Bad Parents.....

KechiaG

I can relate to your situation sooooo much! My stepson began gaining weight immediately after my husbands divorce from his mom. By the time I came into the picture, he was 7 years old and 20lbs over weight. The numbers eventually ballooned to well over 300lbs by the time he was 17. We have always been involved in his life, but both my husband and I were told to mind our own business where "her" children were concerned.

He eventually lost 130lbs on his own, because he wanted to be with his friends and join the Marines. He looked fabulous!! We were sooooo proud of him. Unfortuantely, his mom convinced him to get out of the Marines, because they weren't allowing him to move up in ranks fast enough. He is now back home with her and 300+ lbs again! :frown:

erickirb

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth

What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!

could he not back back with his father?

fbmandy55

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth

What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!

Thank you! My parents fought over custody many times during my childhood and I was ordered to go back an forth by an idiot judge, to say it had a negative effect on me is an understatement. Live with my mom a few years, dad takes her to court says I have to go live with him... on and on. Maybe tell his dad but leave it at that!

pinn44

That's so sad. We as parents need to get over ourselves and put the children 1st. He lived with you and I'm sure you loved him by being his step mom so why shouldn't you care about his well being. I didn't have to worry about weight until I started having babies in my adult life. But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

I'm not sure where all this child abuse talk came from but until you know the entire situation I'd save judgement.

fbmandy55

But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

Wow. I know a mother who did the same thing. Her daughter died as a result of anorexia a few years later.

Children are very vulnerable, especialy about their self-esteem. Telling your kid to 'get over it' probably DID traumitize her. :noway:

NICOLED73

I'm trying to figure out how to handle the fact that my 12 yr old daughters best friend (also 12) is sexually active. My daughter and her no longer speak as my daughter voiced her opinion, took a stance against it and is now being chastised for her good morals.

UsedToBeHusky

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth

What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!

could he not back back with his father?

Unless his mother is leaving marks and bruises, the definition of abuse is subjective. Just allowing him to eat what he wants is not direct or intentional harm. Therefore, the child does not see it as abuse. Removing him would only be yanking him from the arms of a loving mother which in itself would be psychologically more tramautizing than trying to cope with obesity in adolescence.

BAMFMeredith

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth

What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!

Thank you! My parents fought over custody many times during my childhood and I was ordered to go back an forth by an idiot judge, to say it had a negative effect on me is an understatement. Live with my mom a few years, dad takes her to court says I have to go live with him... on and on. Maybe tell his dad but leave it at that!

Yet another reason my sister was overweight when she was younger. I was out of the house by the time my parents got divorced, but going to court and bouncing back and forth between my parents houses, that definitely didn't do a whole hell of a lot for her mental state, so she ate out of comfort. My parents were both good parents, but when you're dealing with custody issues, the child suffers so much and 11 years old is an EXTREMELY vulnerable age. Suggesting counseling is a much better idea than just calling CPS and causing an even bigger sh!tstorm.

Eaglesfanintn

I'm not sure whether getting child protective services involved is the right thing or not, but those who are posting about them taking the child away, you really don't know what you're talking about. That's the last thing that they want to do. My stepmother has been a social worker for 20 years now and she'll tell you that they don't want to remove the child unless they are in imminent danger. They would work with the parent(s) to make sure that the child is getting take care of. If it takes educating the parents, helping them shop properly for groceries or meet with a nutritionist to work out a plan for the child, that's what they would do.

kb455

My sister was in this situation. Her daughter was very overweight as far back as 1st or 2nd grade. My sister didn't' know how to handle it because her daughter learned her poor eating habits from my sister and her husband, who were both overweight at the time but EXTREMELY loving and devoted parents.

My sister had a lot of guilt and, therefore, felt badly about making her daughter change her habits. Plus, she never knew how to bring up the subject without doing more harm to her already very poor self-esteem. She'd try cooking better but her daughter would still overeat and not lose weight and she was very resistant to doing pretty much any type of physical activity.

Some parents don't have healthy habits themselves however, it doesn't make them abusive or even negligent parents. My niece (She's now 21) eventually began dieting because SHE wanted to and (with the help of this site) lost over 50 pounds.

I'm not saying the parents shouldn't do anything about his weight... I'm just saying its a precarious situation. Its not an easy position to be in and it has to be handled delicately.

marie_2454

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.

There is NO way to know that unless you're there day in day out. My sister became VERY overweight for a period of time when she was around 10 or 11. If somebody came to our house they would see a very healthy household, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, involved parents, not a lot of candy or treats around, and absolutely no reason to accuse anybody of child abuse. My sister became overweight because she was inactive and because she ate junk at school and at friends' houses.

Now, I don't know anything about this situation, as not a whole lot of background info was provided, but I think it warrants quite a bit more information before we can start playing the blame game.

