When is it okay to speak up???
Replies
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Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
And if this were anyone else other than a medical professional, I'd TOTALLY agree with you. Commenting on anyone's size/appearance, etc, is rude. It's no less rude when a person comments on you being too thin than it is if they comment on me being too fat. I still don't think retaliatory rudeness is appropriate, but could understand it with a stranger at the checkout counter or such. However, where I disagree with you is in an example like yours where the comments are warranted as part of a medical conversation. And some medical professionals are simply blunt with everyone.0 -
I get where you are coming from. either side of the coin is hard.
when you are fat, people are telling you, "oh just eat some vegies and go for a walk"... they treat you like you are lazy, have no self respect and stupid.
when you are skinny, they say, "just eat something will you?" and treat you like you are vain and stupid.
it's hard to be told from someone who is very imperfect what you need to do. most of us know what we need to do, that's not the problem, it's something totally else. I totally know what i need to do to lose weight, i don't need to be given a list of healthy foods and bad food (i already know that, it's not knowledge i lack, it's self control). Clearly you have a serious illness of some kind, and need more intensive treatment than a couple of cheeseburgers to fatten you up. I hope you can find someone that is a bit more sensitive to your needs.
i know everytime i've been to a dr. and asked about help for weight, they just want to send me to a nutritionist. Which, ideally is just another expense, to tell me what I already know, but won't do anything for my lack of self control.0 -
Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
I know exactly where you are coming from. People are concentrating on your response to a "nurse" and the only thing everyone can think of is 1. she was a nurse 2. people think your response was rude
BUT my guess is that you were not at the doctor's office in regards to your weight loss, or anything regarding your weight at all. You were sick as in cold/flu or something else, and all the nurse should be doing at this point is checking your vitals and reporting to the doctor. A nurse is like other people too, SHOULD NOT provide any unsolicited advice, especially regarding sensitive topics such as weight loss or weight gain. And especially since she doesn't know your history, has no idea why you lost weight and she doesn't know that the pills you are taking were prescribed by the doctor!! So I totally sympathize with you and understand where you are coming from.
My sister is always struggling to gain weight, while I am always struggling to lose those last 20 lbs. That's how our metabolisms have been since we were young. Currently, she is trying to gain some weight for her wedding in June and has been trying very very hard. She has been eating balanced, healthy meals totaling over 2500 calories per day, while exercising. She gained about 10 lbs, and has been very happy. But almost every second person she meets, who hasn't seen her in a month, comments that she has lost weight and looks sick, when really she has gained 10lbs. Every time she hears it, she almost goes in to tears. People are more kind to me, and won't tell me I gained 20 lbs, but think it's okay to tell her she lost some weight and looks sick. Really?? Why?? I feel very sorry for her. Every one needs to be more mindful about commenting on someone's weight loss, especially when it's a naturally thin person who is always struggling to gain weight.0 -
Exactly...someone finally gets it. Thank-you. And ,yes, your correct the reason I was there had nothing to do with my weight. I see a therapist for that.Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
I know exactly where you are coming from. People are concentrating on your response to a "nurse" and the only thing everyone can think of is 1. she was a nurse 2. people think your response was rude
BUT my guess is that you were not at the doctor's office in regards to your weight loss, or anything regarding your weight at all. You were sick as in cold/flu or something else, and all the nurse should be doing at this point is checking your vitals and reporting to the doctor. A nurse is like other people too, SHOULD NOT provide any unsolicited advice, especially regarding sensitive topics such as weight loss or weight gain. And especially since she doesn't know your history, has no idea why you lost weight and she doesn't know that the pills you are taking were prescribed by the doctor!! So I totally sympathize with you and understand where you are coming from.
My sister is always struggling to gain weight, while I am always struggling to lose those last 20 lbs. That's how our metabolisms have been since we were young. Currently, she is trying to gain some weight for her wedding in June and has been trying very very hard. She has been eating balanced, healthy meals totaling over 2500 calories per day, while exercising. She gained about 10 lbs, and has been very happy. But almost every second person she meets, who hasn't seen her in a month, comments that she has lost weight and looks sick, when really she has gained 10lbs. Every time she hears it, she almost goes in to tears. People are more kind to me, and won't tell me I gained 20 lbs, but think it's okay to tell her she lost some weight and looks sick. Really?? Why?? I feel very sorry for her. Every one needs to be more mindful about commenting on someone's weight loss, especially when it's a naturally thin person who is always struggling to gain weight.0 -
Right, fat or skinny, I think we all know what we need to do and our own reasons behind it and should not have to explain ourselves over and over.I get where you are coming from. either side of the coin is hard.
when you are fat, people are telling you, "oh just eat some vegies and go for a walk"... they treat you like you are lazy, have no self respect and stupid.
when you are skinny, they say, "just eat something will you?" and treat you like you are vain and stupid.
