why do women tend to reject guys going in the militar

martin_chicago

i don't get it our we not allowed to be in a relationship
answer i get i don't wanna be left alone or not knowing if your ever coming back
don't get me wrong its tough i think but still
whats your opinion ladies?

AmberJslimsAWAY

Because of the uncertainty... In my opinion. I don't like being alone, I can't do long distance relationships, and if I were to be in a relationship with a military man (not going to happen) I'd be so worried he was cheating or whatever. It's the rep military guys get.

martin_chicago

a rep that wont go for all men

AlsDonkBoxSquat

It's a life decision to be a military spouse. You never know where you're going to end up next (to some extent), when they're on tour you don't see them for years at a time (God forbid, if at all again) depending on where they're going and what happens there. You're pretty much making the decision to be married and single all at the same time, and then if you have kids you're making the decision to be married and a single parent all at the same time.

It never stopped me for dating guys in the military, but I understand the hesitation.

AmberJslimsAWAY

a rep that wont go for all men

Doesn't matter. I can't speak for all women, but THAT is burned into my brain.

PapaverSomniferum

for every needy girl that can't stand the thought of being alone, there is a line of military groupies who love a man in uniform.

kapeluza

My husband was away for 2 years for basic training, 8 months of ptrp and 1 year of AIT. It was HARD but we made it work. Then there is the whole deployment portion of the deal that is really tough on family. Yes, it's hard on the soldier but sometimes, I think it's harder on the spouse and family having to deal with having their significant other going into combat and worrying about them 24/7 for 9-15 months.
It's hard to be in a relationship with a soldier. It can be done but both parties have to put in 100% of the the effort or it will not work. I don't think there are a lot of people out there that want to work that hard for a relationship.
Then I've also seen people marry while in AIT and they end up in different phase 2 AIT places and end up divorcing. It's hard.

Edit: All this being said, I wouldn't trade any of my experiences so far for anything. I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about military families. It can be done, people just have to have the guts to go through with it!

amdahwd

I was married to a soldier and wish I still had that lifestyle! However, most of the soldiers my age are married already. It is hard at times, but there are good tradeoffs for it too.

juliesummers

Because I would never want a boyfriend that I couldn't even spend time with and develop a life together with - side by side.

CharliSue

I always tended to avoid military men. Not because I dont want to be left alone if you are deployed but because of how silly women ( gold digging ho bags) throw themselves at Military guys for the wrong reasons. They want financial stability not the man himself. But I will admit that I think I have now fallen for a military man, that happens to be in another state. Long story short...if it's meant to be then it will happen. If she is the right one for you, she will love you regardless and stand by your side and support you.

martin_chicago

wow interesting look at things

lilRicki

Because they're a breed of their own. I worked on the base, half british, half canadian...and they were all the same...here for a good time not a long time. None of them considered where they were stationed "home" so they didn't respect the town in the same way they would their hometown...or the ladies in their stationed town. We are expected to uproot everything we know and follow you around the world. stress of you going overseas is way to much, and the fear of you never coming home. The military has the highest percentage of divorce rate out of any other group, next to truck drivers and oil rig workers. Post Traumatic Stress isn't something anyone should have to deal wilth, and the military sure doesn't compensate for it, so the wife is left to deal with it. There's tons of reasons why military is a bad idea...but I had to give it a whirl and see what it was like...so i picked a Canadian soldier that did communications on the front line...bad idea, to this day every time i hear a canadian soldier has been killed, i worry that it was him. My hats off to the ladies that marry soldiers, the men too, and coming from a millitary town I know a LOT of people that have married into the military...they're stronger than I am. I can't handle my significant other working in the oil patch, and he's only gone 9 days at a time, and home for 5.

Bahet

Rather than question why "women reject military guys" perhaps you should ask what kind of women you're attracted to. Needy, clingy, insecure women are not going to be able to handle it. Women who refuse to move away from their moms/family/friends aren't going to be able to handle it. Women who are strong, independent, and know that their mom/family/friends are only a phone call or Skype away are better suited to deal with the military lifestyle. Ditto women who instead of fretting over every little things, tend to just roll with the punches.

My husband was a military reservist when we met. It did worry me a bit that he might get deployed. After we got married he got a job working middle management at one of the big 3 auto companies. He worked 7 days/week 10-12 hours/day. I was married but still single as someone else put it. (No, not single as in dating. Just single as in alone a lot.) When we had kids it was the same way. It was hard. But we managed. Just because someone isn't military doesn't mean you'll be with them from 5pm - 7am every day.

In 2003 my husband was activated with the reserves and sent to Iraq. Aside from the worry over his safety that was actually easier than when he was working 76 hours/week. It might sound weird but it's true. The kids and I got onto a schedule and we just did what we had to do. I was able to IM with hubby and talk on the phone once a week or so. He was gone a total of 14 months.

