrition with my four year old, other than keeping it simple for him and letting him know simple things like,his milk is a healthier for him than soda. The details can wait till much later, if I would even have to bring it up at all. Kids are a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for. (side note: I am not saying the OP is obsessive about it)

Second, while calling names, does not help a persons body image, and it could lead to an eating disorder. It is not an absolute. Kids can develop eating disorders without being called anything. Control is a big factor in eating disorders, and there are many mental issues behind it. Not just because they were called "fat".

ladybug1620

I think it's fine, but maybe make a conscious effort to change your verbage when you speak with or around them about food or losing weight. You should emphasize that you are doing it to be strong and healthy, not to lose weight (even if you are doing it to lose weight). My kids often ask me why I exercise, and I always make sure to tell them I do it to be strong and healthy. I'd much rather say it's because mommy feels like a fatty and needs to lose some weight, but I don't want them to associate working out and eating right with a negative self image.

saragato

From what you wrote it sounds like you unknowingly taught your sons about calories, healthier choices, and things used to get more protein (which is a good thing if they ever get into sports, they'll need it! ) and pretty much nothing more. And those are good things because they're learning that some things are good, some are not, and some things have substitutes like the turkey bacon. They see you and your husband eating well and see how in shape you are and they'll follow by example. If the kids started fretting over how much they ate or why are the shorts loose or tight then you might have something to talk to them about.

I never really learned any of that stuff, but I was going between homes as the kid of a bitter divorce. My dad ate out almost every meal (never cooked except those microwave meals) and ate very unhealthy which eventually killed him and my mom cooked and a lot of it was fairly healthy, but we had a lot of greasy, sugary snacks because we'd go long periods of time between lunch and dinner, especially when she had a job that had her working until 8 and to almost midnight on a weekend. I think if one of them or someone had taught me the importance of portions and calories and carbs and so on I wouldn't be as bad off, but better late than never. At least your kids are learning and will hopefully take that with them as they grow older so they can be healthier and happier in the long run.

LUVNME94

I am the mother of two boys and I believe that we are our children's teachers and WE must teach them the right ways of living and that of course includes their health. I do believe that we can get obsessive and forget that we can still have things like icecream or a fun dessert without going overboard. I believe in balance. Over this last year I had to get my self in order for my life and my children's. I always stressed excerise and being fit to my children but I did not practice what I preached so all of that changed last year and I started my healthy life. During this year I have lost 78 lbs total. Now during this time I will still have days were we get a treat like an icecream cone,a cookie, or chocolate covered strawberries. No we don't do it everyday but I believe it shows my children that you can eat healthy, be healthy and still have treats. I believe in living healthy NOT losing weight. If you live healthy the weight will come off. So be careful and not to be obessive on weight but promote HEALTH!

lipglossjunky73

Maybe I am not up on the MFP dynamics, but for the life of me I am not getting the SMH and LOL comments?

I really don't feel your kids are affected by negative body issues - you represent healthy lifestyle choices, and are such role models for them, they are bound to pick it up and make it a part of who they are and what they do.

My son who will be 5 next month does push ups when my husband does. He wants to do more fun runs because he sees us race (he did his first fun run and 2 and a half!)

He talks about getting dumbbells when he is big enough, and that eating sugary food is not healthy for your body.

I am proud of him!!!! You should be too!

RunHardBeStrong

I agree with everyone that says you are doing the right thing. My children are learning the same things. My 11 yr old boy understands the importance of choosing healthy foods and getting exercise. He loves to be right there with me doing it. My 2 yr old doesn't know any different at meal time, she is given good whole some foods and eats them. She also "tries" to workout with me. She will pick up an old pair of 2 lb dumbells laying around and imitate me or when doing cardio she will dance around like a fool. I'm proud to raise my children to be aware of these things. Unlike my childhood in which I wasn't taught the difference and my aunt constantly harped me about my weight, even weighing me in front of others and posting the results where everyone can see starting when I was 8 years old.

AndiJoy812

Kids are going to absorb all of your habits, good AND bad. The only thing I would worry about is if you are saying things like, "Oh my Gosh! I am SOOOO fat!" or other self put-downs and that you are encouraging and accepting of them no matter what they look like. I have noticed that since I have been eating healthy, my little ones (5 and almost 4) have been paying attention to what I am doing and I am using that as a teaching opportunity. Just watch them to make sure they are not becoming obsessed with how they look - and make sure you are encouraging them in other areas as well...like how smart they are, how kind they are to other kids, what great helpers they are, etc...and take the focus off of how they look. KWIM? I think it is good that you are concerned about what they are picking up - it shows that you pay attention to what is going on. Something I do to my kiddos is tell them how much I love them, no matter what - and I am silly about it. For example, "I love you so much, and I would love you if you had a big green nose and crazy purple hair, and if you were 12 feet tall, and etc, etc, and so on" LOL...they just want unconditional love and support when they are little.