Rant: MFP Forums.
Replies
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I know everyone has already said it, but I'll just add my voice, too. I've been thinking this same thing for the past month or so. It's almost completely out of control! It's become a joke. A while back I posted a recipe for only cupcakes, and I told my fiance that without a doubt, someone was going to post something negative sooner or later... and sure enough, after about 20 very kind responses someone goes, "That's a waste of energy. Why would you use your oven for only two cupcakes? Blah blah blah" Bahahaha, I mean COME ON. It's ridiculous how negative this forums have gotten. I've been avoiding them at all costs - but I clicked on your topic, because I had a feeling it was going to be about this very issue.
And I haven't gone through all your responses, but I'm sure you've got a couple of negative posts in here, too!0 -
Agreed! I never post anything unless it is positive. I'm not going to take time out of my day to tear others down when I could be building them up instead.0
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This, exactly.I think a lot of times, it can seem like someone is being "ganged up on" when a lot of people are posting similar things. But many times, people view anything that isn't sunshine and roses as "being mean."
I try really hard to not be mean, I try to respond to each thread thinking that the poster is completely new here... but sometimes people take it the wrong way anyway. There was a girl recently (past few weeks) who had posted several threads about how to lose body fat or how to look less muscular and bulky. When I told her that she didn't have much body fat to lose and that she was stressing unnecessarily over it, I was told I was rude. To me, that would be the equivalent if I was asking how to improve my running speed, and someone told me that I was already pretty darn fast. I wouldn't find that rude at all!
Some people have taken what I consider to be honest, kindly given advice, when they asked for advice, and then they turned around and complained that people were being "mean".
Bottom line... if all you want is a pat on the back, don't ask for advice. Advice means that you will get advised as to what others see as improvements that need to be made. If you don't like it, don't ask for it.0 -
I think a lot of times, it can seem like someone is being "ganged up on" when a lot of people are posting similar things. But many times, people view anything that isn't sunshine and roses as "being mean."
I try really hard to not be mean, I try to respond to each thread thinking that the poster is completely new here... but sometimes people take it the wrong way anyway. There was a girl recently (past few weeks) who had posted several threads about how to lose body fat or how to look less muscular and bulky. When I told her that she didn't have much body fat to lose and that she was stressing unnecessarily over it, I was told I was rude. To me, that would be the equivalent if I was asking how to improve my running speed, and someone told me that I was already pretty darn fast. I wouldn't find that rude at all!
I really can't imagine anyone calling you rude.0 -
I really hate it when people rant about other people and use the excuse that this place is for SUPPORT. Real support isn't being nice. Real support isn't patting someone on the back, or coddling them for doing something stupid. Real support IS telling someone the truth, whether they want to hear it or not.
I don't care what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. If you'd rather surround yourself with people who do nothing but pat you on the back and tell you how pretty you are, that's fine, but don't come crying to the rest of the board when you're stuck in a plateau even though all of your friends keep telling you how great you're doing.0 -
I really hate it when people rant about other people and use the excuse that this place is for SUPPORT. Real support isn't being nice. Real support isn't patting someone on the back, or coddling them for doing something stupid. Real support IS telling someone the truth, whether they want to hear it or not.
I don't care what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. If you'd rather surround yourself with people who do nothing but pat you on the back and tell you how pretty you are, that's fine, but don't come crying to the rest of the board when you're stuck in a plateau even though all of your friends keep telling you how great you're doing.
QFT0 -
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These forums are supposed to be for HELP and SUPPORT. Yet I keep seeing snide, sarcastic remarks over and over again and they are just not helpful in the least.
Amen Sister
Well said, totally agree! :flowerforyou:0 -
ThisI really hate it when people rant about other people and use the excuse that this place is for SUPPORT. Real support isn't being nice. Real support isn't patting someone on the back, or coddling them for doing something stupid. Real support IS telling someone the truth, whether they want to hear it or not.
I don't care what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. If you'd rather surround yourself with people who do nothing but pat you on the back and tell you how pretty you are, that's fine, but don't come crying to the rest of the board when you're stuck in a plateau even though all of your friends keep telling you how great you're doing.0 -
Agree with BrettPGH completely, and I love the profile pic, too.
