When is it okay to speak up???
Replies
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Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.
But the nurse should knock her down? Oh ok lol That makes sense.0 -
I agree, it's kind of hard to take health advice from someone who clearly doesn't practice it. I'm confused though--was your son with you at your doctor's appointment? Or was it his appointment and the nurse started giving you advice? Or did you two just happen to be around a nurse who gave out unsolicited advice? I'm curious because the setting kind of affects the reaction.0
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I think when you have an issue such as weight, no matter if you're too thin or overweight, it is a sensitive subject. I had a doctor who got right in my face, clapping his hands in what seemed like a derogatory manner, telling me "Fat America needs to realize they are the problem with our insurance system." (clapping his hands with every word he spoke) So medical "professionals" can be jerks too, and sometimes hurtful. Should she have retaliated in kind? Maybe not, but as I said, it is a sensitive issue, and she is probably responding out of hurt feelings. Has anyone ever responded in a manner they are later ashamed of because they feel they were put on the spot, and maybe embarrassed?? Sometimes its a knee jerk reaction to respond in your own defense when you feel you're being attacked. She was, after all, there to see the doctor not the nurse. Probably the best approach would've been to mention her behavior to the doctor.0
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were you by chance at the doctor's office? :huh:
okay so you were? well then, you were being very rude. She was doing her job, I don't see the problem. The truth hurts, and If you were hurt by what she was suggesting, then you could have either said nothing or could have told her that she hurt your feelings.
And YES, skinny people make fun of fat people all the time, and vice versa, it's not right either way, but she wasn't making fun of you. and is this kindergarten?
Let' put our big girl and boy panties on and stop caring what people think of us to the point it controls our emotions and actions. we need to be healthy for ourselves and then we can relate that back to how our health benefits those around us.0 -
I understand what you're trying to say completely. People need to read what you are saying and not take personal offense to it.
There are many overweight people out there that want to jump on the bandwagon and point fingers telling thinner people they are sick and starving themselves and not healthy but yet how are they any different??
I used to have this same discussion with my father. He would always be on my case about smoking saying I was harming my body when I smoked, I would then tell him that overeating harmed his body as well. One person's vice isn't any different than the next.
Definitely your nurse needed lessons in manners with her patients. However, some nurses frankly don't care and are in it for the pay check. I think everyone has had good and bad experiences with them. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??
"you know taking too many pills is bad for you." "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight."
None of those statements, in and of themselves, sound insensitive in any way.
and to your comment about responding to rudeness, with rudeness... two wrongs, dont make a right.0 -
Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.
But the nurse should knock her down? Oh ok lol That makes sense.
How did the nurse knock her if there is a possibility of a correlation with the medication and her weight?0 -
If the nurse was being rude then the appropriate thing would be to address that. "Excuse me but your tone is unacceptable, I am perfectly aware of what you are telling me," etc etc etc. If she was extremely out of line, you could have requested to speak to her supervisor. Responding with personal comments was not constructive.
This.0 -
Grown-ups are able to address the problem (tell her to stop speaking to you that way) rather than resorting to personal attacks.I did not jump down anyone's throat. I finally took a stand for myself. My sons jaw dropped because he seen his mom finally stand up for herself.
Oh I see. You are one of those who thinks nurses are beneath you and aren't fit to tell you anything despite their years of school and experience. I see that you aren't willing to listen and no one is going to convince you that you've behaved badly.Nurses are there to take ur blood pressure, pulse, temp, etc. It should be up to my doctor to tell me anything beyond that plus he is the one who has me on the meds I am on so if his nurse didn't like that why not ask him.0 -
I think that what should be judged is intent. Do you think the nurse intentionally insulted you? Did you intentionally insult the nurse? Alot of times, if we are sensitive about something we think everyone else is focusing on that same issue when in fact, they couldn't care less. I have a tendency to be hyper-sensitive about my weight so I can see how this might play a role in how one reacts.0
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I did not jump down anyone's throat. I finally took a stand for myself. My sons jaw dropped because he seen his mom finally stand up for herself. Nurses are there to take ur blood pressure, pulse, temp, etc. It should be up to my doctor to tell me anything beyond that plus he is the one who has me on the meds I am on so if his nurse didn't like that why not ask him. Maybe because she was a "fill-in" and I see why It happens all the time and I am just saying if it is rude to go up and tell someone they need to lose weight maybe they should think twice about telling someone they need to gain weight. Everyone knows why they are like they are and may not want to share it with the world.
You jumped down the nurse's throat. That's not taking a stand for yourself, it's being immature. Taking a stand for yourself would have been to explain what you just explained to us, i.e., that the pills she referenced are prescriptions. It shouldn't ever have been to turn around and attack her for her weight. You haven't told us what type of nurse she was, but different types of nurses have different job descriptions. I don't know of any nurses who are restricted to only taking vitals. So, she was likely very much operating in within her job description when she was talking to you about the pills and your being underweight.
