Guys & girls - Marriage pact, real or not?

hastings10

you have to first ask yourself if you think you could spend your life with him. if yes then think about going on a date or two and see how it goes. if not there is always friendship again.

crimsontech

From what you've said, he's probably serious. He's probably always liked you but accidentally got into the "friend zone". (Hence his not wanting you to have a BF) Ask him if he's serious, and if he is, go on a practice date. Pretend you just met and are getting to know each other. Some of the best relationships are born from great friendships.

firesoforion

Well essentially you want to get married or you don't, but the pact could be either, really. You both kind of sound like you might want to anyway, in which case I'd say go for it, or at least explore the possibility. In fact if you made the pact it's likely that at least one of you thinks of it that way (I think...I'm no relationship expert).

I have a friend who did one of these a couple of years ago, but the planning and implementation were terrible, and it essentially came down to the guy wanted to marry her and she didn't want to marry him (even though she kind of thought she did at first, but that was more "marriage desperation" coming through.).

I think what it comes down to is now is time to decide whether or not you actually want to do it. It's a subject now, don't wait for it to cool down or bring it up at a less opportune moment simply because it's closer to the deadline.

j4nash

Why not just start with a date?

christine24t

If you're really brave, you should try and kiss him on the cheek or lips and see what his expression is. If it's "omg what is happening" crack a joke about "well we're going to be married so we gotta get used to it." And if it's positive, well, you don't need any advice!

967_1111

Get a boyfriend, fast. Rent one if you have to. See how he reacts.

MikeSEA

Wow Really?! is marriage not sacred anymore?
this is probally 1 of the reasons people get divorced!:huh:

Anymore? Like when we used marriage as a financial transaction that involved using women as currency? From a historical perspective a pact like this isn't unreasonable, and the fact that both parties have a say makes it fairly progressive.

cfoster629

I think a lot of people have a marriage pact. I had one with a friend, we said by 30. I got married at 26, and he's still single. He still calls to check up on me, I think he's hoping me to get a divorce soon or something. You have to look inside yourself for the answer. Do you think you could love him, or be intimate with him? You could give it a shot, you'll know pretty quick. I know that the pact with my friend would have never worked. I love him as a brother, and am not that attracted to him physically and never was. He has a good job and makes more money than my husband but it doesn't make me regret not choosing him. I love my husband and I know I made the right choice.

TheFitHooker

you mentioned he's a momma's boy

sorry, but if a guy is a momma's boy, then no woman will ever be able to measure up to his momma so me, personally, I would stay far away. i dated a momma's boy before, they never grow up

you also said he mentioned that if you were roomies, he won't let you have a bf...WTF?!?! he is your 'roomie' not your bf. that sounds uber possessive to me.

if there is no chemistry, then you guys need to talk. Ever see that show on MTV 'Friend Zone'?

The bit about being a mama's boy is not true at all, my husband is a mama's boy. However I'm his number 1 when its her or me. He's proven that to me countless times.

BrendaLee

If you want to know if he's serious or not, why not ask him? Really, it doesn't matter if he is or isn't. You just need to make sure he knows you're not.

sjackson1717

Ummmm Hello! Aren't you suppsed to marry your best friend??? What if True Love has been staring you in the face for 12 yrs??? Super surprised to see all of the negative responses here. Doesn't anyone believe in Happy Endings anymore???

grassette

Ok, this may sound silly. A very close guy friend and I made a pact several years ago that if we were still single in 10 years that we would marry each other. I completely forgot about it though. A few months ago while we were having dinner, I asked him if he thought I'd ever find someone who could make me really happy. (I've been told I have high standards and that I'm idealistic) He dropped his fork and looked completely surprised. He said, "What do mean? I thought we were getting married!" Since then we've had several conversations about it but neither of us could tell if the other is serious or joking. Now I'm not saying I would go through with this but I am very curious to find out if his reaction meant that he took it that serious. We've never dated or even kissed, just really great friends for years. Well, our 10th anniversary is coming up next summer. Opinions please?

That is when my husband and I decided to marry. Friendship is a solid base for a happy marriage. And if you are both healthy, everything else will fall into place.

newmein2013

well if there is no chemistry, then forget it. that answers your question right there.

Yeah bu the question was more along the lines of how do I determine how serious he is. We've been friends for 12 years and I think he's serious. Maybe he thinks there is chemistry?

You mentioned earlier "body language".
What does his body language tell you?

All our friends and family say we should be together and that we act like we're a couple. We really do. As a friend, he's the best boyfriend I've ever had.

newmein2013

The only way to determine how serious he really is, is by asking him. Be straight up and ask him if he was just joking or if he really thinks you guys will get married. Honesty!

No I've never made a pact like this. Reminds me of "My best friends wedding" though. I also married my husband when I was 21.

I have, several times. He always says he's serious but then we laugh. Maybe he's nervous?

newmein2013

Buuuuuuuuut be prepared that he may actually want more and any of the above options could f' up the friendship. Either way, it's worth the risk to figure it out, right?
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Such a great friend so it's not worth the risk. At least that's what I'm thinking.

VeganInTraining

This cracks me up! And I agree with the person who said "why not start with a date?" I had a similar agreement with a friend in college, when my ex and I got divorced we dated casually and I realized that there was NO WAY it could work with him.

I can't believe I'm seriously giving advice on something like this :laugh: but, a lot can change in 10 years, see if you still like each other and go from there. My husband and I had no such pact but when we met 10 years ago we agreed that if we ever saw each other again we'd go on a date....9 years later we saw each other again and the sparks were definitely there!

Good luck!

paisley2288

Wow Really?! is marriage not sacred anymore?
this is probally 1 of the reasons people get divorced!:huh:

I agree. Marriage is a very serious thing and if you think that maybe he is serious about it, you should go out on a date with him. I would never marry anyone over a pact. There has to be chemistry there. Plus, you should be sexually attracted to the person!! This isn't one of those countries where you can't choose your own husband. It's YOUR choice and I think if you choose to marry over a pact, you will end up a very very lonely girl.

WickedGarden

The bit about being a mama's boy is not true at all, my husband is a mama's boy. However I'm his number 1 when its her or me. He's proven that to me countless times.

That's great it worked for you!

For me personally, i couldn't deal with it. His momma ruled his life, no matter what, he always listened to his momma.

BigDaddyBRC

Nice trolling

Carl01

He is only serious about getting you into bed,that is why he mentions it...to test those waters.