Being Shallow...

NoAdditives

the only people i play the shallow *kitten* card with are the skinny people from my high school days. since high school, most of them have porked out and i got thin. they deserve every horrible thing that comes with being overweight. towards everyone else, i'm still pretty nice. my boyfriend says i'm actually nicer to people now because i'm more outgoing and confident.

Wow. That's not very nice. Just because they were mean when they were young and stupid doesn't mean they deserve bad treatment now.

Cameron_1969

Now that I'm totally hot. .I don't have to be nice to people. I never liked being nice to people anyway.
Once I start really working-out. . I'm gonna get downright mean. . Can't WAIT!

bigdawg025

Although I have no doubt that people can be discriminated against due to their appearance, I think that our own biggest challenge sometimes is ourselves. We create the stage. It's more a matter of perspective. Generally speaking, I think that if you are kind to people, people are kind to you.






... which is why I have no friends. BUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ;P

We used to be friends here... :sad:

Daydreams406

I dunno, I think that any major change that a person gos through has the potential to alter who they are fundamentally.

Smokers who quit often become the harshest ctitics of those who continmue to smoke.

Alcoholics can turn into the shrillest critics of drinking.

People who switch churches often become the arch-enemies of their former religion and the greatest evangelists of theit new one.

The way I see it is that in many cases - not ALL, mind you - that someone who goes through a change like that subconsciously fears that which they have left behind. Obviously they changed for a reason and if it was a najor change and took a while to accomplish, then it was something that had quite a hold on them. I believe that deep down there is a part of them that fears giving any power back to whatever it was they left.

Alos, people often need see their own struggles as universal, so they attribute their own fight to others. I know plenty of alcoholics who see anyone who ever drinks as an alcoholic and views the whole world as in denial and subject to the whims of the conspiracy of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. It's easier to see something as a universal scourge affecting everyon than it is to admit, "Hey, maybe this is just about me."

I see how people are talking about having new confidence and not letting others walk all over them, but in my mind that wasn't really what the OP was talking about. I see people who have lost a lot of weight sometimes become the very people they used to hate. Not our of mean-spritedness always, but worse: out of a twisted form of kindness - "I'm not being mean, I'm justb telling you like it is. You NEED to hear this!"

I wish sometimes those people could go back to who they were and remember how someone using that approach might have seemed to them back when the shoe was on the other foot.

Maybe I read the whole thing wrong.

But I think that there's no real way around it. Some people will go through this because they have still not realy dealt with the issues that led them to be where they were in the first place. They may have conquered a symptom, but the disease stil runs rampant through their bodies.

Exactly!! To your entire post!! Bravo!

I noticed how some people who responded thought the post could possibly be about them lol.

I see that shallowness in many (not all!) people who post here on MFP . Some post their pics and think they are motivating people, when in reality they are looking for kudos and affirmation that they do indeed look good. They usually only post the current pics too, nothing from when they were truly "fat". Or they were never 'fat' to begin with, not on the level that is considered overweight or obese.
Then if you disagree with something they have posted, then it comes down to, Oh you're just jealous that I am thin and you're not....sigh...yes, that must be it. You are right, and my fat butt is so busted lol

But yeah, there are those that have lost a ton of weight that just become other over weight people's worst enemy. They critique everyone. The way I see it, they didn't address their own personal demons before and during losing weight to be able to remain compassionate about the plight of others.

bigdawg025

Exactly!! To your entire post!! Bravo!

I noticed how some people who responded thought the post could possibly be about them lol.

I see that shallowness in many (not all!) people who post here on MFP . Some post their pics and think they are motivating people, when in reality they are looking for kudos and affirmation that they do indeed look good. They usually only post the current pics too, nothing from when they were truly "fat". Or they were never 'fat' to begin with, not on the level that is considered overweight or obese.
Then if you disagree with something they have posted, then it comes down to, Oh you're just jealous that I am thin and you're not....sigh...yes, that must be it. You are right, and my fat butt is so busted lol

But yeah, there are those that have lost a ton of weight that just become other over weight people's worst enemy. They critique everyone. The way I see it, they didn't address their own personal demons before and during losing weight to be able to remain compassionate about the plight of others.

