Rant: MFP Forums.
Replies
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I try to not to post much in the forums. My advice is find some like minded friends and ask them.
If you want support, that's a great thing to do.
If you want advice and opinions, though... like-minded friends are probably just going to tell you want you already believe to be true.
I like surrounding myself with like-minded friends, too, but I've learned the most from people who had different views from my own.
I've done the same. Important just saying if people can't handle critique they will have to stay among those that agree with them.0 -
Maybe if the OPs of topics would post their so-called opinion in a not-so-b!tchy manner people wouldn't tear them apart. A lot of people post rants, comments, and other things to try to get a fanbase of people that will agree with them 100%. If no one agrees the OP gets all upset and b!tches more.
Not saying this is everyone, but I see it a lot. Now for the people asking advice, some of them 1) don't have their dairy open publicly, 2) can't tell the difference between criticism and rude comments, 3) never really wanted advice in the first place.
Again, this is not everyone...0 -
I have to say I agree. You can be matter of fact and you can be constructively critical but I have been seeing name calling and snarky comments that are just over the top. And I agree, I think it's gotten worse in the last few months.0
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Well, as a member of many different forums, my opinion is that people are WAY more sensitive than they used to be. Tempers flare in a hot second. Many times the OP doesn't get the tone of the responder and then it's off to the races! (Usually with other horses jumping in to run)
If someone jumps into my stuff I can choose to engage or look the other way. For the most part I look the other way and don't let what some random person on the interwebs says ruin my day or make me feel bad about myself.0 -
I have been stunned at some of the comments and responses that people make / get - I think perhaps it is because it is anonymous - would people say these things to someone's face?
There are some genuine people out there who are looking for genuine advice, but that advice should be provided in a helpful way, not in a disparaging or cruel manner.
I think the moderators should be much more vigilant - I made a comment to that effect yesterday on a huge topic that some person had started, making nasty remarks about age, with abbreviated curse words etc. Totally inappropriate - mind it was in the Chit-Chat Fun forum, maybe some people see nastiness as fun. :noway:
:flowerforyou: Let's all play nice or not post if you can't.0 -
As someone who has spent time in some of the Internet's fiercest and most flammable forums over the years, I can assure you that this place is nearly as positive as freakin' Smurf Village.
I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect 100% immunity from malicious morons, as this site - like any site with a social aspect -- has an open membership. Members are not pre-approved by a committee of top health and self-improvement experts. They don't even have to supply a credit card imprint. Any schmuck can join. And I'm willing to bet that getting kicked off MFP isn't easy -- I'm willing to bet you need to start accusing people of being Hitler or affect Tourette's Syndrome or start cyber-stalking in order to get the mods mad.
Frankly, I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect 100% immunity from malicious morons anywhere in life, let alone in a quasi-policed open forum.
I do acknowledge that being shielded from the petty potty of malicious morons is a very nice thing, and when someone is in a vulnerable state it can even be even more so, but in the end it's still a luxury. And it isn't reasonable to expect luxuries from a free website.
On the other hand it's always nice to remind everyone not to be jerks, so I'm glad you posted.0 -
Name-calling and Attacks are against forum rules, so just report those. But I notice a huuuuge grey area where it's up to the reader to decide if it's rudeness or just brutal honesty. One person's "honesty" is another person's "rude" comment. I see it over and over again in here. I try to not be overly sensitive while on the internet, and choose to let questionable things roll off my back, and just move on or I submit my own opinion, but I understand it's gonna happen at some point.
It's not the moderators job to be the nanny over every questionable comment. Half of the responses would have to be removed if we tried to define every little thing that upsets someone. Is that the kind of place you want to be in, one where YOUR honest comment may be removed because one person didn't like a word or phrase you used?
"Tone" is sometimes hard to read, and I notice A LOT of overly-sensitive people choose to read more tone into a reply than I typically would. I'm not talking about attacks and name-calling (against forum rules). Remember, you always have the "report post" option, or the option of hitting the Back button. But, unfortunately ranting about it won't change it, and the internet will NEVER be a "hugs & kisses" environment. Those simply don't exist. (No tone implied) :flowerforyou:0 -
For those of you making references to OPs being overly sensitive or closed minded to other's opinions, let me prove some examples of what I'm really talking about (which a lot of people seem to agree with).
