VERRY embarrassing question!

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  • Neliel
    Neliel Posts: 507 Member
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    Stress can contribute to this feeling of not wanting sex HUGELY. I'd say you need to have a serious talk about it with him, the things that are bothering him and whether he thinks it's the stress that's doing it. Counselling can really help reduce the stress or teach him how to cope with it.
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
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    Did you ever have sex with this person? Did you have it often and then it suddenly stopped? Is he gay? Does he have ED? You don't have to answer here, these are just thoughts running through my head. I'd talk to him and make him go to the doctor if he thinks it is a physical problem. Sex is important. I don't think I could stay in a sexless relationship.
  • sdow
    sdow Posts: 71
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    Don't marry him. Sex is a big deal in a relationship--it helps people get through the tough times in life. It is importance for many reasons, not just the physical needs (though it is important for that, too.) I think all of the suggestions about figuring it out are important before moving on. I you can work it out, then he sounds like a great guy. But, it doesn't sound like he is trying to make the intimacy part work. There are lots of great guys who also want sex.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    i wouldnt be able to do that. to me it sounds like there is a deeper meaning behind it. for one, i dont think 'stress' would cause someone to not want sex for a year. and for two, i deal with stress with sex haha. i can understand when my boyfriend says hes to tired after a 10 hr day, it hurts a bit to be turned down but i know he will get some good sleep. but if i was turned down day after day it would deffinitly wreck our relationship. i would think hes cheating, or that i wasnt attractive or something. how often did you before the past year?
  • TiffanyDawn79
    TiffanyDawn79 Posts: 201 Member
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    I'm in the same boat. Except I'm the person who doesn't want to have sex... oh was I suppose to whisper...*sex* But here is my problem... I am just not sexually attracted to my bf at all anymore. Yet love him to bits. So I am at a loss for myself. Best of luck to you!
  • allywalker23
    allywalker23 Posts: 12 Member
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    They sex is a great stress reliever, so that can't be the reason. Maybe he has ED (erectile dis-function) It's common in men, even though men sometimes have a hard time admitting to it. If he loves you like he says he does he should be able to talk to you with no problem. It's not embarrassing to ask it's a common question. If he won't talk to you see if he'll talk to a doctor, if he won't the wal-mart sells extenze over the counter buy some and crush it up and put it in his drink :bigsmile: , if he stills doesn't want to have sex then, honey i'm sorry to say but it's time to move on. :devil:
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    I'm confused, My testosterone is super low, it's 300 lower than what is considered low. I still have a hard time going more than 3 days without. but that's just me, I know people that just don't do it that often or just don't feel like it at all.

    I agree with the just talk to him part. random strangers will ruin you and your relationship.
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    I'm confused, My testosterone is super low, it's 300 lower than what is considered low. I still have a hard time going more than 3 days without. but that's just me, I know people that just don't do it that often or just don't feel like it at all.

    I agree with the just talk to him part. random strangers will ruin you and your relationship.

    It's just some armchair medical advice so take it with a grain of salt, but low sex drive is a symptom of low testosterone. Maybe not for everyone, but for some.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    took me three years to have sex with my partner...although he gave me my "cookie" on a regular basis, we didn't actually have coitus for three years. He has issues, his entire family are raging *kitten*, and I'm only his 2nd partner. Stress is a huge factor too, I told him it's relieves it, but he can't "perform" when he's stressed out. Lots of men have low sex drives. If he's not concerned about it however, I would start thinking about moving on. Our lack of sex was very hard on my future husband. He was constantly trying herbal pills, cialis, different techniques. But one day, he decided I was worthy of his pen!s and we had sex. It's still touch and go, we aren't maniacs (i'm a closet hoe just waiting to bust out) but we are both very proud that our relationship isn't based on sex. I also brought up having an open relationship. If he can't give me what I need, than I will find it elsewhere. He was opposed to it, maybe that's why we started having sex. I'm still all for the open relationship, but he's still a no go
  • Jamie145
    Jamie145 Posts: 164 Member
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    is he a virgin???? if not umm u need to have a serious talk to him and figure out whats goin on..becuz a year without sex?? thats kinda odd..he aleast wanna foreplay?? Ive been married for almost 7years and if my hubs stopped for a year i wud defianlty question him. Its not a heatlhy relationship if u two cant have converstations about issues and what not....
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    he could possibly have low testosterone if he has no sexual urges for a year.

