women doing the "work" while men stand around?

Sunscreenandsweat

When I first moved to Tennessee and guys were always getting doors for me it was so hard not to laugh because it was just weird. The first time my boyfriend at the time opened my car door I thought that was a little much I can open my own door. It's cool if you're about to walk in the door too and you want to open it for me but if you come to my side of the car to open the door that's too much. I work with all guys right now and they try to help me with heavy stuff and it annoys me, the only thing I really actually need a guys help with is if I can't reach something.

atsteele

Let's see....yesterday I worked 9 hours, came home and cut grass for two hours then came inside the house and washed dishes WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS FISHING all day...needless to say, I was a little more than pissed...and sometimes I seriously wonder why he is still around...sorry to be so negative but I have to ask myself-what happened to all the men? There used to be a time when men took care of yard work-are those days gone? I'd LOVE to hear that they are not and mine is an extreme case...

I don't mind mowing the lawn. I actually like it. And I love surprising my husband by doing the lawn for him. He is usually the man for that job. Now he is teaching our son to do it. So we sit on the deck with our ice teas and point out the spots that he's missing. Good times, good times.

jefflturn

It is a southern thing. The only way you will get any relief from this is by moving north of the Mason-Dixon line.

dry61ed

When I was single I did everything myself and am capable of doing everything myself still. I do appreciate when a man is kind enough to open a door for me, and I do the same for a man behind me. When I am obviously struggling to lift or do something and need assistance I appreciate some help from my husband or a man nearby, but otherwise I am fine doing things myself.

vmessyness

my partner is 6'3" and 250 with the shoulders and arms of a professional linebacker. i still feel i'm just as capable if not more so when it comes to lifting/hauling, and i am DEFINITELY more capable when it comes to flexibility and endurance. i love being strong, and i love being able to do what i want, when i want --no matter how folks look at me while doing it. i appreciate the fact that men are willing to help, i just don't want to be reliant on it!

vmessyness

also, i had forgotten about this until now but i was chastised by an older woman once because i held the door open for a man. i don't think i was able to contain the laughter.

faithstephenson

I don't honestly know what I would think if I saw these situations. I appreciate men being gentlemen by opening doors, etc. Not because they think women CAN'T do it, but because they shouldn't HAVE to do it. But, I know that I do a lot more heavy lifting now, as I see it as a way to get in exercise on days when I don't have time to go for a walk or something. Just this last weekend, we bought 8 bags of mulch for the garden, and my husband carried one to the back, and I told him politely, "thank you, but I want to carry these as exercise". Then a male friend came over, and he started asking if the bags were supposed to go to the back, and I told him "yes, but I'm using it as exercise, and I've already told my husband he can't do it." Both guys were just trying to be polite, and understood when I explained that I wanted to do it. I guess as an observer, if I saw a woman truly struggling and looking like she NEEDED help, and the men around her wouldn't offer, I would think they were jerks. But if she looked like she was handling it, I wouldn't.

supertracylynn

I have no problem getting in my exercise in other ways/places.

Too many of my years were spent trying to one-up my SO and trying to be less of the "weaker sex". Now when a man offers to treat me like a lady, someone who is worth the time and effort to carry purchases or open doors for me, I am more than happy to accept the offer. It is very much appreciated by me - it shows that he values me, not thinks I am incapable.

callmeBAM

being from NY...we have no experiences like this....we were in South Carolina getting a hotel once and a man opened the door for me...i found it so unusual i told my husband lol

Born and raised in North Carolina here. Lived in NY for two years and people acted very strange when I held doors, said please and thank you, waved... now all them Yanks are moving down here and our polite customs are being diluted. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friend down here that are from the North, but it saddens me when I see the culture I grew up in disappearing.

HotCuppaJo

The other day my husband and I were at home depot getting some supplies for the house/garden. I insisted on pushing the flatbed cart carrying all our lumber and soil around the store and then loading/unloading it into our truck....just to get a little bit of extra exercise in. Similarly at work, I tend to carry the large buckets of seawater from room to room instead of putting them on a cart. I realize this isn't much, but I figure every little bit helps. Additionally I'm stubborn and also well aware that I am able to do these things, so I don't see a need to have someone else do them for me.

