When is it okay to speak up???

PepeGreggerton

I was going post an opinion on this but there's sooooo many words, and i'm laz

xraylady33

1. Time at appointment is limited, this is why they work and ask.
2. She is suppose to inform you about BP and give you some advice.
3. If you are taking too many meds, instead of getting deffensive, ask how to change or combine.
4. Nursing has become in certain area's a sedentary job, because of tons of computer and paper work. Currently nurses are among the top obese people in the US...along with many others. I work in a busy hospital, and yes, I sit, stand and walk, but let me say this....When you see people who may be sick, and never making changes, you do tend to speak up. DO you think she can not see her belly, or hear herself breathe? Do you think her feet swell and she has a sore back because she does not know she is not healthy. Your son's jaw dropped because he was embarrassed. REALLY...

When someone says to me I am too thin, I will shout to the roof top. We all know when we are hurting someone's feeling about size is acting as an adult bully. You took her words wrong, and before you she had patients abusing the system, kids on her mind, making ends meet, and pleasing her boss.

Next time smile and ask how can you help me resolve the issue, instead of adding insult to injury.

BTW...I never lash out, but I stand tall for my beliefs, and if you were in MY ED, I would have been really offended. On the other hand, I hope you have found ways to stabalize your BP, and feel better.

LoggingForLife

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.

But the nurse should knock her down? Oh ok lol That makes sense.

Well, if you are in the first grade and someone makes you feel bad, you may name call back or push the other child down in the sand and that would be age appropriate behavior. However, as an adult, there are many ways to stand up for yourself while maintaining your dignity and self-respect and without sinking to the other person's level.

terrie_exercise_mom

I agree, it's kind of hard to take health advice from someone who clearly doesn't practice it. I'm confused though--was your son with you at your doctor's appointment? Or was it his appointment and the nurse started giving you advice? Or did you two just happen to be around a nurse who gave out unsolicited advice? I'm curious because the setting kind of affects the reaction.

Son took me that day as I was to sick to drive. I was getting results from a test I had done. Just think it is my doctors job to say something me not the nurse.

LuckyLeprechaun

kind of ironic how this thread is proving OP's point.

13519485

Just think it is my doctors job to say something me not the nurse.

What you think the nurse's job description should be is irrelevant to what it actually is. Maybe you should do some quick research to find out about everything the different types of nurses are taught to do. You might actually gain some appreciation for this very overworked group of people.

histora

It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me.<i>As evidenced by this post, I'm sure.</i>

The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc.<i>Thanks for lumping all of us overweight folks in with a few insensitive people. Can I lump you in with all the skinny people who pick on me?</i>

Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. <i>Actually, I I have had random people tell me not to eat that, don't buy that, heck, one person said I was was an unfit mother for being overweight. So I guess not every skinny person got the memo about not picking on the fat kids anymore.</i>

My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." <i>Gods forbid the woman do her job, right? Or is she just the robot to take your temp, history, and complaints, and the doctor is the only person who can be trusted to make the astute observation that weight, pills, and blood pressure could be related?</i>

It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy.<i>You took your son to your appointment? Or was this his appointment? Or is this just a fictional scenario so you can rant about fat nurses?</i>

Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight."<i I don't understand. Have you read this woman's medical files, like she read yours? Have you been to medical school, since you feel the only person trained to make such observations is a doctor? I'm curious how you ruled out various medical scenarios and instantly knew she didn't eat her fruits and vegetables, causing her obesity.</i>

She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. <i>I wouldn't have said anything either, given your obvious disposition and aggression.</i>

People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion... <i>Just because it is your thought and opinion doesn't mean it isn't wrong. Would you rather she beat around the bush and vaguely insinuate that your blood pressure and pills and weight could be interacting, or better yet, not mention it at all to avoid bruising your delicate feelings?</i>

<i>I guess all doctors that smoke, all overweight medical professionals, all therapists that see therapists should quit, because only the perfect types have the right to dispense the knowledge they spent thousands of dollars and years of their lives learning. It's often a sign of insecurity when people project as much as you seem to have. Would you have been so hostile if she had been trim and fit, bright and bouncy? If so, do you think this is a sign of discrimination you choose to participate in?</i>

InnerFatGirl

I was going post an opinion on this but there's sooooo many words, and i'm laz

Exactly this.

zsaoosh

That is her job...I am sure when she goes to the doctor the nurse tells her what she is supposed too.

kennethmgreen

It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me. The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc. Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy. Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight." She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion...

