why do women tend to reject guys going in the militar

rml_16

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

I would venture to say this particular poster has never spent much time with members of the United States Armed Forces.

greeneyedredneckangel

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

HA! I'm guessing you read the same Rolling Stone article I did...

ask yourself this if a child who has a bomb strapped to him in a teddy bear and it is his intention his belief to walk into one of our schools here or walk onto a unit and it goes off what would you think then cause many children are born into a belief to be a human sacrifice for their country for their belief what would you do tell me cause those children grow up to be the ones who bomb our country where we lost so many on 911 and so many over seas instead of downing our men and women serving our country trying to protect it keep your damn mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pretty confused about what this has to do with dating military men...

i just had to reply to that statement about the kids thing

galegetsthin

For me, It is because I am a borderline nymphomaniac and could NOT (would not) ever go that long without sex. Plain and simple. I am horny. I wanna screw. If you are in another country, I will have to screw someone else. I can't be a cheater. I have been many things, a cheater has never been one. I would actually enjoy the solitude and not having to worry about farting around someone else, but I need to be able to get to what I want, and if that is across town, that is ok....... More than an hour away, though, and I am gonna just drop you and go shopping in my LOCAL grocery stores.

DaniJeanine

For me, it's about me and my ability to handle it--not him. I know I wouldn't be able to take the uncertainty about his safety, when I will hear from him, see him, where he may get sent next...etc. I wouldn't be able to be happy or confident with that life. However, I have many friends that do live that life with their husbands and accept it 100%. It's really about the woman's ability to live it everyday. But they're out there!! So no worries :-)

BigDaddyBRC

Take it from a vet... It's not the uniform, it's the individual.

BAMFMeredith

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

HA! I'm guessing you read the same Rolling Stone article I did...

ask yourself this if a child who has a bomb strapped to him in a teddy bear and it is his intention his belief to walk into one of our schools here or walk onto a unit and it goes off what would you think then cause many children are born into a belief to be a human sacrifice for their country for their belief what would you do tell me cause those children grow up to be the ones who bomb our country where we lost so many on 911 and so many over seas instead of downing our men and women serving our country trying to protect it keep your damn mouth shut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#1. That was incredibly difficult to read.

#2. http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/the-kill-team-20110327 is what I was referring to. I realize that does not represent most people in the military, but nothing you can say to me can possibly justify this.


Edited to say: both my grandfathers served in the military (1 in WW2 and 1 in Korea), and my brother served in Desert Storm. I have many friends who are former marines. I respect most military men and women. I do NOT respect what the people involved in the various "kill teams" have done.

Bikini27

Because of the uncertainty... In my opinion. I don't like being alone, I can't do long distance relationships, and if I were to be in a relationship with a military man (not going to happen) I'd be so worried he was cheating or whatever. It's the rep military guys get.

Goes both ways. It's not always the soldier that does the cheating. Besides, that a personal matter for you to sort out, if you already expect the guy will cheat.

Gads I'm chatty in this thread! :laugh:

I totally forgot to address this one. Some mn cheat. Some don't. Some are in the military, some aren't. I think military men get a bad rep for being partiers and cheaters because as a demographic, for elisted especially, they are very young. You take some 18yo guy and put him in Europe where he can suddenly drink legally and coming from the much more puritanical states, they often go nuts with the partying and going out to bars and clubs.

It does also go both ways. I know a lot of military men who went off to Iraq or Afghanistan for a year and came home to find his wife was pregnant or the locks were changed or someone else's clothes were in his closet.

This.
I love a strong willed, determined man. And, if he's military or a fire fighter or a police officer or whatever he can be...so be it. I'm an independent woman and know how to take care of myself. If I can find a man that can go a few rounds with me and still want to jump into bed then awesome! All relationships have hardships, it's the people in the relationship who determine if it will fail or flourish.

whallvr

I would gladly date or become serious with a man in the military, I have no issues with it.
And I am a strong independent woman.

Nikkei24

I dunno but when i was sinlge I thought it was hot. What girl doesn't love a man in uniform? I would have dated a guy in the military.

That being said. I have a friend who is married to a guy in the air force and I see how tough it can be when he is gone for months at a time. (especially because they have a small daughter)

kristi_asco

lots of women won't date men who are going in the military because they don't think they'll be able to have any contact with them for long periods of time, or see them for months at a time. many women just don't want a long-distance relationship. some women are okay with it. they can be hard but sometimes they're worth it if it's the right person, so you just need to find her!

LishieFruit89

Not all of us reject guys in the military.

It has it's ups and down.
I dated a Marine who was in NC for his pre-deployment stuff and got cheated on.
But I dated a guy in the Army who was stuck in Afghanistan for months and everything was fine.

