Is he cheating?

CookieGem

Auw honey, this is a horrible situation but I absolutely agree with some of the points raised by others.

Firstly I have a question: why did you suddenly decide to snoop around his phone? Is this something that you do on a regular basis? If this is something you feel the need to do daily, weekly, monthly then you clearly have trust issues. Which dont get me wrong is totally understandable with his behavior of the past.

I like the comment raised by someone which asks does he guard his phone with his life? I had a ex bf (note the word EX there) who suddenly was incredibly cagey with their phone. It was never out of his pocket and was permanently deleting his texts and calls logs. I know this because i used to snoop too as I did not trust him and turns out I had bloody good reason not too as he had been cheating on me. I only found out for sure two weeks after we split up when i received a email from Jet2 to inform me the name on my ticket had been changed to another girls name. Cheeky sod took her on a holiday i had paid for!!!

You need to ask him about it, you never know people on her might be right and they might just be friends but he should understand that if that is the case he should take into consideration your feelings and how uncomfortable it makes you feel. I bet a million pounds he wouldnt like it if you called a man countless times a day.

Before you find out what the answer is you need to decide whether you want to be with this man or not. You call him your best friend, however if your best friend slept with your boyfriend would you be friends with them anymore? The answer would be NO. So why let this man or any man treat you second best. Do you want to be in a relationship when you dont fully trust him? Do you want to buy a house with a man who you dont fully trust? Do you want to bring another life into the world with someone who you dont fully trust?

Being single after all this time can be incredibly scary but remember you are the most important person in the world and you only deserve the best.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Gem x

TheRoadDog

If he's not cheating, he's certainly laying the groundwork and will be soon.

Pams_Shadow

He's cheating. Don't confront him because he will cover his tracks better. Gather more evidence and then when you have the proof that he's cheating, decide whether you want to stay with a cheater or get out. From what you've said, if you confront him, he's going to explain everything away and you'll feel like an idiot for suspecting him. He's cheating, you feel it, you know it, you just need to prove it to yourself so you can move one.

BTW... this advice is coming from someone who was the other woman. The guy I was with used to crow about how stupid his girlfriend was. She would find calls and texts from me, and he would "explain" how I was stalking him and wouldn't take no for an answer. Eventually, we started chatting via apps on his phone that didn't show in his text log or on his call log. Kept that up for months and she was clueless the whole time. I figure after the first time, she was stupid enough to let him talk her out of what she already knew.... he was cheating!

Yeah, I know I'm a horrible person.. yada yada yada.. but you know I'm right too.

SeasideOasis

First, the fact you have to ask this questions says it all.

Second, talk to him about it if you feel things might not be as they appear. If you cant talk to him openly, then that means you shouldn't be in a relationship with him.

mamabear272

If you think he's cheating, he is probably cheating.

What she said!

sprtz

Cheating!

SusanRenee35

I'm sorry but honesty is always the best policy. If he is chatting with someone so very regularily he should be telling you about it & why. If he isnt telling you he is hiding it & there's a reason.
It's like the saying goes, if you are doing something you wouldn't normally do it in front of your significant other, you are hiding something & that poses the question why.
I am sorry but the poster who has a boyfriend who was chatting & made friends with people who had cancer is a completely different scenario from this.
He has shown you in the past he cannot be trusted & in my opinion he is back to his old tricks.
Maya Angelou has a saying that says "when someone shows you who they are believe them the 1st time"
I think it is sweet that you dont want to jump to conclusions & you want to give him the benefit of the doubt but really where there's smoke there is usually fire.
In my opinion he has walked thru the door of cheating & is about to.
It sounds like you love him a lot & want a future with him & want so badly for this to not be what it looks like it is.
If I were you I'd sit him down after your child is in bed & have an honest open loving but frank talk. Plain and simple. Let it all out & dont hold back at all. You will know from his face & his answers if he is telling the truth. You deserve better & need to know the truth before investing anymore of you. All the best Girl
Thoughts are with you

