Would this make you angry?

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Replies

  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    I understand why it makes you angry. All you want is for your mom to say "Wow, honey, you're doing SUCH a good job and I'm SO proud of you." But it's really frustrating when all she does is critique you and worry about you. You just wish she would stop worrying and just let you be an adult and be proud of you. If you mess up sometimes she should be able to just shrug and say "Well, we all mess up sometimes," and not feel like she needs to coddle you or give you advice or correct you or worry about you. You're an adult and can do things on your own and messing up is a part of that.

    Okay.... well maybe I'm talking about my mom a bit there. But I really think I understand what you mean. You don't want her criticism, you want her to be proud of you.

    That said. I also kinda get where our moms are coming from too. It's hard to just be positive all the time when you just love your little girl so much and just want to be there for her all the time and protect her and make sure she's happy and healthy and living life to the fullest. It's hard to just let go, I guess. Maybe I'll understand better when I have a little girl of my own. :P
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    I think she told you to stop being obsessive because you're being obsessive.

    You ate some brownies. You'll be fine. Like you said you workout 4 or 5 days a week. You can have a treat every now and then. Even brownies. That's all she was saying.

    Deep breaths. You'll be ok. Please don't lash out at your mother.
  • LuckyAng
    LuckyAng Posts: 1,173 Member
    *shrug* I guess it's better than making you feel like you need to be thinner.
  • Wendysworld13
    Wendysworld13 Posts: 225 Member
    SO THIS. You are so lucky. Love her!
  • SueStubbs
    SueStubbs Posts: 17
    In a way she is right. I love ice cream and choc but i know it doesnt take much to put weight back on. So ive found ways to have brownies, candy bars and ice cream. Like skinny cow has ice cream and candy bars. And fiber one has brownies.
  • dakitten2
    dakitten2 Posts: 888 Member
    Food = Love = Mothers

    We moms are famous from day 1 about wanting a healthy happy baby. It never stops. Doesnt matter how old you get. If you were looking for an admonishment from your Mom, I would say "not likely to happen". Because our daughters/sons are beautiful in our eyes and soul. My dad is my biggest cheerleading, but he never says dont eat this or eat that instead. He says, keep on doing whatever you're doing, cause you're doing something right.

    So dont give Mom a hard time and realize her statement really did come from love.
  • stacymama5
    stacymama5 Posts: 391 Member
    I have had the same kind of problem except it was my husband who know that I get OCD about things. BUT, yesterday we were at my daughters and I overheard him telling my daughter "she has been trying real hard to lose weight and she is really doing a good job". So I guess as long as I don't say to much and trudge on, he is really noticing and doesn't think I'm being too obsessive.
  • AmoreCouture
    AmoreCouture Posts: 255 Member
    It wouldn't make me angry. It sounds like she is just being a concerned mother. My mom tries to compete with me and scolds me. It drives me nuts. She has always been overweight and doesn't exercise, but she thinks she's in good shape for her age, and she is not. At all. She will say she is in better shape than me and she's not, or she will say something about my hips being too chunky, or my butt, basically just picking. She eats junk food all the time, but if she sees me eat something less than healthy she will say "That will make you fat." or something to that effect. This is just how she is because I have caught her doing it with other people. She will say this about her friends "So and so has more wrinkles than me even though I'm older." or "I am much more in shape than____." Sadly my sister ended up just like her. They both pick other people apart, and glorify themselves in comparison when it comes down to appearance. Both are overweight and unhealthy.

    EDIT: Sorry for my little mini rant. lol
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    what a lovely mum

    give her a hug

    I agree - and no dont beat yourself up, it is ok to indulge every now and again. It is when you feel deprived you ended up hurting yourself more.
  • Kwiz01
    Kwiz01 Posts: 13
    This is very deepseeded. Try to stay focused on your goal, mom's will be mom's and they sometimes (all the time if your talking about mine), knock down when they are trying to encourage at the same time. It's frustrating because we really can't tell them or show them our anger out of fear that we hurt feelings. Be true to yourself because when you look in that mirror that is the only person looking back and really the only person that is going to make the difference that you need. Wow, long winded, hope you don't mind. Keep with it and do it.
  • b3kah5
    b3kah5 Posts: 280 Member
    It sounds like you feel she is not being supportive of your weight loss journey and that is what makes you mad. You are doing really well. Keep it up.
  • clnew
    clnew Posts: 2 Member
    Its a challenge to stay with things when others are not on board with you. The thing is to take the criticisms - good or bad and keep up with what your doing. You will be your own road block. Dont let others get in your head and influence you. And if you stop now I will come and kick your but at BBall again!!!!
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
    Their is only one option, the choice is clear. She must die.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    I think that was a very loving and caring statement from your mother. She wasn't telling you to stop but encouraging to treat yourself and not stress over it.

