Relationship problem?
Replies
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answerology.seventeen.com0
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I hang out with other guys. So what? That doesn't mean they are attracted to me, I'm attracted to them, and/or either of us would cheat on the person we are with. I've been married almost 19 years. 9 years ago my husband was sent to Iraq for 14 months. His best friend came over all the time to help me out, to chat, to fix things around the house that were broken, etc. Nothing ever happened between us. He's a friend. That's all. End of discussion. My husband wasn't worried because he's neither insecure nor immature.
Did you forget to evolve?i understand that you dont dig chicks.. im not trying to say otherwise...
its just that when guys see chicks digging his chick then he starts to worry..
sure we got parts that girl;s can only pretend to have...
BUT
if he is lucky he gets to watch... if not then he gets to "watch" his girl run off somewhere and have "times" with someone else...
either way he is not included in the actual physical interaction...
he is left out... not saying that he shouldnt be sometimes... just saying that he is...
why dont you get that another girl is a challenge to his man stuff?
you dont hang out with other guys do you?
why would you hang out with another girl that likes you then?
whats so wrong with a guy having a problem with that?
drop him if you thinks its a problem that he cares who is interested in his lady but not because its just a woman...
Seriously, should your wife be worried if you have a gay male friend? I WISH my hubby had a gay male friend. He could help him dress better. :laugh:
To the OP:
If your guy is so incredibly jealous that he thinks that just because someone is attracted to women that means there is a risk of you cheating to the point that he's picking fights with you and doesn't want you to see them anymore then only 1 of 2 things is possible. Either he is a controlling @$$hole who will only get worse or he's cheating on you.
I know 1 1/2 years seems like a long time to throw away but it's really not. Every relationship you ever have will either last forever or will end eventually. Whether that means you don't make it to a second date or you get divorced after 10 years of marriage or you are together until death do you part - you need to decide what's best. I honestly don't see any relationship with someone so controlling and petty lasting that long unless he beats you down to the point that you have nothing BUT him. That's not a good situation.
I met my first long term boyfriend when I was 16. We dated for 1 1/2 years. We were on again/off again for a total of nearly 5 years. I met my now husband when I was 19. We dated for 4 1/2 years before getting married. There were a few on again/off again times (hence the overlap with BF#1) but I couldn't be more grateful that BF1 and I broke up. If we hadn't I wouldn't have met my husband, had our 2 wonderful kids, or be living the wonderful life we have. It did hurt to finally end it for good. It hurt when we broke up after that first 11/2 yr of dating. But please don't settle for someone who is like that. No one deserves to be treated with constant suspicion.0 -
lesbian girlfriends of my girlfriend do scare me and yes it is because i am insecure..
they can be burly dikes or lovely "friends"
lesbians offer something men cant get... a womens point of views towards sex...
we cant compete with that... i dont care how hard you try we cant.. we arent women and lesbians scare us because they have something we dont when it come to courting and pleasing a woman... nothing can change that...
if things flow towards the girl then enjoy yourself and take lots of pics for us
Really....way to take all that made sense and just crap all over it with your last sentence.0 -
tl;drI hang out with other guys. So what? That doesn't mean they are attracted to me, I'm attracted to them, and/or either of us would cheat on the person we are with. I've been married almost 19 years. 9 years ago my husband was sent to Iraq for 14 months. His best friend came over all the time to help me out, to chat, to fix things around the house that were broken, etc. Nothing ever happened between us. He's a friend. That's all. End of discussion. My husband wasn't worried because he's neither insecure nor immature.
Seriously, should your wife be worried if you have a gay male friend? I WISH my hubby had a gay male friend. He could help him dress better. :laugh:
To the OP:
If your guy is so incredibly jealous that he thinks that just because someone is attracted to women that means there is a risk of you cheating to the point that he's picking fights with you and doesn't want you to see them anymore then only 1 of 2 things is possible. Either he is a controlling @$$hole who will only get worse or he's cheating on you.
I know 1 1/2 years seems like a long time to throw away but it's really not. Every relationship you ever have will either last forever or will end eventually. Whether that means you don't make it to a second date or you get divorced after 10 years of marriage or you are together until death do you part - you need to decide what's best. I honestly don't see any relationship with someone so controlling and petty lasting that long unless he beats you down to the point that you have nothing BUT him. That's not a good situation.
I met my first long term boyfriend when I was 16. We dated for 1 1/2 years. We were on again/off again for a total of nearly 5 years. I met my now husband when I was 19. We dated for 4 1/2 years before getting married. There were a few on again/off again times (hence the overlap with BF#1) but I couldn't be more grateful that BF1 and I broke up. If we hadn't I wouldn't have met my husband, had our 2 wonderful kids, or be living the wonderful life we have. It did hurt to finally end it for good. It hurt when we broke up after that first 11/2 yr of dating. But please don't settle for someone who is like that. No one deserves to be treated with constant suspicion.0 -
You know when a guy sits next to you at a bar and is so ridiculous, obtrusive and inapporpriate that you actually have to change seats?