ColetteDuchnowski

I have been through the same thing, but we were married. From what I know, he cheated on me before we even said "I do". We were married 10 years when I found out he had a 3 yr old son. He lied to everyone, even his parents. He lost his job for a religious agency because of his affairs. He finally confessed all to me during an emotional break down. He could not keep secrets any longer. I knew he was cheating, and part of me didn't want to believe it even when he was seen around town and at the bars with other women. I legally ended the marriage. He already ended it before we got married. He did lie his way out of everything. He made excuses as to why he was late, or as to why a woman brought him home from the bar and he kissed her goodbye. I saw that...bought his lie hook, line, and sinker.

You need to confront him and soon before you even think of marrying him and getting a house together or having another child. Also if he is sleeping around, you want to make sure you are protected. Get tested for STD's and such. Have him wear a condom until he gets checked out. Better yet, refuse sex until he is checked out. You have a right to know and a right to protect your child. You have a right not to be lied to and cheated on. He is trying to get away with this...don't let him...confront him. You deserve better. Sad to say, but once a cheater, always a cheater. Women usually know when they are being cheated on. What is also sad is that the "other woman" is being lied to as well.

DavetheHYNIC

Obviously he seeking emotional or mental stimulation (if not physical as well) you need to sit down withhim and figure out why. No man is talking to a woman several times a day on a daily basis without having a purpose you need to get him to tell you in no uncertain terms what it is fulfilling for him and why.

Journeyingascrystal

If you dont LIKE his behavior and YOU FEEL he is in violation... does it matter if he ****ed her or not??? YOU DECIDE on how you want to be treated.. Been here myself.. I rode out.. I didnt need proof that his **** met her *kitten*! LOVE YOU AND REQUIRE RESPECT..

BeautyQueen90

I been through it and mine was cheating emotionally that brings to many problem not matter what type of cheating it is. Yall been together for a long time so you no when he is out of line and Im pretty sure you get that feeling if he is doing something wrong. I told mine if he want a friend I'm right here ain't no need for you to talk to no female about anything you can be saying to me. Later night calls.... Ughh for what? What in the world could he be talking to her about later at night? Something doesn't sounds right. Just be real and ask him what's up although he may lie but you don't want to be walking around feeling how you do cause it will cause more problems for you.

whtlatina1214

ok well this is similar to how i feel sometimes. But my man hasn't gave me a reason to think he has been , nor has he ever cheated. It is hard to give an opinion because I dont know as much as is needed. Like does he let you look at the phone or how do you know thats when he calls. ... ? I need to know that . Because if you were looking through his phone with out his permission. It can turn ugly, he will most likely turn it around onto you , and it be a huge argument. Also if he does allow you to look through his phone he obviously feels he has nothing to hide so it may not be nothing. Just if he does let you look, ask him , You know just tell him its odd that the times you call her are late at night or on break. Sorry not the best advice but with such little info , its hard to say.

scs143

Seems to me he is working on it.

Calling on work breaks, late at night on weekends.

My husband has friends that are females. They call him during the day when they call and they call once in a blue. I usually know they call because he mentions it in passing or I am around when they do.

If you felt like you needed to go through his phone and you feel that they speak frequently when you are not around- I would say it's the beginning of something.

SusanRenee35

Another thing I feel that is worth pointing out is that You said you feel humiliated, to me that is your gut telling you already.
Regardless of the debate on having female friends or not, he should be talking to you late at night not someone else.
I have male friends as well but my bf knows if Ive spoken to them and about what. I dont hide things from him because he is my universe & he comes first.
When a spouse starts confiding things in another person instead of sharing his inner most thoughts to who he should be that is also the beginning to the end in my eyes. You should be his everything & who he talks to. Thats what a relationship is suppose to be.
You should always be in the know with him.
Don't let him swindle his way out & if his story doesnt make you 100% sense to you & you feel he is lying his way out, end it.
YOU deserve better!