While I don't like rudeness for the sake of being rude, I'd really hate this forum to turn into a giant Hallmark card.
It's disingenuous when people offer nothing but support and encouragement. If you're starving yourself, I'm not going to root for you. I'm going to encourage you to rethink dieting and learn how to eat in a healthy, sustainable way. I'll be polite but firm.
I'd much rather have a diversity of opinions and ideas, even a few arguments (respectful arguments). Again, I don't like how unkind some people can be here, but those people are actually pretty rare. Support is great, and we need that. But disagreements can lead to understanding and compromise.
Well said!!0 -
...So, here's an idea, if you're not going to be PATIENT, understanding, and supportive, just don't post at all. Don't even read the topic. Plain and simple...
It's like this golden rule of life that has been around for ages and crazy how it's still so unknown by millions... Seriously though, you tell 'em!
This is suppose to be a safe place for all of us wanting to make a serious change in our lives... we see people here with amazing success stories and sometimes just need help getting up there as well.
If you want to be a part of it, be apart of the solution, not the problem0 -
Yes I totoally agree with the original posting. I posted a topic a little while ago and immediately it was jumped upon and turned into a debate, that wasn't the point, I'd simply posted my experience and made no judgement about anyone else.
I think a name and shame area would sort some of these people out!0 -
I understand your upset and want a place to rant about these things but is this really the place. Your welcome to rant and everything else please I enjoy reading a good well thought out rant but how does this motivate me? I would rather read this in the chit chat section of the forums and be glad to take it as what it is. I come to this section of the forums for motivation and support not for complaints about what others are doing wrong.
I’m not rude on these forums at lets I try to be thoughtful in my reply and I’m sorry that you seem to have ran into a lot of people like that but it’s the internet.
I don’t agree with your location of the post enough to reply on the subject matter more than that but you can feel free to add me as a friend as there are no hard feelings or backlash within my comments just being honest.
For motivation you guys are great the community is awesome and MFP is a great site. Keep up the hard work everyone and together we shall all each our goals. (or some crap like that lol )0 -
I agree with this mostly.
I did come here with some previous experience with internet forums. I didn't read any of the stickies b/c that is just boring. I DO read a lot of current posts on topics I am interested in. I don't search for old threads usually. If I do and there isn't a very recent one I might go ahead and post. Why? I want more recent, perhaps more relevant, advice on my issue. Or I might not search at all. And I think that is fine. After all don't people always say, "Every person and situation is different." Then why shouldn't I get an individual response instead of spending hours looking at old threads trying find one that is kind of like mine?
Also, lets face it folks, if everyone looked for old posts like theirs and didn't post well there wouldn't be that many posts. Every new topic can be a new opportunity for a diverse discussion. Sometimes the questions get very repetitive but if its boring you, just don't read it.
That said I don't post topics very much b/c I am aware that is the world wide web and that anyone can say anything they want.
Finally I will say I do find MFP more supportive than the majority of internet forums, but it should be b/c it's a forum for SUPPORT and MOTIVATION.
All in all I like it here, but I suppose it might be more problematic for people who are new to forums.0 -
There are always extremes on the forums, from overly sensitive people to super critical people. For every rude/insensitive comment you will probably have 100 reasonable/helpful ones.
To have support is wonderful but to have advice from others who have been there, done that, and made it, is priceless and in amongst all the other comments are always nuggets of gold.
My advice to any poster is to look for the nuggets and just ignore the crap. :flowerforyou:0 -
People getting butt hurt by internetz make me 'lol'!
For example "Ha! Ha! Ha!"
Thanks for the laughs internetz.0 -
I really hate it when people rant about other people and use the excuse that this place is for SUPPORT. Real support isn't being nice. Real support IS telling someone the truth, whether they want to hear it or not.
Ahhh, and I suppose it is totally impossible to tell someone the truth in a courteous way?I don't care what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. If you'd rather surround yourself with people who do nothing but pat you on the back and tell you how pretty you are, that's fine, but don't come crying to the rest of the board when you're stuck in a plateau even though all of your friends keep telling you how great you're doing.
