Bad Parents.....

nerdyandilikeit

That's so sad. We as parents need to get over ourselves and put the children 1st. He lived with you and I'm sure you loved him by being his step mom so why shouldn't you care about his well being. I didn't have to worry about weight until I started having babies in my adult life. But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

I'm not sure where all this child abuse talk came from but until you know the entire situation I'd save judgement.

holy fvck......
Just... wow. :noway:

I am guessing you have never had to deal with body dysmorphia?? There is no "getting over yourself"

AGAIN... I need to back out of here... its all downhill.

This is why I don't usually participate in forums because people jump to conclusions too quickly. I would never have told my 13 yr. of child to get over herself. The girl is 20 now and this is when we had that conversation.

If I confided something to my mother about how I felt growing up (which I did, about my OCD that no one noticed until I WAS 20) and she told me to 'get over it' she would be a bad mother (but she didn't, that's what you did). Kids don't stop needing supportive parents. The support just changes to suit the child turned adult's needs.

fteale

I don't think child protection will think that 150 lbs at 11 is heavy enough to warrant an intervention. Poor, boy, though.

Di3012

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.

this is going to start *kitten* but whatver...

I do NOT agree with kids being taken away from parents because of the weight/feeding issue.

EDUCATE the kids and parents, monitor them.. give them tools and resources to use. Give them access to cooking classes etc to make healthier meals for the family. Taking the child is putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound.

I could not agree with you more. Everybody's immediate answer is to remove the child from the home, but no one considers the psychological harm that does to the child. It is not as if he thinks he is being abused or mistreated.

I remember when me and my first husband split up, we had two daughters aged six and eight at the time. They would stay round my house for half the week and my husband's home the other half.

Now, I would go out once per week with my mates and my neighbours would see me out and about, dressed up to go dancing etc and I was unaware than anything was amiss until another neighbour knocked on my door one day and asked if she would have a word with me. So, in she comes and states quite bluntly, that one of our mutual neighbours was going to go to Social Services regarding my daughters.

I was like "WTF??" - the reason, was apparently, they did not realise that me and hubby were on talking terms (they all presumed that me and him were antagonistic towards each other and so not in contact) and they thought I was leaving them alone whilst I went galivanting about. How wrong she was, I never left them alone and only went out, once per week, when they were round his home.

Be careful when reporting to social services, make sure you get all the facts right.......

biznoche

Man, this is a really heated topic. I'm not a parent, so I really just can't say anything about who is right or wrong or who's business it is, but I think that if this is a child that you've grown to love and care about, be it your blood or not, it would be disheartening to see his health taking a bad turn and naturally you'd want to reach out to help him. Kids shouldn't have to "diet," they should be taught to make good choices and learn how to balance healthy eating while still being able to enjoy forbidden foods in moderation. If he's learning bad eating habits then what is he learning about money and responsibility? In my opinion, it just doesn't seem fair to the kid. You learn these skills by example, it's not just some internal instinct. A nonchalant attitude towards this now could really hurt him in the future. He could eventually go blind or end up having neuropathy in his extremities or even end up having a limb cut off. I work in a hospital, and all too often I see noncompliant diabetics still refusing to adopt a healthier lifestyle as they're on their way to the OR to have a foot lopped off. Gently encourage WHOEVER's "business" this is to nip it in the bud now, and explain that you are only trying to help because you care, don't make it about negligent parenting. Nobody would respond to that well. Good luck!

cakeums

The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.

this is going to start *kitten* but whatver...

I do NOT agree with kids being taken away from parents because of the weight/feeding issue.

EDUCATE the kids and parents, monitor them.. give them tools and resources to use. Give them access to cooking classes etc to make healthier meals for the family. Taking the child is putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound.

I could not agree with you more. Everybody's immediate answer is to remove the child from the home, but no one considers the psychological harm that does to the child. It is not as if he thinks he is being abused or mistreated.

Thank you. Always so quick to call the authorities to take other people's children away. First it was because of abuse a VERY good reason for children to be taken from the home. Next people want to extend that to overweight children, then they'll want to take kids away if their parents smoke, after that any kid caught saying a naughty word can be yanked from their parents and placed in a re-education camp....

Do all of you really think that foster homes are wonderful places to be raised in?

Try to get the kid to eat healthy and exercise. It's all you can really do. Best of luck to you.

I completely agree.

cakeums

That's so sad. We as parents need to get over ourselves and put the children 1st. He lived with you and I'm sure you loved him by being his step mom so why shouldn't you care about his well being. I didn't have to worry about weight until I started having babies in my adult life. But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.

I'm not sure where all this child abuse talk came from but until you know the entire situation I'd save judgement.

holy fvck......
Just... wow. :noway:

I am guessing you have never had to deal with body dysmorphia?? There is no "getting over yourself"

AGAIN... I need to back out of here... its all downhill.

This is why I don't usually participate in forums because people jump to conclusions too quickly. I would never have told my 13 yr. of child to get over herself. The girl is 20 now and this is when we had that conversation.

My mom took a similar approach, though I was older (17) when she put me on weight watchers. I was 5'9.5" and 160lbs, not even near overweight. She had been harping on me about my weight since puberty...from the time I was 5'8" and 130lbs!!! Her perception of overweight was way off; she was worried about how I would weigh in the future. Guess what? I struggled with weight as I got older because I had learned to loathe what had been my healthy body.

She would have told me to get over myself when I was 20, too. In fact, we had many arguments over the whole thing. Funny thing is that she turned around about 6 months ago (I am 28) and apologized for her behavior over the past 15 years...just because it seems right now, doesn't mean it will seem right to you in the future. I was shocked at her apology, but also felt relieved and vindicated.