Friends? I'm Confused

KelseyPalmtree

Does anyone else feel like it's really easy to make online friends, but not so easy offline?? I have the same personality online as I do offline, and have TONS of online friends. But when it comes to offline friends, not so much. I don't get it. I'm nice to people, I try to help when people need it, and I like doing fun things. . . . so why don't I have many offline friends?

Seems like the "friends" i have offline only want to be friends with me when it's convenient for them (like when they need something, or have NO ONE else to hang out with).

Anyone have any insight? Or experience with this?

WickedGarden

I have found that most people already have a 'core group' of friends, and don't like to let others in that circle.

I have had what I thought were 'friends' but once they didn't need me (read 'use me') they stopped calling/texting/wanting to hang out. Whatever, it's their loss. I stared to not trust people as much because of this...especially women.

Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot in common with other people in my age group, so it's even harder for me to make friends. I try to fill my life with other things to occupy my time with...working out, reading, music, art.

ConcordPhil

You might be trying too hard. Openness in a friendship is a gradual thing and I find that when I am too open right away with a potential friend, it tends to scare them away because they are not used to it.
Having said that, I truly believe that being open and honest is preferable to hiding my true self. Eventually true friends will be attracted to my good qualities.

jplucheck

I used to never have a problem making friends, but found the older I get the lless open people are.

BAMFMeredith

I find that it's hard to make friends in real life when you're no longer in school. When I was in college I made tons of new friends that I keep in touch with, but now it's difficult because, well, I don't really go anywhere that I'd generally make new friends. I mean, I'm at work every day, but most of my co-workers are middle aged men (not a lot of women in the beer business), and I'm considerably younger than most of my son's friends' parents so we just don't really have much in common.

In online communities, you're already there for the same things, and you've already established some kind of camaraderie with the people in that community, so you basically skip the awkward "so, what are your interests?" part of building relationships. I've made a few great friends on here, and I've made some great friends in the last few years that have been girlfriends/wives of my boyfriend's friends, or mutual friends, etc.

But yeah, I definitely think it's more difficult to make friends in real life as you get older, simply because your social interactions aren't the same as they used to be.

slkehl

I'm in college but I came in as a transfer, and it was tough to make friends at first. I had to take the initiative by starting up conversations and inviting people to hang out. Best way I did though was by volunteering. It's easy to find people with common interests and get to know them well pretty fast that way.

bikinibeliever

I'm just the opposite. Sometimes online I don't put my point across as well. I'm more a bubbly personality so if you are face to

face with me that comes through, but not online.

Krizzle4Rizzle

Does anyone else feel like it's really easy to make online friends, but not so easy offline?? I have the same personality online as I do offline, and have TONS of online friends. But when it comes to offline friends, not so much. I don't get it. I'm nice to people, I try to help when people need it, and I like doing fun things. . . . so why don't I have many offline friends?

Seems like the "friends" i have offline only want to be friends with me when it's convenient for them (like when they need something, or have NO ONE else to hang out with).

Anyone have any insight? Or experience with this?

Yes. Exactly.

p_barron

I totally have the same problem nobody likes to hang out with me offline unless it is convenient for them I have the same personality too and just don't get why everyone doesn't want to hang out with me. So I feel your pain

UsedToBeHusky

Make local friends online then meet them offline.

SimplyShanRunning

Make local friends online then meet them offline.

Yep this

but in general yes I do tho lately I have met more friends at the gym

Bagman12002

bump

clydethecat

i dont have any real life friends.. it would be nice to have someone to go to lunch with and who i could have some sort of bond with.

my husbands friends all have wives that are wonderful people, we just have different ideas on what a good time is. i dont like shopping, i dont enjoy listening to people ***** about their husbands, and i really have no patience for gossip.

i figure i have my husband, hes the best friend i could ever have, so not having more real life friends doesnt really bother me.

SexyCook

No...I think it is all about the personality and when being friends it's nothing you try to be or put on...comes naturally!! My offline friends are just as taking to me as my online...I think thats what makes the connections so real!! Hope you friends treat you better because real friends don't deal with you when it's convenient...They are there for the Good, Bad and Ugly....Re-evaluate your offline friends...

kealambert

it's probably because those who are friends online are in the similar position, and therefore more readily excited to be friends with you. also, there's a lot to be said about convenience. you're friends with them whenever they're available, and it's not like you have to drive to their house to see them, make plans around their work, etc etc.

kevinwk

Wow, great question and yep, I'm the same way. I guess the online friends is just convenient, but wow, I sure miss the in person interactions. I guess we have gotten so closed off by technology that we have forgotten how great "real" friends are. This is a great topic, looking forward to additonal suggestions.

rammsteinsoldier

I have the exact same problem. I literally have no friends offline, but I do have friends online that I keep in contact with. I don't know what the solution is. I think part of my problem is, that if I don't enjoy someone I am not going to spend time with them. I would rather do my own thing than hang out with someone who annoys me or doesn't share similar interests with me.

NurseCarolyn2014

I think because everyone's lives are so busy that when they are at the gym, grocery store or whereever they just go about their day and don't even notice others. When you are online THAT is the whole point....to chat with others. Maybe that's why it's easier.

