Unsupportive friends :(

QueenChacon

I'm sorry your friends are being so unsupportive. I have the same thing in my circle of friends. So, I just don't talk about it anymore. I have some good friends who do cheer me on, but they tend to be my online fb friends.

kp1439

u are in right place .. sorry about the bad luck with the friends not supportive .. feel free to add if you wanna .. many people here with the same goal and would be glad to help you ...good luck

kleighsamboer

I don't understand why people think that we should allow others to treat us that way? It isn't good natured teasing, and it isn't ok. You don't need toxic people in your life. If they were good friends they never would have been acting that way in the first place. Get rid of them and find genuine sincere people to be your friend. Be more discriminating as to who you let into your life.
I look at it like would you let some guy you were dating treat you that way? If not, then why do you let your supposed friends? Just a thought.

MarincicS

Tell them honestly how you feel but not right after they make fun of you, tell them before, preferably NOT during a meal. Tell them you've been struggling and they are not helping. Ask what they are trying to accomplish by putting you down:
"Do you want me to stay overweight?"
"Do you want me to fail at achieving a healthier lifestyle?"
"You make me feel like __________, why do you keep doing that knowing it hurts me?"

If the answers are worst than expected. They're not your real friends.

I agree with this sort of. I agree that you should talk with them, perhaps individually and not when they are in the middle of their comedy routines.

But instead of asking how they feel about you and your weight (who cares?), i would focus on how YOU feel. That it is important for you to get healthy and that their behavior is making you feel bad. Then ask them with all sincerity to stop.

If they don't stop, ditch them. As above, they are not your real friends.

wheezybreezy

Realistically, you're probably not going to make new friends, because you don't feel like you need to. While I understand, great friends will have your back. I'm kind of in your same position right now. However, I'm not looking to ditch all my jealous pals. Subconsciously, yes, they want a "fat friend" Trust me on that. Second. do NOT discuss your lifestyle with them. It opens the door for too much criticism. It's just not worth it. Just keep focusing on yourself and use MFP to discuss your goals/struggles/accomplishments. Good luck!

mybeach27

Thank you so much for all the support and love...wow, I think I know who my true .friends are! It's amazing that people who I have never met in person before can help so much and be so supportive...I guess that's just the magic of mfp xoxo

yaddayaddayadda

Get new friends!

jaysonhijinx

Definitely sit down and talk to them and let them know what they're doing is really counter productive and hurtful and that as your friends they should be supporting your lifestyle choices. Real friends will get that it's serious and treat you like a friend should. My guess is that they're just seeing it as a big joke when it's actually a serious matter to you. I know I've been guilty of ripping on friends for stuff instead of being supportive. All it took was a quick chat to sort out

If they still want to carry on after that, well, it says how good friends they really were.

nicakk01

I would tell them how they are making you feel and explain how important being healthy is to you. IF they cannot except that and find ways to be supportive and helpful then unfortunately they are not your "friends" and the best thing you could do is put them on a different friend shelf.

My sisters and I refer to shelves when it comes to friends, there's the top shelf where they are the helpful, always there, etc..., middle shelf where they are there for you but ...... and then there is the bottom shelf, those are the friends to just have fun with when with others, but not those that you want around you all the time.

It helps sometimes to visualize sometimes, its just easier to realize for us atleast that its ok, they can still be our friend but they just cannot be top shelf friends. They all start out top shelf, but as the friendship grows you realize what type of friend they are and not all friends are going to be the same type of friend you are, its what keeps life interesting!

Good luck with you weight-loss and health journey, I am positive you are going to be very successful especially with your MFP friends/family

naseberry

i agree with the person who says you should check how much you talk about your weight loss journey when you are with them. then go from there. i've heard advice that talking a lot about what you can or cannot eat when around others is almost an invitation to them to try to get you off your program.

saragato

I agree that you should sit them down & talk to them about how they are making you feel. No one should ever make you feel lousy about trying to better yourself & your health. If they are true friends they will listen & take what you have said to heart & be more supportive of you. If not then maybe it's time for a new group of friends. We are all here to give support because we understand the affects of being overweight. Whether it's mentally, emotionally, or physically. Unless they've been there they will never truly understand. But it doesn't mean they can't cheer you on as well.