it's hard to be told from someone who is very imperfect what you need to do. most of us know what we need to do, that's not the problem, it's something totally else. I totally know what i need to do to lose weight, i don't need to be given a list of healthy foods and bad food (i already know that, it's not knowledge i lack, it's self control). Clearly you have a serious illness of some kind, and need more intensive treatment than a couple of cheeseburgers to fatten you up. I hope you can find someone that is a bit more sensitive to your needs.
i know everytime i've been to a dr. and asked about help for weight, they just want to send me to a nutritionist. Which, ideally is just another expense, to tell me what I already know, but won't do anything for my lack of self control.0 -
Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Your example is about a nurse in a doctors office. You don't think they are just as blunt with overweight people? That is where we get most of the **** from! Everything we go in for, even though it cannot be related to weight, is somehow caused by our weight. It is so bad that real issues get ignored because we haven't lost weight yet, and when we do we'll magically be all better!
The nurses and doctors are certainly not more blunt with smaller people.0 -
Did I not say both should be respected? My example was my trip to the Dr office and I still stand behind the fact that my Dr should tell me...not the nurse. I tell the Dr everything but do not the nurse so let it be between me and my doctor. I believe it is easier for "ppl in general" to tell someone "wow you are too thin" than it is for them to say "wow you are too fat!" Either way it is insulting another person!Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Your example is about a nurse in a doctors office. You don't think they are just as blunt with overweight people? That is where we get most of the **** from! Everything we go in for, even though it cannot be related to weight, is somehow caused by our weight. It is so bad that real issues get ignored because we haven't lost weight yet, and when we do we'll magically be all better!
The nurses and doctors are certainly not more blunt with smaller people.0 -
I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.
I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...
OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.
That's great and all, until you realize that people can dispense the advice they are trained to, without having to fit your preconceived notion of acceptable.
The doctor that chooses to smoke has made their choice and will live (or not) with it, and it still has no bearing on the advice they give you. Or does the advice stop counting because it came from someone who doesn't behave the way you want them to.
edited for a homonym mistake.
Your doctor and your nurse, do have a responsiblility to advise you of those things when it comes to your health, no matter what their health status is themselves..... I know... I worked as a CNA for sometime. Yes and I agree. It might have been nicer for doctor to give that advise to you instead of the nurse, and in a caring way.
But none of us on MFP were there in the office with you. Only you can judge wether the nurses tone was professional, or... in manner that was not called for. Allthough I do know that just because your a nurse or a doctor, doesn't mean your living a healthy lifestyle, with good healthy habits. And many of them can take their own good advise.0 -
Did I not say both should be respected? My example was my trip to the Dr office and I still stand behind the fact that my Dr should tell me...not the nurse. I tell the Dr everything but do not the nurse so let it be between me and my doctor. I believe it is easier for "ppl in general" to tell someone "wow you are too thin" than it is for them to say "wow you are too fat!" Either way it is insulting another person!Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Your example is about a nurse in a doctors office. You don't think they are just as blunt with overweight people? That is where we get most of the **** from! Everything we go in for, even though it cannot be related to weight, is somehow caused by our weight. It is so bad that real issues get ignored because we haven't lost weight yet, and when we do we'll magically be all better!
The nurses and doctors are certainly not more blunt with smaller people.
I understand you feel insulted, I think everyone would agree if it were someone random who said it but a lot of nurses do talk to all patients this way. This nurse could have been picking on you because she is insecure about her own weight but we can't know in this setting as it was a medical thing going on.
Overall in general you are probably right, since society sees thin as in and glamourous I bet a lot of people wouldn't think they are insulting you by saying you are way too thin, or they know it is an insult but think it doesn't matter. If you get it a lot outside of the docs office it is probably jealousy in a lot of cases so don't let it bother you.
It is good to speak up, you could talk to the doctors office desk personal if you remember the nurse's name, maybe someone will have a chat with her about being more sensitive or perhaps you're right and the doctor agrees and doesn't want her going into things that deeply with patients. 0 -
I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.
I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...
OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.
They may not be doing what is best for themselves but they have to advise their patients what is best for their health. Just because they are doing an unhealthy habit doesn't mean they don't know or understand its unhealthy but when a patient is seeing them they have to give out the proper advice for the patient's health weather or not themselves are healthy since its not about them, its about the patient.0 -
Okay, I really do get what you all are saying. And if I were "in" the hospital I would take it better as I would be seeing the nurse a lot more than my doctor. But, I was in to see the doctor and he is already familiar with me and is going to say what he thinks and to me that is enough. Don't need to hear it from all sides and the Dr is on top and it is his job to tell me what he thinks upon examining me.I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.
I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...
OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.