I try and say hi to people when I'm out and most of the time they are surprized (pleasantly surprized but still surprized) that someone is being nice to them. Just this morning in the cafeteria a lady was pulling out the napkins and by mistake a WHOLE bunch came dispensing out all over the floor.......she became notably frazzled..........I looked at her with a serious face and said "I think they only want us taking ONE each".........at first she looked at me serious and when she realized I was joking she started to laugh. I love when joking around with people (strangers) they never expect it......I wish more people did that

WickedGarden

Make local friends online then meet them offline.

I tried this...they don't want to meet offline. So I just figure they are freaks.

aqcannon

My experience can be summed up thusly:

Offline=visual (in other words, people tend to base first impressions and such on visual cues). One can be "disqualified" so to speak before the personality every gets a chance to shine forth

Online=cerebral (impressions come through words, pictures--not always of the person, sometimes of the person's interests a la Pinterest--rather than through visual appearance).

I know I intimidate a lot of people in real life because of my size and they are hesitant to get to know me. In actuality, I'm a giant teddy bear with a great laugh and a fabulous personality.

That can shine through more online because there's not the intimidation factor or the other visual distractors.

Make sense?

skinnywithin

I LOVE people and love to gab so no for me its pretty easy...now add a few beers and they all have my phone number, email and are now facebook friends..Im a mess....LOL

NurseCarolyn2014

I LOVE people and love to gab so no for me its pretty easy...now add a few beers and they all have my phone number, email and are now facebook friends..Im a mess....LOL

Hmmm......one out of 3 ain't bad, LOL

Wreak_Havoc

I have the exact same problem. I literally have no friends offline, but I do have friends online that I keep in contact with. I don't know what the solution is. I think part of my problem is, that if I don't enjoy someone I am not going to spend time with them. I would rather do my own thing than hang out with someone who annoys me or doesn't share similar interests with me.

Give the lady a cupie doll! I have one or two offline friends and we barely talk. But I feel more connected to the online folks. And here more than FB! :huh:

mznisaelaine

I don't have many friends IRL because I just always been that type of person (I prefer a very few selected/very small crowd). I get along with everyone and people in general, but I don't go around buddying everyone because that just is not me. But online...I completely just make friends because it seems I am just more compatible with people online then offline, specifically with my MFP friends. I would just some of the ones I talk to often as IRL friends. :flowerforyou:

skinnywithin

I LOVE people and love to gab so no for me its pretty easy...now add a few beers and they all have my phone number, email and are now facebook friends..Im a mess....LOL

Hmmm......one out of 3 ain't bad, LOL

Carolyn if you look real hard you have all 3 silly girl ....

ItsCasey

I think part of my problem is, that if I don't enjoy someone I am not going to spend time with them. I would rather do my own thing than hang out with someone who annoys me or doesn't share similar interests with me.

This is me. I just cannot pretend that I want to be around people with whom I have nothing in common. I met some girls a month or so ago, and they asked me to meet up with them to see a movie and have dinner the next weekend. So I went. The first thing one of them said to me was "OMG, I forgot to wear a thong! Can you see my pantyline?"

Are you freaking kidding me? Is this really how women in their late 20s/early 30s talk to each other? If so, I'll stick to hanging out with men. They're pretty much content with not talking at all unless you have something important to say. But that's the story of my life. My best friends have always been guys. I have no complaints about it, though.

Unknown

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Silver_Star

i think its because when we are younger, its easier to trust people...then the older we get, the more hurt we get by lies and inconsistency and broken trust.
i have friends from elementary school who i still keep in touch with... but its odd that now...im 33 and i have most of my friends online...and i havent met most of them in real life!

i think also behind a screen, its actually easier to say things and to share one;s feelings...because so many people feel the same way and are able to support without fear of judgment.

prose58

Does anyone else feel like it's really easy to make online friends, but not so easy offline?? I have the same personality online as I do offline, and have TONS of online friends. But when it comes to offline friends, not so much. I don't get it. I'm nice to people, I try to help when people need it, and I like doing fun things. . . . so why don't I have many offline friends?

Seems like the "friends" i have offline only want to be friends with me when it's convenient for them (like when they need something, or have NO ONE else to hang out with).

Anyone have any insight? Or experience with this?

Yup same here. I just go and do what I want without others. Their loss.
Yes. Exactly.

OLFATUG

Beats the crap out of me OP. I have exactly one friend (other than my wife), and whenever we get together it's more like a recipe for disaster.

stephstar15

My experience can be summed up thusly:

Offline=visual (in other words, people tend to base first impressions and such on visual cues). One can be "disqualified" so to speak before the personality every gets a chance to shine forth

Online=cerebral (impressions come through words, pictures--not always of the person, sometimes of the person's interests a la Pinterest--rather than through visual appearance).

I know I intimidate a lot of people in real life because of my size and they are hesitant to get to know me. In actuality, I'm a giant teddy bear with a great laugh and a fabulous personality.

That can shine through more online because there's not the intimidation factor or the other visual distractors.

Make sense?

Totally Agree.
I also find it hard to get together with my offline friends even though I love them to pieces. I am super busy, and my kids come first when I am not working. it seems sometimes I have to take a trip out of town with a friend to really get to visit with them.
Online friends are great, but a few minutes writing to them fits into my day well, I do not know if I met most of them offline, would we really clique? Hmmmm. Something to ponder.