I've learned that for myself, I'd rather date a guy in the military.
Must run in the family (great gram married a Navy guy, gram's second husband is a retired Marine, mother is navy/af and married a navy guy)

You definitely have to have a different mind set to handle dating a guy in the military

WhisperALullaby

I know for myself it was the whole constant fear and worry aspect. I'm already a worrywart, and that would have made it so much worse. There are just so many factors and things to consider. Personally, I knew my limitations and that it wasn't a life I could live. I don't think this makes me a terrible person or anything, just one that knows her limits. Which made it very difficult for when I did fall for a military guy. We went our separate ways because of that. You've just got to find the one that fits for you and the lifestyle. Best of luck!

Bikini27

Something about killing kids probably isn't very attractive to most people.

I would venture to say this particular poster has never spent much time with members of the United States Armed Forces.

Amen to that.

CarlyRobbinsGilbert

I am concerned about the characterization of girls who choose not to date military men as "needy" or "clingy." I realize that it takes a lot of strength to deal with separation for any reason, but it's a conscious choice. At this point in my life, I'm ready for a family and I don't think the best interests of children are served by absent fathers or frequent relocation (to which I was subject) -- I'd rather be with someone who makes less money but is around and stable. I also understand that military ventures are sort of a cause for some guys, but it's a cause I really don't buy into personally.

Brevans04

It takes a secure woman to date/marry any man who is gone for a significant amount of time. My fiance use to work for Nascar and was gone 32 weeks out of the year bascially. Its hard to maintain a relationship when all you do it catch up on whats happening but never get to be apart of the "happening". You end up making different friends, and different lives. Him getting out of it was the best thing that ever happened, 1. because I go pregnant 2. We have a better relationship than we ever had spending more time together, and he gets to bond with hs son and I dont have to "fill him in" or skye with him every weekend. Hats off to the ladies that enjoy being a single parent because Im glad Im not.

chasityann32

my husband is an Airborne Ranger in the Army. Some women are to selfish, needy, clingy, jealous, and well, just aren't woman enough to handle being in a relationship or being married to a soldier....

AmberJslimsAWAY

For me, It is because I am a borderline nymphomaniac and could NOT (would not) ever go that long without sex. Plain and simple. I am horny. I wanna screw. If you are in another country, I will have to screw someone else. I can't be a cheater. I have been many things, a cheater has never been one. I would actually enjoy the solitude and not having to worry about farting around someone else, but I need to be able to get to what I want, and if that is across town, that is ok....... More than an hour away, though, and I am gonna just drop you and go shopping in my LOCAL grocery stores.

I completely agree with this also. I NEED sex. Need it. I crave it, I can't go that long without it...

lilRicki

Rather than question why "women reject military guys" perhaps you should ask what kind of women you're attracted to. Needy, clingy, insecure women are not going to be able to handle it. Women who refuse to move away from their moms/family/friends aren't going to be able to handle it. Women who are strong, independent, and know that their mom/family/friends are only a phone call or Skype away are better suited to deal with the military lifestyle. Ditto women who instead of fretting over every little things, tend to just roll with the punches.

My husband was a military reservist when we met. It did worry me a bit that he might get deployed. After we got married he got a job working middle management at one of the big 3 auto companies. He worked 7 days/week 10-12 hours/day. I was married but still single as someone else put it. (No, not single as in dating. Just single as in alone a lot.) When we had kids it was the same way. It was hard. But we managed. Just because someone isn't military doesn't mean you'll be with them from 5pm - 7am every day.

In 2003 my husband was activated with the reserves and sent to Iraq. Aside from the worry over his safety that was actually easier than when he was working 76 hours/week. It might sound weird but it's true. The kids and I got onto a schedule and we just did what we had to do. I was able to IM with hubby and talk on the phone once a week or so. He was gone a total of 14 months.

These days he works for the government and spends 6 months a year in Afghanistan. Again, it sucks but we're a strong enough couple and family that we manage. Times have changed since 2003 though and now when he's gone he can call much more often and even has a phone number that is a stateside number so it's not like calling to/from another country but to/from another state. It makes for much clearer and cheaper calls. We can also Skype which is really nice.

We will have been married for 19 years next month. He'll likely be gone before then. If so then we'll still have only celebrated 14 actual anniversaries on the same continent. (Iraq 2003-2004, Kuwait 2006-2007, Afghanistan last year) But you just do what you have to do and keep moving forward.

