Unsupportive friends :(

mybeach27

My friends are all blessed to be skinny and have the ability to not exercise and eat whatever they want and keep their bodies, but sadly I don't. Lately they have been mocking me for being on a diet and making fun of me for spending time at the gym instead of going out and it's really taking its toll on me mentally...I feel like they need a 'fat friend' around to make them feel good about themselves, but it's really hard for me to keep my morale up when they are constantly trying to tear me down Whenever we go out they make fun of me for eating healthy and try to get me to eat unhealthy things and it just really hurts and I'm sick of it...I need people to be there for me and they don't understand me! Okay, rant over, thanks for the listen, I would appreciate any advide xoxo thanks and good luck on your journey

hassan26

You do have friends that motivated you..... we are all here online. And plus they are probably jealous that you such great self disciplin and they don't.

cmriverside

Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.




They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.

MAZMcCormick

I'm sorry your friends are so unsupportive. Maybe it's time you sat them down and told them it's not okay how they are acting and you you would like their support. If they actually heard how they made you feel they hopefully would stop.

megsmom2

Its tough. However, in the long run, you may be better off. You're making yourself healthier, they aren't, and aren't doing anything positive for themselves. Give it a few years...I bet they will have burned out both their luck and their metabolism. Who'll be smiling then? Time wounds all heels,as they say.

Rockontoothpicks

I have the same thing at work. We travel out of town and our company pays for our meals so they get fries, burgers, desserts and other things that I can no longer eat. I was teased at first but after a while when the noticed the change in me (I lost 27 pounds so far) they eased off.
Your friends may just be teasing and mean no harm or do not see how it is effecting you. Just be strong and hold on...You are doing this for yourself and with or without their support you will achieve your goal...

AndiJoy812

Wow. To me, a true friend is someone who supports you no matter what is going on in your life. They tell you when you're being a jerk, when you need a pep talk, are there when you need a shoulder to cry on, AND they support you when you are making positive changes in your life and help celebrate it...not sabotage you. Sounds like they are a fairly immature group...it may be that you've outgrown them. Sounds like you've come to a crossroads....sometimes getting healthy means getting rid of toxic relationships. You deserve better.

cory2615

time to get better friends. call them on their crap and tell them that if they were really good friends they would support you and not rip you down. My family is the same way, cant pick family but you can pick friends.

hollyberry2012

1. are they really eating whatever they want? and staying 'skinny'?

2. do they really never get any exercise?

are you sure, because kids today will literally starve themselves in secret to go out and act like they are so 'above' that healthy self-controlled behavior that to some kids is so uncool...

healthyliving_girl

First, uh...you're not fat. Just saying.

Second, tell them to shut up.

Sorry. Maybe that's b****y of me, but seriously, they should not be teasing you. And if it's all in fun...then tell them that only they are having fun and you are NOT!

That's just not okay.

Actually, one of my overweight friends makes fun of me now...saying I'm too small or whatever.

I assume my friend is just jealous and laugh it off...

mybeach27

1. are they really eating whatever they want? and staying 'skinny'?

2. do they really never get any exercise?

are you sure, because kids today will literally starve themselves in secret to go out and act like they are so 'above' that healthy self-controlled behavior that to some kids is so uncool...

Trust me, I kid you not, they eat EVERYTHING! They are all skinny too (like size 00-4) and they will go to the gym maybe 3 times a month and do the elliptical for about 15 mins on no resistance...not judging, trust me, just observing I know in the long run I will be healthier and look healthier too, it just seems unfair and it really hurts that they cant understand where I'm coming from

kiminikimkim

Tell them honestly how you feel but not right after they make fun of you, tell them before, preferably NOT during a meal. Tell them you've been struggling and they are not helping. Ask what they are trying to accomplish by putting you down:
"Do you want me to stay overweight?"
"Do you want me to fail at achieving a healthier lifestyle?"
"You make me feel like __________, why do you keep doing that knowing it hurts me?"

If the answers are worst than expected. They're not your real friends.

mom2mozart

I'm sorry your friends are being inconsiderate. In time they too will understand what it is like to struggle with something in life. I agree that they could be jealous of your dedication and trying to test your resolve. You continue what you are doing for yourself. You are doing the right thing by caring for your body. I would let them know that their actions and words are hurtful. You are not trying to convert them to your eating habits, why do they feel the need to try and convert you to theirs? You are young, and it is admirable that you are taking steps now to ensure your health.