Those charged with your medical care shouldn't have to think twice about telling you to gain weight just because they are overweight. It's very much a "do as I say, not as I do" situation, and that's exactly how it should be. Yes, it would probably be better if everyone in the medical community were perfectly healthy, but it is quite difficult sometimes to live a healthy lifestyle while working in the medical field given everything that it demands from you. The bottom line here is that you were an incredibly negative influence in your nurse's life, potentially in your son's life as well, and you should take this time to learn that it's not okay to lash out at an unhealthy member of the medical community who's only trying to help you.0 -
I was going post an opinion on this but there's sooooo many words, and i'm laz0
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1. Time at appointment is limited, this is why they work and ask.
2. She is suppose to inform you about BP and give you some advice.
3. If you are taking too many meds, instead of getting deffensive, ask how to change or combine.
4. Nursing has become in certain area's a sedentary job, because of tons of computer and paper work. Currently nurses are among the top obese people in the US...along with many others. I work in a busy hospital, and yes, I sit, stand and walk, but let me say this....When you see people who may be sick, and never making changes, you do tend to speak up. DO you think she can not see her belly, or hear herself breathe? Do you think her feet swell and she has a sore back because she does not know she is not healthy. Your son's jaw dropped because he was embarrassed. REALLY...
When someone says to me I am too thin, I will shout to the roof top. We all know when we are hurting someone's feeling about size is acting as an adult bully. You took her words wrong, and before you she had patients abusing the system, kids on her mind, making ends meet, and pleasing her boss.
Next time smile and ask how can you help me resolve the issue, instead of adding insult to injury.
BTW...I never lash out, but I stand tall for my beliefs, and if you were in MY ED, I would have been really offended. On the other hand, I hope you have found ways to stabalize your BP, and feel better.0 -
Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.
But the nurse should knock her down? Oh ok lol That makes sense.
Well, if you are in the first grade and someone makes you feel bad, you may name call back or push the other child down in the sand and that would be age appropriate behavior. However, as an adult, there are many ways to stand up for yourself while maintaining your dignity and self-respect and without sinking to the other person's level.0 -
Son took me that day as I was to sick to drive. I was getting results from a test I had done. Just think it is my doctors job to say something me not the nurse.I agree, it's kind of hard to take health advice from someone who clearly doesn't practice it. I'm confused though--was your son with you at your doctor's appointment? Or was it his appointment and the nurse started giving you advice? Or did you two just happen to be around a nurse who gave out unsolicited advice? I'm curious because the setting kind of affects the reaction.0 -
kind of ironic how this thread is proving OP's point.0
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Just think it is my doctors job to say something me not the nurse.
What you think the nurse's job description should be is irrelevant to what it actually is. Maybe you should do some quick research to find out about everything the different types of nurses are taught to do. You might actually gain some appreciation for this very overworked group of people.0 -
It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me.<i>As evidenced by this post, I'm sure.</i>
The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc.<i>Thanks for lumping all of us overweight folks in with a few insensitive people. Can I lump you in with all the skinny people who pick on me?</i>
Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. <i>Actually, I I have had random people tell me not to eat that, don't buy that, heck, one person said I was was an unfit mother for being overweight. So I guess not every skinny person got the memo about not picking on the fat kids anymore.</i>
My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." <i>Gods forbid the woman do her job, right? Or is she just the robot to take your temp, history, and complaints, and the doctor is the only person who can be trusted to make the astute observation that weight, pills, and blood pressure could be related?</i>
It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy.<i>You took your son to your appointment? Or was this his appointment? Or is this just a fictional scenario so you can rant about fat nurses?</i>
Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight."<i I don't understand. Have you read this woman's medical files, like she read yours? Have you been to medical school, since you feel the only person trained to make such observations is a doctor? I'm curious how you ruled out various medical scenarios and instantly knew she didn't eat her fruits and vegetables, causing her obesity.</i>
She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. <i>I wouldn't have said anything either, given your obvious disposition and aggression.</i>
People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion... <i>Just because it is your thought and opinion doesn't mean it isn't wrong. Would you rather she beat around the bush and vaguely insinuate that your blood pressure and pills and weight could be interacting, or better yet, not mention it at all to avoid bruising your delicate feelings?</i>
<i>I guess all doctors that smoke, all overweight medical professionals, all therapists that see therapists should quit, because only the perfect types have the right to dispense the knowledge they spent thousands of dollars and years of their lives learning. It's often a sign of insecurity when people project as much as you seem to have. Would you have been so hostile if she had been trim and fit, bright and bouncy? If so, do you think this is a sign of discrimination you choose to participate in?</i>0 -
I was going post an opinion on this but there's sooooo many words, and i'm laz
Exactly this.0 -
That is her job...I am sure when she goes to the doctor the nurse tells her what she is supposed too.0
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I'm confused. Your topic title asks the question "When is it okay to speak up?" but you shared a story where you had a confrontation with an overweight nurse. Are you asking whether what you did was OK?It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me. The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc. Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy. Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight." She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion...
