women doing the "work" while men stand around?

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  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
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    I guess I'm just spoiled. I have a perfect balance of being able to display my personal bada$$ery when I feel like it and being treated like a lady by my sweet husband.

    I have been known to give a dirty look or shout obscenities when I see someone close the door on a lady with a baby stroller or anyone with armloads of stuff. Not to mention people who can't put a grocery cart in the return, but I digress.
  • bzmom
    bzmom Posts: 1,332 Member
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    Yeah I have not had this happened but as another post did bring flashback to an incident when I was out on "bed rest" with my last pregnancy for like the last month and a half at home. What did I do? I planted our new neighbors just stared at me as I planted pots of flowers and around the tree and even climbed the ledge on our porch to hang the flower baskets with my huge belly LOL!!! priceless....
  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
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    As a man, I say "screw yard work" not that I think the woman "should" do it.
    I would just rather have a gravel patio, or wooded lot than have to cut grass or take care of it.
    If it is the woman wanting the nice lawn, then she can do it herself or pay for it to be done

    Honey? Is that you?
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    I have to sneak to move things when my husband is around. Even carrying the full laundry basket up the stairs he yells at me. I think its sweet that he worries and I appreciate it.
  • Justacoffeenut
    Justacoffeenut Posts: 3,808 Member
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    The other day my husband and I were at home depot getting some supplies for the house/garden. I insisted on pushing the flatbed cart carrying all our lumber and soil around the store and then loading/unloading it into our truck....just to get a little bit of extra exercise in. Similarly at work, I tend to carry the large buckets of seawater from room to room instead of putting them on a cart. I realize this isn't much, but I figure every little bit helps. Additionally I'm stubborn and also well aware that I am able to do these things, so I don't see a need to have someone else do them for me.

    The problem is that we definitely live in an area where women are treated as such: I've been called ma'am for at least 5 years now and I've never opened my own car door when my husband is around, let alone a door to a store when any male is present. So when I'm pushing around this heavy cart and obviously struggling and my husband is leisurely strolling ahead of me, we tend to get some dirty looks. My boss even scolded a male coworker for having me do all the heavy lifting one day, even though I insisted on it. These people giving us these looks or shaking their heads at us obviously don't know whats going on and just think my husband is being a jerk.

    Curious if anyone else does this type of thing or experienced it? Or alternatively, if you saw one of the situations described above would you think the guy was being inconsiderate, or would you think something else (the woman didn't want someone doing things for her or she was trying to exercise)

    I wish I had your problem. Here its the opposite. If you get a male to help you it is something. I understand how if in your area what you are doing is the odd thing out ones may get upset. But at the same time I'd say that is a good thing. Trust me always haveing to beg for help and sometimes people flatly say no is not a good thing. Be glad at least ones want to. You can always say no thank you I got it this time but thanks. Instead of my case where I am practically begging for someone to do something and get nothing.

    Keep up all your good work wish you much success.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    Let's see....yesterday I worked 9 hours, came home and cut grass for two hours then came inside the house and washed dishes WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS FISHING all day...needless to say, I was a little more than pissed...and sometimes I seriously wonder why he is still around...sorry to be so negative but I have to ask myself-what happened to all the men? There used to be a time when men took care of yard work-are those days gone? I'd LOVE to hear that they are not and mine is an extreme case...

    It's called feminism and it has killed chivalry . Before people get all uptight, just think about it for a bit.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    It's called feminism and it has killed shivery.
    Feminism caused global warming?
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    being from NY...we have no experiences like this....we were in South Carolina getting a hotel once and a man opened the door for me...i found it so unusual i told my husband lol

    I've lived in nyc all my life and guys often hold doors and carry things for women. Not sure what part of ny you're in
  • CharlieBarleyMom
    CharlieBarleyMom Posts: 727 Member
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    About lifting heavy items instead of your wife/girlfriend - that's old school. You could ask if she'd like some help, but if she says she's got it under control, that's good. My ex-husband refused to even let me carry a laundry basket up steps when we were first married - when we moved he only allowed me to carry a living room lamp. This got old for me since he wasn't there all the time and then it must've gotten old for him too because eventually he was sitting his lazy butt on the couch while I did all the work. :) (ex-husband)

    About opening doors and so called "gentlemanly" postures: I was raised that each person, no matter gender, should consider the situation of the person next to them. Therefore, if I am walking into or out of a building and ANY person is right there, I will hold the door for them. Especially if that person is less capable, e.g. elderly or using a cane, crutches, or other device to help them walk.