We are here for you.

cattraxs

Sounds to me like you need a new circle of friends. . . Truly you need to focus on YOU and what you are doing for yourself. If they are your friends, they will see that you are serious about your quest and become more supportive. In the meanwhile, you have lots of support and friends right here. Stay focused and think about yourself being the skinny friend

tequila09

Either they are just teasing because they love you and its just for funsies like a sister you bicker with and make fun of each other orrr they are not your friends at all and by the sounds of it they want a "fat" friend. Btw you are not fat that's why I used ""

Have you tried making fun of them for whatever?? Some friendships are that way but if you don't want to be in a friendship like that say eff them and move on. No need for unwanted negativity.

repubgurl

Let's face it, women can be *****y with each other. Your friends only say those things to undermine you because they are suddenly seeing you as bigger competition. Take it as a compliment, because they are threatened and looking for a way to cut you down. They may not even being doing it on purpose, because they are your friends after all, but sadly it still happens.

repubgurl

Wow... I didn't realize I would be censored.... let's substitute those stars for catty. lol

Alarep71

Your friends suck, find new friends. Easier said than done, I know. But to be successful, you do need supportive people that empower you, not ones that try hold you back. Also, I would really suggest you find a way not to compare yourself to them (or anyone). You are getting healthy for YOU... be strong, be fit, and be confident. Confidence turns heads and radiates strength and beauty. And you are so not fat. I am sure you hear that all the time, but you need to believe it! Instead of thinking you are 'fat', start looking at yourself in the mirror and cheering yourself on for every healthy choice you make. Self-talk is the key to remaking yourself. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

NicholeRobb

I agree that you should sit them down & talk to them about how they are making you feel. No one should ever make you feel lousy about trying to better yourself & your health. If they are true friends they will listen & take what you have said to heart & be more supportive of you. If not then maybe it's time for a new group of friends. We are all here to give support because we understand the affects of being overweight. Whether it's mentally, emotionally, or physically. Unless they've been there they will never truly understand. But it doesn't mean they can't cheer you on as well.

1kerriberri

print out what you wrote and show it to them. they might realise how you actually feel.

Narisong

Those are not friends.....

QueenChacon

I'm sorry your friends are being so unsupportive. I have the same thing in my circle of friends. So, I just don't talk about it anymore. I have some good friends who do cheer me on, but they tend to be my online fb friends.

kp1439

u are in right place .. sorry about the bad luck with the friends not supportive .. feel free to add if you wanna .. many people here with the same goal and would be glad to help you ...good luck

kleighsamboer

I don't understand why people think that we should allow others to treat us that way? It isn't good natured teasing, and it isn't ok. You don't need toxic people in your life. If they were good friends they never would have been acting that way in the first place. Get rid of them and find genuine sincere people to be your friend. Be more discriminating as to who you let into your life.
I look at it like would you let some guy you were dating treat you that way? If not, then why do you let your supposed friends? Just a thought.

MarincicS

Tell them honestly how you feel but not right after they make fun of you, tell them before, preferably NOT during a meal. Tell them you've been struggling and they are not helping. Ask what they are trying to accomplish by putting you down:
"Do you want me to stay overweight?"
"Do you want me to fail at achieving a healthier lifestyle?"
"You make me feel like __________, why do you keep doing that knowing it hurts me?"

If the answers are worst than expected. They're not your real friends.

I agree with this sort of. I agree that you should talk with them, perhaps individually and not when they are in the middle of their comedy routines.

But instead of asking how they feel about you and your weight (who cares?), i would focus on how YOU feel. That it is important for you to get healthy and that their behavior is making you feel bad. Then ask them with all sincerity to stop.

If they don't stop, ditch them. As above, they are not your real friends.

wheezybreezy

Realistically, you're probably not going to make new friends, because you don't feel like you need to. While I understand, great friends will have your back. I'm kind of in your same position right now. However, I'm not looking to ditch all my jealous pals. Subconsciously, yes, they want a "fat friend" Trust me on that. Second. do NOT discuss your lifestyle with them. It opens the door for too much criticism. It's just not worth it. Just keep focusing on yourself and use MFP to discuss your goals/struggles/accomplishments. Good luck!

mybeach27

Thank you so much for all the support and love...wow, I think I know who my true .friends are! It's amazing that people who I have never met in person before can help so much and be so supportive...I guess that's just the magic of mfp xoxo

yaddayaddayadda

Get new friends!

jaysonhijinx

Definitely sit down and talk to them and let them know what they're doing is really counter productive and hurtful and that as your friends they should be supporting your lifestyle choices. Real friends will get that it's serious and treat you like a friend should. My guess is that they're just seeing it as a big joke when it's actually a serious matter to you. I know I've been guilty of ripping on friends for stuff instead of being supportive. All it took was a quick chat to sort out

If they still want to carry on after that, well, it says how good friends they really were.

nicakk01

I would tell them how they are making you feel and explain how important being healthy is to you. IF they cannot except that and find ways to be supportive and helpful then unfortunately they are not your "friends" and the best thing you could do is put them on a different friend shelf.

My sisters and I refer to shelves when it comes to friends, there's the top shelf where they are the helpful, always there, etc..., middle shelf where they are there for you but ...... and then there is the bottom shelf, those are the friends to just have fun with when with others, but not those that you want around you all the time.

It helps sometimes to visualize sometimes, its just easier to realize for us atleast that its ok, they can still be our friend but they just cannot be top shelf friends. They all start out top shelf, but as the friendship grows you realize what type of friend they are and not all friends are going to be the same type of friend you are, its what keeps life interesting!

Good luck with you weight-loss and health journey, I am positive you are going to be very successful especially with your MFP friends/family

naseberry

i agree with the person who says you should check how much you talk about your weight loss journey when you are with them. then go from there. i've heard advice that talking a lot about what you can or cannot eat when around others is almost an invitation to them to try to get you off your program.