You did talk about a double standard where it seems OK to tell people they are too skinny, but not OK to tell people they are too fat. That may exist. I think telling anyone they are "too <descriptor>" is judgmental and pompous unless they directly ask for my opinion. That doesn't mean I might not talk to someone I care about who is making unhealthy choices. But I wouldn't begin with "you're too fat."
It's hard to determine how rude this nurse was being. A lot of what she said - taken in certain contexts - doesn't seem out of line. Sounds like you definitely took it one way, and responded in kind. If the nurse was being rude, calling her on being rude is probably the most appropriate response. The "giving them a taste of their own medicine" approach was invented by conflict-averse hotheads and perpetuated by frat boys. It rarely works as intended.
I've also noticed that on forums, posting a scenario expecting "atta boys"/"you go girls" or even just wholesale agreement/support often results in complicated but surprising discussion - though again, rarely as intended.0 -
I am just saying if it is rude to go up and tell someone they need to lose weight maybe they should think twice about telling someone they need to gain weight. Everyone knows why they are like they are and may not want to share it with the world.
But she didn't "go up to you" - she was a medical professional, giving you medical advice, in the confines of a professional medical setting, at an appointment about YOUR medical needs.
You were simply cruel. If her tone was offensive or mean spirited, the way to "speak up" would have been to address that.0 -
I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.
I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...
OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.0 -
I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.
I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...
OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.
That's great and all, until you realize that people can dispense the advice they are trained to, without having to fit your preconceived notion of acceptable.
The doctor that chooses to smoke has made their choice and will live (or not) with it, and it still has no bearing on the advice they give you. Or does the advice stop counting because it came from someone who doesn't behave the way you want them to.
edited for a homonym mistake.
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Are you serious? Don't think I need to make anything up. That is for sure. Didn't want to bring my step-daughter into this but she goes through this all the time. The remarks about her lack of weight from nurses before they even know her history. If she ends up in the ER watch out. They think she is on street drugs, not eating, taking to many pills. They almost never believe she is 23. Due to a cancer gene of the stomach on her moms side that she tested positive for she had to have her entire stomach removed when she was 18. When she feels good and is doing well she weighs about 100 pounds and when she's not about 75 pounds. She may end up at the ER if she is in a lot of pain and needs help with it. You be her, get the lectures, the looks, all the while you are in pain trying to explain your situation. My point...just do your job and get the vitals, the names of medications we are on and don't lecture. Leave the rest up to the doctor. That is who we came to see in the first place but have to see the nurse for vitals first...not a lecture or what they think when they don't even know the situation.It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me.<i>As evidenced by this post, I'm sure.</i>
The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc.<i>Thanks for lumping all of us overweight folks in with a few insensitive people. Can I lump you in with all the skinny people who pick on me?</i>
Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. <i>Actually, I I have had random people tell me not to eat that, don't buy that, heck, one person said I was was an unfit mother for being overweight. So I guess not every skinny person got the memo about not picking on the fat kids anymore.</i>
My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." <i>Gods forbid the woman do her job, right? Or is she just the robot to take your temp, history, and complaints, and the doctor is the only person who can be trusted to make the astute observation that weight, pills, and blood pressure could be related?</i>
It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy.<i>You took your son to your appointment? Or was this his appointment? Or is this just a fictional scenario so you can rant about fat nurses?</i>
Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight."<i I don't understand. Have you read this woman's medical files, like she read yours? Have you been to medical school, since you feel the only person trained to make such observations is a doctor? I'm curious how you ruled out various medical scenarios and instantly knew she didn't eat her fruits and vegetables, causing her obesity.</i>
She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. <i>I wouldn't have said anything either, given your obvious disposition and aggression.</i>
People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion... <i>Just because it is your thought and opinion doesn't mean it isn't wrong. Would you rather she beat around the bush and vaguely insinuate that your blood pressure and pills and weight could be interacting, or better yet, not mention it at all to avoid bruising your delicate feelings?</i>
<i>I guess all doctors that smoke, all overweight medical professionals, all therapists that see therapists should quit, because only the perfect types have the right to dispense the knowledge they spent thousands of dollars and years of their lives learning. It's often a sign of insecurity when people project as much as you seem to have. Would you have been so hostile if she had been trim and fit, bright and bouncy? If so, do you think this is a sign of discrimination you choose to participate in?</i>0 -
Couple of professions where I try to wear my "diplomacy hat".
