why do women tend to reject guys going in the militar

♥ChUbByCoyLe♥

My hubby was in the military and i worried every day about losing him, losing the close bond we have and the chance of him cheating or leaving me.

He injured his knee during training and got medically discharged. I was soooooooooooooooo happy!! (not about the injury)

Luckily, his knee is fine and he works close to home and i get to see him every day.

He still misses the army and talks about going back when his knee is fully recovered but i don't think i could cope with that again.

I believe (personally) that a military life is for single men.

Nicktemt

Some of the responses in this thread are disheartening. I'm away for weeks at a time. Thankfully it hasn't been a full year, yet. But the relationship I have with my fiancee is amazing. I trust her with all my heart, and she trusts me. There is always that fear of never coming back, but she knew that coming in to the relationship. It's more hard for me now, knowing that I have a baby on the way. We make it work. Not everyone is cut out to be a "Military Spouse." But the ones that are, are very very strong individuals.

BAMFMeredith

for every needy girl that can't stand the thought of being alone, there is a line of military groupies who love a man in uniform.

Yes, all of us who would not date a man in the military are needy and can't stand the thought of being alone. Right.

katemme

going INTO the military and a guy being already in the military are 2 different things. i think girls think of boot camp and tech school as being away for ever, when really its like ~6 months. a lot of times usually either party will break it off because it is too much time apart.

then once they are already in, they will attract the tag chasers and such (girls who like military guys for the benefits they get etc). and then they get married quickly, because that is the military culture, and the wife goes on to become an annoying martyr/military wife. usually.

i was a military spouse, i met him while we were both in the air force. my boyfriend i had before entering the military broke up with me because he thought it'd be too long and he couldn't handle it. he was a *kitten* anyway.

and plus when you leave, you don't know where you'll be stationed (unless you are guard or reserve) and they can't come with you unless they choose to or if you get married.

Tropical_Turtle

It takes a very secure, mature, trusting woman to date a military man. It is a lifestyle that not many are cut out for. Better to weed out the losers who cant hack it then find out shes doing some Jody while you are away.

I have dated military and I have friends who are military - I am proud of all of you that serve and protect, with that being said THANK YOU! (and just wait until you find a woman who truly deserves you and all you are striving to achieve)

katemme

for every needy girl that can't stand the thought of being alone, there is a line of military groupies who love a man in uniform.

Yes, all of us who would not date a man in the military are needy and can't stand the thought of being alone. Right.

they are called tag chasers, and they are still a needy group of women!

Annie_Oakley

Apparently, you've met the wrong woman...the right one is out there - fit just for you - and any military career you may find yourself in. Don't rush into a relationship though (ok so i sound like a mama....i AM) - I personally find the military an EXCELLENT choice (and a very attractive quality)- but that comes from my own personal experience. Half of my sons have intentions of being in the military - and I couldn't be more proud. Don't rush to find someone who will accept you and your military decision...anyone that has an issue with it isn't worth your heartache.

Sepheara

My husband is prior military. his best friend is still in. After seeing his friends wife ( a friend of mine) go crazy with worry listening to explosions in the background while on the phone with him, reading e-mails about how there were snakes in their living area, having him come home with some form of PTSD (can't do loud noises, can't do fireworks, has to febreeze everything, skin breaks out in a mad rash at any type of scenery similar to his deployment zone, etc), and having to move around and try to find a new job all the time because he's been reassigned, I'm pretty sure I can understand why some woman wouldn't want that.

However, they make it work wonderfully, and in a few years he'll be out and then I'm sure things will be a lot better.

BAMFMeredith

Rather than question why "women reject military guys" perhaps you should ask what kind of women you're attracted to. Needy, clingy, insecure women are not going to be able to handle it. Women who refuse to move away from their moms/family/friends aren't going to be able to handle it. Women who are strong, independent, and know that their mom/family/friends are only a phone call or Skype away are better suited to deal with the military lifestyle. Ditto women who instead of fretting over every little things, tend to just roll with the punches.

Guess I can't refer to myself as strong and independent anymore

greeneyedredneckangel

i am sorry that is just an excuse every male or female serving our country deserves someone to be there for them mentally emotionally an physically they need some one when they come home a woman that uses that excuse to me is a weak woman and a soldier does not need a weak woman Keep ur head up you will find a strong woman who will stand beside you even if it is half around the world this comes from me who has 4 very good friends that are like brothers that are spread all over in the service and they have strong women beside them keep your head up

ashlielinn

You're going after the wrong kind of women! I have the utmost respect for people in the military, and have dated many men in the military in the past, and have remained a very faithful friend to all of them!

tallen3687

i don't get it our we not allowed to be in a relationship
answer i get i don't wanna be left alone or not knowing if your ever coming back
don't get me wrong its tough i think but still
whats your opinion ladies?