    My mom has always nagged at me about my weight, if she ever once encouraged me to be happy and not to work so hard on trying to be thin... well I don't know what I would do!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Nope. Sounds like good advice.
  • jfl613
    jfl613 Posts: 71
    I was telling my mother about these fabulous yet horribly bad for you brownie things that a co-worker brought in, and I broke down and had two of them. I told her how good they were, but that I shouldn't have eaten them. Her response was this:

    A little goodness once in a while doesn’t hurt you…………..I worry about you sometimes, please don’t get so obsessed with your weight and working out that you don’t keep a balance. I love you………..mom

    Now I work out 4-6 times a week and do not keep a strict diet. Why does this make me angry??

    Speaking entirely for myself, when I feel guilty about eating something I know I shouldn't have eaten (usually an inappropriately large portion size), I tend to get miserable and angry with myself and sometimes take it out on those whom I love and love me the most. That's just me. :-)
  • EgyptianMushroom
    EgyptianMushroom Posts: 341 Member
    That's just how moms are. :flowerforyou:
  • JennedyJLD
    JennedyJLD Posts: 123 Member
    When I read that, without knowing your personal history with your mother, I simply see a concerned and loving mother. I'm not sure why you're angry about it, honestly, unless it's the implication that you are "obsessed" with weight. Do you have a history of disordered eating or over-exercising? Does your mother? If so, that probably goes part of the way to explaining why the comment burned you up somewhat.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I would hug her. I dont have a mom. In fact, there is almost no one older than me in my entire world LOL

    Balance is what helps you keep loving yourself throughout the whole process.

    Dont be mad.

    Be glad someone loves you, and that that someone is a smart person.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    It could be worse... you could have an overweight mother that harps on you about your weight...
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    My mom told me the same thing
    actually she told me to stop worrying so much and stop dieting cuz I look great and guys like a girl with curves
    I told her I was 5'3" and 174 lbs I was clinically obese and not happy with the way I look or feel
    and she won't listen cuz she's accepted the fact that she's chubby....and thinks we all should


    Ha! My mom just told me that working out won't help me get smaller because "You have big bones."

    Did she mean that the exact way she said it? Probably not. I think sometimes our friends & family want to reassure us that our past choices/lifestyle wasn't so bad, that we don't have to change. Maybe they are afraid that we are moving away from our lifestyle completely, when we are just trying to make changes to improve our health. And on your side of it, these reassurances might seem like ways to tie to your unhealthy lifestyle -- frustrating when you are trying to break free of those habits/actions.

    I know that often the people who should support you, or feel happy for you have trouble doing so, because they can only see you moving away from them. It's not that I was miserable before, it's just that I can do a little more, be a little more, live a little more. Eventually, they'll figure it out, that you are the same person, just one who is taking better care of their health -- I can feel it in my big bones.
  • LinzCurlyQ
    LinzCurlyQ Posts: 94 Member
    Thanks everyone for the posts and for reinforcing what a great mother I have. I know I have a great mother (I really wouldn't trade her for anything), but sometimes we just don't agree on everything (mostly food or exercise).

    That being said, all the replies to my OP made me think, "why did I post this topic?" At the time, I was upset. I guess I shouldn't have said angry because I use that word a little lighter than some I suppose. Someone sent me a private message that really made the light bulb go off. Her message was as follows:

    " I didn't want to post this publicly as everyone seemed to be so positive about how your mother wanted good things for you.

    Of course, that may be true. But it might be that on some level you experience her as frequently invalidating you, or not acknowledging your competance and ability to make good decisions for yourself. You may have wanted her to see your exericse and current diet as good things, that you were generally making good choices toward making your life better. And it might have seemed just a bit threatening when she seemed to imply it wasn't good for you, that eating a couple of brownies was a better choice.

    It didn't sound to me as though she was actually being supportive, and might even be inclined to be an enabler or to be someone who can, consciously or not, jeopardize your diet. I don't know if that's true, of course. I don't know your mother at all, or you either.

    But I have known people who've had similar reactions in such circumstances, and that's often the reason. If that's the case, you might want to mostly share your information, even innocuous seeming remarks about your slip-ups, with people you've found to be properly supportive in the past, perhaps on this site or perhaps friends of yours. I've found a lot of people don't sincerely support the weight-loss efforts of others, for their own reasons, and they can sometimes make it quite difficult, especially if we're vulnerable.

    Anyway, I wish you success. It sounds as though you've worked out a good program for yourself. And, next time, perhaps you might want to stop after the first brownie, if you can."

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