Pretty sure he's in here...0 -
Good thing everyone on this forum is a mental health professional and a relationship counselor.
Experience, my friend.
You're young and are most likely possessive yourself, which is why you find the OP's boyfriend's behavior appropriate and "flattering". Life will teach you otherwise. You cannot control other people, and any attempt to do so will push people away from you.
Who in the blue hell said I could control anyone? Also assuming makes a you know what out of both of us
One could deduce, based on your belief that the OP's boyfriend was "flattering", that you exhibit some of the same characteristics. It's pure logic. Your first post was dangerous, particularly to such a young, inexperienced girl. You then attempted to discredit some very sound advice made by many people based on their lack of formal training, and again, that is dangerous.
Believe it or not, I was not attacking you personally. Most people have control issues on some level. Be that partners, children, life events, etc. and that includes myself.0 -
lesbian girlfriends of my girlfriend do scare me and yes it is because i am insecure..
they can be burly dikes or lovely "friends"
lesbians offer something men cant get... a womens point of views towards sex...
we cant compete with that... i dont care how hard you try we cant.. we arent women and lesbians scare us because they have something we dont when it come to courting and pleasing a woman... nothing can change that...
if things flow towards the girl then enjoy yourself and take lots of pics for us
Uhhhh...please tell me this is a joke. Especially the "dike" part and photos part.0 -
I remember when I used to try to sound intelligent on the internetGood thing everyone on this forum is a mental health professional and a relationship counselor.
Experience, my friend.
You're young and are most likely possessive yourself, which is why you find the OP's boyfriend's behavior appropriate and "flattering". Life will teach you otherwise. You cannot control other people, and any attempt to do so will push people away from you.
Who in the blue hell said I could control anyone? Also assuming makes a you know what out of both of us
One could deduce, based on your belief that the OP's boyfriend was "flattering", that you exhibit some of the same characteristics. It's pure logic. Your first post was dangerous, particularly to such a young, inexperienced girl. You then attempted to discredit some very sound advice made by many people based on their lack of formal training, and again, that is dangerous.
Believe it or not, I was not attacking you personally. Most people have control issues on some level. Be that partners, children, life events, etc. and that includes myself.0 -
its only a year and a half.
think about how much of your life is left.
you really want it to be taken up by a guy that doesnt trust you?
i've just left a 4 and a half year relationship. hardest thing ever. but it wasnt right. i wasnt happy.
and its going to be difficult, but i know its worth it.0 -
if he is lucky he gets to watch... if not then he gets to "watch" his girl run off somewhere and have "times" with someone else...
either way he is not included in the actual physical interaction...
he is left out... not saying that he shouldnt be sometimes... just saying that he is...
That actually made me feel a little bit sick, and I'm straight. You are aware that gay/bisexual women do not exist solely as porn for men?0 -
if he doesn't trust you after a year and a half, he never will. don't waste your time, energy, and emotions on a guy like that.0
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sounds like the bf is a real *kitten*, and you should drop him and not your friends...0
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I remember when I used to try to sound intelligent on the internetGood thing everyone on this forum is a mental health professional and a relationship counselor.
Experience, my friend.
You're young and are most likely possessive yourself, which is why you find the OP's boyfriend's behavior appropriate and "flattering". Life will teach you otherwise. You cannot control other people, and any attempt to do so will push people away from you.
Who in the blue hell said I could control anyone? Also assuming makes a you know what out of both of us
One could deduce, based on your belief that the OP's boyfriend was "flattering", that you exhibit some of the same characteristics. It's pure logic. Your first post was dangerous, particularly to such a young, inexperienced girl. You then attempted to discredit some very sound advice made by many people based on their lack of formal training, and again, that is dangerous.
Believe it or not, I was not attacking you personally. Most people have control issues on some level. Be that partners, children, life events, etc. and that includes myself.
Sorry about that; intelligence comes naturally to me. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.0 -
Hi everyone! I was just wondering if any of you could help me out here.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Everything goes good but it seems like all he wants to do is fight. Last night, a friend of mine, (who is a lesbian) stayed the night. I feel like he doesn't trust me with a FRIEND for crying out loud. So what if she likes boobs? He thinks I am going to cheat on him with everyone and everything!! I have never done anything wrong to him. By the way, I am only into guys. Should I just stop being friends with her?
Thanks xoxo
Also, we have talked about this already. He said he just finds it "weird" that I have her staying the night. He is jealous for no reason. Because like I said, I am into men. I love him, and he loves me. I don't want things to be over with over a few arguments. It's not worth throwing a year and a half down the drain. How am I suppose to show him he can trust me?