So it's either a pat on the back or being an a-hole? No in between? Seems a little extremist.
I have said this again and again, it's not about WHAT you say, it's about HOW. Let's go back to the ED example. When you see someone starving themselves to lose weight, there's the approach of
"Wow, really? 300 cals a day? Have fun being a skinny fat and dying young from heart failure, you moron."
OR you can say
"Hey, what you're doing is very dangerous because ______. In my experience, _______ is much more effective and healthier way to lose weight. If you're willing to try this and want some help or advice, feel free to add/message me."
While both are true in some way, which one do you think is really going to be more helpful? AGAIN, it's HOW, not WHAT.I understand your upset and want a place to rant about these things but is this really the place. Your welcome to rant and everything else please I enjoy reading a good well thought out rant but how does this motivate me? I would rather read this in the chit chat section of the forums and be glad to take it as what it is. I come to this section of the forums for motivation and support not for complaints about what others are doing wrong.
I’m not rude on these forums at lets I try to be thoughtful in my reply and I’m sorry that you seem to have ran into a lot of people like that but it’s the internet.
I don’t agree with your location of the post enough to reply on the subject matter more than that but you can feel free to add me as a friend as there are no hard feelings or backlash within my comments just being honest.
For motivation you guys are great the community is awesome and MFP is a great site. Keep up the hard work everyone and together we shall all each our goals. (or some crap like that lol )
I posted it here as a reminder to what people on these forums need. Despite the title, this IS more than just a rant. I want some of the people on this board to be more accountable for their words and realize that on the end of the screen there is a REAL person with REAL feelings that might not have any where else to go for support.
Some might call it being overly sensitive or not having thick skin, but I think it's sad that in a community like this where people are so vulnerable as it is, they should have to "toughen up" because some simply refuse to choose their words more wisely.
And AGAIN, you DO NOT have to agree with someone in order to be nice. I've seen a lot of wonderful examples of people posting an opposing view as the OP in a polite manner, and it's comments worded in THAT manner that the OP is more likely to take into consideration and listen to.0 -
Probably because so many topics have already been covered and worn out. Including this one.
Then clearly it's still a problem (: Maybe if everyone would sit back, relax, and drink some chamomile tea before logging on to the forums, there wouldn't be a need for so many topics like this one
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Actually, I've been disappointed lately that the forums are so filled with inane advice, people who want to insult others who don't do it like they (I'm thinking of you Ms. Cardio not-a-cousin-of-the-incredible-hulk-lady), and with tired, overdone bits of new realizations: when a and if to have a protein shake, what weighs more, a pound is a pound, the is for SUPPORT, and inane relationship advice.
It makes me glad I've been here long enough to become friends with a good portion of the smart, funny and truly supportive people. They kick my butt when I'm slacking, can give reliably good advice when I ask, and are witty and smart. If I were new here and had to contend with the stupidity on the forums, I'd go somewhere else. Special snowflakes get on my nerves.
But fine, OP, "Way to Go!!!"0 -
Of course there are some negative responses. There are four pages of responses from lots of different people.I know everyone has already said it, but I'll just add my voice, too. I've been thinking this same thing for the past month or so. It's almost completely out of control! It's become a joke. A while back I posted a recipe for only cupcakes, and I told my fiance that without a doubt, someone was going to post something negative sooner or later... and sure enough, after about 20 very kind responses someone goes, "That's a waste of energy. Why would you use your oven for only two cupcakes? Blah blah blah" Bahahaha, I mean COME ON. It's ridiculous how negative this forums have gotten. I've been avoiding them at all costs - but I clicked on your topic, because I had a feeling it was going to be about this very issue.
And I haven't gone through all your responses, but I'm sure you've got a couple of negative posts in here, too!
Your post illustrates a big problem with this issue: what you choose to focus on. Your cupcake recipe post had TWENTY "very kind responses." Then a negative response.
Which response are you focusing on? Which response were you looking for when you posted? (you announced it to your fiance). You had a 20:1 ratio of positive to negative responses. Which response is taking up your energy? How many of the positive responses have you referenced in other threads?