I think a lot of people also only really look at the negatives. Yes, you move around a lot. If she has a career it can be really difficult to even maintain her professional status. I'm fortunate enough to work from home for my own business. My husband had an opportunity to work in Germany in 2009 for what was supposed to be 2-5 years. The kids and I moved there too. My business in done almost exclusively via email so location wasn't an issue. We were only able to stay in Germany for 1 1/2 years but we loved it. That's a huge perk of being in the military/the spouse of someone in the military. You get to live in places many people only dream of ever even visiting and if they do manage to get there it costs a lot of money. With the military you get to live there, really get to see what the people/culture/etc are like and the government pays you to do so. If you have kids it's even better. You get to literally give them the world.

Our boys went to 4th and 7th grades in Germany. During the 1 1/2 years we were there they visited 10 countries. When they are in school now studying world history they can say "Yes, I know about Anne Frank. I was in her house." or "I know about D-Day. We camped on the beach at Normandy with our boy scout troop." When learning European geography it's not just memorizing it's remembering. They know where Belgium, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Holland, Poland, Austria, etc are not because they memorized a map but because the have been there. Even without being military our lives have been a lot like that of a military family since 2003. The times apart suck. But being able to literally give your kids the world is absolutely priceless.

If I could do it all over again not only would I but I'd have encouraged hubby to become career military or even have gone that route myself. But it's all in the attitude. I got off that plane in Germany anxious to learn the culture and language and experience everything I could. I knew of some people though who were bound and determined to hate it before they ever set foot there. They were the ones who tended to live on base and never leave while complaining about how much they missed being home.

this is an amazing answer...like i said, hats of to you my friend...you make the military proud

ewells2420

Because of the uncertainty... In my opinion. I don't like being alone, I can't do long distance relationships, and if I were to be in a relationship with a military man (not going to happen) I'd be so worried he was cheating or whatever. It's the rep military guys get.

Correction its a 'rep' that is given by people who have no idea what they are talking about. Having been in the Army Ive seen more woman cheat on the men then anything else while deployed. Woman dont want to commit to a military man because they are too weak to not cheat.

BAMFMeredith

my husband is an Airborne Ranger in the Army. Some women are to selfish, needy, clingy, jealous, and well, just aren't woman enough to handle being in a relationship or being married to a soldier....

You are so right, I am just not woman enough. Hit the nail on the head with that one.

Bentley2718

My husband was in the M.C. for the first four years we were together, so clearly I'm not in the category of women you are speaking about. Nonetheless, I can say that it isn't easy being with someone who gets moved around, is gone for weeks (exercises) or months (deployments) at a time. Plus all the B.S., like finding out whether you get to see family at Christmas a week before Christmas, because leave requests weren't granted in a reasonable period of time, etc..

I will say, if a woman thinks she can't deal with it, she probably can't, so you're better off not going there in the first place.

lilRicki

for every needy girl that can't stand the thought of being alone, there is a line of military groupies who love a man in uniform.

Yes, all of us who would not date a man in the military are needy and can't stand the thought of being alone. Right.

yeah i kind of got a little offended too...

Mallory0418

Indeed! "needy, clingy, weak, insecure" - hmmm, I wonder what people who are in the military/married to someone in the military think of civilians.

From personal experience, it's the opposite. Military men are USUALLY with needy, clingy, weak, insecure women.

Hmm...I am a military wife and have NEVER been considered any of those things. And I don't know any military wives that are. I usually don't take these posts to heart because, well, it's a forum full of people I don't know, so why waste the energy? But this comment pisses me off. I know "USUALLY" doesn't mean "ALL"... but USUALLY it takes a very strong woman to deal with being left behind and taking care of everything back home. Whether they have children or not. It's a lot to put on one person's shoulders. And on top of it all, you will go for an unknown amount of time without hearing from your SO. Not knowing if they are alive, in some cases. Dealing with that is just not possible for some people.

I was with my now husband before he joined the Navy. So when he made the decision to join, it was difficult, but it was his life. I wanted him to do what he needed to do. We did the long distance thing for about 2 years, only seeing eachother 4 times in those 2 years. Than we got married, and he had to leave again 3 days after our wedding. We didn't see eachother again until 8 months later.

This is not an easy life, but the alternative is not having him at all. I'm not saying that women who don't go for military men are weak, not at all. But being weak IS NOT an option for a military SO. Not if you're going to be with a military person for the long haul.

My 2 cents...

HollyAus

Well like most of the people on here I have to agre that the "sterotype" soilder is a partier/cheater. I for one think that comes from Hollywood and the movies and "reality" shows that are on TV. And DO NOT think it's true FYI! Men and women will cheat and being in the military has nothing to do with it. Either a person believes in staying faithful to a spouse or girl/boyfriend or they don't. That's it.
As for the ladies that don't want to be away from you... well I can understand that. The longest I have not seen my husband is a week, but we talked onthe phone everyday.
However, my husband was considering going into the airforce at one time and I was behind him 100% It's not just you that is "joining" the military but your family aswell. So if there is a girl that can't commit to that then it's not going to work.
Another thing is a "girlfriend" wont stay. The ONE who does... She should be something special, because even being seperated by miles doesn't do anything to make her leave. Don't worry about it too much. There are women out there that aren't bothered by you being in the military. Someone will love you for you and know that being a soldier is a big part of you and love you still.