OK, I realize I just typed a really long post but to summarize - if you want a relationship then look for one. You won't find it in a bar or if you are in her pants too fast. Get to know her and let her get to know you. Show her the good sides of the military life - paid world travel, if you are career military you get retirement pay immediately, it's much easier to find a good job after you retire from the military, etc. By being in a relationship/married to a military member she will get to see and do things she'd never have even dreamed of before.

I agree with this and your longer post 100%. You have said things I was thinking and too lazy to type!

BAMFMeredith

It appears that a common thread here is that those who are either in the military or are in a relationship with someone in the military seem to think that those of use who would not commit to that lifestyle are weak or co-dependent or something.

I've stated my reasons for not wanting that lifestyle. Has nothing to do with being needy, weak, or co-dependent. I even stated that neither lifestyle is better than the other. But apparently, since I wouldn't date a man in the military, I can't "cut it" and I'm not a strong enough person. Cool.

SwannySez

I just don't date guys.

amymrls

Rather than question why "women reject military guys" perhaps you should ask what kind of women you're attracted to. Needy, clingy, insecure women are not going to be able to handle it. Women who refuse to move away from their moms/family/friends aren't going to be able to handle it. Women who are strong, independent, and know that their mom/family/friends are only a phone call or Skype away are better suited to deal with the military lifestyle. Ditto women who instead of fretting over every little things, tend to just roll with the punches.

My husband was a military reservist when we met. It did worry me a bit that he might get deployed. After we got married he got a job working middle management at one of the big 3 auto companies. He worked 7 days/week 10-12 hours/day. I was married but still single as someone else put it. (No, not single as in dating. Just single as in alone a lot.) When we had kids it was the same way. It was hard. But we managed. Just because someone isn't military doesn't mean you'll be with them from 5pm - 7am every day.

In 2003 my husband was activated with the reserves and sent to Iraq. Aside from the worry over his safety that was actually easier than when he was working 76 hours/week. It might sound weird but it's true. The kids and I got onto a schedule and we just did what we had to do. I was able to IM with hubby and talk on the phone once a week or so. He was gone a total of 14 months.

These days he works for the government and spends 6 months a year in Afghanistan. Again, it sucks but we're a strong enough couple and family that we manage. Times have changed since 2003 though and now when he's gone he can call much more often and even has a phone number that is a stateside number so it's not like calling to/from another country but to/from another state. It makes for much clearer and cheaper calls. We can also Skype which is really nice.

We will have been married for 19 years next month. He'll likely be gone before then. If so then we'll still have only celebrated 14 actual anniversaries on the same continent. (Iraq 2003-2004, Kuwait 2006-2007, Afghanistan last year) But you just do what you have to do and keep moving forward.

I think a lot of people also only really look at the negatives. Yes, you move around a lot. If she has a career it can be really difficult to even maintain her professional status. I'm fortunate enough to work from home for my own business. My husband had an opportunity to work in Germany in 2009 for what was supposed to be 2-5 years. The kids and I moved there too. My business in done almost exclusively via email so location wasn't an issue. We were only able to stay in Germany for 1 1/2 years but we loved it. That's a huge perk of being in the military/the spouse of someone in the military. You get to live in places many people only dream of ever even visiting and if they do manage to get there it costs a lot of money. With the military you get to live there, really get to see what the people/culture/etc are like and the government pays you to do so. If you have kids it's even better. You get to literally give them the world.

Our boys went to 4th and 7th grades in Germany. During the 1 1/2 years we were there they visited 10 countries. When they are in school now studying world history they can say "Yes, I know about Anne Frank. I was in her house." or "I know about D-Day. We camped on the beach at Normandy with our boy scout troop." When learning European geography it's not just memorizing it's remembering. They know where Belgium, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Holland, Poland, Austria, etc are not because they memorized a map but because the have been there. Even without being military our lives have been a lot like that of a military family since 2003. The times apart suck. But being able to literally give your kids the world is absolutely priceless.

If I could do it all over again not only would I but I'd have encouraged hubby to become career military or even have gone that route myself. But it's all in the attitude. I got off that plane in Germany anxious to learn the culture and language and experience everything I could. I knew of some people though who were bound and determined to hate it before they ever set foot there. They were the ones who tended to live on base and never leave while complaining about how much they missed being home.

Exactly. My husband was in the NAVY when we married got out but we are going back. My husband is amazing. I think only needy girls would reject you because of that.

amymrls

I just don't date guys.

Don't lie....

BAMFMeredith

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

HA! I'm guessing you read the same Rolling Stone article I did...