I'm confused. Your topic title asks the question "When is it okay to speak up?" but you shared a story where you had a confrontation with an overweight nurse. Are you asking whether what you did was OK?

You did talk about a double standard where it seems OK to tell people they are too skinny, but not OK to tell people they are too fat. That may exist. I think telling anyone they are "too <descriptor>" is judgmental and pompous unless they directly ask for my opinion. That doesn't mean I might not talk to someone I care about who is making unhealthy choices. But I wouldn't begin with "you're too fat."

It's hard to determine how rude this nurse was being. A lot of what she said - taken in certain contexts - doesn't seem out of line. Sounds like you definitely took it one way, and responded in kind. If the nurse was being rude, calling her on being rude is probably the most appropriate response. The "giving them a taste of their own medicine" approach was invented by conflict-averse hotheads and perpetuated by frat boys. It rarely works as intended.

I've also noticed that on forums, posting a scenario expecting "atta boys"/"you go girls" or even just wholesale agreement/support often results in complicated but surprising discussion - though again, rarely as intended.

Krissy366

I am just saying if it is rude to go up and tell someone they need to lose weight maybe they should think twice about telling someone they need to gain weight. Everyone knows why they are like they are and may not want to share it with the world.

But she didn't "go up to you" - she was a medical professional, giving you medical advice, in the confines of a professional medical setting, at an appointment about YOUR medical needs.

You were simply cruel. If her tone was offensive or mean spirited, the way to "speak up" would have been to address that.

HiKaren

I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.

I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...

OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.

histora

I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.

I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...

OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.

That's great and all, until you realize that people can dispense the advice they are trained to, without having to fit your preconceived notion of acceptable.

The doctor that chooses to smoke has made their choice and will live (or not) with it, and it still has no bearing on the advice they give you. Or does the advice stop counting because it came from someone who doesn't behave the way you want them to.

edited for a homonym mistake.

terrie_exercise_mom

It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me.<i>As evidenced by this post, I'm sure.</i>

The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc.<i>Thanks for lumping all of us overweight folks in with a few insensitive people. Can I lump you in with all the skinny people who pick on me?</i>

Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. <i>Actually, I I have had random people tell me not to eat that, don't buy that, heck, one person said I was was an unfit mother for being overweight. So I guess not every skinny person got the memo about not picking on the fat kids anymore.</i>

My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." <i>Gods forbid the woman do her job, right? Or is she just the robot to take your temp, history, and complaints, and the doctor is the only person who can be trusted to make the astute observation that weight, pills, and blood pressure could be related?</i>

It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy.<i>You took your son to your appointment? Or was this his appointment? Or is this just a fictional scenario so you can rant about fat nurses?</i>

Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight."<i I don't understand. Have you read this woman's medical files, like she read yours? Have you been to medical school, since you feel the only person trained to make such observations is a doctor? I'm curious how you ruled out various medical scenarios and instantly knew she didn't eat her fruits and vegetables, causing her obesity.</i>

She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. <i>I wouldn't have said anything either, given your obvious disposition and aggression.</i>

People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion... <i>Just because it is your thought and opinion doesn't mean it isn't wrong. Would you rather she beat around the bush and vaguely insinuate that your blood pressure and pills and weight could be interacting, or better yet, not mention it at all to avoid bruising your delicate feelings?</i>

<i>I guess all doctors that smoke, all overweight medical professionals, all therapists that see therapists should quit, because only the perfect types have the right to dispense the knowledge they spent thousands of dollars and years of their lives learning. It's often a sign of insecurity when people project as much as you seem to have. Would you have been so hostile if she had been trim and fit, bright and bouncy? If so, do you think this is a sign of discrimination you choose to participate in?</i>

Are you serious? Don't think I need to make anything up. That is for sure. Didn't want to bring my step-daughter into this but she goes through this all the time. The remarks about her lack of weight from nurses before they even know her history. If she ends up in the ER watch out. They think she is on street drugs, not eating, taking to many pills. They almost never believe she is 23. Due to a cancer gene of the stomach on her moms side that she tested positive for she had to have her entire stomach removed when she was 18. When she feels good and is doing well she weighs about 100 pounds and when she's not about 75 pounds. She may end up at the ER if she is in a lot of pain and needs help with it. You be her, get the lectures, the looks, all the while you are in pain trying to explain your situation. My point...just do your job and get the vitals, the names of medications we are on and don't lecture. Leave the rest up to the doctor. That is who we came to see in the first place but have to see the nurse for vitals first...not a lecture or what they think when they don't even know the situation.