They may not be doing what is best for themselves but they have to advise their patients what is best for their health. Just because they are doing an unhealthy habit doesn't mean they don't know or understand its unhealthy but when a patient is seeing them they have to give out the proper advice for the patient's health weather or not themselves are healthy since its not about them, its about the patient.0 -
i speak up all the time.. if i feel someone is being an *kitten* on purpose.. i will be a bigger bi*ch and leave it like that.. won't argue with someone stupid but def wouldnt let someone talk to me in a rude way.0
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Thank you! My point exactly. I know the difference between someone being rude and someone genuinely concerned!i speak up all the time.. if i feel someone is being an *kitten* on purpose.. i will be a bigger bi*ch and leave it like that.. won't argue with someone stupid but def wouldnt let someone talk to me in a rude way.0 -
...and the Dr is on top...
Always?0 -
Actually, there are three sides. Her's, the nurse's and the truth.
And mine. In mine the nurse is a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, the OP is a gekko, the son is a mongoose and they are actually in the casino at the Luxor in Vegas.
I want to visit your planet. It sounds pretty cool.0 -
Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Where do you get the idea people are more blunt with small people? Overweight people have to hear comments all the time, especially from doctors and nurses.0 -
Let me ask you this...would you bluntly tell someone they are fat and feel okay about it? If ppl are honest they know they wouldn't but would have a much easier time telling someone they are too thin. Regardless either way may be hurtful as you do not know the circumstances.Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Where do you get the idea people are more blunt with small people? Overweight people have to hear comments all the time, especially from doctors and nurses.0 -
Let me ask you this...would you bluntly tell someone they are fat and feel okay about it? If ppl are honest they know they wouldn't but would have a much easier time telling someone they are too thin. Regardless either way may be hurtful as you do not know the circumstances.Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Where do you get the idea people are more blunt with small people? Overweight people have to hear comments all the time, especially from doctors and nurses.
Is it reasonable for someone to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them they are fat or need to gain weight? Of course not.
Is it reasonable to go to the doctor for something and have anyone on their staff (all of whom are pretty knowledgeable regardless of their own issues) tell you that you need to gain or lose weight? Of course it is.
My doctor telling me I was fat and needed to lose weight has saved my life and pushed me to lose 50 lbs and I'm not done yet. If you don't want to hear the truth, stay home. Just my opinion.0 -
Let me ask you this...would you bluntly tell someone they are fat and feel okay about it? If ppl are honest they know they wouldn't but would have a much easier time telling someone they are too thin. Regardless either way may be hurtful as you do not know the circumstances.Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Where do you get the idea people are more blunt with small people? Overweight people have to hear comments all the time, especially from doctors and nurses.
Is it reasonable for someone to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them they are fat or need to gain weight? Of course not.
Is it reasonable to go to the doctor for something and have anyone on their staff (all of whom are pretty knowledgeable regardless of their own issues) tell you that you need to gain or lose weight? Of course it is.
My doctor telling me I was fat and needed to lose weight has saved my life and pushed me to lose 50 lbs and I'm not done yet. If you don't want to hear the truth, stay home. Just my opinion.
^^^^ This ^^^^0 -
I know you guys understand the simple point I was making but apparently you would rather twist everything I say to suit your purpose. For all you that understood what I actually said and did not disect it all apart thank you! To the rest of you disect away as I am done explaining myself for the benefit of you to just pick parts of what I say out and turn it around for your benefit of trying to prove me wrong. I have my answer and have nothing left to say on this issue!
Let me ask you this...would you bluntly tell someone they are fat and feel okay about it? If ppl are honest they know they wouldn't but would have a much easier time telling someone they are too thin. Regardless either way may be hurtful as you do not know the circumstances.Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Where do you get the idea people are more blunt with small people? Overweight people have to hear comments all the time, especially from doctors and nurses.
Is it reasonable for someone to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them they are fat or need to gain weight? Of course not.
Is it reasonable to go to the doctor for something and have anyone on their staff (all of whom are pretty knowledgeable regardless of their own issues) tell you that you need to gain or lose weight? Of course it is.
My doctor telling me I was fat and needed to lose weight has saved my life and pushed me to lose 50 lbs and I'm not done yet. If you don't want to hear the truth, stay home. Just my opinion.0 -
Let me ask you this...would you bluntly tell someone they are fat and feel okay about it? If ppl are honest they know they wouldn't but would have a much easier time telling someone they are too thin. Regardless either way may be hurtful as you do not know the circumstances.Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!
Where do you get the idea people are more blunt with small people? Overweight people have to hear comments all the time, especially from doctors and nurses.
Would I bluntly tell someone they are overweight, no. Would I bluntly tell someone they are to thin, no. Have I had people comment to me about being overweight, yes. Being honest with myself if I would have an easier time to tell someone they are too thing? No I wouldn't have an easier time. You might feel its that way because you are thin so of course you're just getting the perceptive from that view (who is going to go up to you and call you out on being overweight if your not?). But if you think people don't aren't just as rude to those who are overweight then you're misguided in judgment.0
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