The problem is that we definitely live in an area where women are treated as such: I've been called ma'am for at least 5 years now and I've never opened my own car door when my husband is around, let alone a door to a store when any male is present. So when I'm pushing around this heavy cart and obviously struggling and my husband is leisurely strolling ahead of me, we tend to get some dirty looks. My boss even scolded a male coworker for having me do all the heavy lifting one day, even though I insisted on it. These people giving us these looks or shaking their heads at us obviously don't know whats going on and just think my husband is being a jerk.

Curious if anyone else does this type of thing or experienced it? Or alternatively, if you saw one of the situations described above would you think the guy was being inconsiderate, or would you think something else (the woman didn't want someone doing things for her or she was trying to exercise)

WELL, I have to admint... I think it's sad that chivalry is dying out....so if I were to see that, I might think something in my head, but I would never shake my head or act rude... Who knows? Maybe he has a bad back and can't help? Honestly, though, male or female, if someone was struggling with carrying something and a friend/spouse was standing nearby doing NOTHING to help, I might wonder WHY. Lol

atsteele

There's a weird standard of logic where I live. Regular looking, able bodied folk hold the door for one another and just let it go in the face of the elderly and/or disadvantaged.

I went to eat lunch with my girlfriend the other day and this eldery woman (using a walker) comes to the door. Not one person comes to help her open the door and there were plenty of men AND women in there to do so. So I see her struggling with the door and I get up and help her. No biggie. I figure why not me? Ok, so she goes to leave, walks (did I mention she was using a walker?) right in front of everyone in the long line and would you think that someone in that line that was nearly out the door would go and open the door for her? Nope. (FYI - I opened the door for her.) But seriously, is it THAT important that you keep your place in line that you can't open a door for someone? And there were plenty of people sitting down by the door too. They just ignored her as well.

Dark_Roast

My husband mows the yard, but mainly because he is anal about it, and it looks really good when he's done. When I mow, I don't leave straight lines, and it usually looks like crap, but it's cut and thats all I care about. So, he does it.

I don't need him to open the door for me but he usually does, especially if we are at a formal event. Actually if we are all dressed up, he makes sure to tell me to stay in the car so he can open the door for me, Lol.

This topic makes me remember last week when I was at the pharmacy waiting for my medication. I had sat all day at work so I was standing up waiting. There are about 6 chairs in the waiting room, and about half of them are filled. Suddenly, this guy stands up and offers me his chair, and since he was kinda scary-skeevy looking I moved away from him and say No. I'm thinking that there are three other chairs I can sit in, if I wanted to sit I could BE sitting. A lady waiting in line looks at me in disgust and tells the man that I was rude and that he was very nice to offer me his chair. I'm like, WTH? There are other empty chairs, but I WANTED to stand. Ug, the whole thing left me irritated.

atsteele

being from NY...we have no experiences like this....we were in South Carolina getting a hotel once and a man opened the door for me...i found it so unusual i told my husband lol

Born and raised in North Carolina here. Lived in NY for two years and people acted very strange when I held doors, said please and thank you, waved... now all them Yanks are moving down here and our polite customs are being diluted. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of friend down here that are from the North, but it saddens me when I see the culture I grew up in disappearing.

I'm from the north and I can tell you that I've always opened doors for people, smiled and said "hello" to people on the sidewalk, waved at cars from my front steps, said thank you and please, etc. Basically, my parents raised me to have some manners. Some of us "Yanks" still have manners.

angryguy77

It's called feminism and it has killed shivery. Before people get all uptight, just think about it for a bit.

You're thinking of Feminazis, dear. Feminism, plain and simple, is the belief that the sexes should be equal and treated equally. If you believe that a woman should have the same respect as men, you're a feminist regardless of your gender. The people that scream that men are evil and condescending and should worship the ground women walk on because of how they've toiled over the centuries are just nutjobs who hate men for whatever reason and are just looking to hate.

Just think about it for a bit.

Feminism has blurred the lines of gender and this is the collateral damage that has resulted. I honestly feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do hold the door open for a woman because I fear that it looks like I'm implying the woman is somehow inferior. I think people should look at holding a door or chair for a women as a sign of respect, not an attempt to make the other sex feel inferior.

soccerella

So you were struggling and your husband decided it best not to help? Last time I checked it was respectful to offer assistance to a woman, especially if she is physically struggling. And yes, it is common courtesy to hold the door open for NOT ONLY WOMEN, but men. I am sorry you don't like to be respected.