And by the way: THANKY YOU for serving me and my family and everyone. Thank you so much! God Bless you!

Bikini27

My husband was in the M.C. for the first four years we were together, so clearly I'm not in the category of women you are speaking about. Nonetheless, I can say that it isn't easy being with someone who gets moved around, is gone for weeks (exercises) or months (deployments) at a time. Plus all the B.S., like finding out whether you get to see family at Christmas a week before Christmas, because leave requests weren't granted in a reasonable period of time, etc..

I will say, if a woman thinks she can't deal with it, she probably can't, so you're better off not going there in the first place.

This.
It isn't a character flaw in a man OR woman if they choose not to date a member of the military.
It isn't always easy, but there are some amazing experiences that few outside the military get to experience.
Having been married to the military and having had close friends and my family overseas fighting in wars? Nope, not easy. In fact, damn ****ing scary.
A woman/man is NOT WEAK or CLINGY for choosing to save themselves from this, although I would not skip past a wonderful person because of their choice to serve their country.

Laura80111

Well let's see....I have three sons that went into the military in a six month period in 2002

#1 Son had lots of female friends but no ONE special one. He felt like he didn't want to have someone at home waiting for him, he'd rather play the field. But during his last year in he met THE ONE and they carried on their courtship long distance through emails , phone calls and IM's during his final deployment and when he returned he proposed on the parade field. They have a very solid relationship because they were talking all the time.

#2 Son married his high school sweetie when he was home on his Christmas Exodus in the middle of his Basic Training. They were stationed in Belgium with NATO for several years and now he is in the Reserves...and 2.5 kiddos later....they love their military lifestyle.

#3 Son met his wife during his being stationed in Alabama and they got married the year after he got out, they are now living near us in Colorado.

Not all females are cut out to be military women...my sons did observe many of their friends that had less than good experiences...even being served divorce papers while deployed...so to you I would say...have patience and one day you will meet the right one.:flowerforyou:

AmberJslimsAWAY

Indeed! "needy, clingy, weak, insecure" - hmmm, I wonder what people who are in the military/married to someone in the military think of civilians.

From personal experience, it's the opposite. Military men are USUALLY with needy, clingy, weak, insecure women.

Hmm...I am a military wife and have NEVER been considered any of those things. And I don't know any military wives that are. I usually don't take these posts to heart because, well, it's a forum full of people I don't know, so why waste the energy? But this comment pisses me off. I know "USUALLY" doesn't mean "ALL"... but USUALLY it takes a very strong woman to deal with being left behind and taking care of everything back home. Whether they have children or not. It's a lot to put on one person's shoulders. And on top of it all, you will go for an unknown amount of time without hearing from your SO. Not knowing if they are alive, in some cases. Dealing with that is just not possible for some people.

I was with my now husband before he joined the Navy. So when he made the decision to join, it was difficult, but it was his life. I wanted him to do what he needed to do. We did the long distance thing for about 2 years, only seeing eachother 4 times in those 2 years. Than we got married, and he had to leave again 3 days after our wedding. We didn't see eachother again until 8 months later.

This is not an easy life, but the alternative is not having him at all. I'm not saying that women who don't go for military men are weak, not at all. But being weak IS NOT an option for a military SO. Not if you're going to be with a military person for the long haul.

My 2 cents...

we will just have to agree to disagree... Military wives I know just stay home, yes, you have to pay the bills, keep the house clean, blah blah blah, but it's not hard to be a SAHM. I've done it.

I understand the having to wait for someone also. Not hearing from them or whatever. My ex husband had a job where he was gone ALL the time. Granted I could call and text him, but he was away from home. He cheated.

When I said USUALLY I meant the people I know. And you're right, usually does not mean all. No need to get pissed off.

amymrls

I just don't date guys.

Don't lie....

...but this one time...at band camp...

bwahahaa

cushygal

I would def date a man in the military. While it would be difficult esp when they leave for a tour, but just imagine how great it is when they return home.

GoldspursX3

i don't get it our we not allowed to be in a relationship
answer i get i don't wanna be left alone or not knowing if your ever coming back
don't get me wrong its tough i think but still
whats your opinion ladies?

Not true bro....just have to find the right one. Been in the Army 11 years last month (joined at 17) and have never had a problem. I am engaged to an awesome girl, who I will marry on May 18th, and she knows exactly what she is getting into.