I don't understand the time and energy devoted to cultivating hurt feelings. And I carefully chose that word. I see people put in effort and planning in order to have to their feelings hurt.
Who cares if someone doesn't like your use of your oven? Who cares if someone doesn't agree with your diet choices? Are they attacking you? Calling your names? If so, report their post to a moderator. If not, ignore them and move on. Are there people that are supporting you? Yes? Thank them. Focus on them.
If you can't see past the anything-disagreeing-is-attacking then just ignore anyone who disagrees with you. You may not learn anything, but you won't get your feelings hurt so much. And we might have fewer of these threads.0 -
Sun 03/25/12 08:21 PMActually, I've been disappointed lately that the forums are so filled with inane advice, people who want to insult others who don't do it like they (I'm thinking of you Ms. Cardio not-a-cousin-of-the-incredible-hulk-lady), and with tired, overdone bits of new realizations: when a and if to have a protein shake, what weighs more, a pound is a pound, the is for SUPPORT, and inane relationship advice.
Of course there are some negative responses. There are four pages of responses from lots of different people.I know everyone has already said it, but I'll just add my voice, too. I've been thinking this same thing for the past month or so. It's almost completely out of control! It's become a joke. A while back I posted a recipe for only cupcakes, and I told my fiance that without a doubt, someone was going to post something negative sooner or later... and sure enough, after about 20 very kind responses someone goes, "That's a waste of energy. Why would you use your oven for only two cupcakes? Blah blah blah" Bahahaha, I mean COME ON. It's ridiculous how negative this forums have gotten. I've been avoiding them at all costs - but I clicked on your topic, because I had a feeling it was going to be about this very issue.
And I haven't gone through all your responses, but I'm sure you've got a couple of negative posts in here, too!
Your post illustrates a big problem with this issue: what you choose to focus on. Your cupcake recipe post had TWENTY "very kind responses." Then a negative response.
Which response are you focusing on? Which response were you looking for when you posted? (you announced it to your fiance). You had a 20:1 ratio of positive to negative responses. Which response is taking up your energy? How many of the positive responses have you referenced in other threads?
I don't understand the time and energy devoted to cultivating hurt feelings. And I carefully chose that word. I see people put in effort and planning in order to have to their feelings hurt.
Who cares if someone doesn't like your use of your oven? Who cares if someone doesn't agree with your diet choices? Are they attacking you? Calling your names? If so, report their post to a moderator. If not, ignore them and move on. Are there people that are supporting you? Yes? Thank them. Focus on them.
If you can't see past the anything-disagreeing-is-attacking then just ignore anyone who disagrees with you. You may not learn anything, but you won't get your feelings hurt so much. And we might have fewer of these threads.
It makes me glad I've been here long enough to become friends with a good portion of the smart, funny and truly supportive people. They kick my butt when I'm slacking, can give reliably good advice when I ask, and are witty and smart. If I were new here and had to contend with the stupidity on the forums, I'd go somewhere else. Special snowflakes get on my nerves.
But fine, OP, "Way to Go!!!"
Both of these are right on. No matter where you are or what you are doing, someone is going to be negative, and more people are going to be positive. What you choose to focus on is on you, not the rest of us. I have some awesome friends on here. I also know that there are some people on here that I generally choose to ignore. Some of the time though, even the people I choose to ignore most of the time do give good advice or make me laugh. You get what you want out of this site. If there are people on this site that make you feel bad or you need a more sheltered place to gather on this site, the groups are a wonderful part of this forum where you can find rainbows and lollipops groups where you can block the people you don't like.0 -
This is how I look at it.....There are always going to be rude people and *kitten* that come across our path in life and I CHOOSE to not let it bother me!!! I really could give two ****s what some stranger a few hundred miles away says to me in an internet forum. That is the problem these days; everyone is so damn sensitive and whiney!! Not to mention the fact that so many people lack the understanding of sarcasm (I've become totally aware of this since joining MFP). We are adults, time to put on the big girl panties and suck it up.
