MSNBC POLL: Half Of Men Say They Would Leave A Partner Who G

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Replies

  • thistimeismytime
    thistimeismytime Posts: 711 Member
    That's where COMMITMENT comes in. For better or worse.... If people can't hack that, that's fine. Stay single! Even if your weight remains the same, people change over the course of years. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. People have no concept of sacrifice, serving another person, putting someone's needs above your own. Selfishness of this magnitude just flat-out makes me sad.
  • thistimeismytime
    thistimeismytime Posts: 711 Member
    I'm leaving this thread, grateful and saddened.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    My hubby was with me when I was slim and loved me just the same when I 324 lbs. Glad I didn't screw up and meet one of those men polled. But then again the poll is posing a what you would do question. You never really know until you are in that situation.

    I told myself I would never date/marry a man under 6' when I was a teenager/ young adult. A few years later I met and fell in love with hubby. He's 5'8"......things change like the seasons.

    Oh I'm 6'....:smile:
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Who cares what people say they would do? This kind of poll has no bearing on what they would actually do. Fact is, most people do end up gaining weight as they get older. It's not some hypothetical situation that isn't likely to happen. And while plenty of marriages do break up eventually, most of them don't end because someone got fat.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    That's where COMMITMENT comes in. For better or worse.... If people can't hack that, that's fine. Stay single! Even if your weight remains the same, people change over the course of years. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. People have no concept of sacrifice, serving another person, putting someone's needs above your own. Selfishness of this magnitude just flat-out makes me sad.

    how can you have commitment to someone else...if you can't even have commitment to yourself?! When I gained 80lbs, my whole world was upside down! Not only was I miserable, but I therefore made life for my ex plus my whole family miserable too! I couldn't even commit to life, let alone try to commit to a relationship at the time! This IS about selfishness...but not selfishness of the other person walking away from the relationship, but instead selfishness of the person who gained the weight, and thought that the other should be there to hold the whole thing togethor on their own!
  • thistimeismytime
    thistimeismytime Posts: 711 Member
    how can you have commitment to someone else...if you can't even have commitment to yourself?! When I gained 80lbs, my whole world was upside down! Not only was I miserable, but I therefore made life for my ex plus my whole family miserable too! I couldn't even commit to life, let alone try to commit to a relationship at the time! This IS about selfishness...but not selfishness of the other person walking away from the relationship, but instead selfishness of the person who gained the weight, and thought that the other should be there to hold the whole thing togethor on their own!

    As I said, ^^no concept of self-sacrifice, of having a servant's heart. If I'm not pleased in this moment, I should break up my marriage and family. My marriage has endured a lot more than a little weight gained and lost. I can't make you "get it." You don't. I won't be back. This is a total waste of my time.
  • FORKDOWN
    FORKDOWN Posts: 1,754
    I dont think its because of the weight gain directly. Its that women no longer feel sexy with the weight gain and the sex life diminishes.

    Of course just my opinion.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    how can you have commitment to someone else...if you can't even have commitment to yourself?! When I gained 80lbs, my whole world was upside down! Not only was I miserable, but I therefore made life for my ex plus my whole family miserable too! I couldn't even commit to life, let alone try to commit to a relationship at the time! This IS about selfishness...but not selfishness of the other person walking away from the relationship, but instead selfishness of the person who gained the weight, and thought that the other should be there to hold the whole thing togethor on their own!

    As I said, ^^no concept of self-sacrifice, of having a servant's heart. If I'm not pleased in this moment, I should break up my marriage and family. My marriage has endured a lot more than a little weight gained and lost. I can't make you "get it." You don't. I won't be back. This is a total waste of my time.

    to each their own I guess...I just know that I worked through a LOT of issues (including weight gain AND loss) in my marriage...before we threw in the towel for good, but that added stressor was completely controllable and also completely unnecessary. and sometimes walking away is really the best option for you and your family...you cannot force a marriage to work...just sayin...
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.
    I'm quoting myself just to mix something non-bashing in with all the animosity going on on this page of the thread.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,794 Member
    I dont think its because of the weight gain directly. Its that women no longer feel sexy with the weight gain and the sex life diminishes.