Ok, 1) I haven't read everyone elses replies, but I'll go back to the thread shortly
2) I can tell you, from experience, that if all he wants to do is argue, one day, sooner or later, this isn't going to work out. I was where you are. I didn't want to throw a year away, then two then 5... after 9 years I finally was ready to make the break, but it was a relationship of ups and downs from the beginning. I thought that arguing was "normal" and "showed passion" and "gave you a reason to make up" and "it was ok because of our love". All wrong. It sounds like he has issues, and if they're anything like the issues my ex had, you'll be saving yourself a LOT of heartache getting out sooner rather than later. Because I HAVE been there however I know that unless you're actually ready to take that decision for yourself, me saying you'd be better off out of it won't make a blind bit of difference. It's one of those things that we have to do in our own time. For me it wasn't "enough" when he'd broken up with me, and then changed his mind several times (over the course of the years). It wasn't "enough" when he beat the living cr@p out of me. It wasn't "enough" when he tried to kill himself in front of me, leaving me to get him to hospital and deal with his family. For me, I just changed one day and was able to move on. This was over 2 years ago now, and every day I look back thinking how wonderful hindsight is. The only thing I'm thankful for is that it made me the stronger person that I am today.
3) You will never be alone, whatever you decide.0 -
What would everyone say is the OP came on here saying her boyfriend had a female friend staying overnight?0
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He sounds really uptight church, insecure, or he is cheating on you. Most guys I know love girl on girl and would push for it. Usually people who are like your boyfriend are usually cheating, have been cheated on alot, or you have cheated before so it makes them insecure and have trust issues. I hope it works out for you, just know, he has to change, you cant live like this forever. Men or women, trust has to be there and no controlling. If he doesnt change, he will lose someone great, great people are so hard to come by.Your friends will always be there for you, dont ever give them up for anyone.0
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He sounds really uptight church or hipster guy or he is cheating on you. People who are like that are usually cheating, have been cheated on alot, or you have cheated before.
not that I would ordinarily rush to the defense of hipsters...but, say *what* ?!?!?! WTH does being a hipster have to do with anything?0 -
Hi everyone! I was just wondering if any of you could help me out here.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Everything goes good but it seems like all he wants to do is fight. Last night, a friend of mine, (who is a lesbian) stayed the night. I feel like he doesn't trust me with a FRIEND for crying out loud. So what if she likes boobs? He thinks I am going to cheat on him with everyone and everything!! I have never done anything wrong to him. By the way, I am only into guys. Should I just stop being friends with her?
Thanks xoxo
Also, we have talked about this already. He said he just finds it "weird" that I have her staying the night. He is jealous for no reason. Because like I said, I am into men. I love him, and he loves me. I don't want things to be over with over a few arguments. It's not worth throwing a year and a half down the drain. How am I suppose to show him he can trust me?
You fight frequently, if so what about?
If he's constantly worried about you cheating I'd say he's highly insecure. No, you should not give up good friends for no good reason. I mean if you had a friend that was truly trying to mess around with you despite being involved then yeah, maybe, but if it's just a legit friendship then no way. If he loves you, he'll understand and get over it. Otherwise, get rid of HIM.0 -
Textbook!
Contol is about isolation and alienation. Do some research. It only gets worse.
Don't ever give up your friends or family for a guy/girl.
Just my own opinion/experience speaking..... 0 -
OP, I've seen friends in this situation, two of them with the same guy, who stopped them seeing friends, stopped them going out, had to know where they were if they were out. It made them both miserable. I actually dated the same guy, who told me that if I lost weight he'd dump me (chubby chaser). I told him to get tae. And I'm glad I got out of it then, seeing what my friends went through after.
Basically, it shouldn't matter, you should trust each other, especially after such a long time.
My boyfriend and I trust each other completely, we maybe get irrationally jealous sometimes but we acknowledge it is irrational. It doesn't matter even if your friend likes you, that doesn't mean you'd do anything with them!
Besides, not every gay person wants to shag everyone of the same sex.
I know my boyfriend has female and gay friends that both fancy him, but do I tell him he can't see them? No, because I trust he won't cheat. I may mention my suspicions to him, but I'd never tell him who he can and can't see.
I've stayed at male friends houses since we've been dating, he is going to London with a female friend (and her mum) soon, and we both know that it is not an issue.
It doesn't matter if I like guys or girls, or who us attracted to me, because we love each other and wouldn't wanna sleep with anyone else (:
if he doesn't trust you that's his deal, and if he can't get over it break up with him. He's either controlling (possibly abusive in future) or he's doing that guy thing where he acts like a *kitten* to get you to dump him!0 -
Hi everyone! I was just wondering if any of you could help me out here.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Everything goes good but it seems like all he wants to do is fight. Last night, a friend of mine, (who is a lesbian) stayed the night. I feel like he doesn't trust me with a FRIEND for crying out loud. So what if she likes boobs? He thinks I am going to cheat on him with everyone and everything!! I have never done anything wrong to him. By the way, I am only into guys. Should I just stop being friends with her?
