When is it okay to speak up???
terrie_exercise_mom
Posts: 58
in Chit-Chat
It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me. The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc. Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy. Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight." She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion...
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Replies
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I find some of the wording in this confusing...I dont really think that a nurse discussing this type of thing while at what appears to be an appointment is out of bounds. Depending on what kind of pills she is discussing she has a very valid point and depending on your weight it can certainly have an effect on BP and overall health. Just as I am sure it is pointed out to her when she goes to her doctor those type of things should be discussed at an appointment.
Now, if it was in a random situation yes, than by all means speak up. But it seems to me this lady was just doing her job, even if the wording may have been off on her part (assuming that this is how she said it and not what you heard)0 -
I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.0
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Yeah, that was pretty rude. She's doing her job, and you reamed her out? No wonder your son's jaw dropped, he was embarrassed - by you.0
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I understand what you're trying to say completely. People need to read what you are saying and not take personal offense to it.
There are many overweight people out there that want to jump on the bandwagon and point fingers telling thinner people they are sick and starving themselves and not healthy but yet how are they any different??
I used to have this same discussion with my father. He would always be on my case about smoking saying I was harming my body when I smoked, I would then tell him that overeating harmed his body as well. One person's vice isn't any different than the next.
Definitely your nurse needed lessons in manners with her patients. However, some nurses frankly don't care and are in it for the pay check. I think everyone has had good and bad experiences with them. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??0 -
Yeah, that was pretty rude. She's doing her job, and you reamed her out? No wonder your son's jaw dropped, he was embarrassed - by you.
This0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.0 -
Its good for you to stand up for yourself but be careful. I doubt this woman was trying to be hurtful I just think she was a poor nurse with zero social skills.
You probably hurt her just as bad or worse. Skinny people have it much easier than fat people because its easy to hide being underweight. And society is much more likely to accept a skinny person than even a slightly over weight person.0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.
Agreed!0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.
Agreed!
Attacking?? Ok, she said the nurse went "on and on" and that's what caused her to finally speak up. So who was attacking who? Come on guys. Everyone always wants to jump on every OP's comment on every forum it seems because they get a thrill out of it instead of having an open mind. There are always two sides to every story. Maybe the nurse was trying to do her job but could she have approached it in a more calm and understanding fashion? Yes. Would this then have resulted in no outburst? Possibly so.0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.
Agreed!
Attacking?? Ok, she said the nurse went "on and on" and that's what caused her to finally speak up. So who was attacking who? Come on guys. Everyone always wants to jump on every OP's comment on every forum it seems because they get a thrill out of it instead of having an open mind. There are always two sides to every story. Maybe the nurse was trying to do her job but could she have approached it in a more calm and understanding fashion? Yes. Would this then have resulted in no outburst? Possibly so.
Actually, there are three sides. Her's, the nurse's and the truth.0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.
Agreed!
Attacking?? Ok, she said the nurse went "on and on" and that's what caused her to finally speak up. So who was attacking who? Come on guys. Everyone always wants to jump on every OP's comment on every forum it seems because they get a thrill out of it instead of having an open mind. There are always two sides to every story. Maybe the nurse was trying to do her job but could she have approached it in a more calm and understanding fashion? Yes. Would this then have resulted in no outburst? Possibly so.
so you don't feel that her responses to the nurse were attacking? Or that the attacking was warranted? There is a way to deal with rude people without stooping to their level. If this nurse was, in fact, rude.0 -
Actually, there are three sides. Her's, the nurse's and the truth.
And mine. In mine the nurse is a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, the OP is a gekko, the son is a mongoose and they are actually in the casino at the Luxor in Vegas.0 -
I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.
^^^THIS^^^
You attacked a nurse who was only trying to help you. Do you think she wasn't very aware of her own weight problem? She was. It was probably nagging at her in the back of her mind as she spoke to you, but she couldn't speak of herself in that moment, because that's not her job. Her job was you and caring for only you in that moment. And instead of taking her words, digesting them, and believing that she was only looking out for you instead you got defensive because you knew she was right and you didn't want to hear it. So you did something childish to make yourself feel better. You attacked her. Congratulations to you for being a negative influence in her life, and certainly a negative influence in your son's life--at least in that moment.0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.0 -
I did not jump down anyone's throat. I finally took a stand for myself. My sons jaw dropped
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.
From what you wrote, you appeared to have jumped down her throat.0 -
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.
Agreed!
Attacking?? Ok, she said the nurse went "on and on" and that's what caused her to finally speak up. So who was attacking who? Come on guys. Everyone always wants to jump on every OP's comment on every forum it seems because they get a thrill out of it instead of having an open mind. There are always two sides to every story. Maybe the nurse was trying to do her job but could she have approached it in a more calm and understanding fashion? Yes. Would this then have resulted in no outburst? Possibly so.