BeautyQueen90

I been through it and mine was cheating emotionally that brings to many problem not matter what type of cheating it is. Yall been together for a long time so you no when he is out of line and Im pretty sure you get that feeling if he is doing something wrong. I told mine if he want a friend I'm right here ain't no need for you to talk to no female about anything you can be saying to me. Later night calls.... Ughh for what? What in the world could he be talking to her about later at night? Something doesn't sounds right. Just be real and ask him what's up although he may lie but you don't want to be walking around feeling how you do cause it will cause more problems for you.

Another thing by now you should know that he is talking to her and why. Especially if this is something he rarely does

Charliesuccess

Couples Counseling

Ripken818836701

What ever you do, do not ask him about it or suggest counseling. About 70% of people I know, both men and women have cheated at one time or another and never admitted they were cheating. Atleast until they were cold busted. Like I said, pick up his phone by accident, or better yet pick it up and tell him that you need to borrow his phone to make a call because your battery is dead. His reaction will answer all your questions. One of my best friends is female, we got back in touch thru facebook last summer and were high school sweet hearts, we talk and text every day. By chance we both started working out with in a week of each other last year and neither one of us has/ had any friends that care about working out or eating healthy. So were basicly workout partners even though she lives in CA. and I live in PA. and share workout advice, support and motivate each other when needed. But my wife borrows my phone all the time and so does my daughter to play angry birds, call her friends, surf the net etc.
The people I know that were in the process of cheating always guarded their phone with their life. And every time they were questioned by their spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend etc. it just prolonged the agony of having their mate cheat on them because the cheater just went more under cover and got more secretive. But the truth will come out, it always does. If you want to find out the truth sooner rather than later, act completely clueless about it until you find out for sure.

neverlookingback

What ever you do, do not ask him about it or suggest counseling. About 70% of people I know, both men and women have cheated at one time or another and never admitted they were cheating. Atleast until they were cold busted. Like I said, pick up his phone by accident, or better yet pick it up and tell him that you need to borrow his phone to make a call because your battery is dead. His reaction will answer all your questions. One of my best friends is female, we got back in touch thru facebook last summer and were high school sweet hearts, we talk and text every day. By chance we both started working out with in a week of each other last year and neither one of us has/ had any friends that care about working out or eating healthy. So were basicly workout partners even though she lives in CA. and I live in PA. and share workout advice, support and motivate each other when needed. But my wife borrows my phone all the time and so does my daughter to play angry birds, call her friends, surf the net etc.
The people I know that were in the process of cheating always guarded their phone with their life. And every time they were questioned by their spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend etc. it just prolonged the agony of having their mate cheat on them because the cheater just went more under cover and got more secretive. But the truth will come out, it always does. If you want to find out the truth sooner rather than later, act completely clueless about it until you find out for sure.

That's waaaay good advice, I'll definitely remember everything you said. I appreciate all of your insight, wow!

And everyone else, thank you so much for your advice and opinions. I'm really grateful for how supportive the MFP community is. I didn't go to him immediately because of experiences in the past where as others have mentioned, it would just be covered up. And it's always helpful to get an outsider's opinion, because they see things in a different light than I might, where my judgement could be cloudy since I'm the one in the middle of the situation. And with the personal nature of things, it's not always easy to go to a friend or family member you might not want to know that much about your relationship. So, I'm glad I have the MFP community when I really need them. Thank you again, everyone.

whtlatina1214

wow @ pike717 awesome . im sure this is why nobody has written anything else . good advice.

branflake6

Sounds like cheating to me. How would he feel if you were having late night calls with another guy? I would not tolerate it, and if he has cheated on you in the past and gotten away with it I am sure he thinks he can always cheat and you'll get over it. Also lets say for example it is just a harmless friendship (highly doubtful) you obviously have not gotten over his past "indiscrepancies" do you really want to feel this way for ever? You clearly don't trust him or you would have never been looking at his call list in the 1st place. So you may want to take that into consideration as well. I wish you the best, I don't know you but you deserve better. No one deserves to be cheated on. And it definitely sounds like there is something shady going on.