I second this. If they are unaware it hurts you then they will continue on. All you have to say is "it hurts my feelings when [insert reason here]" Let them hear you out and if they have anything to say, hear them out and just discuss it like adults. I had a best friend who was pretty crummy in certain areas of our friendship and I would finally have enough and talk to her about it and ask that she respect my wishes and I would do the same. Sad to say she never really changed, but at least I tried.

And if they don't want to hear about your day at the gym or what you ate that was so many calories or anything else, you have to respect that too. The same subject over and over can get annoying and sometimes light retaliation comes from it. I know you want support but they can support you in their own way. If you need more, make friends at the gym and you can gab about the specifics together with them.

But really, if all they're doing is being unsupportive and trying to "playfully" sabotage you and find nothing wrong with it, you'd do better to distance yourself from them for a while until either they figure out it's not funny but a serious matter or you walk away altogether. It's not fair to you to have friends who, just because they've never had to do what you're doing, act like that. If they truly just want a fat friend to make them look good then they can put an ad on Craigslist.

Happinessgrl

This was one of the first things that I had to do. I had to really take a good hard look at my friends and determine which ones were a benefit / support for me and which ones were triggers (physically / emotionally). I had to be strong enough to let some friends go but I am so much happier today and I have a VERY strong and supporting group of friends. They are amazing and do not do anything to sabotage my journey. They took me to the beach to celebrate my 100 lbs and even when we go out to get food, they get healthy stuff because they don't want to eat bad stuff in front of me. Of course, then they go home to eat cookies and chips but it is never done in front of me. The cool thing is I never ask them to do any of them, they do it on their own because they love me and care about my health. It was a hard road but parting ways with some folks ended up making me stronger in the end.

fteale

I wouldn't say anything to them, I generally don't think talking about diet or exercise or weight plans with anyone is a good idea. If you keep those things private, people probably won't notice you losing weight. It's not as if they are with you 24/7.

saragato

I wouldn't say anything to them, I generally don't think talking about diet or exercise or weight plans with anyone is a good idea. If you keep those things private, people probably won't notice you losing weight. It's not as if they are with you 24/7.

The problem with that is, some people honestly need the support from their friends and/or their family to keep them going. If I didn't have my mother helping me and being proud every time I lose weight, I don't think I would have lasted my first month because it's hard and sometimes discouraging and you need someone to say "you're doing well" or just "good job." You don't have to tell everyone, but hiding it all in a proverbial cave isn't going to help either especially when eating and they try to encourage foods that are not healthy.

craft338

a lot of my friends are the same way. there are a few who constantly tell me straight out to stop losing weight...but...i'm still about 30 lbs away from a healthy weight...so, i guess they want me to be unhealthy? i have one friend who's really supportive, and only invites me out to healthy restaurants, when I KNOW that they secretly want nachos lol

I don't talk about my diet either. I mean, I've lost 100lbs, so people know i'm doing something, and i'm not gonna eat a burger and fries just because my "diet is private". when we go out, and i order the fish, a salad, and water when everyone else gets wings, fries, and beer...it's a little obvious and they always comment. i usually just reply with something like, "i'd get the wings if i had your metabolism...but, sadly, i take after my mother" as a kind of joke, even though I really wanna stab them in the eyeball with a fork.

i try to use the words, "no thanks" instead of "i can't" when people offer me bad food, cuz i think sometimes it can make people feel guilty for eating it themselves...then they turn around and have to criticize you to make themselves feel better.

sometimes it bothers me, but most of the time I just feel like this is something that I have to do, and they just don't get it. I have the "hot" friends who don't even try, and they're never know what it's like until they hit their 30's or 40's and they're metabolisms slow down...then they'll be asking YOU for advice lol

good luck, and don't let that stuff bring you down!!

InnerFatGirl

Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.




They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.

What a rude and unsupportive comment :S

OP, you're not obligated to put up with their bull****. I have a close family friend whose son used to humiliate me in front of his friends, calling me fat, making fat jokes, making a scene whenever I ate, etc. It really affected my self-confidence, which was already low. I stopped spending time with him when at his house and I felt better, albeit with a low self-esteem and depression. You don't need toxic people in your life. Good luck, and hugs

myohana4

My favorite quote....