AmberJslimsAWAY

Because of the uncertainty... In my opinion. I don't like being alone, I can't do long distance relationships, and if I were to be in a relationship with a military man (not going to happen) I'd be so worried he was cheating or whatever. It's the rep military guys get.

Goes both ways. It's not always the soldier that does the cheating. Besides, that a personal matter for you to sort out, if you already expect the guy will cheat.

Gads I'm chatty in this thread! :laugh:

I totally forgot to address this one. Some mn cheat. Some don't. Some are in the military, some aren't. I think military men get a bad rep for being partiers and cheaters because as a demographic, for elisted especially, they are very young. You take some 18yo guy and put him in Europe where he can suddenly drink legally and coming from the much more puritanical states, they often go nuts with the partying and going out to bars and clubs.

It does also go both ways. I know a lot of military men who went off to Iraq or Afghanistan for a year and came home to find his wife was pregnant or the locks were changed or someone else's clothes were in his closet.

This is why I said this was my opinion. I'm not arguing my point. I won't date a military man for my own reasons.

veganbaum

It appears that a common thread here is that those who are either in the military or are in a relationship with someone in the military seem to think that those of use who would not commit to that lifestyle are weak or co-dependent or something.

I've stated my reasons for not wanting that lifestyle. Has nothing to do with being needy, weak, or co-dependent. I even stated that neither lifestyle is better than the other. But apparently, since I wouldn't date a man in the military, I can't "cut it" and I'm not a strong enough person. Cool.

Indeed! "needy, clingy, weak, insecure" - hmmm, I wonder what people who are in the military/married to someone in the military think of civilians.

Grimmerick

experience...................just kidding. Well not really but that is only my experience lol

greeneyedredneckangel

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

HA! I'm guessing you read the same Rolling Stone article I did...

ask yourself this if a child who has a bomb strapped to him in a teddy bear and it is his intention his belief to walk into one of our schools here or walk onto a unit and it goes off what would you think then cause many children are born into a belief to be a human sacrifice for their country for their belief what would you do tell me cause those children grow up to be the ones who bomb our country where we lost so many on 911 and so many over seas instead of downing our men and women serving our country trying to protect it keep your damn mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

scubaangel

I think the problem is the lifestyle - out here on civvie street how many people can possibly understand what it's like to have your partner taken away for 6 or 12 months of the year? How it feels to be told not only where you're moving to but being told exactly what house you'll be living in, regardless of your circumstances or preferences.

God knows I find it hard and I'd been with my soldier for almost 4 years when he deployed last month. He thinks that the problems in our relationship came from his job, maybe the do/did, but we were lucky in that he spent 2 years in a non-deploying role and static role so we could settle in a privately rented home as we didn't marry (thank the lord for that at least).

The rep military men have for being players is simply due to putting a relatively large number of young fit people in one place and giving them enough money to enjoy themselves - at 24 my ex was taking home almost double the cash to play with that I had at the same age despite my earning almost twice his salary, amazing how much food and rent costs!

Of course since my ex deployed (and people in my real life don't know about the split) I've been hit on by three of the military men I work with, one married, one not but in a long term relationship, certainly its enough to put me off military men for the time being although the lifestyle in general suits me as I'm not and never have been the girl who needs her man around 24/7. Regardless I also feel that I have to be cautious about my own reputation - most people consider me an 'army wife' now that stereotype is just as damaging to relationships - because obviously all army wives get easy when their men deploy (apparently the motivation for the 3 who hit on me lately), I'm lucky my ex trusts/trusted me implicitly throughout our relationship but those wives who do screw around while their man is away do nothing to encourage military men in to monogamous relationships and so the cycle continues.

AmberJslimsAWAY

Indeed! "needy, clingy, weak, insecure" - hmmm, I wonder what people who are in the military/married to someone in the military think of civilians.

From personal experience, it's the opposite. Military men are USUALLY with needy, clingy, weak, insecure women.

SwannySez

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

This is a pitifully unscrupulous statement that speaks volumes about the poster while saying very little to the OP's query.

AmberJslimsAWAY

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

HA! I'm guessing you read the same Rolling Stone article I did...

ask yourself this if a child who has a bomb strapped to him in a teddy bear and it is his intention his belief to walk into one of our schools here or walk onto a unit and it goes off what would you think then cause many children are born into a belief to be a human sacrifice for their country for their belief what would you do tell me cause those children grow up to be the ones who bomb our country where we lost so many on 911 and so many over seas instead of downing our men and women serving our country trying to protect it keep your damn mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pretty confused about what this has to do with dating military men...

rml_16

i don't get it our we not allowed to be in a relationship
answer i get i don't wanna be left alone or not knowing if your ever coming back
don't get me wrong its tough i think but still
whats your opinion ladies?