OP POST: so i've been eating 900-1100 cal per day and i don't feel hungry or tired or anything. i feel great. i also do cardio for 5-6 times a week ( for about 30 minutes )
i'm 5'5 tall,156 lbs
i don't feel like my body needs more because i feel full all the time.
is this wrong?Why would you come here and brag about your unhealthy and unsustainable weight loss?What exactly ARE you eating? Your diary is closed so you are really asking a pointless question here. If you are eating two cupcakes a day.., then yes…., it is wrong. If you are scarfing down veggies with some protein all day long, then you probably don’t have a problem. But seriously, if you are truly doing cardio that much, you would naturally be hungry. It BS to say otherwise.Well, you asked for advice. Whether they said it in a nice way or a mean way, almost everyone said it was a bad idea. But...you want to do it anyway, because you are happy and feel great.
Were you really asking for advice? Or unmitigated encouragement? No one here is going to encourage your way of eating.
If you're really interested in long term success, I'd encourage you to read up on long-term management of binge eating disorder.
You're young. I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually. But its your choice as to how much of your life you want to spend struggling with your weight.
Another topic was about a girl wanting support in stopping her night time eating. 90% of the people jumped down her throat accusing her of starving herself and having an ED, when in fact, she just hadn't finished adding up her cals for her day. No one bothered to try to look at the other days in her diary which were just fine.0 -
Thank you, OP, for sticking up for eating disordered people. I've been on this site for a month and I've been lurking the forums and I have to say posting anything is terrifying. People are terrible to eachother on here. ( and sadly, people on those so-called "pro-ana" sites are MUCH more encouraging and helpful, whether it's about eating healtheir or slowly killing yourself) Many people on these forums throw around the word "unhealthy" like it's a filthy insult. I've seen certain four letter words used with less malice.
I get this crippling insecurity that people will peek at my diary if I post anything and rip me a new one for my erratic eating habits. I'm here trying to change, people.
Isn't personal change what we're all here for?
No two people are ever going to be on exactly the same journey.0 -
Thank you, OP, for sticking up for eating disordered people. I've been on this site for a month and I've been lurking the forums and I have to say posting anything is terrifying. People are terrible to eachother on here. ( and sadly, people on those so-called "pro-ana" sites are MUCH more encouraging and helpful, whether it's about eating healtheir or slowly killing yourself) Many people on these forums throw around the word "unhealthy" like it's a filthy insult. I've seen certain four letter words used with less malice.
I get this crippling insecurity that people will peek at my diary if I post anything and rip me a new one for my erratic eating habits. I'm here trying to change, people.
Isn't personal change what we're all here for?
No two people are ever going to be on exactly the same journey.
I have posted and so far, no one has been snarky or I haven't seen it LOL. I do want constructive feedback. My diary is open because I want to be accountable to my friends. They may see something that I am missing. If I choose to eat a big bag of M&M, I want to HAVE to record it for friends to see. I've been eating in the closet, so to speak, for too long. Just saying this is my reasoning, doesn't need to be your reasoning.
I learned a long time ago (can't remember from whom) that if you are "attacked" or given less than constructive feedback, really listen to what is being said, look closely in the mirror, take what you believe is about you and then "turn the mirror" back on the "giver." Many times, what is being said is more about the speaker than the listener and may teach you a great deal about them.
For me, this allows me to de-personalize the comments, listen and learn. Oh by the way, telling then what you learned about them is never a good idea, they generally don't really want to learn about themselves (IMO), they want to bring everyone around them down to their level, so they can feel better about themselves not learn about themselves and grow. If you share what you learned, do so in private and not on a thread. They may be able to hear it that way without having to defend their position. Just saying <smiles>0 -
Maybe if the OPs of topics would post their so-called opinion in a not-so-b!tchy manner people wouldn't tear them apart. A lot of people post rants, comments, and other things to try to get a fanbase of people that will agree with them 100%. If no one agrees the OP gets all upset and b!tches more.
Not saying this is everyone, but I see it a lot. Now for the people asking advice, some of them 1) don't have their dairy open publicly, 2) can't tell the difference between criticism and rude comments, 3) never really wanted advice in the first place.
Again, this is not everyone...
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
great post and well said! if you ask me it seems to be some of the same members that are doing this (at least I have noticed it with some of the members). the sadder part is that a lot of those critical people (NOT ALL) are long standing members with 1000+ posts on these forums. you'd think they'd have learned some patience and understanding by now. or perhaps they just enjoy being mean :explode:0
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Well said! Its my first proper day on here and i was really disapointed in some of the thihgs i read. I felt like not bothering to stay if this was going to be typical of what was being posted. Thankfully there are some 'perfectly normal' people on here too! I want to wish everone luck on their personal journey. : )
Welcome.
My advice to you is to read the stickied threads above which are full of excellent information, and you will find out exactly how this site works.
You'll be amazed at the amount of people who join, ignore the Newbie advice thread and just ask lot's of questions that are all covered in the stickied threads.