That's not at all what I said and I think you may have read my post wrong or maybe I wasn't clear. He originally wanted to have the cart and everything, but I said I would do it. As I said in the post he always opens doors for me and carries things and is very gentlemanly. It just so happened that I didn't get to work out that day so I was using our shopping trip as a chance to get in a little more exercise

The post was more to see what other people thought if they were to witness a situation like that or if other people had experienced dirty looks and shaking heads if they had tried to do something similar because others assumed that the male was being rude when he really wasn't

LilGiselle21

Everytime we go out my SO pushes the stroller.....drive me insane im mommy and i want to do it but he's such a gentleman always hold door open for people. One time i remember we where coming out of a restaurant and this elderly couple was going in he walked back to open the door for them the woman looked at me and was like "they're still gentleman around, your so lucky" it was really the first time i paid attention then noticed my son (not his child hes been around since he was 3 1/2) who is only 6 does the same thing. When we go out I want to be in control i carry stuff all the time he is constantly trying to help but i dont let him. I dont think it bothers either one of us cause i carry stuff around the store and he carries it up 5 flights of stairs which im sure is no fun.

ElizabethRoad

I appreciate men being gentlemen by opening doors, etc. Not because they think women CAN'T do it, but because they shouldn't HAVE to do it.

But why shouldn't she have to do it?

I guess as an observer, if I saw a woman truly struggling and looking like she NEEDED help, and the men around her wouldn't offer, I would think they were jerks. But if she looked like she was handling it, I wouldn't.

Wouldn't the same apply to the women around her who weren't helping?

soccerella

Side note - I'm really surprised this topic has been resurrected since I posted it a month ago and no one cared then.

Carry on

Nanou1975

My husband will offer to help, but more often than not, I end up doing the yard work and all....but he's the one cleaning the house, doing dishes and the laundry, so it all ends well.

However, he does open the door for anyone walking in or out.

atsteele

When I grew up, that's how it worked ie men opening doors for ladies and carrying the heavy stuff for us. The other day I was walking up to the door of the school and not only did the man not hold the door for me but he let is slam in my face. Nice, eh?

Wow. That's awful.....I always hold doors......and have taught my 5YO son to do the same. It's only right.

HA!! My husband and I teach our boys to be "gentlemen" and hold the door open too!! It's really neat to see them do it without being told.

saragato

It's called feminism and it has killed shivery. Before people get all uptight, just think about it for a bit.

You're thinking of Feminazis, dear. Feminism, plain and simple, is the belief that the sexes should be equal and treated equally. If you believe that a woman should have the same respect as men, you're a feminist regardless of your gender. The people that scream that men are evil and condescending and should worship the ground women walk on because of how they've toiled over the centuries are just nutjobs who hate men for whatever reason and are just looking to hate.

Just think about it for a bit.

Feminism has blurred the lines of gender and this is the collateral damage that has resulted. I honestly feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do hold the door open for a woman because I fear that it looks like I'm implying the woman is somehow inferior. I think people should look at holding a door or chair for a women as a sign of respect, not an attempt to make the other sex feel inferior.

Again you're referring to what Feminazis have placed into brains, not feminism. Feminism is not gender-specific but Feminazis make it gender-specific and they have ruined most people's views of what Feminism truly is. Think of them as the KKK of women's rights.

If a woman gives you a sour look or harasses you about "I can open a door myself I'm not weak" then that is her problem. Being an independent woman doesn't mean that a polite gesture is a direct slight to your capability to breathe on your own or wipe your own *kitten*. I have men hold the door for me every day at the gym and I smile and say thank you, I do the same for them or anyone that's coming for the door that I've either just gone through or am close enough to grab the handle. I'm not old enough to really call back on "in my day" but I know when I was growing up those things were hammered into our little heads and they were called manners and they were what people SHOULD do because it was a good thing. And I'm generations past the huge feminazi movements.

Really though, there are people that are going to think stupid things and make others look bad. You shouldn't feel like you can't do something just because someone may or may not take some level of offense. If we all did that, we'd all be in a corner of our house eating couch stuffing. But again, feminism isn't ruining anything, it's the whack-jobs who have distorted that message of equality for all genders into "you must treat women in such and such a manner otherwise we will take offense, attack, and maybe even call it sexual discrimination or harassment." Those people just need their heads examined.

Zalovar

I support you 100%. In fact, I insist that my wife do all the heavy lifting and manual labor. Sometimes she grumbles a bit, but, after I forward your post to her, I'm sure she'll see that this is just an expression of my love for her and thank me tonight, after she gets the lawn mowed.

Well played, sir, well played.