These days he works for the government and spends 6 months a year in Afghanistan. Again, it sucks but we're a strong enough couple and family that we manage. Times have changed since 2003 though and now when he's gone he can call much more often and even has a phone number that is a stateside number so it's not like calling to/from another country but to/from another state. It makes for much clearer and cheaper calls. We can also Skype which is really nice.

We will have been married for 19 years next month. He'll likely be gone before then. If so then we'll still have only celebrated 14 actual anniversaries on the same continent. (Iraq 2003-2004, Kuwait 2006-2007, Afghanistan last year) But you just do what you have to do and keep moving forward.

I think a lot of people also only really look at the negatives. Yes, you move around a lot. If she has a career it can be really difficult to even maintain her professional status. I'm fortunate enough to work from home for my own business. My husband had an opportunity to work in Germany in 2009 for what was supposed to be 2-5 years. The kids and I moved there too. My business in done almost exclusively via email so location wasn't an issue. We were only able to stay in Germany for 1 1/2 years but we loved it. That's a huge perk of being in the military/the spouse of someone in the military. You get to live in places many people only dream of ever even visiting and if they do manage to get there it costs a lot of money. With the military you get to live there, really get to see what the people/culture/etc are like and the government pays you to do so. If you have kids it's even better. You get to literally give them the world.

Our boys went to 4th and 7th grades in Germany. During the 1 1/2 years we were there they visited 10 countries. When they are in school now studying world history they can say "Yes, I know about Anne Frank. I was in her house." or "I know about D-Day. We camped on the beach at Normandy with our boy scout troop." When learning European geography it's not just memorizing it's remembering. They know where Belgium, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Holland, Poland, Austria, etc are not because they memorized a map but because the have been there. Even without being military our lives have been a lot like that of a military family since 2003. The times apart suck. But being able to literally give your kids the world is absolutely priceless.

If I could do it all over again not only would I but I'd have encouraged hubby to become career military or even have gone that route myself. But it's all in the attitude. I got off that plane in Germany anxious to learn the culture and language and experience everything I could. I knew of some people though who were bound and determined to hate it before they ever set foot there. They were the ones who tended to live on base and never leave while complaining about how much they missed being home.

Moe4572

I was one of those girls that wouldn't even look at a guy in the military...........then I married one. For 8 years we were married, and he was gone ALOT of the time, BUT it made me realize how independent I could be--I never would have found that out otherwise. And, strangely enough, our marriage fell apart when he was on shore duty and home all the time. So, basically our marriage stayed strong while it did due to the time apart.

Bahet

i don't get it our we not allowed to be in a relationship
answer i get i don't wanna be left alone or not knowing if your ever coming back
don't get me wrong its tough i think but still
whats your opinion ladies?

OK, I realize I just typed a really long post but to summarize - if you want a relationship then look for one. You won't find it in a bar or if you are in her pants too fast. Get to know her and let her get to know you. Show her the good sides of the military life - paid world travel, if you are career military you get retirement pay immediately, it's much easier to find a good job after you retire from the military, etc. By being in a relationship/married to a military member she will get to see and do things she'd never have even dreamed of before.

kimbly71

I took my chances with a military dude although he was not military when we started dating. He went into the Army and was stationed at Ft. Carson in Colorado Springs, CO. THat was in September of 1997. We got married that December and I have never looked back. Our marriage (15 years in December) has been an adventure and I would not change a thing.

I will be honest, I really enjoy my alone time and have never had a problem with him going out of town. I DO, however, begin planning sleepovers and parties with my girls the minute I know he is leaving towm. The fact that we do not spend every second together is a big part of why our marriage has been a success.

In regards to the "cheating" rep that military guys have, I think it is BS. Cheating in military relationships is the same as it is in any other relationship. You have to find someone that is faithful...whether military or otherwise.

AggieLu

That's a broad generalization, Martin. Not all women are like that. True love conquers all.. distance, pain, separation.

CarolinaGirlinVA

My husband has been in the military for 22 years. I have been with him for nearly 14 of them. So I can't really say...

Trail_Addict

Because of the uncertainty... In my opinion. I don't like being alone, I can't do long distance relationships, and if I were to be in a relationship with a military man (not going to happen) I'd be so worried he was cheating or whatever. It's the rep military guys get.

Goes both ways. It's not always the soldier that does the cheating. Besides, that a personal matter for you to sort out, if you already expect the guy will cheat.

THINandFABULOUS

I think it depends on the individual. I wouldn't say all women tend to reject military men. I've dated someone in the Air force and we both made it work. He was busy with training and I would work and go to school full time but we still made time to get together. A couple of my other friends have dated or married a military guy and I can say that they're all happy in their relationships. Sure, it's not easy being with someone who may deploy at anytime and worry about their well being but it's all apart of it. I mean, nothing worth having ever comes easy- and if you want the relationship bad enough, then you'll make it work and stick with it.

