When is it okay to speak up???

MichelleC2012

Ok...none of us were there so we don't have the benefit of knowing tone, inflection, attitude and all that rot. Maybe it was warranted, maybe it wasn't. I know if a dr. or nurse tells me that something is caused by my weight....I'm ok with it, as long as they accept the fact that I'm not deaf, dumb or blind. If they go on and on and on and on about it I feel like "Ok, my goodness, I get it, I'm no idiot and I'm not deaf....I heard you the first 50 times"
To the original poster....I'm sure she was very, very hurt and I'm not going to say that you were in the right to say those things to her but I'm also grown up enough to think about the fact that I have nothing to go on here, not even your personal description because we all takes things differently and hear things differently depending on our moods and how our day has been and everything.
I know, I may get blasted myself for this but it's my thought.
Have a great day everyone

Masq

What would you have said to the nurse if she was also thin and seemed to be in good shape?
Would you have said anything or just taken her suggestions as her 'doing her job'. It seems you were annoyed that she was lecturing you about your issues when you perceived she had health issues of her own.
I have to agree, she was just doing her job.... sorry, but the things you said were rude.

ElizabethRoad

If the nurse was being rude then the appropriate thing would be to address that. "Excuse me but your tone is unacceptable, I am perfectly aware of what you are telling me," etc etc etc. If she was extremely out of line, you could have requested to speak to her supervisor. Responding with personal comments was not constructive.

Hernandeak11

What would you have said to the nurse if she was also thin and seemed to be in good shape?
Would you have said anything or just taken her suggestions as her 'doing her job'. It seems you were annoyed that she was lecturing you about your issues when you perceived she had health issues of her own.
I have to agree, she was just doing her job.... sorry, but the things you said were rude.

This is an interesting perspective. Thanks for bringing that up.

AntShanny

The PA I see at my doctor's office is a larger woman, her belly sticks out way past her boobs and she uses it as a shelf for her clipboard. The past couple of times I've been in she's seen fit to lecture me about my eating habits and tell me I need to eat more vegetables, protein, etc...yes, I know this, and I'm trying to be better about it...but honestly, I think it would have more of an affect on me if it wasn't coming from someone that looks like she needs to push away from the table a little sooner most days. So I can see where the OP is coming from...

terrie_exercise_mom

To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??

Because two wrongs, don't make it right.

Didn't say they did....however one should always stand up for themselves.

There is a difference between standing up for oneself and attacking the other person.

I did not jump down anyone's throat. I finally took a stand for myself. My sons jaw dropped because he seen his mom finally stand up for herself. Nurses are there to take ur blood pressure, pulse, temp, etc. It should be up to my doctor to tell me anything beyond that plus he is the one who has me on the meds I am on so if his nurse didn't like that why not ask him. Maybe because she was a "fill-in" and I see why It happens all the time and I am just saying if it is rude to go up and tell someone they need to lose weight maybe they should think twice about telling someone they need to gain weight. Everyone knows why they are like they are and may not want to share it with the world.

Qarol

There's a difference between speaking up and being downright rude. You were the latter.

terrie_exercise_mom

The PA I see at my doctor's office is a larger woman, her belly sticks out way past her boobs and she uses it as a shelf for her clipboard. The past couple of times I've been in she's seen fit to lecture me about my eating habits and tell me I need to eat more vegetables, protein, etc...yes, I know this, and I'm trying to be better about it...but honestly, I think it would have more of an affect on me if it wasn't coming from someone that looks like she needs to push away from the table a little sooner most days. So I can see where the OP is coming from...

Thank-you!

LoggingForLife

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.

Rhea30

It takes a lot to really get me to be blunt with others! I would rather mind my own business and would appreciate it if people did the same for me. The one thing that really gets to me is why bigger people think it is okay to tell thinner people they need to gain weight, they are to skinny, they need to eat more, etc. Think you get the picture. But, in no way is it acceptable for someone to go up to a bigger person and tell them they should lose weight, they are to fat, over eating is not good for their health, etc. My experience has basically been with bigger nurses. The last time I experienced this I had a nurse that her stomach actually hung past her knees and she had a hard time walking and just breathing in general. I actually felt sorry for her until she said, "you know taking too many pills is bad for you." Yes...I know that. "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." Really!!! "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight." It went on and on and my then 17 year old son could tell I was not happy. Should have seen his jaw drop when I finally had enough and said ,"I am sure you know over eating is bad for you. Maybe that is why your having a hard time breathing. I am , also, sure you are aware of the health risks with being so over weight, you just might want to diet and exercise and lose that weight." She stared at me until I was done then said, "are you done yet?" I responded, "are you"? She finished up with me and never said another remark about my weight. People just need to remember that whatever side of the scale they are on that everyone has feelings and they should think before they speak! Just my thoughts and opinion...

The whole story doesn't seem clear. She didn't just point out your weight, she pointed out I gather some pills you've been taking and she is a nurse, its her job to let you know about your health no matter what her own individual health may be. If any everyday person had just randomly brought your weight I would see your issue but this does not seem to be the case.

Rach_Gem_n_Disguise

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.