I'm actually quite drawn to men in the military, so I have no answer for you.

Was in an on again/off again for 10 years with a Marine and the current BF is Navy Reserve.

SPNLuver83

i don't get it our we not allowed to be in a relationship
answer i get i don't wanna be left alone or not knowing if your ever coming back
don't get me wrong its tough i think but still
whats your opinion ladies?

Because of exactly why you said.... I think it's extremely courageous and honorable what military men sacrifice and do.... but at the same time, to be emotionally involved with one would be so scary and such an emotional roller coaster... it would take a very strong and patient woman to be able to handle that.

Contrarian

There are too many gross generalisations on both sides. Let's all step back and try to remember that we are all just nice people with opinions, and, for the most part, people do things with the best of intentions.

See? Pacifist.

veganbaum

Indeed! "needy, clingy, weak, insecure" - hmmm, I wonder what people who are in the military/married to someone in the military think of civilians.

From personal experience, it's the opposite. Military men are USUALLY with needy, clingy, weak, insecure women.

I guess they're projecting onto the rest of us.

DavetheHYNIC

Rather than question why "women reject military guys" perhaps you should ask what kind of women you're attracted to. Needy, clingy, insecure women are not going to be able to handle it. Women who refuse to move away from their moms/family/friends aren't going to be able to handle it. Women who are strong, independent, and know that their mom/family/friends are only a phone call or Skype away are better suited to deal with the military lifestyle. Ditto women who instead of fretting over every little things, tend to just roll with the punches.

My husband was a military reservist when we met. It did worry me a bit that he might get deployed. After we got married he got a job working middle management at one of the big 3 auto companies. He worked 7 days/week 10-12 hours/day. I was married but still single as someone else put it. (No, not single as in dating. Just single as in alone a lot.) When we had kids it was the same way. It was hard. But we managed. Just because someone isn't military doesn't mean you'll be with them from 5pm - 7am every day.

In 2003 my husband was activated with the reserves and sent to Iraq. Aside from the worry over his safety that was actually easier than when he was working 76 hours/week. It might sound weird but it's true. The kids and I got onto a schedule and we just did what we had to do. I was able to IM with hubby and talk on the phone once a week or so. He was gone a total of 14 months.

These days he works for the government and spends 6 months a year in Afghanistan. Again, it sucks but we're a strong enough couple and family that we manage. Times have changed since 2003 though and now when he's gone he can call much more often and even has a phone number that is a stateside number so it's not like calling to/from another country but to/from another state. It makes for much clearer and cheaper calls. We can also Skype which is really nice.

We will have been married for 19 years next month. He'll likely be gone before then. If so then we'll still have only celebrated 14 actual anniversaries on the same continent. (Iraq 2003-2004, Kuwait 2006-2007, Afghanistan last year) But you just do what you have to do and keep moving forward.

I think a lot of people also only really look at the negatives. Yes, you move around a lot. If she has a career it can be really difficult to even maintain her professional status. I'm fortunate enough to work from home for my own business. My husband had an opportunity to work in Germany in 2009 for what was supposed to be 2-5 years. The kids and I moved there too. My business in done almost exclusively via email so location wasn't an issue. We were only able to stay in Germany for 1 1/2 years but we loved it. That's a huge perk of being in the military/the spouse of someone in the military. You get to live in places many people only dream of ever even visiting and if they do manage to get there it costs a lot of money. With the military you get to live there, really get to see what the people/culture/etc are like and the government pays you to do so. If you have kids it's even better. You get to literally give them the world.

Our boys went to 4th and 7th grades in Germany. During the 1 1/2 years we were there they visited 10 countries. When they are in school now studying world history they can say "Yes, I know about Anne Frank. I was in her house." or "I know about D-Day. We camped on the beach at Normandy with our boy scout troop." When learning European geography it's not just memorizing it's remembering. They know where Belgium, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Holland, Poland, Austria, etc are not because they memorized a map but because the have been there. Even without being military our lives have been a lot like that of a military family since 2003. The times apart suck. But being able to literally give your kids the world is absolutely priceless.

If I could do it all over again not only would I but I'd have encouraged hubby to become career military or even have gone that route myself. But it's all in the attitude. I got off that plane in Germany anxious to learn the culture and language and experience everything I could. I knew of some people though who were bound and determined to hate it before they ever set foot there. They were the ones who tended to live on base and never leave while complaining about how much they missed being home.

I can't believe this person typed this much!! Just imagine some of her statuses!!!!

Oh yeah every dude I know in the military is a *kitten*, married or single.