    As to other people thinking whether the behavior you exhibit is riight or wrong, they cannot know the situation in which you live. No one can. Some of the posters here said their husband has an injury which automatically disqualifies them from helping... so, these things happen. You cannot control what other people believe, only what you know. So that is something you need to work on in you. Allowing yourself to live your life, not the life that you beieve other people expect you to live.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    It's called feminism and it has killed shivery.
    Feminism caused global warming?
    :laugh:
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    You want blatant disrespect you should've seen everything my father had me do, and I'm not talking "oh he made me do lots of chores he could've done." My dad was sexist so as a card-carrying vag owner I did labor. Though on the plus side the constant up and down stairs with half a dozen bags of heavy groceries in each arm several times each grocery trip gave me a good starting point for now when I lift weights.

    That aside, I live in the South where it's considered polite to hold a door for someone, pull out a lady's seat in a restaurant, and be given that general "Lady" treatment. But at the same time it's expected too that a Southern woman have her independence streak and do things herself. In fact I see more cases where women won't let their husbands pick up heavy things, push carts, or do much but hold on to the purse or the kid(s) because they've taken charge and they like it. Maybe it's where I'm from or where I am currently but I see more dirty looks when the man's doing all the work and the woman's trailing behind with no input.

    In the end, so what if people stare, so what if they expect you to be in the kitchen popping out babies like you're a factory? People think what they want and it's not affecting you and you don't have to explain what you're doing and why to anyone. If your husband genuinely seemed to just be enjoying the lack of his own labor in the equation, either brush it off as a simple "she can handle herself, I can relax" or talk to him--civilly--about it. I don't get mad when I do things that my mother can very well do but are expected of me as an unspoken thing because I do them more or want to do them. But I guess that's not relevant because it's not a matter of respect from the opposite sex? I'unno, respect is respect. Woman disrespects me I get just as mad as if a man did it.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    being from NY...we have no experiences like this....we were in South Carolina getting a hotel once and a man opened the door for me...i found it so unusual i told my husband lol

    I've lived in nyc all my life and guys often hold doors and carry things for women. Not sure what part of ny you're in
    I live in Massachusetts and I wouldn't say we're an especially polite bunch... but people hold doors for other people, regardless of gender.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
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    No one cares in CA.
  • MayMaydoesntrun
    MayMaydoesntrun Posts: 805 Member
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    It's called feminism and it has killed shivery.
    Feminism caused global warming?

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    I do ALL the heavy work around my house. I repair most of the broken stuff, haul the gardening stuff, etc. My husband won't even go into a home depot or lowe's. I guess I'm used to it.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    It's called feminism and it has killed shivery.
    Feminism caused global warming?
    :laugh:

    Haha, don't know what I was thinking on that one. :noway:
  • FloraSin
    FloraSin Posts: 188 Member
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    There's a weird standard of logic where I live. Regular looking, able bodied folk hold the door for one another and just let it go in the face of the elderly and/or disadvantaged.

    Sometimes I go with the seniors who live down the street from me to help with their grocery shopping. I've had men basically take the basket from me because my poor delicate lady self might collapse beneath the weight of a few veggies, but these same people will walk by Hazel (elderly neighbour) and completely ignore her while she does struggle with things (hence my going with).

    Maybe I just live in a town full of creeps.

    Also, someone mentioned game shopping. I hate when I go anywhere that they sell typical "man cave" things with my boyfriend. The assumption is always that it's for him. Even when we went to the sporting good store to buy me some new sports bras, they addressed him. Admittedly, he was dead on about my sizing, but that's not the point. lol
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    It's called feminism and it has killed shivery. Before people get all uptight, just think about it for a bit.

    You're thinking of Feminazis, dear. Feminism, plain and simple, is the belief that the sexes should be equal and treated equally. If you believe that a woman should have the same respect as men, you're a feminist regardless of your gender. The people that scream that men are evil and condescending and should worship the ground women walk on because of how they've toiled over the centuries are just nutjobs who hate men for whatever reason and are just looking to hate.

    Just think about it for a bit.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    It's called feminism and it has killed shivery.
    Feminism caused global warming?
    :laugh:

    Haha, don't know what I was thinking on that one.


    that you were chilly?
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    It's called feminism and it has killed shivery.
    Feminism caused global warming?
    :laugh:

    Haha, don't know what I was thinking on that one. :noway:
    Sorry, couldn't resist.

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