"“Surround yourself with people who are going to take you higher.” Oprah Winfrey

Good thing you are surrounded by people here that support you and understand! Just stay focused on your goals. And remember that you deserve this!!!

WilliamsPeggy

a lot of my friends are the same way. there are a few who constantly tell me straight out to stop losing weight...but...i'm still about 30 lbs away from a healthy weight...so, i guess they want me to be unhealthy? i have one friend who's really supportive, and only invites me out to healthy restaurants, when I KNOW that they secretly want nachos lol

I don't talk about my diet either. I mean, I've lost 100lbs, so people know i'm doing something, and i'm not gonna eat a burger and fries just because my "diet is private". when we go out, and i order the fish, a salad, and water when everyone else gets wings, fries, and beer...it's a little obvious and they always comment. i usually just reply with something like, "i'd get the wings if i had your metabolism...but, sadly, i take after my mother" as a kind of joke, even though I really wanna stab them in the eyeball with a fork.

i try to use the words, "no thanks" instead of "i can't" when people offer me bad food, cuz i think sometimes it can make people feel guilty for eating it themselves...then they turn around and have to criticize you to make themselves feel better.

sometimes it bothers me, but most of the time I just feel like this is something that I have to do, and they just don't get it. I have the "hot" friends who don't even try, and they're never know what it's like until they hit their 30's or 40's and they're metabolisms slow down...then they'll be asking YOU for advice lol

good luck, and don't let that stuff bring you down!!

Great response. I agree with her.

Louise1583

a lot of my friends are the same way. there are a few who constantly tell me straight out to stop losing weight...but...i'm still about 30 lbs away from a healthy weight...so, i guess they want me to be unhealthy? i have one friend who's really supportive, and only invites me out to healthy restaurants, when I KNOW that they secretly want nachos lol

I don't talk about my diet either. I mean, I've lost 100lbs, so people know i'm doing something, and i'm not gonna eat a burger and fries just because my "diet is private". when we go out, and i order the fish, a salad, and water when everyone else gets wings, fries, and beer...it's a little obvious and they always comment. i usually just reply with something like, "i'd get the wings if i had your metabolism...but, sadly, i take after my mother" as a kind of joke, even though I really wanna stab them in the eyeball with a fork.

i try to use the words, "no thanks" instead of "i can't" when people offer me bad food, cuz i think sometimes it can make people feel guilty for eating it themselves...then they turn around and have to criticize you to make themselves feel better.

sometimes it bothers me, but most of the time I just feel like this is something that I have to do, and they just don't get it. I have the "hot" friends who don't even try, and they're never know what it's like until they hit their 30's or 40's and they're metabolisms slow down...then they'll be asking YOU for advice lol

good luck, and don't let that stuff bring you down!!

Completely agree with this.

If it's only the diet comments that you don't like about these friends, then stick with them, but keep the dieting to yourself. I find it FAR more satisfying to keep it to myself and get the "oh, you've lost weight!" comments from people who aren't expecting me to look smaller, than from people who know I'm busting my *kitten* to shed a few pounds. It's more genuine that way and is a MUCH bigger compliment.

You're doing so well, keep at it!

tinchick

I know the feeling of being the fat friend in a group of skinny friends. That's always my role. And I've also been like your friends at times. I've made fun of my cousin for eating really healthy, even on vacation. But when I look back at it, I did it because I was jealous and insecure. I was jealous that she had the discipline to eat healthy and I was insecure about my weight and appearance.

My advice would be to tell your friends that it is not ok for them to make fun of you and that you will not tolerate it anymore. You have to tell people how to treat you. It may take awhile before you don't have to remind them about it, old habits die hard, but eventually, they will stop.

Also, when the subject comes up, try and switch it to a different topic. If they say something like "Come on, you can eat french fries sometimes. Why are you being so crazy about it?", you can tell them, "This is what I want to eat today. I don't want any fires. Please don't make anymore comments about it. By the way, how is work (or school) going?". It's about addressing the situation and moving on. Don't linger on it.