Thanks xoxo
Also, we have talked about this already. He said he just finds it "weird" that I have her staying the night. He is jealous for no reason. Because like I said, I am into men. I love him, and he loves me. I don't want things to be over with over a few arguments. It's not worth throwing a year and a half down the drain. How am I suppose to show him he can trust me?
Over this particular friend, I think your bf is being a bit silly.0 -
lesbians offer something men cant get... a womens point of views towards sex...
we cant compete with that... i dont care how hard you try we cant.. we arent women and lesbians scare us because they have something we dont when it come to courting and pleasing a woman... nothing can change that...
Seriously, speak for yourself!
If my wife wanted a lesbian friend to sleep
over, we're doing shots that night!
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He is insecure and sounds a bit controlling. You shouldn't get rid of your friend for him. Most likely things will get worse with him if he's always jealous (from my experience anyway). This could be my biased past experiences talking, but it sounds like he has the potential to be abusive (in some way and if not now, in the future) and I definitely do not recommend letting him isolate you.0
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:ohwell: I feel as if I am stuck in this relationship though.0
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Most men/boyfriends would be encouraging the OP to hook up with her friend, so I find this comment hysterical. LOL
Okay, I have my serious face on now.....I agree with the other posters, either throw his **** out on the lawn and tell him "Peace out" or "Kick Rocks (whatever your preference is).....OR sit him down and talk to him.
Be direct and clear, if he has trust issues than he should resolve those issues before entering into a relationship of ANY kind.
I have found that being direct and to the point saves you a lot of heartache.
I'll take no mind games FTMFW!!!0 -
Just because your guy is insecure doesn't make him an abuser or a cheater. The guy obviously has issues. That's apparent. If you really care about him and he about you, then talk to each other.
Let him know that you won't let this be a case of him or your friend. Remind him of how much he and her mean to you. Explain that you wouldn't ask him to separate from any of his friends.
He needs to know he can trust you. You don't have to tell him when/if you see your friend, but you tell him anyway. That's how he knows he can trust you.
If he still resists then you should probably part ways. He may issues you don't want trip deal with.
I hope this helps.
Peace0 -
The first thing abusive and insecure men do is make their woman separate from every person in their life that they could turn to for help and support.
It is something to consider.0 -
:ohwell: I feel as if I am stuck in this relationship though.
And that for me was the proof that you shouldn't be in this relationship. Yes it's hard, but there are ways and means of getting out and making a fresh start. Relationships shouldn't be about being stuck with someone, they are something that are entered into, and kept in, by two consenting individuals. As soon as being trapped is on the table, it's not a good relationship.
Please feel free to pm me if you want to chat about it, I'd hate for anyone to ever unnecessarily go through what I did.0 -
http://www.beinggirl.com/ask-experts/my-relationships/
They have answers to questions about menstruation too.0 -
Hi everyone! I was just wondering if any of you could help me out here.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Everything goes good but it seems like all he wants to do is fight. Last night, a friend of mine, (who is a lesbian) stayed the night. I feel like he doesn't trust me with a FRIEND for crying out loud. So what if she likes boobs? He thinks I am going to cheat on him with everyone and everything!! I have never done anything wrong to him. By the way, I am only into guys. Should I just stop being friends with her?
Thanks xoxo
Also, we have talked about this already. He said he just finds it "weird" that I have her staying the night. He is jealous for no reason. Because like I said, I am into men. I love him, and he loves me. I don't want things to be over with over a few arguments. It's not worth throwing a year and a half down the drain. How am I suppose to show him he can trust me?
Over this particular friend, I think your bf is being a bit silly.
I agree totally but also there are two sides of the story too. We dont know the history or their relationship, his past experiences with women, and his views on life. I have some guy friends, they are great guys but have been cheated on alot, i mean alot. I also tell them that they have to get over that before ever getting into a relationship with anyone. You cant bring in baggage in a new relationship. Now, if this girl cheated on him before or cheated on someone with him then he shouldnt have dated or stayed in a relationship with her because he will always have trust issues. If she has always been loyal and its just his insecurity, they need to go consoling. His insecurity will destroy their relationship. No matter what the situation is, he has to accept things, get counseling, or split ways. There is always two sides and then the real reality.
ALso, girl, you are not stuck. No one is ever truly stuck. Today's divorce rate proves that. People can move on and find happier times. You can take advice from 10000 people but its you that knows what really goes on in that relationship. If you are not happy and truely know you will never will be and this cant be fixed. Spend time and write down the good and bad and reflect on it so you can make an educated dicision and not a emotional based decision.0
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