"Why do I eat back my exercise calories?" has to be one of the most common.0 -
I've only been active in the forums the last few months, but have seen some some of the mean, rude posts around. I belong to a couple other non-fitness forums, and as a previous poster stated, the stuff posted here is not nearly as bad as seen on other sites. I'm guessing the increase in those types of posts has to to with the increase in members here.
Doesn't make it ok, though, or make the OP of said posts feel any better to hear 'it could,be worse'.
I try to go with the thought that the person posting the supposed mean/rude comment doesn't realize how they 'sound' via the written word. And those that post as if they are posting that way on purpose just get ignored by me. They aren't worth the time it takes to get upset.0 -
You'll be amazed at the amount of people who join, ignore the Newbie advice thread and just ask lot's of questions that are all covered in the stickied threads.
"Why do I eat back my exercise calories?" has to be one of the most common.
IMO that gets asked because it is counter-intuitive to what I've been taught all my life. Folks, like me, find it so hard to believe. :laugh:0 -
Thank you, OP, for sticking up for eating disordered people. I've been on this site for a month and I've been lurking the forums and I have to say posting anything is terrifying. People are terrible to eachother on here. ( and sadly, people on those so-called "pro-ana" sites are MUCH more encouraging and helpful, whether it's about eating healtheir or slowly killing yourself) Many people on these forums throw around the word "unhealthy" like it's a filthy insult. I've seen certain four letter words used with less malice.
I get this crippling insecurity that people will peek at my diary if I post anything and rip me a new one for my erratic eating habits. I'm here trying to change, people.
Isn't personal change what we're all here for?
No two people are ever going to be on exactly the same journey.
One thing I've noticed is that people here seem to equate "sticking up for ED people" as "sticking up for EDs" which is simply not true. It is possible to be supportive of someone with an ED without encouraging their habbits. The person is not the disease itself and all to often, i feel like that's how they're treated. There are people on this site who have flat out refused to add me because my net calories were too low, with no evidence whatsoever that it was even deliberate (I was just burning more than I could handle eating back in healthy foods).
And as a former pro-ana site lurker, you are 100% right about pro-ana forums. People are 100 times more supportive, and the only time I've ever seen hostility on those sites are toward the girls coming in trying to get an ED.
As for the comments regarding how other forums are just as bad, I've noticed that too, but every other forum I've ever been on was made up of mostly kids and teens. This is the first forum I've been on where the majority are adults, so I expected a lot more maturity and civility. But I guess you can't always expect people to act their age.Maybe if the OPs of topics would post their so-called opinion in a not-so-b!tchy manner people wouldn't tear them apart. A lot of people post rants, comments, and other things to try to get a fanbase of people that will agree with them 100%. If no one agrees the OP gets all upset and b!tches more.
Not saying this is everyone, but I see it a lot. Now for the people asking advice, some of them 1) don't have their dairy open publicly, 2) can't tell the difference between criticism and rude comments, 3) never really wanted advice in the first place.
Again, this is not everyone...
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
If you think they're being *****y, why respond at all? The only thing you'll really accomplish is fueling the flame, and in the end, no one feels any better.
If someone is asking for advice directly related to their diary, politely ask them to open it up. The first time I asked for advice, my diary was closed and I didn't even realize it because my profile was public and I assumed th 2 went together. Again, many of these people are new and probably don't even realize there are settings for that. This all just goes back to the patience issue. If you don't have it, move on to another topic.
Not knowing the difference between criticism and rudeness all goes back to tone, which admittedly is difficult on the internet. There are lots of ways to soften criticism to make it come off as friendly rather than condescending. Sometimes it's as easy as using a smiley or adding a "hope that helped" or "feel free to message me if you have questions" at the end.
But the comments I'm referring to are pretty straight forwardly rude, though.0 -
Thank you, OP, for sticking up for eating disordered people. I've been on this site for a month and I've been lurking the forums and I have to say posting anything is terrifying. People are terrible to eachother on here. ( and sadly, people on those so-called "pro-ana" sites are MUCH more encouraging and helpful, whether it's about eating healtheir or slowly killing yourself) Many people on these forums throw around the word "unhealthy" like it's a filthy insult. I've seen certain four letter words used with less malice.
I get this crippling insecurity that people will peek at my diary if I post anything and rip me a new one for my erratic eating habits. I'm here trying to change, people.
Isn't personal change what we're all here for?
No two people are ever going to be on exactly the same journey.
One thing I've noticed is that people here seem to equate "sticking up for ED people" as "sticking up for EDs" which is simply not true. It is possible to be supportive of someone with an ED without encouraging their habbits. The person is not the disease itself and all to often, i feel like that's how they're treated. There are people on this site who have flat out refused to add me because my net calories were too low, with no evidence whatsoever that it was even deliberate (I was just burning more than I could handle eating back in healthy foods).