I agree with Bahet and maybe you should reconsider the types of girls that you are dating. Needy, clingy women will prefer to be in a relationship where they have that close attachment to someone. Independent women who are busier and have a greater support system will be fine without having their significant other with them all the time.

The way I see it, is if you want it bad enough and you're willing to make it work, then you'll find a way. But, if you don't believe this relationship will work then you'll only see the negatives.


"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty". - Winston Churchill

Bahet

Because of the uncertainty... In my opinion. I don't like being alone, I can't do long distance relationships, and if I were to be in a relationship with a military man (not going to happen) I'd be so worried he was cheating or whatever. It's the rep military guys get.

Goes both ways. It's not always the soldier that does the cheating. Besides, that a personal matter for you to sort out, if you already expect the guy will cheat.

Gads I'm chatty in this thread! :laugh:

I totally forgot to address this one. Some mn cheat. Some don't. Some are in the military, some aren't. I think military men get a bad rep for being partiers and cheaters because as a demographic, for elisted especially, they are very young. You take some 18yo guy and put him in Europe where he can suddenly drink legally and coming from the much more puritanical states, they often go nuts with the partying and going out to bars and clubs.

It does also go both ways. I know a lot of military men who went off to Iraq or Afghanistan for a year and came home to find his wife was pregnant or the locks were changed or someone else's clothes were in his closet.

THINandFABULOUS

Because of the uncertainty... In my opinion. I don't like being alone, I can't do long distance relationships, and if I were to be in a relationship with a military man (not going to happen) I'd be so worried he was cheating or whatever. It's the rep military guys get.

Goes both ways. It's not always the soldier that does the cheating. Besides, that a personal matter for you to sort out, if you already expect the guy will cheat.

I agree. A relationship is a two way street. Women are just as capable of cheating.

LittleMissNerdy

I wouldn't say I'd never date someone who's being shipped off but it's a tough choice for both parties. I think you have to be a very strong person to be able to handle that type of relationship. IMO, at least she's being honest about it instead of saying "yes" and then being either unhappy or running around on you.

andreanicole686

for every needy girl that can't stand the thought of being alone, there is a line of military groupies who love a man in uniform.

Exactly. Last boyfriend I dated he was in the Army the whole time we dated. Didn't break up because of it. When he was overseas it was extremely stressful. It takes a strong woman to date a guy in the military vice versa.

catshark209

for every needy girl that can't stand the thought of being alone, there is a line of military groupies who love a man in uniform.

LOL YUP.
Its not easy being in a relationship with someone that won't be around constantly or that is able to have a "normal" relationship. Being a FD girl, I know it isn't the same as the military wives, but it sure is hard...

sculley

a rep that wont go for all men

If you would like my opinion dear I will be more than happy to give it to you. As you know I am active duty and married to active duty and I was once married to another active duty military. I do agree with you that NOT all men are what the reps are but honestly they are far and few in between.

Contrarian

I'm a pacifist.

_GlaDOS_

I tend to think there are plenty of women out there who will date someone in the military or planning on joining the military. I know plenty of women who have and would do it.

That said, I am not one of them. We all have things on our “dealbreaker” list. Being in the military or planning to join just happens to be on mine. Growing up in a military family I know that isn’t the kind of life I want for myself or for my children. It’s a personal preference, that’s all. I also won’t date a republican, a Christian, or someone who smokes. Preference.

BAMFMeredith

It's a life decision to be a military spouse. You never know where you're going to end up next (to some extent), when they're on tour you don't see them for years at a time (God forbid, if at all again) depending on where they're going and what happens there. You're pretty much making the decision to be married and single all at the same time, and then if you have kids you're making the decision to be married and a single parent all at the same time.

It never stopped me for dating guys in the military, but I understand the hesitation.

This. I just know that personally I can't commit to that lifestyle. It's just not the life I want for myself. I have absolutely nothing but respect for our servicemen and women (ok, the majority of them), and I have many friends who are military wives (there is are 2 military bases nearby), but for me I just couldn't do it. I have my own career and don't want to live every day knowing that I might have to pack up and move every couple years or whatever. I don't want to move my child around from city to city, and I have my own life here. There's nothing wrong or better with either choice, it's just not for me, so dating a man in the military is just not really an option for me.

sammi402

Some people weren't cut out to be military spouses. Other people were raised for it. I spent my whole life preparing to be a military wife (both my parents and most of my aunts/uncles, and half my cousins are military) or be in the military myself. Neither happened, but it wasn't for lack of trying. I do LOVE soldiers!!

The right person will come along. And with a job that hard, you don't want to be stuck with the wrong person.

LeslieMDoyle

I was active duty for 6 1/2 years, was married to an airman, and dated airmen after I divorced. Loved those years. If given the chance, I'd definitely date a military man again.