Beastette

Couple of professions where I try to wear my "diplomacy hat".

1. Anyone involved in my healthcare or that of my family.

2. Anyone handling my food.

terrie_exercise_mom

I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.

I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...

OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.

Thank-you! Some people just don't get it.

Krissy366

It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me.<i>As evidenced by this post, I'm sure.</i>

The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc.<i>Thanks for lumping all of us overweight folks in with a few insensitive people. Can I lump you in with all the skinny people who pick on me?</i>

Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. <i>Actually, I I have had random people tell me not to eat that, don't buy that, heck, one person said I was was an unfit mother for being overweight. So I guess not every skinny person got the memo about not picking on the fat kids anymore.</i>

My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." <i>Gods forbid the woman do her job, right? Or is she just the robot to take your temp, history, and complaints, and the doctor is the only person who can be trusted to make the astute observation that weight, pills, and blood pressure could be related?</i>

It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy.<i>You took your son to your appointment? Or was this his appointment? Or is this just a fictional scenario so you can rant about fat nurses?</i>

Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight."<i I don't understand. Have you read this woman's medical files, like she read yours? Have you been to medical school, since you feel the only person trained to make such observations is a doctor? I'm curious how you ruled out various medical scenarios and instantly knew she didn't eat her fruits and vegetables, causing her obesity.</i>

She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. <i>I wouldn't have said anything either, given your obvious disposition and aggression.</i>

People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion... <i>Just because it is your thought and opinion doesn't mean it isn't wrong. Would you rather she beat around the bush and vaguely insinuate that your blood pressure and pills and weight could be interacting, or better yet, not mention it at all to avoid bruising your delicate feelings?</i>

<i>I guess all doctors that smoke, all overweight medical professionals, all therapists that see therapists should quit, because only the perfect types have the right to dispense the knowledge they spent thousands of dollars and years of their lives learning. It's often a sign of insecurity when people project as much as you seem to have. Would you have been so hostile if she had been trim and fit, bright and bouncy? If so, do you think this is a sign of discrimination you choose to participate in?</i>

Are you serious? Don't think I need to make anything up. That is for sure. Didn't want to bring my step-daughter into this but she goes through this all the time. The remarks about her lack of weight from nurses before they even know her history. If she ends up in the ER watch out. They think she is on street drugs, not eating, taking to many pills. They almost never believe she is 23. Due to a cancer gene of the stomach on her moms side that she tested positive for she had to have her entire stomach removed when she was 18. When she feels good and is doing well she weighs about 100 pounds and when she's not about 75 pounds. She may end up at the ER if she is in a lot of pain and needs help with it. You be her, get the lectures, the looks, all the while you are in pain trying to explain your situation. My point...just do your job and get the vitals, the names of medications we are on and don't lecture. Leave the rest up to the doctor. That is who we came to see in the first place but have to see the nurse for vitals first...not a lecture or what they think when they don't even know the situation.

But how will they know the situation if, in your eyes, they are not allowed to ask questions? I have to say, in almost all hospital related situations I've ever been in, it was the nurses in charge of my day-to-day, minute-to-minute care. I saw doctors 1/100th the amount of time I saw the nurses. Do you think the assumptions about your step-daughter are somehow "nurse exclusive" - I'm sure doctors draw the same wrong conclusions based on appearance. Their questions are based on the "evidence" before them - sometimes that evidence is visual, and sometimes proven to be wrong - but they start where it's logical to start.

TitanGM

That depends on one's maturity. It has no defined boundaries because no situation is identical. Mature people usually have a higher (and good) impact, because their well developed instinct tells them if is Ok or not to speak up.

terrie_exercise_mom

Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!

histora

And by respect you mean never asked any questions by anyone not perfect, or have any advice given to you from a medical professional you don't approve of.

Your belief, that people should not be thought badly of because of their size, is completely contradicted by your very own actions. You attacked that nurse on her size and personal habits, knowing nothing about her, or how she got to be that way.

She has the responsibility, as your medical professional, to ask you pertinent questions regarding your medications and your weight. You had no reason to attack her on her size.

If you want to be patted on the head and congratulated for attacking a person for doing their job, please state so earlier, so I can just say what you want to hear.