I tend to agree with this. My little brother put on a lot of weight when he was around 11-12. He was eating things like pork chops for snacks because he was so hungry. He's pretty active and everything, but he probably gained close to 40 pounds and got a bit chubby/ fat (I feel so mean writing this about my baby brother :frown: ). Anyways, a few months later he's about 4 inches taller and back to being more normal sized. He just hit a growth spurt and grew out and then up lol. I'm not saying don't worry at all, especially with the diabetes, but just try to remember that he's young and still growing.

UsedToBeHusky

I'm not sure whether getting child protective services involved is the right thing or not, but those who are posting about them taking the child away, you really don't know what you're talking about. That's the last thing that they want to do. My stepmother has been a social worker for 20 years now and she'll tell you that they don't want to remove the child unless they are in imminent danger. They would work with the parent(s) to make sure that the child is getting take care of. If it takes educating the parents, helping them shop properly for groceries or meet with a nutritionist to work out a plan for the child, that's what they would do.

That depends on the CPS worker, their supervisor, and the climate of that jurisdiction. In some states, they are a lot quicker on that draw than others because of budget constraints.

p0pr0cksnc0ke

That's so sad. We as parents need to get over ourselves and put the children 1st. He lived with you and I'm sure you loved him by being his step mom so why shouldn't you care about his well being. I didn't have to worry about weight until I started having babies in my adult life. But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

I'm not sure where all this child abuse talk came from but until you know the entire situation I'd save judgement.

holy fvck......
Just... wow. :noway:

I am guessing you have never had to deal with body dysmorphia?? There is no "getting over yourself"

AGAIN... I need to back out of here... its all downhill.

k8blujay2

*sigh* While I get that it hurts.... you really don't have a say in the matter... as blunt as that is... because it is your soon to be ex step-child... He isn't your child... and while it sucks, that's just the way it is. His parents are going to have to figure it out... so will the boy... and I agree that he may be going through some pretty emotional stuff right now.. and that may be causing him to overeat... to be honest, by that age kids are pretty autonomous on their eating habits... I know, because I was... and that was a big reason I have the horrible habits now.

pinn44

But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

Wow. I know a mother who did the same thing. Her daughter died as a result of anorexia a few years later.

Children are very vulnerable, especialy about their self-esteem. Telling your kid to 'get over it' probably DID traumitize her. :noway:

You couldn't be more wrong in your response. You completely misunderstood what I meant. My daughter is now 20 and I told her this now not 8 yrs. ago. How cruel is that. I did things the right way I took her to the Dr. for advise, introduced healthy foods and exercise. If you think that's traumitizing then I don't know what to say. Anorexia is a whole other issue and is an illness. There's more to that story than a mother trying to do the right thing.

pinn44

That's so sad. We as parents need to get over ourselves and put the children 1st. He lived with you and I'm sure you loved him by being his step mom so why shouldn't you care about his well being. I didn't have to worry about weight until I started having babies in my adult life. But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

I'm not sure where all this child abuse talk came from but until you know the entire situation I'd save judgement.

holy fvck......
Just... wow. :noway:

I am guessing you have never had to deal with body dysmorphia?? There is no "getting over yourself"

AGAIN... I need to back out of here... its all downhill.

This is why I don't usually participate in forums because people jump to conclusions too quickly. I would never have told my 13 yr. of child to get over herself. The girl is 20 now and this is when we had that conversation.

lorac321

Think maybe part of it could be situational eating? It's his second divorce and he's only 10.

lorac321

BTW: It looks like you have two other young kids. Maybe you could talk to your ex about allowing your ex-step son to come over and play with them... go to the park and what not. Let the kid know that you will always be part of his life.

fbmandy55

That's so sad. We as parents need to get over ourselves and put the children 1st. He lived with you and I'm sure you loved him by being his step mom so why shouldn't you care about his well being. I didn't have to worry about weight until I started having babies in my adult life. But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

I'm not sure where all this child abuse talk came from but until you know the entire situation I'd save judgement.

holy fvck......
Just... wow. :noway:

I am guessing you have never had to deal with body dysmorphia?? There is no "getting over yourself"

AGAIN... I need to back out of here... its all downhill.

This is why I don't usually participate in forums because people jump to conclusions too quickly. I would never have told my 13 yr. of child to get over herself. The girl is 20 now and this is when we had that conversation.

STILL, I hate my mom to this day for harping on me about my weight as a kid. I'm about 25 now and when she brings that up, or mentions how chubby I was as a pre-teen/teen, I STILL hate her for it. It did cause me terrible self confidence issues that I still struggle with today. If she were to tell me to 'get over it' now, I would probably snap.

Bentley2718

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.

No offense, but in most places, CPS has much more pressing things to investigate. It's sad, but that's reality.