Guys & girls - Marriage pact, real or not?

Sh1tsRainbows

Just bang each other. If it's weird, then don't marry him. If it's not, then marry him.

^THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

leannems

Need people to bump this through April 7th. I want to know what happens!

To the OP: You have a level head on you - you will end up doing the right thing here, and I bet either way it goes, you'll be able to keep the friendship (even if you give it a shot and it doesn't work) - just may take some time.

MissTattoo

That stuff only happens in movies.

Annaflower

Does he know your feelings about marriage? You are right in what you said about not wanting to lead him on if he is serious. He should know that you have no intention of getting married to anyone not just him. If you are enjoying the growing intimacy then be honest with him that it won't lead to marriage. Also if you are keeping open to other potential boyfriends, it would be unfair to give your friend the idea that he has a romantic future with you.

Good luck

NYCDutchess

I would not marry someone because "I was still single" Divorce is expensive and you know you'll meet the man of your dreams the day after. Like the movie "the backup plan".

If you two have chemistry...maybe explore that the person you are looking for is right under your nose.

Sassy_Girl

It really don't matter if he thinks there is chemistry or not if you don't feel it. The passion in life is what keeps it exciting, though there are many other things that can keep it stable.

stuart959

I've never had a marriage pact however, when I first met my girlfriend to be she was so determined to not get stuck in friend land that she pushed it forward into dating. It look me 3 months to realize we were dating! We are wonderful friends and I'm excited to marry her. I say this because honestly there wasn't a ton of "chemistry" (or physical attraction/lust/whatever) until after we started dating, she was always cute but my attraction deepened over time. No matter what happens I wish you the best of luck and a wonderful marriage partner.

newmein2013

Annaflower:
Can't really say if he knows how I feel about marriage b/c he knows the me inside. So no matter what my head and mouth say, he knows what my heart says before I even do.

NYCDutchess:
Your response made me think of my reason for not dropping full coverage on my car, lol. Murphy's Law!

Stuart959:
Thank you. You read between the lines and sensed my pain.

Everyone else:
Thank you for your responses. I'll keep you posted with the results of April 7th.

penrbrown

Dude. I'd go out with him ASAP. You've got a wedding coming next year!!!

djkshdfd

Bump, I am so interested.

zoedallas

It sounds like he has a real thing for you. And you? Not so much.

A few people here have said that you should try it and see how it goes. One word of warning. If it doesn't work out, you will have lost your best friend and there's no going back. Be sure you're willing to risk it all before you jump.

dmpizza

You don't live in an f'ing sitcom.
If you love them and want to marry them, ask them.
If you don't then don't.

Hawksbillus

My wife and I have been married for almost 17 years and have a similar pact. It goes like this:

If we make it to our 20th anniversary then we stay together forever.

If I try to leave her before or after that anniversary she gets to kill me in my sleep.

loseweightjames

Ok, this may sound silly. A very close guy friend and I made a pact several years ago that if we were still single in 10 years that we would marry each other. I completely forgot about it though. A few months ago while we were having dinner, I asked him if he thought I'd ever find someone who could make me really happy. (I've been told I have high standards and that I'm idealistic) He dropped his fork and looked completely surprised. He said, "What do mean? I thought we were getting married!" Since then we've had several conversations about it but neither of us could tell if the other is serious or joking. Now I'm not saying I would go through with this but I am very curious to find out if his reaction meant that he took it that serious. We've never dated or even kissed, just really great friends for years. Well, our 10th anniversary is coming up next summer. Opinions please?

um. Yeah. Get married. Think about it, he's a guy you've been friends with for TEN years. That's pretty impressive, what other guy are you going to meet that's going to be as compatible with you as he is? Long as the sex is good, I say marry.

but obviously there's a problem otherwise you wouldn't even be posting this

I think marriage pacts are great, because if you somehow manage to keep that friendship for XX years and remember the pact then he/she is The One.

LOVE is BS. Marry your friend. I did. It's great. Do I love her? Ya, but it's more of a friendship than a "OMG UR SOOOOO HOT I WANNA %$*#^*#$@#$$@*!!!!!" We never had that, it was always friends, friends with benefits really, and after 5 years we finally said, ya, let's just get married, it's been this long...... :-D

twisted88

Meh. Go for it. It's better than being the crazy cat lady.

Hey, I resemble that remark!

ShandiH

Meh. Go for it. It's better than being the crazy cat lady.

Love this! :laugh: :laugh:

ElementalMoe

I had a pact like this with a high school sweetheart. I thought it was sweet, but when I mentioned it to another male friend he says, "Why would you want to be the last option?" which really rang true to me.

Why would you want to settle for them simply because you didn't find any one better, and be settled for? If it's not settling, then you should be dating.

It's the "I don't want to be alone, so you'll do" pact.

Yep.

Musikelektronik

Every time he takes me to dinner, I have to reciprocate with a massage, lol.