But the nurse should knock her down? Oh ok lol That makes sense.

namenumber

I agree, it's kind of hard to take health advice from someone who clearly doesn't practice it. I'm confused though--was your son with you at your doctor's appointment? Or was it his appointment and the nurse started giving you advice? Or did you two just happen to be around a nurse who gave out unsolicited advice? I'm curious because the setting kind of affects the reaction.

mdsjmom98

I think when you have an issue such as weight, no matter if you're too thin or overweight, it is a sensitive subject. I had a doctor who got right in my face, clapping his hands in what seemed like a derogatory manner, telling me "Fat America needs to realize they are the problem with our insurance system." (clapping his hands with every word he spoke) So medical "professionals" can be jerks too, and sometimes hurtful. Should she have retaliated in kind? Maybe not, but as I said, it is a sensitive issue, and she is probably responding out of hurt feelings. Has anyone ever responded in a manner they are later ashamed of because they feel they were put on the spot, and maybe embarrassed?? Sometimes its a knee jerk reaction to respond in your own defense when you feel you're being attacked. She was, after all, there to see the doctor not the nurse. Probably the best approach would've been to mention her behavior to the doctor.

Articeluvsmemphis

were you by chance at the doctor's office? :huh:

okay so you were? well then, you were being very rude. She was doing her job, I don't see the problem. The truth hurts, and If you were hurt by what she was suggesting, then you could have either said nothing or could have told her that she hurt your feelings.

And YES, skinny people make fun of fat people all the time, and vice versa, it's not right either way, but she wasn't making fun of you. and is this kindergarten?

Let' put our big girl and boy panties on and stop caring what people think of us to the point it controls our emotions and actions. we need to be healthy for ourselves and then we can relate that back to how our health benefits those around us.

bigredhearts

I understand what you're trying to say completely. People need to read what you are saying and not take personal offense to it.

There are many overweight people out there that want to jump on the bandwagon and point fingers telling thinner people they are sick and starving themselves and not healthy but yet how are they any different??

I used to have this same discussion with my father. He would always be on my case about smoking saying I was harming my body when I smoked, I would then tell him that overeating harmed his body as well. One person's vice isn't any different than the next.

Definitely your nurse needed lessons in manners with her patients. However, some nurses frankly don't care and are in it for the pay check. I think everyone has had good and bad experiences with them. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

To "Tuffjourney" - just doing your job doesn't mean treating patients like they don't have any feelings, at least not in my book. There is way to approach things ....why shouldn't she have responded to rudeness with rudeness??

"you know taking too many pills is bad for you." "You really need to put some weight on and you would feel better." "Your blood pressure is too low which probably has a lot to do with your weight."

None of those statements, in and of themselves, sound insensitive in any way.

and to your comment about responding to rudeness, with rudeness... two wrongs, dont make a right.

Rhea30

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you knock someone else down.

But the nurse should knock her down? Oh ok lol That makes sense.

How did the nurse knock her if there is a possibility of a correlation with the medication and her weight?

cressievargo

If the nurse was being rude then the appropriate thing would be to address that. "Excuse me but your tone is unacceptable, I am perfectly aware of what you are telling me," etc etc etc. If she was extremely out of line, you could have requested to speak to her supervisor. Responding with personal comments was not constructive.

This.

ElizabethRoad

I did not jump down anyone's throat. I finally took a stand for myself. My sons jaw dropped because he seen his mom finally stand up for herself.

Grown-ups are able to address the problem (tell her to stop speaking to you that way) rather than resorting to personal attacks.

Nurses are there to take ur blood pressure, pulse, temp, etc. It should be up to my doctor to tell me anything beyond that plus he is the one who has me on the meds I am on so if his nurse didn't like that why not ask him.

Oh I see. You are one of those who thinks nurses are beneath you and aren't fit to tell you anything despite their years of school and experience. I see that you aren't willing to listen and no one is going to convince you that you've behaved badly.

TheDoctorDana

I think that what should be judged is intent. Do you think the nurse intentionally insulted you? Did you intentionally insult the nurse? Alot of times, if we are sensitive about something we think everyone else is focusing on that same issue when in fact, they couldn't care less. I have a tendency to be hyper-sensitive about my weight so I can see how this might play a role in how one reacts.

13519485

I did not jump down anyone's throat. I finally took a stand for myself. My sons jaw dropped because he seen his mom finally stand up for herself. Nurses are there to take ur blood pressure, pulse, temp, etc. It should be up to my doctor to tell me anything beyond that plus he is the one who has me on the meds I am on so if his nurse didn't like that why not ask him. Maybe because she was a "fill-in" and I see why It happens all the time and I am just saying if it is rude to go up and tell someone they need to lose weight maybe they should think twice about telling someone they need to gain weight. Everyone knows why they are like they are and may not want to share it with the world.

You jumped down the nurse's throat. That's not taking a stand for yourself, it's being immature. Taking a stand for yourself would have been to explain what you just explained to us, i.e., that the pills she referenced are prescriptions. It shouldn't ever have been to turn around and attack her for her weight. You haven't told us what type of nurse she was, but different types of nurses have different job descriptions. I don't know of any nurses who are restricted to only taking vitals. So, she was likely very much operating in within her job description when she was talking to you about the pills and your being underweight.

Those charged with your medical care shouldn't have to think twice about telling you to gain weight just because they are overweight. It's very much a "do as I say, not as I do" situation, and that's exactly how it should be. Yes, it would probably be better if everyone in the medical community were perfectly healthy, but it is quite difficult sometimes to live a healthy lifestyle while working in the medical field given everything that it demands from you. The bottom line here is that you were an incredibly negative influence in your nurse's life, potentially in your son's life as well, and you should take this time to learn that it's not okay to lash out at an unhealthy member of the medical community who's only trying to help you.