1. Anyone involved in my healthcare or that of my family.
2. Anyone handling my food.0 -
Thank-you! Some people just don't get it.I work at a hospital and she sounds like she was just doing her job. On the other hand, you were just being plain rude and mean.
I don't think she was being mean.... And I think Nurses have to practice what they preach. If she was telling the patient to get within her healthy weight, then she should do it herself. Its like a doctor that smokes, telling his patient not to smoke...
OP - I'm glad you spoke up. That would make me kinda mad too.0 -
Are you serious? Don't think I need to make anything up. That is for sure. Didn't want to bring my step-daughter into this but she goes through this all the time. The remarks about her lack of weight from nurses before they even know her history. If she ends up in the ER watch out. They think she is on street drugs, not eating, taking to many pills. They almost never believe she is 23. Due to a cancer gene of the stomach on her moms side that she tested positive for she had to have her entire stomach removed when she was 18. When she feels good and is doing well she weighs about 100 pounds and when she's not about 75 pounds. She may end up at the ER if she is in a lot of pain and needs help with it. You be her, get the lectures, the looks, all the while you are in pain trying to explain your situation. My point...just do your job and get the vitals, the names of medications we are on and don't lecture. Leave the rest up to the doctor. That is who we came to see in the first place but have to see the nurse for vitals first...not a lecture or what they think when they don't even know the situation.It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me.<i>As evidenced by this post, I'm sure.</i>
The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc.<i>Thanks for lumping all of us overweight folks in with a few insensitive people. Can I lump you in with all the skinny people who pick on me?</i>
Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. <i>Actually, I I have had random people tell me not to eat that, don't buy that, heck, one person said I was was an unfit mother for being overweight. So I guess not every skinny person got the memo about not picking on the fat kids anymore.</i>
My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." <i>Gods forbid the woman do her job, right? Or is she just the robot to take your temp, history, and complaints, and the doctor is the only person who can be trusted to make the astute observation that weight, pills, and blood pressure could be related?</i>
It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy.<i>You took your son to your appointment? Or was this his appointment? Or is this just a fictional scenario so you can rant about fat nurses?</i>
Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight."<i I don't understand. Have you read this woman's medical files, like she read yours? Have you been to medical school, since you feel the only person trained to make such observations is a doctor? I'm curious how you ruled out various medical scenarios and instantly knew she didn't eat her fruits and vegetables, causing her obesity.</i>
She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. <i>I wouldn't have said anything either, given your obvious disposition and aggression.</i>
People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion... <i>Just because it is your thought and opinion doesn't mean it isn't wrong. Would you rather she beat around the bush and vaguely insinuate that your blood pressure and pills and weight could be interacting, or better yet, not mention it at all to avoid bruising your delicate feelings?</i>
<i>I guess all doctors that smoke, all overweight medical professionals, all therapists that see therapists should quit, because only the perfect types have the right to dispense the knowledge they spent thousands of dollars and years of their lives learning. It's often a sign of insecurity when people project as much as you seem to have. Would you have been so hostile if she had been trim and fit, bright and bouncy? If so, do you think this is a sign of discrimination you choose to participate in?</i>
But how will they know the situation if, in your eyes, they are not allowed to ask questions? I have to say, in almost all hospital related situations I've ever been in, it was the nurses in charge of my day-to-day, minute-to-minute care. I saw doctors 1/100th the amount of time I saw the nurses. Do you think the assumptions about your step-daughter are somehow "nurse exclusive" - I'm sure doctors draw the same wrong conclusions based on appearance. Their questions are based on the "evidence" before them - sometimes that evidence is visual, and sometimes proven to be wrong - but they start where it's logical to start.0 -
That depends on one's maturity. It has no defined boundaries because no situation is identical. Mature people usually have a higher (and good) impact, because their well developed instinct tells them if is Ok or not to speak up.0
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Really all I am trying to say is why do people (anyone) think it is okay to just be more blunt with smaller people? Just feel smaller people have issues with their weight just as bigger people do and both should be respected!0
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And by respect you mean never asked any questions by anyone not perfect, or have any advice given to you from a medical professional you don't approve of.
Your belief, that people should not be thought badly of because of their size, is completely contradicted by your very own actions. You attacked that nurse on her size and personal habits, knowing nothing about her, or how she got to be that way.
She has the responsibility, as your medical professional, to ask you pertinent questions regarding your medications and your weight. You had no reason to attack her on her size.
If you want to be patted on the head and congratulated for attacking a person for doing their job, please state so earlier, so I can just say what you want to hear.0
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