I feel standing up for yourself by flinging verbal insults at someone who (seems to have very bad people skills) is out of line, and makes you just as bad as the person you are complaining about. You can stop the conversation, without trying to turn the tables and belittle them in return.0 -
If it wasn't for my Doctor's tough love, I wouldn't have experienced the success I've had today. I can't wait to see her again next January at a very healthy weight.
And it sounds like you kind of overreacted, but I wasn't there.0 -
Possibly. So many folks do jump to conclusions. It's possible the nurse had a horrible bedside manner, It's also possible the OP is under weight, and the nurse was truly concerned. But we don't know the whole story & never will.
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.
Agreed!
Attacking?? Ok, she said the nurse went "on and on" and that's what caused her to finally speak up. So who was attacking who? Come on guys. Everyone always wants to jump on every OP's comment on every forum it seems because they get a thrill out of it instead of having an open mind. There are always two sides to every story. Maybe the nurse was trying to do her job but could she have approached it in a more calm and understanding fashion? Yes. Would this then have resulted in no outburst? Possibly so.0 -
Ok...none of us were there so we don't have the benefit of knowing tone, inflection, attitude and all that rot. Maybe it was warranted, maybe it wasn't. I know if a dr. or nurse tells me that something is caused by my weight....I'm ok with it, as long as they accept the fact that I'm not deaf, dumb or blind. If they go on and on and on and on about it I feel like "Ok, my goodness, I get it, I'm no idiot and I'm not deaf....I heard you the first 50 times"
To the original poster....I'm sure she was very, very hurt and I'm not going to say that you were in the right to say those things to her but I'm also grown up enough to think about the fact that I have nothing to go on here, not even your personal description because we all takes things differently and hear things differently depending on our moods and how our day has been and everything.
I know, I may get blasted myself for this but it's my thought.
Have a great day everyone
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What would you have said to the nurse if she was also thin and seemed to be in good shape?
Would you have said anything or just taken her suggestions as her 'doing her job'. It seems you were annoyed that she was lecturing you about your issues when you perceived she had health issues of her own.
I have to agree, she was just doing her job.... sorry, but the things you said were rude.0 -
If the nurse was being rude then the appropriate thing would be to address that. "Excuse me but your tone is unacceptable, I am perfectly aware of what you are telling me," etc etc etc. If she was extremely out of line, you could have requested to speak to her supervisor. Responding with personal comments was not constructive.0
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What would you have said to the nurse if she was also thin and seemed to be in good shape?
Would you have said anything or just taken her suggestions as her 'doing her job'. It seems you were annoyed that she was lecturing you about your issues when you perceived she had health issues of her own.
I have to agree, she was just doing her job.... sorry, but the things you said were rude.
This is an interesting perspective. Thanks for bringing that up.0 -
The PA I see at my doctor's office is a larger woman, her belly sticks out way past her boobs and she uses it as a shelf for her clipboard. The past couple of times I've been in she's seen fit to lecture me about my eating habits and tell me I need to eat more vegetables, protein, etc...yes, I know this, and I'm trying to be better about it...but honestly, I think it would have more of an affect on me if it wasn't coming from someone that looks like she needs to push away from the table a little sooner most days. So I can see where the OP is coming from...0
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I did not jump down anyone's throat. I finally took a stand for myself. My sons jaw dropped because he seen his mom finally stand up for herself. Nurses are there to take ur blood pressure, pulse, temp, etc. It should be up to my doctor to tell me anything beyond that plus he is the one who has me on the meds I am on so if his nurse didn't like that why not ask him. Maybe because she was a "fill-in" and I see why It happens all the time and I am just saying if it is rude to go up and tell someone they need to lose weight maybe they should think twice about telling someone they need to gain weight. Everyone knows why they are like they are and may not want to share it with the world.
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
Because two wrongs, don't make it right.
Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.
There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.0 -
There's a difference between speaking up and being downright rude. You were the latter.0
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Thank-you!The PA I see at my doctor's office is a larger woman, her belly sticks out way past her boobs and she uses it as a shelf for her clipboard. The past couple of times I've been in she's seen fit to lecture me about my eating habits and tell me I need to eat more vegetables, protein, etc...yes, I know this, and I'm trying to be better about it...but honestly, I think it would have more of an affect on me if it wasn't coming from someone that looks like she needs to push away from the table a little sooner most days. So I can see where the OP is coming from...0 -
Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.0
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It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me. The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc. Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy. Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight." She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion...
The whole story doesn't seem clear. She didn't just point out your weight, she pointed out I gather some pills you've been taking and she is a nurse, its her job to let you know about your health no matter what her own individual health may be. If any everyday person had just randomly brought your weight I would see your issue but this does not seem to be the case.0
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