LilRedRooster

It's called feminism and it has killed shivery. Before people get all uptight, just think about it for a bit.

I don't like shivering, so if feminism can kill that shivery, bring on the feminism.

christine24t

This is an interesting situation. I've never experienced it. But my thoughts are this and maybe I'll get flack for this: why not let the man be a man sometimes? Sure if you're alone, there is no reason to call your husband but why not let him do the pushing if he wants to? Or at least let him help you if you were clearly struggling? Or help steer the cart? Yeah it's an opportunity for other exercise, but is it really that important in the long run? You could park at the back of the lot and walk further or spend an extra half hour at the gym.

Realistically thought you're never going to see the people you see at the store again so if you don't care what others think and your husband doesn't mind it's not a big deal. But I think people are going to wonder. And sometimes in a relationship, letting the man do manly things helps his ego.

I open doors for people, help them when I can - and it's not about gender, it's about being helpful. People should be willing to help each other out, regardless of gender.

LilRedRooster

Feminism has blurred the lines of gender and this is the collateral damage that has resulted. I honestly feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do hold the door open for a woman because I fear that it looks like I'm implying the woman is somehow inferior. I think people should look at holding a door or chair for a women as a sign of respect, not an attempt to make the other sex feel inferior.

But see, why don't those courtesies extend to men? Holding the door open, or offering to carry things for someone are signs of respect in and of themselves, and they stand alone no matter who's participating. They are not distinct to genders; they're just nice things to do. Why can't I, as a woman, open the door for anyone, regardless of their gender, just because that's the nice thing to do?

Saying that men are obliged to do things like that for women because of age-old traditions implying that women needed help because they were too dependent to do things for themselves is just superfluous in this day and age. It's not that the actions themselves are ridiculous; it's the fact that women aren't expected to do those things for men, because, well, men should just be the more courteous gender when it comes to displays of respect.

And blurring the lines of gender is not a bad thing. Ask women who enjoy getting equal pay at work, owning land, and being able to divorce their husbands. Seeing people as individuals and respecting their individual worth outside of their sex or gender identification creates a better society for everyone, where all voices can eventually be equal. Bring on the blurring.

runnercheryl

HAHAHAHA... This is too funny. When we go to check out at the grocery store, my sweet darling knows to stand back. I'm so incredibly OCD about how things go on the conveyor belt. Here I am a 5'2" woman (and not large one) and he's about 5'11" and over 200lbs, and I'm the one heaving light and heavy things alike. :laugh: I don't really pay attention to other people when I'm unloading the basket, but I'm sure we have to be getting some looks.

Not relevant to the conversation, really, but my fiance unloads our shopping and packs it away. He plays Tetris with it - lining it all up on the conveyor belt so that there are no gaps. He's in a race against time - can he put all the items in the right order, so that there are no gaps, before the assistant finishes serving the person in front? I love watching.

SherryR1971

Let's see....yesterday I worked 9 hours, came home and cut grass for two hours then came inside the house and washed dishes WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS FISHING all day...needless to say, I was a little more than pissed...and sometimes I seriously wonder why he is still around...sorry to be so negative but I have to ask myself-what happened to all the men? There used to be a time when men took care of yard work-are those days gone? I'd LOVE to hear that they are not and mine is an extreme case...

I don't mind mowing the lawn. I actually like it. And I love surprising my husband by doing the lawn for him. He is usually the man for that job. Now he is teaching our son to do it. So we sit on the deck with our ice teas and point out the spots that he's missing. Good times, good times.

I don't mind mowing the lawn, either, but I don't appreciate doing it while he has taken off to go fishing for the day and I have already worked 9 hours, and still have to come in and wash the dishes.

ElizabethRoad

But my thoughts are this and maybe I'll get flack for this: why not let the man be a man sometimes?

I guess you have a different definition of "being a man".

SherryR1971

My husband will offer to help, but more often than not, I end up doing the yard work and all....but he's the one cleaning the house, doing dishes and the laundry, so it all ends well.

However, he does open the door for anyone walking in or out.

I wouldn't have complained about it at all if my husband helped with the dishes or anything at all for that matter!

atsteele

I wouldn't have complained about it at all if my husband helped with the dishes or anything at all for that matter!

Sounds like you need a break. Maybe you do all the stuff around the house so much that he just figures that you're going to do it. I'd start delegating, ie, "Honey, I need you to mow the lawn next Saturday. I have blah blah and blah to do. Thanks."