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Thanks for expressing this. MFP is a great tool but I don't see myself as ever participating in the forums because of the hostility I faced when trying to be helpful. Life is just too short.0
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You've just described every internet forum I have ever posted on
My advice would be for the newbies to lurk for a couple of weeks at least to get a feel for the atmosphere, see the topics posted, and have a chance to research previous threads that apply to them.
Exactly!
I never lurk. I just jump straight in. I take my newbie beating, stick it out, and eventually settle in.
But, if you don't want to get a newbie beat-down, best to lurk a bit.0 -
I find it is somewhat ironic that, on a site where a lot of the people who are members have probably suffered that gut wrenching feeling you get when someone is cruel about your weight and see yet another little bit of their self esteem get chipped away, so many people are willing to snipe, jibe and demorallise others.
Whilst few of us are real medical/psychological experts - the one thing we all have in common (and have "qualified"in) is weight-related issues/hang ups and prejudice - we should be more understanding of one another and pool our shared experiences rather than try to score cheap points - we were all newbies on here once - we're not all Einsteins and I imagine very few of us are deliberately trying to annoy people with our (yes) sometimes obvious questions.
Remember, most of us are staggering around in a sea of information overload, pitifully pouring over our computers trying to figure out what to do - it can be isolating enough without others piling on their angst and veiled accusations of inadequacy.
Treat people as you would want to be treated (whether as someone who needs to lose weight, is losing weight, has plateau'd or has hit goal and is trying to maintain) None of us are perfect - that's what makes us ALL fab!!0 -
I like what you said for the most part, but I can say the "tough" love isn't going to send me to some random pro-ana site. Some things I've read may cause a trigger and make me not want to eat temporarily (like for an hour, not days like in my past).
People are people...0 -
Some people just enjoy being bullies and making other people feel small and insignificant. If a person doesn't have a reasonably intellegent, factually based or personally based response that is helpful...then just don't participate in that thread. It is not mandatory to respond to everything. Do unto others...0
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I strongly urge anyone who finds themselves getting upset to use the "Ignore User" button.
Sometimes it's fun to get into a little bit of a flame war. But, if you're being "triggered" then IGNORE USER IS YOUR FRIEND. If you want, say "Your posts upset me. I'm putting you on ignore." Then, do it. You'll get the last word and go on with your life.
Also, find or start a group that attracts like-minded people and do most of your posting there.0 -
I've actually been wondering about this! Is there such a thing and where is it? I have no desire to surround myself with like minded people. I am open minded but I do have a very low tolerance for d-bags. It would just be nice to weed out some of the trolls. Also, what happens if their posts get quoted by another user?I strongly urge anyone who finds themselves getting upset to use the "Ignore User" button.
Sometimes it's fun to get into a little bit of a flame war. But, if you're being "triggered" then IGNORE USER IS YOUR FRIEND. If you want, say "Your posts upset me. I'm putting you on ignore." Then, do it. You'll get the last word and go on with your life.
Also, find or start a group that attracts like-minded people and do most of your posting there.0 -
Maybe I don't read enough of the threads but I've been pleasantly surprised by the general civility here. There are people with strong opinions (myself included) and I am one of the ones that think support can, at times , include information the OP may not want to hear.
Want to see snarky.......go to a scuba forum and tell them that you're open water certified and just dived to 250 feet on air! :laugh:0 -
I've actually been wondering about this! Is there such a thing and where is it? I have no desire to surround myself with like minded people. I am open minded but I do have a very low tolerance for d-bags. It would just be nice to weed out some of the trolls. Also, what happens if their posts get quoted by another user?I strongly urge anyone who finds themselves getting upset to use the "Ignore User" button.
Sometimes it's fun to get into a little bit of a flame war. But, if you're being "triggered" then IGNORE USER IS YOUR FRIEND. If you want, say "Your posts upset me. I'm putting you on ignore." Then, do it. You'll get the last word and go on with your life.
Also, find or start a group that attracts like-minded people and do most of your posting there.
To "ignore" a poster in the forums, click the little arrow next to their name in the forums. A drop-down menu appears. Click "Ignore".
Yes, you will be able to see a quoted post. And you can un-ignore in the future.0
This discussion has been closed.
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