    Of course just my opinion.

    Not sure this is always true...but with me..the more weight I gained..the less sexy I felt..and yes..sex became almost extinct!
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,237 Member
    My wife around 60 lbs heavier than she was when I met her. I still love her just as much and probably much much more than I ever have. Her weight has no effect on that.

    Don't get me wrong...I'd love to see my wife back at 120 or 125...but I love her at 170 or 180 as well. She's just as beautiful to me. She's just as sexy. Our love life is just as enjoyable.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.
    I'm quoting myself just to mix something non-bashing in with all the animosity going on on this page of the thread.

    thanks!! this is exactly right!
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.
    I'm quoting myself just to mix something non-bashing in with all the animosity going on on this page of the thread.

    but we are all so horrible.

    my wifes weight has fluctuated and I have never considered it as a reason to leave. this data is skewed, probably gathered at a frat party
  • mission_possible
    mission_possible Posts: 12
    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sex can be rather difficult if your significant other has become totally unappealing. Which could mean anything - weight gain, age, weight loss, etc. I'm fortunate to have married a man who loves me no matter what. In fact, he dislikes it when I'm thin and loves me more when I'm heavier. But I hate myself heavier.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    My wife around 60 lbs heavier than she was when I met her. I still love her just as much and probably much much more than I ever have. Her weight has no effect on that.

    Don't get me wrong...I'd love to see my wife back at 120 or 125...but I love her at 170 or 180 as well. She's just as beautiful to me. She's just as sexy. Our love life is just as enjoyable.

    ok...this is NOT meant to start an arguement...but you can't tell me, that once you get to your goal weight...you won't secretly want your wife to start on the same path towards healthiness?! Not only will you feel better about yourself and want a hot lil tamale on your arm...but with your increased confidence will come her decreased confidence if she doesn't steer in that direction!! Plus with your new healthy lifestyle, you are gonna crave that same enthusiasm from her with it :)
  • i_am_losing_it
    i_am_losing_it Posts: 310 Member
    Having been with my husband for twenty years I can tell you that no one is attractive at all times in their life. Like when you are ill or injured or having a tough time. If your relationship is merely based on the physical beauty of a person I'd say you were bound to end up apart any way.
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,237 Member
    My wife around 60 lbs heavier than she was when I met her. I still love her just as much and probably much much more than I ever have. Her weight has no effect on that.

    Don't get me wrong...I'd love to see my wife back at 120 or 125...but I love her at 170 or 180 as well. She's just as beautiful to me. She's just as sexy. Our love life is just as enjoyable.

    ok...this is NOT meant to start an arguement...but you can't tell me, that once you get to your goal weight...you won't secretly want your wife to start on the same path towards healthiness?! Not only will you feel better about yourself and want a hot lil tamale on your arm...but with your increased confidence will come her decreased confidence if she doesn't steer in that direction!! Plus with your new healthy lifestyle, you are gonna crave that same enthusiasm from her with it :)

    A couple things...

    The only reason my wife isn't on the same path is because she's pregnant. She'll be working toward it once she has the baby too. As for the confidence...mine has always been quite high and hers has always been relatively low. There will be very little change I'm sure.
  • lorenzoinlr
    lorenzoinlr Posts: 338 Member
    The poll doesn't prove a whole lot. Hypothetically I'd leave someone who didn't take care of themselves. In actuality I can't imagine leaving someone I loved because she gained weight.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member

    A couple things...

    The only reason my wife isn't on the same path is because she's pregnant. She'll be working toward it once she has the baby too. As for the confidence...mine has always been quite high and hers has always been relatively low. There will be very little change I'm sure.