And as a former pro-ana site lurker, you are 100% right about pro-ana forums. People are 100 times more supportive, and the only time I've ever seen hostility on those sites are toward the girls coming in trying to get an ED.
As for the comments regarding how other forums are just as bad, I've noticed that too, but every other forum I've ever been on was made up of mostly kids and teens. This is the first forum I've been on where the majority are adults, so I expected a lot more maturity and civility. But I guess you can't always expect people to act their age.Maybe if the OPs of topics would post their so-called opinion in a not-so-b!tchy manner people wouldn't tear them apart. A lot of people post rants, comments, and other things to try to get a fanbase of people that will agree with them 100%. If no one agrees the OP gets all upset and b!tches more.
Not saying this is everyone, but I see it a lot. Now for the people asking advice, some of them 1) don't have their dairy open publicly, 2) can't tell the difference between criticism and rude comments, 3) never really wanted advice in the first place.
Again, this is not everyone...
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
If you think they're being *****y, why respond at all? The only thing you'll really accomplish is fueling the flame, and in the end, no one feels any better.
If someone is asking for advice directly related to their diary, politely ask them to open it up. The first time I asked for advice, my diary was closed and I didn't even realize it because my profile was public and I assumed th 2 went together. Again, many of these people are new and probably don't even realize there are settings for that. This all just goes back to the patience issue. If you don't have it, move on to another topic.
Not knowing the difference between criticism and rudeness all goes back to tone, which admittedly is difficult on the internet. There are lots of ways to soften criticism to make it come off as friendly rather than condescending. Sometimes it's as easy as using a smiley or adding a "hope that helped" or "feel free to message me if you have questions" at the end.
But the comments I'm referring to are pretty straight forwardly rude, though.
I dont think from the examples the OP posted that is was very difficult to tell the difference between constructive feedback/criticism and rudeness. Far from it.0 -
here here!0
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I don't find it all that bad - in fact, I'm more surprised at the amount of people with such thin skin. There are rude people on the Internet just like there are rude people "in real life", so I think it's just a matter of being able to brush it off.
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Wow. So true. I consider myself a newby. I'm not on here enough to read all the threads about different questions/suggestions, but I do try to encourage people.
I wish everyone success.0 -
Probably because so many topics have already been covered and worn out. Including this one.0
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The problem is, new posters NEVER use the search function to see if there is a thread on the topic already.
That's why we see the same things over and over and over again.
That would save a lot of annoying posts for long term users, and save a lot of snide remarks toward the new users.0 -
I'm with you. That being said, sometimes the OP gets a little too sensitive about replies, but that's a risk taken online (you can't read sarcasm, and whatever mood you're in when you read a statement like, "I think running is boring" it will reflect in the way you respond.) I think some people take things on here waaaay too seriously and it makes it super tense when you genuinely need advice.0
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As for the comments regarding how other forums are just as bad, I've noticed that too, but every other forum I've ever been on was made up of mostly kids and teens. This is the first forum I've been on where the majority are adults, so I expected a lot more maturity and civility. But I guess you can't always expect people to act their age.
:laugh: I've been posting on pregnancy and parenting forums (so obviously adults) for the last 12 years and believe me, they aren't any better. Oh, the catfights and meltdowns I have witnessed!0 -
What I've seen in my time here is the people who want everyone to be nice and supportive regardless of the topic matter tend to be the ones with bad information. I can live with someone being snarky. What this site needs to guard against is people promoting dangerous, unhealthy diets and rehashing old weightloss myths.
If the nicest, sweetest, kindest person you ever met is telling you to eat 500 calories a day they are not doing you any favors. And while that big guy at the gym may look intimidating, he's probably the guy who can tell you a good workout for your quads.
I already have a mother who will tell me I'm a special little boy. I'm here to learn how to get in shape.0 -
Agreed. Much of the behaviour in this place is utterly disgusting. Some of it is lovely and compassionate
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Yes, finally! :flowerforyou:Finally someone says it! I totally agree!!0 -
420
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I absolutely agree with everything you said. Very well written 0
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Agree with BrettPGH completely, and I love the profile pic, too.
While I don't like rudeness for the sake of being rude, I'd really hate this forum to turn into a giant Hallmark card.
It's disingenuous when people offer nothing but support and encouragement. If you're starving yourself, I'm not going to root for you. I'm going to encourage you to rethink dieting and learn how to eat in a healthy, sustainable way. I'll be polite but firm.
I'd much rather have a diversity of opinions and ideas, even a few arguments (respectful arguments). Again, I don't like how unkind some people can be here, but those people are actually pretty rare. Support is great, and we need that. But disagreements can lead to understanding and compromise.0
This discussion has been closed.
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