Wait...what? Isn't that an indication of whether he feels any chemistry?

sunkisses

Ew. You would WANT to get married, even if you don't have to?! *shudder* I could not even make such a pact myself.

umachanxo

You could try dating him? Perhaps the reason you're curious about it is because you might have feelings for him? He may also have feelings for you that he's never shared before.

But I definately would not enter a life long commitment with a man that I was not completely in love with. Marriage is forever. Sickness, health, good, bad, ugly. It isn't something you want to just jump into based on a pact made 10 years ago whether he's serious or not. Because the truth of the matter is it's just a silly pact.

What if you married him and 2 years later met a man that you fell hard for - but you had married this other guy that you didn't love?

caitlinsmom07

My best friend just married her guy she made a pact with! But it was a little different. They would go on a few dates here and there in between other boyfriends and girlfriends over the past 8 years and they knew they always had amazing chemistry.

HauteP1nk

I think it is best to marry someone who is your bestfriend. Who better to spend the rest of your life with then someone who understands you and makes you happy?

Hopelessbird

Just bang each other. If it's weird, then don't marry him. If it's not, then marry him.

Ha! I did this in college and ended up marrying him a decade later.

Specialkayrina

I dated my best friend for 3 years....Great companionship but lack everything else..
I'm so glad I did not married him!

rileamoyer

Ok, this may sound silly. A very close guy friend and I made a pact several years ago that if we were still single in 10 years that we would marry each other. I completely forgot about it though. A few months ago while we were having dinner, I asked him if he thought I'd ever find someone who could make me really happy. (I've been told I have high standards and that I'm idealistic) He dropped his fork and looked completely surprised. He said, "What do mean? I thought we were getting married!" Since then we've had several conversations about it but neither of us could tell if the other is serious or joking. Now I'm not saying I would go through with this but I am very curious to find out if his reaction meant that he took it that serious. We've never dated or even kissed, just really great friends for years. Well, our 10th anniversary is coming up next summer. Opinions please?

Funny, I made that pact with a guy many years ago (we said when I was 30 and he 35). I moved and got married to someone else, he did too. Many years later, me married to #2, him still married, we ran into each other. He fessed up that his heart was broken when I left and he know we would have worked. Go figure. HOWEVER, if the chemistry doesn't come with the friendship, exit!

amysj303

Is he cute? Does he live with his mom? Does he have a job?

This stuff is important and will affect how I answer.

Good questions. He is cute, a mama's boy, stable secure job. Actually, he would make the perfect husband. I've often told him this. Only prob, there is no chemistry between us whatsoever. I'm trying to convince him that we should be roommates but he says I couldn't have a boyfriend and that's he's loyal and expects me to be. But I still can't tell if he's joking with this pact. I've tried to be up front with him, we always end up laughing. But his body language tells me otherwise.

I don't think you should marry someone who is just a friend. It really deprives you and him of getting the whole package. Just keep pretending like you think he is joking:)

ChasingSweatandTears

My husband and I started as really good friends no pact or anything. But the chemistry was hot and then not several times. But boy has it grown. We've been married three years and I fall in love with him more every day. If you really want to know if he's serious you have to come out and ask. Be respectful of his feelings though if you have to tell him there's no chemistry. But if you think you may just be telling yourself there's no chemistry because you're scared of losing his friendship, you need to ask yourself some questions too some of the Best most long lasting marriages are formed from friendships. This is my second marriage after having been divorced 6 years, and I am so glad I waited to get married again and didn't base it off nothing but chemistry or passion. Friendship is the most important thing. So I think you guys need to have a serious discussion.

saragato

My best friend (female) and I decided within the first 4 years of our friendship (and we met when I was 11, so) that if by 30 neither of us was dating or married we'd go gay for each other. We were half serious because back then we were like sisters, but both of us knew we didn't swing that way.

I've always thought of those pacts as not really a joke but just sort of a way to cheer each other up for the moment. Like saying, "well we're friends now so even if we never meet our loves we'll have each other and won't be lonely or sad." I suppose it's one of those things you simply assume won't ever happen so it's okay to say.

If he's really serious about marrying you though, I think either you guys need to start with the dating basics or you need to distance yourself from him. Because yeah okay you're friends and you know things about one another, but there's a difference between being a friend to the opposite sex and being in a relationship.

christina0089

From what you've said, he's probably serious. He's probably always liked you but accidentally got into the "friend zone". (Hence his not wanting you to have a BF) Ask him if he's serious, and if he is, go on a practice date. Pretend you just met and are getting to know each other. Some of the best relationships are born from great friendships.

Agreed! Or atleast have a good make out session that will really tell you if you have any chemistry! Then if you do try a normal dating/relationship B4 you all jump into marriage cause from what I see here I think he is serious!

stacyjbaker1010

Ummmm Hello! Aren't you suppsed to marry your best friend??? What if True Love has been staring you in the face for 12 yrs??? Super surprised to see all of the negative responses here. Doesn't anyone believe in Happy Endings anymore???

Second marriage, I married my best friend. It was by far the best decision I've made in my adult life. And no, I don't regret past choices because they've made me the person he loves today.