    Oh well...yes that does make a huge diff then!! LOL Bein prego is a totally diff story!! Good luck to you and her with the new baby!! :)
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    I heard this from ex boyfriends I had in the past and also from other male friends. It is kind of sad that some men think that way.It was never (supposedly) directed to me but I always thought it was some sort of threat.

    I don't know what I would do but right now I don't think I would leave a person for gaining a normal amount of weight.

    Before, I didn't. She gained a little and so did I.
    Now, I might at least try to prevent it.

    I'm in a different lifestyle now :/
  • jwhit31
    jwhit31 Posts: 450 Member
    My problem with polls that ask about what someone "would" do, is that the inclination to do something does not always stand up to the "act" of doing something. Meaning, I can easily say I'd jump the bank robber with the gun, but when the moment comes, I may freeze (even though I really wouldn't :wink: ).

    So, to me, a poll asking if someone "would do" something is pretty meaningless. We are defined by our actions, not our intent to someday do something.

    Edited to add: I'd love to see a poll asking how many women have left their man for things non-physical - lost his job, emotionally detached, bad with money, etc. Polls on this forum have clearly shown that women aren't as hung up on body anyways, so for that poll to say 20% of women would leave their hubby is kinda pointless. Apples and oranges.

    Tell'em JR!

    I know my hubby wouldn't or I'd be single right now. :laugh:
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.

    As would half the women too.

    Haha, love the response.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.
    Not true, I like to power drill my stuff!

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRPNWJI9yJpppQ-pVQKPbBVS6ATcKsbWvmyKUDjVsvjU3Zm3u_3

    :laugh: :laugh:
  • seansquared
    seansquared Posts: 328 Member
    "Half Of Men Say They Would Leave A Partner Who Gained Weight"
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/27/men-leave-weight-gain_n_911143.html

    I read this article on MSNBC, and was curious what other myfitnesspal members thought?

    The important question is: who cares?

    Every couple should have this discussion. And the one about money. And the one about sex. And the one about religion. And anything else important to the both of you.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Last I knew the divorce rate was at 50% so that means half of all the population leaves their spouse for one reason or another.
  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
    Damn Dawn, stop starting ****. You're new around here..LOL :laugh: :laugh: :heart:
  • DAMNCHARLIE
    DAMNCHARLIE Posts: 569
    Half of men would also screw anything that stands up right.

    your right. If someone leaves you for gaining weight, you'd be better off.
  • hypallage
    hypallage Posts: 624 Member
    My ex stopped having "relations" with me - when I asked him why he said it was because I had gained weight.....I was a UK 14 at the time (US 10?) so not really huge & I've never been smaller than a 12. Pretty sure he would come into that category.....
  • trud72
    trud72 Posts: 1,912 Member
    But what one one thought of it works both ways! lol :laugh:
  • swisspea
    swisspea Posts: 327 Member
    I totally agree with this- and I consider myself a feminist.

    I'd like to add that perhaps the men that DO leave their partners after gaining weight can't deal with the other changes weight gain brings to a woman. Loss of active habits, emotional problems, self-esteem issues, loss of sex drive- etc. These are just my ideas. And of course, they work both ways.
    I am going to offend all feminists and say that I refuse to bash men for leaving their partners for gaining weight.

    Why? Because men are visual creatures. They are stimulated by what they see.
    Fortunately, some men like to see bigger women. Some like smaller. We all have different tastes, and that's okay.

    I imagine that, when this study claims that men would leave a partner for gaining weight, it isn't all visual, however. They may find, as I did as I lost weight and my partner did not, that being with a partner who doesn't share your desire to be healthy can be difficult to deal with. It wasn't my reason for leaving him, but it definitely did put a strain on the relationship.

    Anyway, women can be shallow, too - we tend to be a bit more forgiving on weight issues, but not about money, or sexual performance, or any other number of issues.

    So don't assume that half of all men are douche bags because of one study. You know what? Most men are pretty awesome.
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