This is kind of what I was alluding toward... and I think the poster is as well... for instance the posting of cleavage pics that runs rampant around here (not that I'm complaining LOL), but I only see that as attention seeking and trying to build one's ego rather than show off anything fitness related. I see a LOT of it here... if I post a new pic it's only because I accomplished something and has nothing to do with how I "look". Or... I got tired of looking at the old one. LOL

u2fergus

I dunno, I think that any major change that a person gos through has the potential to alter who they are fundamentally.

Smokers who quit often become the harshest ctitics of those who continmue to smoke.

Alcoholics can turn into the shrillest critics of drinking.

People who switch churches often become the arch-enemies of their former religion and the greatest evangelists of theit new one.

The way I see it is that in many cases - not ALL, mind you - that someone who goes through a change like that subconsciously fears that which they have left behind. Obviously they changed for a reason and if it was a najor change and took a while to accomplish, then it was something that had quite a hold on them. I believe that deep down there is a part of them that fears giving any power back to whatever it was they left.

Alos, people often need see their own struggles as universal, so they attribute their own fight to others. I know plenty of alcoholics who see anyone who ever drinks as an alcoholic and views the whole world as in denial and subject to the whims of the conspiracy of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. It's easier to see something as a universal scourge affecting everyon than it is to admit, "Hey, maybe this is just about me."

I see how people are talking about having new confidence and not letting others walk all over them, but in my mind that wasn't really what the OP was talking about. I see people who have lost a lot of weight sometimes become the very people they used to hate. Not our of mean-spritedness always, but worse: out of a twisted form of kindness - "I'm not being mean, I'm justb telling you like it is. You NEED to hear this!"

I wish sometimes those people could go back to who they were and remember how someone using that approach might have seemed to them back when the shoe was on the other foot.

Maybe I read the whole thing wrong.

But I think that there's no real way around it. Some people will go through this because they have still not realy dealt with the issues that led them to be where they were in the first place. They may have conquered a symptom, but the disease stil runs rampant through their bodies.

Absolutely this. I don't like it, but if I'm honest, I have to admit I'm terrified of going back to where I was, so I hate everything about the lifestyle choices that made me that extremely obese and unhappy person. And because I feel so much better the more healthier I get, I naturally want that for my family, friends, everybody else in the world--it's miserable being obese and unhealthy. But... I am well aware that it is not up to me to convert the universe to healthy lifestyle-ism, so I need to curb the urge to preach to everyone I know about the the wonders of moderation and exercise. I'm responsible for myself--not anyone else. And besides... how long did it take me to finally get with the program? Some former-fattie talking me to death about how I need to be more like them would have just driven me farther away.

I don't know that this is necessarily the same thing as becoming a snob or going around treating people unkindly, but we all have different weaknesses, and I think fear of going back to where we started can take many different shapes. I think this is the unwelcome shape it would most likely take with me, if I'm not careful.

SabrinaJL

Since looks have never been part of my allure, I doubt losing a couple pounds is going change me. Still going to have to work on my personality.

Yes, what he said. lol

sofitheteacup

I don't know about shallow in my case. I am the same person that I have always been. I am generally a very kind, empathetic person. But the one thing that has changed is that I was willing to settle for many years, I wasn't worth enough to invest in myself. That's not the case anymore.

This. I still care too much about people who don't care enough for me, but now there's a line in the sand. After a certain point, I'm less inclined to take peoples' **** any more. I deserve better. I always did but didn't feel like I could say so. I guess I worried that I would try to stand my ground and someone would ask why I deserved better, and I didn't have an answer. Even now it's not so easy to put into words, but it's simple: I do deserve better.

lyssamichelle

I know when I lose all the weight & I'm in shape.. I'll still be considered as "shallow" as I am now. It's just a personal attraction. When you change almost everything about you, what your attracted to may change. I really don't think it's something people can help.
That doesn't make anyone any less of a nice or caring person. I'm an extremely sweet person, but I do tend to gravitate towards the people my mind seems to be attracted to. Then again, what do I know.

Erica_theRedhead

I was just talking to a friend of mine about this. I am worried that I'm becoming vain and shallow. I don't feel like I'm being mean, but I feel like I focus on myself wayy to much. This whole weight loss thing has dominated my life for over a year, and I'm pretty much obsessed with reaching my goal. This is a tough journey, and just like any other life change, your personality would change too. Just have to be cognizant of this fact and change for the better.