    HUGE possibility. definitely talk to him before making any rash decisions.
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    I would sit down and talk to him. Explain that you would like to participate in that and ask what may help him feel up to it. Let him know that even though it doesn't define your relationship, that you still want and need it. Offer lots of support. I would imagine that it is far more embarrassing for him than you. (assuming he is not gettin some strange) The same happened with my ex and it turned out that me losing weight made him not as attracted and self concious of his own flaws. He was not able to work past it. I feel like it did contribute to our divorce because sex is such a big part of my life. I think the part of the brain that most women use for shopping and gossip got devoted to nookie along WITH the nookie part......... so like 2/3 of my brain is just sex. You have to talk to him. It may not go the way you want, but you may get some much needed answers and be able to work on a resolution together.


    Also, not trying to pry....... but does he have any substance abuse issues? Pot makes some people horny as hell, makes others not care one way or the other. Coke produces "coke d!ck" where it is useless until the drug is gone, but then you wanna go like a rabbit for a couple hours. Alcohol in large amounts over time can also dull the senses enough to not think of it.
  • shanlynt
    shanlynt Posts: 754 Member
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    Well I'll be embarrassed too. Try over three years! He's not asking and I'm not wanting it either. Well not from him anyway. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop basically.
  • CanuckLove
    CanuckLove Posts: 673 Member
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    How did you last a F**** year? Jeezuz. Please talk to this man and get some action!!!!!!!!! Stop reading these posts and GO NOW. Seriously Im getting hives from this. GO BABY GO!
  • meismeems
    meismeems Posts: 4
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    Bitty, you really need to be honest with yourself about how important sex is to you. It's like anything else, if it's important to you and not your partner, then with communication maybe a compromise can be made...otherwise maybe it's time to move on.

    Stress can do things to men that inhibit response in the bedroom, but if he's NEVER had sex with you and he doesn't want to....well....maybe he's just not interested in that type of relationship, even though you've been hoping he would be.

    Or maybe....like with my ex....once you start seeing someone else he'll decide he's interested in sex....and then you have a choice to make.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I'm confused, My testosterone is super low, it's 300 lower than what is considered low. I still have a hard time going more than 3 days without. but that's just me, I know people that just don't do it that often or just don't feel like it at all.

    I agree with the just talk to him part. random strangers will ruin you and your relationship.

    It's just some armchair medical advice so take it with a grain of salt, but low sex drive is a symptom of low testosterone. Maybe not for everyone, but for some.


    my husband's long stint of no desire was due to this and he was super embarrassed to tell me, but he did, because he didn't want me thinking he was getting it elsewhere, then he ended up getting a testosterone shot. He gives himself a shot every other week.
  • rayleansout
    rayleansout Posts: 234
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    He is gay and your the cover! Something seriously wrong.. No guy goes a year without something being seriously wrong with him.
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    I guess I'm the only person who thinks this partner might actually be female. At least based on the wording chosen by the OP to describe their partner.
  • legmotor
    legmotor Posts: 197 Member
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    Make time and talk to him. My only advice is that if you can't talk about it then you shouldn't be doing it. Good luck!
  • BigDfromNJ
    BigDfromNJ Posts: 22 Member
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    You are being 'honest' with the wrong people, talk to him instead. Maybe he has a health issue that needs to be addressed, maybe he's under stress at his job. In this economy I don't blame him. Don't go off and cheat without being fair with him. Discuss it, work on it. Make a date to have 'it' and see what he says.

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